‘I turned around, and within seconds he was pushing me against the wall.’
Ever been told things happen for a reason? Yes, even being on the receiving end of a bad haircut! Recently, I went into a new hairdresser and asked for the Jennifer Aniston look. I hadn’t had a cut for a long time because I’d changed states and was a bit hesitant (to say the least) about letting a new hairdresser touch my precious locks. Lengthwise; it was long. Damn long!
Needless to say, I walked out with a short bob. My initial response was WTF! Not only had this new hairdresser neglected to do as I asked, but I’d lost at least 15 cm of pure length. The horror! Jennifer Aniston’s style was, therefore; totally out of the question. So, I walked out of the salon with murderous intent because the ‘professional’ with scissors had snipped away at my identity.
After a few hours of despair, self pity and all that crap, I decided to flip my attitude and considered myself quite lucky. Loads of people get the same hair cut – time after time. With a bad cut, you have an opportunity to experiment with something different. It’s all in the attitude. You can either sulk about it until your hair grows back or you can turn lemons into lemonade. And here’s a few tips on how to do just that.
1. Avoid DIY cutting
Put down the scissors NOW! DIY works well for a variety of other things but fixing your haircut really isn’t one of them. It doesn’t matter if you have a bit of experience, either. Chances are you are probably a bit emotional and what starts as a bad hair cut could end up being a total disaster.
2. Check out the latest styles
Jump on the internet and check out the latest styles. Work out what will suit you and be realistic about achieving it. If you’ve had long hair for a while, going short will be a big change and you will need some time to get used to it. Make the best of the situation and think sexy! There are plenty of sexy shorter styles, which may look better than your previous long locks.
3. Using what you have
If you have natural curls, reinventing a bad haircut will be fairly easy. If you have straight hair, you may want to invest in a curling wand or opt for an even shorter look. You will need to go to another hairdresser to have it done. Either way, think about what type of hair you have and work out ways to make that bad hair cut work for you.
Most of us have a few products tucked away. It’s time to use them. If you don’t have any, think about what you want to achieve, go and spend a bit of money and buy them. They aren’t going to break the bank and they will make you feel better. It’s tough to put a price on that! For example, the wet look is really sexy and suits lots of different hair styles. Applying it is easy and you can get the look you are after. Plus, it can cost as little as $10.
It doesn’t matter what your hair looks like. Beauty comes from within. If you walk around with a shitty attitude, it will shine through. If you approach this event as time for a makeover, you’ll do fine. You’ll probably get comments about how great the new style is and how brave you are for trying something new.
If you obsess about your misfortune, not only will you act and sound like a whinger, which repels people, but you will have missed an opportunity to improve yourself. Life often throws things at you for this specific purpose. So grab it with both hands and make it work for you.
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Most men’s mags are filled with images of women in sexy lingerie, right? Wrong! Sure, some mags are all about the images but, if you take a sneak peek to see what men are really reading about and looking at, you may get a startling surprise. It seems some men are reading up on ways to become better lovers and partners.
What fabulous news for the ladies! Some mags go into detail about how foreplay is essential for women to achieve orgasm, what positions are better for women, how and where to find the elusive G spot, ways to make sex last longer – the list of how to improve the sexual experience for women is endless.
Who knew? It’s not all about T and A, as many women believe. Then there’s also heaps of news, interviews, cartoons, comedy, jokes, sports commentary, heath and fitness, nutrition, entertainment guides, technology, cinema and gaming reviews, finance, fashion and grooming advice; plus sexual health – men’s and women’s.
Even mags like Playboy and Ralph seem to contain far more information than most women would anticipate. So, next time you find a men’s mag in your man’s bathroom or on his web history, don’t panic. The age-old excuse of “I’m just reading it for the articles” just might be the case and can be totally beneficial for you and your relationship.
