Acceptance is the first step in changing your (terrible) behavior.
When rationality doesn’t cut it.
He might be dumb as a post, but hot damn, he’s pretty…
You can be your own worst enemy.
Ever heard of someone described as a narcissist? This term comes from a type of Personality Disorder (PD). Many people don’t realise it but PDs are amongst the most common of all psychiatric diagnosis. Therefore, chances are pretty high, that you know someone who has this or at least shows some PD traits.
There are 10 types of PDs which are classified by 3 distinct subtypes; Suspicious, Emotional and Impulsive or Anxious. The following is a brief explanation of each type of PD:
Paranoid personality disorder
The main characteristic here, is their inability to trust others. Therefore, they will vigilantly be looking for betrayal and mistrust. They lack the capacity to get close to others due to their suspicious nature.
Schizoid personality disorder
There people are chronic loners. They find little enjoyment in life and can be emotionally and intimately void.
Schizotypal personality disorder
People with this disorder can be odd and eccentric. They often use words from a made up language, are preoccupied with having special powers and feel anxious and paranoid in social settings.
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)
This type of person is classically egocentric and will have been diagnosed with conduct disorder before they reach 15. They have no sense of guilt, will do anything to get what they want, lack consequential thought, strive for success and will be reckless and impulsive. If you’ve ever been ripped off by someone, chances are they have ASPD or at least identify with these traits.
Emotional and Impulsive
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Mood swings, recklessness, impulsiveness, emotional, clingy; are all characteristics of BPD. They would likely have a history in self harm, substance abuse or suicide.
Histrionic personality disorder
If you know someone who thrives on drama, being the centre of attention, is over emotional, needs to entertain you and constantly seeks the approval of others; then they are exhibiting classic signs of this disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder
Much like ASPD, except they feel they deserve special treatment and are above everyone else. They will resent success in others, dislike being ignored and rely on others for their self worth.
Avoidant (or anxious) personality disorder
With a chronic fear of rejection and inferiority, these poor souls avoid all types of social situations, including having to go to work. They expect disapproval and criticism, and feel a need to hide away to avoid it. They are often extremely isolated and lonely.
Dependent personality disorder
Due to chronic low self confidence, these sufferers need others more than any other type of person. They are unable to function, make decisions, take responsibility, be alone and are totally passive and submissive. They are almost childlike in their need for protection and care.
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
Similar to OCD (ritualistic need to perform repetitive behaviours) which many people have heard of, OCPD is characterised by a desire to control themselves and their environment. They expect the worst, often hoard things for fear of throwing items away, have unreachable expectations of themselves and others and fully believe they know best. If you have seen the TV show “Hoarders”, about individuals who are unable to disregard everyday items and what many considered rubbish; then you have witnessed what can classically be defined as OCPD.
Most PDs are identified by loved ones or those around them. Suffers are generally unaware of the severity of their traits and the impact it has on others. As a result, it is often those around them who demand mental health intervention and this is when a diagnosis is made.
If you think you or someone you love might have a PD, head to this website for further information: nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/personalitydisorders.html
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By Kim Chartres
I’ve often thought: How do we achieve world peace when families who share similar genes don’t even get along. Not all families mind you; some can weather the toughest crises and remain intact. Others, however, are completely disconnected. There are a few basic reasons why. Once we understand this, we can reconnect and move onto greater cohesion.
The reasons families don’t get along is very similar to why world peace is so difficult to achieve. These things include being exceptionally similar or total opposites, strong personalities, assumptions about people without actually knowing and understanding them or the possibility of mental illness.
Firstly, people who are similar often clash. People assume they should get along but sometimes this isn’t true. The easiest way to ease the conflict is for both people to acknowledge the similarity and understand why a person makes them feel uneasy. In many cases, this is easier said than done. People with similar characteristics can readily identify faults in others but are often unwilling to see these faults in themselves. If this is causing a lot of conflict for a family other members may intervene and act as mediators as they work through their issues. Alternately, family counsellors could be a useful resource to reduce the stress on the family unit.
Another common cause of issues between people is being complete opposites. Yes, opposites can attract but, generally, total opposites don’t understand each other. For example, introverts prefer to steer clear of attention, while extroverts seek it out. It is therefore understandable that polar opposites may find discomfort in each others company. Being tolerant of others differences is imperative to getting along.
