Feeling anxious about your relationship? The answers to these questions could explain why.
This quiz has been scientifically proven to reignite the romance.
Hey baby, what’s your number? Meet your new personality test obsession.
It’s time to confirm whether you’re really compatible for a lifelong union.
Are you in the right job?
It’s hard to feel motivated or do your best work when you have outgrown your role.
The following Q&A was supplied to CareerOne by Gaby Molnar, a recruiter with Hamilton James and Bruce and a trainer with famous US motivation coach Anthony Robbins.
Gaby has spent eight years studying motivation and peak performance.
This quiz will provide you with a diagnoses as to whether you need to find motivation or simply a new job. Rate each area on a 0-10 basis.
“The theory behind this test is that in order for you to find complete fulfillment and motivation in a job, you must score at least an 8-10 in all six categories,” Gaby explains.
“To enjoy your job and have a really nice time, the first four are really important but, to get absolute fulfillment, all six categories must have a high rating.”
Rate yourself highly if you feel secure in your job (or as secure as anyone can these days) and are confident about your abilities.
If your role offers surprise, diversity, challenge and excitement rate yourself highly.
Do you feel your contribution is important to the company? Do you feel unique and needed?
Do you like your colleagues? Do you feel part of a team?
Are you learning? Is your skillset expanding?
Does your job make a difference to the wider world? Do you feel you are helping people?
Once you have rated your job, Gaby recommends investing time in developing a plan to boost your level of fulfillment in each area. Gaby says that if you do not address the poorly rated areas within three to six months you could find you leave your job without understanding why.
If you do that, you will miss the opportunity to ensure that your next role fulfills these six basic needs.
Story by Kate Southam, editor of CareerOne. Go to www.careerone.com.au for more career related articles. Job hunting and workplace questions can be directed to CareerOne by emailing: email@example.com
Type A: When you repeatedly say sorry for mistakes you’ve made, apologising for things that aren’t your fault, such as when someone bumps you in the street. You’ve got it bad when you apologise for apologising too much.
Type B: You say “I’m sorry” for things beyond your powers, from a friend’s flu, to global warming.Why you do it:
Type A: Because you lack confidence and self-worth.
Type B: Because you look at everyone else’s problems and happiness as your responsibility. You appear irritating, and unassertive. You also appear incompetent, because you’re constantly apologising, people assume you’re constantly screwing things up.
Type A: Cut down on your “I’m sorry” to situations when you have actually blown it, apologise once, and move on. Write “Stop Apologising”, or “It’s not my fault” on a Post-it note and stick it on your computer, pin-board or fridge.
Type B: Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders when no-one’s asking you to.
Serial Pleaser Type 2 – The Office Martyr
You’re at your desk until 9 at night. You always volunteer to take on the extra projects that no-one else want. 99% of Office Martyrs are women.
Why you do it:
There are various reasons for office martyrdom. They include: to gain attention and sympathy; you use work as an excuse not to live; or because you don’t have a life, or a good support network of friends. You don’t want to go home to an empty house with a bottle of wine, and you avoid close relationships and friendships. Then again, sometimes it’s just to please your boss and get “brownie points” – so you’ll get that promotion, right? Not always. Careers can suffer if you take on too much, and don’t have enough time to do your main job properly. You appear to be a pushover and a victim.
Stop volunteering your services unless you really have time, and it’s really your job – spending all morning fixing the paper jam in the photocopier probably is not in your job description.
- You will gain more respect if you say no once in a while, than if you’re nodding your head eagerly before the boss has even asked for volunteers to do a task.
- Work late only when it’s really necessary, such as a deadline on a group project.
- When you start a new job don’t do the late night-weekend thing from the beginning to try and look keen; setting such patterns in the early days means that when you don’t do it, you appear to have lost interest.
Serial Pleaser Type 3 – The Man Serf
You may be confident, outspoken and amusing around your friends and colleagues, but turn in to a shrinking violet/giggly girlie/housemaid around your partner. In social situations where your partner is present, you usually take a back seat and let him be the witty, intelligent one, never putting forward any opinions, anecdotes or jokes fearing his criticism, and scrutiny of your behaviour. You also tend to change personalities and interests with each relationship. You leave the decision-making to him; chronic pleasers may start out this way in a relationship thinking they’re being easygoing and usually end up feeling downtrodden and resentful.
Why you do it:
Such pleasers change their behaviour around their partner thinking that he “won’t love me if he knows what I’m really like”. Many have been taught to pander to a man’s ego and needs, by playing a submissive role; or repeating a parental relationship.
How you appear:
Wishy-washy, subservient, spineless, and dull.
- Be yourself. When you change your personality and adapt your interests with each relationship you lose your identity and sense of self. If he doesn’t like you when you’re being ‘you’, then stuff him.
- If you don’t know who ‘you’ are because you’ve altered yourself so many times, then spend some time being single and find out who you really are.
- Express yourself, your opinions, personality and needs from the beginning to avoid a bottling up of grievances.
Serial Pleaser Type 4 – The Family Drudge
You attend every family event, no matter how tiresome or inconvenient – “Fly to Townsville for Uncle Bill’s 60th? Sure.” You’re the one everyone in the family, or among your friends, leans on for support, to fix up problems, lend money and sort out crises, and the one who plans every birthday dinner. Your mother takes it upon herself to buy your new sofa and coffee table, and you say nothing because you don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Why you do it:
Guilt that comes from fear that you’re going to hurt or disappoint them.
How you appear:
You appear to have no life of your own; you are basically a doormat.
Identify which family members you’re most prone to over-sacrifice for. It may be that certain family dynamics are triggering your vicious circle of guilt and giving. Do you drop everything to help out your hard-to-impress father whose approval you still seek? Once you’ve identified which of them are fuelling your people-pleasing ways, start politely turning down requests. Keep a few phrases handy in case you’re tempted to say ‘yes’, such as “I can’t really take on any more right now” “I can’t today but I’d love to another time”. Of course you want to help your family out, but if their happiness is a measure of your own worth, you may have your self-esteem tied up, unhealthily, in your family relationship.
5 ways to tell if you’re a Drama Queen.
You’re at a party and you’ve had too much to drink. Your partner advises you to switch to water or soft drinks. You:
a) Drink orange juice at least until you’ve stopped reeling or he’s stopped watching. b) Accuse your partner of being a control freak and toss you drink in his face.
2 months ago your latest boyfriend dumped you. You:
a) occasionally feel down by overall you’re keeping busy and enjoying your freedom;
b) Still phoning all your friends, their mothers and your local noodle take-away, lamenting the end of the greatest love affair in history.
You have a head cold. You:
a) Take vitamin C and a day off work so you don’t spread your germs;
b) Go to work, tell everyone you have a rare new flu virus and you can’t remember the time you’ve felt so dreadful.
Your flatmate hasn’t washed up for a week and you need to use the pots and pans. You:
a) Wash them up but have a word with her about how annoying it is and promise to be more considerate to each other.
b) Trash the kitchen and leave her a note tell her to clean it up or move out.
Your car is lightly hit by another car causing you to be late for work. You:
a) Speak to your boss on arrival and apologise for being late explaining that you had a minor car accident.
b) Arrive tear stained and shaking and announce that you may have to take the day off as someone smashed into your car and it’s a total right-off.