This made me think about the differences between what women are reading, compared to men. Take SHESAID, for example. How many articles have you seen about how to give your man the ultimate sexual experience? Something like a step-by-step guide teaching women how to perform oral sex. Uh, none! Why is that?
Is it because women think they know what they’re doing in the bedroom and beyond; are men easier to please, sexually, than women; do they find other stuff more interesting; or more importantly, is it just not being published? Would women like to know more about how the male body works and how to make your man’s toes curl?
Judging by the response to articles on SHESAID about improving a couples sex life, the use of sex toys, different positions, etc; women probably would like to know more, about how to wow their partner. Men are obviously reading up on it, so why shouldn’t the ladies?
So, if you what to know more about how to perform an erotic massage, strip tease or pole dance; stick with us! Great sex is something couples should both work toward. As they say, variety is the spice of life; so we are going to get busy! Plus, if there’s anything else you want more info on, tell us! We always love to hear from our audience.
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So, your man’s having trouble getting it up? Venting frustration over your man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection is the worst thing for this situation and can make any man feel like a total failure. No one wants to demoralise their partner, especially for something which is usually, beyond his control.
At some stage, most men will experience Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and it’s far more common than people realize. If it wasn’t, pharmaceutical companies wouldn’t be cashing in on a little invention they call Viagra! In many cases, it can be attributed to the male ageing process. It’s far more common for men when they reach 40 and beyond.
When men experience ED it can affect their self esteem, identity, masculinity and, left untreated, eventually puts an enormous amount of pressure on their ability to perform sexually and their intimate relationship. Most men won’t discuss it and they will likely withdraw causing their partners to internalise the problem.
This is where women can take the lead. Discussing ED with your partner is imperative to overcoming it. If it’s a one-off event, laugh it off and relieve the pressure placed on your partner’s inability to perform sexually. This will reduce performance anxiety. How a partner responds to ED can make a significant difference to when and how it’s treated.
Most importantly, don’t take it personally. Your partner is not experiencing less attraction toward you and it’s not an indication of how much your partner wants or loves you. It’s a medical issue, plain and simple. Remembering this is key. It’s very easy for women to internalise a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection as an indicator of how attractive or desirable they are, especially as we get older.
If it’s not a regular thing, excessive alcohol consumption or extreme tiredness might be the reason. We all lead busy lives and just because you both might feel like having sex, his body may be in need of a good solid sleep. If it occurs more often, it may be something more serious like diseases that affect blood flow, chronic illness, psychological factors, including performance anxiety or a side effect of various medications.
Therefore, if ED is occurring more often it’s time to have a serious discussion about it. The longer you both wait to have the conversation, the worse it will get. In some cases, a man may take himself to the GP and seek treatment. Others will stick their head in the sand and need encouragement. That doesn’t mean nagging about it until he feels compelled to shut you up, either.
Encouragement should involve understanding and patience. If your man is avoiding the issue and opting to distance himself from you, sexually and emotionally, things can get tricky. No amount of sexy lingerie is going to fix it. Keep being affectionate and maybe try some sex toys, which assist ED. These include penis pumps and cock rings. These help achieve and maintain an erection.
If it’s beyond that, book an appointment at the GP for both of you. Take him by the hand and support him. The GP should investigate the cause of ED, rather than throw him a script for Viagra or other ED medication. Make sure this happens. It might be something simple but it may be an indicator of more serious health matters.
Lastly, love your partner and support him through it. Although men don’t go through menopause, like women do, their bodies still suffer the effects of ageing. Work through the issue together and use the opportunity to connect, rather than vent frustration, blame and distance yourselves. In most cases, treatment will be successful and you can both enjoy a healthy sex life for many years to come.
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Ever gone on a dinner date with some hottie and been totally struck down with a bad case of nerves? Yep, you know what I’m talking about. That awkward silence. It’s just the two of you, face to face, with nothing to say. Rather than reaching for that extra glass of alcohol, here’s a few tips on how to start a conversation and get those nerves back in check.