Strong personalities breed strong personalties, so it’s no wonder tempers flair. Loggerheads usually occurs out of sheer determination and a strong will to get one’s own way. It’s very easy to say the best way to have a cohesive relationship is to compromise, however, there are people who just won’t budge. If this is the case, good luck!
There is no ideal solution to this because it takes two people to compromise. The best option you have is to choose which battle or war to win – and leave the rest. This will reduce the friction which occurs over small issues.
Not really knowing someone, or assuming you know them, can cause a great deal of heartache. No one appreciates being judged. If you have a problem with someone who you really don’t know or understand, you have two options. Either take some time to actually get to know them or reserve your judgement. They maybe nothing like what you imagine them to be and you are condemning them based on ignorance.
If you are feeling judged by others, confront them and tell them how you feel. If it continues, as a last resort, you may need to decide to save yourself the pain and surround yourself with people who understand and appreciate you.
Lastly, mental illness can put tremendous strain upon families. This is exacerbated when people don’t understand it or know how to help. Acquiring diagnosis, knowledge and support will reduce the impact of mental illness for all effected. Visiting a GP about mental illness is an recommended starting point.
“What can you do to promote world peace. Go home and love your family.” Mother Teresa
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By Kim Chartres
Surely we have all encountered some interesting personalities through work, school and family life, some of which we love and others that are difficult to be around. Not everyone is the same, but try to surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. If a sudden change in behaviour is evident, rather than jumping ship, have a chat to your friend and see what is really behind a change in personality.
We’ve compiled a list of common personality killers which can really be a turn off:
Although it’s difficult to find the positive out of a bad situation, does it mean that it’s okay to be constantly negative? For those who believe in positive affirmations, this is definitely a step in the wrong direction. If you or somebody you surround yourself with is constantly picking at the negatives, try to remind them that good things are always around the corner. Every situation can’t always be bad, so try to remind yourself that the positives always outweigh the negatives.
A moody personality is difficult to befriend because it’s hard to determine how they will react to anything or anyone. They may be going through a difficult time in their life, hormonal or just cranky in nature. Either way, not an attractive quality in a friend or partner.
The Overconfident One
There is probably a fine line where confidence is desirable in one’s personality, and when it’s simply unbearable. If their only interest is being popular and well liked, their intention won’t involve getting to know you. This attitude may change over time, but just be weary that overconfident people can also act very narcissistic.
We all love a bit of comedic and harmless banter between friends, in relationships and amongst family, but patronising another person is really stepping over the mark. A condescending comment is not only insincere but if you are at the receiving end could be quite hurtful to hear. Some people have boundaries, and be careful not to cross them with patronising or scornful comments at the expense of amusing yourself.
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By Felicia Sapountzis
An international survey of employers has revealed that when it comes to hiring administrative staff, preparation, not personality, wins the day.
Employers in Australia and eight other countries said the top candidate moves that impress were:
- Researching a potential employer thoroughly before attending a job interview
- Asking informed questions at the end of the interview
- Neat appearance and arriving with all appropriate documents well prepared.
Good manners were rated by a small five per cent of managers as a job winner and only one per cent cited personality as a major influence in giving a candidate the job.
The Workplace Survey relied on data collected by a research firm for recruitment giant Robert Half International in nine countries including Australia. The other countries included Belgium, the Czech Republic, France, Germany, Ireland, the Netherlands, New Zealand and the United Kingdom.
The survey involved 1,550 managers in charge of recruitment from human resource staff to finance directors. OfficeTeam, a specialist recruiter of administrative personnel and a division of Robert Half, released the results in Australia.
Nicole Gorton, Australian branch manager of OfficeTeam, said the survey results showed how important it was for candidate’s to do their research. “In today’s competitive environment, anyone who wants to succeed in interviews has to do their homework and appear committed to the vision of the company,” said Ms Gorton.
“Getting through the interview may only be the first step to career success but it is the time when you are meticulously judged and it is true when people say first impressions last,” she said.
OfficeTeam have also released the findings of a survey of candidates that asked what areas of their career get the creative treatment during an interview.
- 33 per cent of respondents ‘enhanced’ the content of their former jobs
- 22 percent expanded on their management skills
- Only 5 per cent exaggerated their salary
- 51 per cent of interviewees found it difficult to talk about their weaknesses
- 23 percent preferred to avoid discussing the reasons for leaving their last job.
Story by Kate Southam, editor of CareerOne. Go to www.careerone.com.aufor more career related articles. Job hunting and workplace questions can be directed to CareerOne by emailing: email@example.com.