Rather than talking about yourself, which can be a total turn off, particularly when it dominates the conversation; ask them some questions about themselves. For example, how they chose their career, what hobbies they might have and what interests them, if they are close with their family, do they have a particular place they like to go or any travel they’ve done or have planned. There’s always something you don’t know about a new love interest. Dinner dates give you both the perfect opportunity to get to know each other better.
The trick to reducing those date jitters is being able to start the conversation. Using open-ended questions is the key. These are the types of things you ask someone, which require more than a one or two word response. Close-ended questions can be a barrier to communicating, especially when you’re a bit nervous. Here’s a few of examples of both so you can appreciate the difference.
“I know you’ve been working at (wherever they work) for a while. Do you like working there?”
“ It’s a nice change to get dressed up and go somewhere different. Thanks for bringing me here. Have you been here before?”
“You said that you like the footy. Do you play or like to go and watch?”
“I know you’ve been working at (wherever they work) for a while. How did you end up working there?”
“It’s a nice change to get dressed up and go somewhere different. Thanks for bringing me here. What made you choose this place?”
“You said before that you like the footy, but I’m not sure if you play or like to go to games. I’d really like to hear more about that?
As you can see, the first set of questions can be answered with a single word response; while the second set opens the opportunity to begin a conversation. Listen to what your date has to say and you can build on the conversation, using more open-ended questions. This will keep the conversation flowing. Asking closed ended questions is okay once the conversation has begun.
There is an art to effective communication. Remember, if you are nervous, chances are your date is as well. Increasing your ability to communicate effectively will ease the nerves for you both and will result in an exceptionally enjoyable and successful date.
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Break-ups can feel like a death, except there is no funeral to go to and no gravesite to visit. It’s sheer grief, despair, loneliness and isolation. Sound familiar? There’s no quick fix and there’s no one size fits all way to cope; but nevertheless, you need to find a way and move on.
Each person experiences grief differently. As long as it doesn’t affect your mental and physical health, do what you have done in the past when you have experienced a loss. For some, it will be the first time they have experienced this intense emotion. Check out this article on coping with grief for more information.
Give yourself time to heal. Rebound relationships might take your mind off your ex, but it will be extra baggage you may need to deal with. Plus, is it unfair to the person you choose to rebound to. There is no designated time limit on how long you need to give yourself, but if you’ve been in a long term relationship, be aware it will take some time to learn to adjust to life without them.
Distancing yourself from your ex is essential. Avoid going to places where they might be, calling or texting them or listening to saved voice messages. All this will add to your pain and prolong your ability to move on. Plus, this is initially how stalking can develop. Listening to music which reminds you of them or looking at photos might be something you choose to do as you grieve but long-term this can be really unhealthy.
If you have mutual friends, avoid asking about your ex. If they choose to discuss your ex and it’s making you uncomfortable; politely ask them to stop. It would be better for you to choose to associate with your friends, rather than mutual friends, in initial stages. If you want to retain a friendship with them ask them to give you some time while to work through the break-up.
Look after your health
People often pick up addictive behaviours after a bad break-up, such as drinking, drugs or gambling. Avoid trying to block the pain with substances or overeating, as this can quickly become an exceptionally unhealthy coping mechanism. Look for healthy alternatives to fill the void you are experiencing. Be aware of how you have coped with stress and pain previously. If it’s been unhealthy, catch yourself quickly.
At some stage after the break-up, you will begin to feel better. The tears will flow less, emotions around the break-up will dissipate and life without your ex will become normal. At this stage, you can look toward the future.
Instead of rushing into the arms of the next waiting stranger, take things nice and slow. Although sex makes us all feel great, it can have the opposite effect if you are still hooked on another person. Date on a casual basis and, if you find someone you’d like to get to know better, do that. Take sex off the table for a while and develop a friendship first. Really get to know if this person is right for you or if you are needing them to fill a void.
Even though the initial stages of a break-up are exceptionally painful and difficult, love is the greatest experience a person can have. Life will go on and a new type of normal will emerge. You never know, as one door closes, another one will open. This is the adventure of this thing we call living.
If you think all men want a hot blonde with a DD chest to parade around, then you need to know this: Men really aren’t as superficial as women believe. Think about it – if they were, the survival of the species just wouldn’t happen. Just like us ladies, there are variations between individuals but, generically, most are looking for the exact same thing women are.
Don’t think for a second that men don’t want love. Even the most eligible bachelor, who can have almost any women on the planet, eventually finds a special lady to settle down with, have a family and get on with living a good life. Take George Clooney, for example.
When they do fall in love, they fall pretty hard. They might not talk about it like women do, but they experience the same emotions. Remember when Tom Cruise jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch? Now that was a pretty unusual display of emotion for a man in love. Most have a happy glow about them and avoid conversations about it. They might praise their lady or talk her up, instead of stating the obvious fact that they are in love.
When things go pear-shaped and there’s a break up, they can actually take a lot longer to get over the relationship than women. Unlike us females, who talk through their emotional pain with our closest friends, men internalize a lot of it and suffer in silence. They are bred to tough it out alone and that’s exactly how a lot of them feel – isolated. Most of the time they don’t dare let their mates know they’re broken-hearted. That’s why it’s not uncommon for men to start drinking, gambling, work excessively or have a string of one-night-stands to fill the void after a long-term relationship ends.
When it comes to romance, ladies aren’t the only ones who want it. But there’s a minimal number of men who would actually admit that they want more romance in their lives. For men, romance is about connection. For women, it’s more about being made to feel special and appreciated, as well as the connection. Both sexes like snuggling on the couch, hold hands while walking along the beach and all that other stuff that fills romantic comedies. They just don’t like to admit to it like us girls do!
Now, we all know that men want sex, but many of us ladies haven’t been educated that men would rather have sex with emotional connection. So, what about one-night stands? You’d have to agree that most would be alcohol-fuelled, when people meet at clubs, pubs or parties. Neither sex would therefore care very much about that emotional connection in this type of situation. Outside of that environment, single men will go for a friends-with-benefits type arrangement instead. It works if they don’t want a girlfriend and still want that emotional connection.
So, you can see here, that men aren’t that different in their wants and needs than many women. It’s a myth that men and women are completely different. The main difference is that men are usually less vocal about how they think and feel. Once you’ve got that sussed, men are much easier to figure out.
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Sex in public places is something that loads of couples try – but where can you do it without getting a criminal conviction for indecency? There’s public toilets, on the beach, but where else? We’ve got a few ideas, you and your partner might like to try. Some are a bit quirky, even macabre, but hey, whatever floats ya boat!
The not-so guided tour
Ever taken a guided tour of an old building or been alone at a tourist attraction? You’ll find that there just might be an opportunity to sneak into a “staff only” or private room somewhere and get busy. Sex in public can take either a few minutes or a few hours. This is one of those locations where you need to be quick enough not to get caught!
Sometimes there are sessions that are almost deserted. You can take advantage of these and have loads of foreplay. This is one of those rare locations that you can actually take your time, if you’re discreet enough. You might even find an empty theatre to sneak into and go for it right in front of the screen. Check the next session screening times though, so you don’t get interrupted by a sudden rush of miniature patrons arriving for the next viewing of the latest kids flick!
Transport and parking locations
All I’m going to say here is planes, trains and automobiles. Pick your time and place carefully and you can strike any type of transport off the list. There are masses of people in the mile-high club, so why not join them; particularly if you have a long night-time flight when the cabin crew turns out the lights.
You might want to try various car parks around the city. Sundays are usually the least busy day, so go exploring and see what you can find. Why not try out a county road rest stop or deserted road somewhere. If you are heading away for a romantic weekend, what a wicked way to start or finish it!
Now for some, this idea might be a tad disrespectful. For others, it might give be a winning combination of fear and passion they are after. The exasperation of having sex in public is heightened with a night-time romp in an old country cemetery when it’s eerie and spooky. They are usually deserted and provide another option, where you will probably be able to take a bit more time.
If you are a bit more adventurous, how about the local cemetery? There is security around these places though and, during the day, it’s incredible how crowded they can become. The last thing you want is to be caught by mourning family members. Now, that’s disrespectful! They do have beautiful gardens, however and lots of foliage to hide in should strangers happen to pass you by.
As you know, they are many places to have sex in public; these are just a few. You might want to start discreet, like a public toilet somewhere and get more adventurous. Many people who get caught usually get a warning and told to move on, rather than charged with a crime. It will certainly give the boys and girls in blue something to talk about back at the precinct! Avoid places where kids congregate, like playgrounds, and you should be good to go! So get out there are and put that spark back in your sex life.
Ever heard of someone described as a narcissist? This term comes from a type of Personality Disorder (PD). Many people don’t realise it but PDs are amongst the most common of all psychiatric diagnosis. Therefore, chances are pretty high, that you know someone who has this or at least shows some PD traits.
There are 10 types of PDs which are classified by 3 distinct subtypes; Suspicious, Emotional and Impulsive or Anxious. The following is a brief explanation of each type of PD:
Paranoid personality disorder
The main characteristic here, is their inability to trust others. Therefore, they will vigilantly be looking for betrayal and mistrust. They lack the capacity to get close to others due to their suspicious nature.
Schizoid personality disorder
There people are chronic loners. They find little enjoyment in life and can be emotionally and intimately void.
Schizotypal personality disorder
People with this disorder can be odd and eccentric. They often use words from a made up language, are preoccupied with having special powers and feel anxious and paranoid in social settings.
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)
This type of person is classically egocentric and will have been diagnosed with conduct disorder before they reach 15. They have no sense of guilt, will do anything to get what they want, lack consequential thought, strive for success and will be reckless and impulsive. If you’ve ever been ripped off by someone, chances are they have ASPD or at least identify with these traits.
Emotional and Impulsive
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Mood swings, recklessness, impulsiveness, emotional, clingy; are all characteristics of BPD. They would likely have a history in self harm, substance abuse or suicide.
Histrionic personality disorder
If you know someone who thrives on drama, being the centre of attention, is over emotional, needs to entertain you and constantly seeks the approval of others; then they are exhibiting classic signs of this disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder
Much like ASPD, except they feel they deserve special treatment and are above everyone else. They will resent success in others, dislike being ignored and rely on others for their self worth.
Avoidant (or anxious) personality disorder
With a chronic fear of rejection and inferiority, these poor souls avoid all types of social situations, including having to go to work. They expect disapproval and criticism, and feel a need to hide away to avoid it. They are often extremely isolated and lonely.
Dependent personality disorder
Due to chronic low self confidence, these sufferers need others more than any other type of person. They are unable to function, make decisions, take responsibility, be alone and are totally passive and submissive. They are almost childlike in their need for protection and care.
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
Similar to OCD (ritualistic need to perform repetitive behaviours) which many people have heard of, OCPD is characterised by a desire to control themselves and their environment. They expect the worst, often hoard things for fear of throwing items away, have unreachable expectations of themselves and others and fully believe they know best. If you have seen the TV show “Hoarders”, about individuals who are unable to disregard everyday items and what many considered rubbish; then you have witnessed what can classically be defined as OCPD.
Most PDs are identified by loved ones or those around them. Suffers are generally unaware of the severity of their traits and the impact it has on others. As a result, it is often those around them who demand mental health intervention and this is when a diagnosis is made.
If you think you or someone you love might have a PD, head to this website for further information: nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/personalitydisorders.html
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By Kim Chartres