Real-relationships

Weekend Wit: The Drunken Proposal

We all get that proposing marriage can be a nerve wrecking experience but the drunken proposal is just plain wrong. I’ve actually had this happen to me more than once! So, chances are that if one woman has experienced this multiple times it must be a bit of a trend. I maybe wrong, but it is a possibility. It might also be that I just totally lucked out and probably not in a good way either.

RELATED: Weekend Wit: 10 Tips For The Perfect Wife

Now, the first time I received a drunken proposal, I fell for it. I was young, dumb and in love. It didn’t matter how he proposed just as long as he did. It seemed everyone around us was in proposal mode, so I figured sooner or later it would be my turn. Sure enough it was, at the worst time possible! I happened to be so drunk when receiving the proposal, that when I woke up I had to ask whether or not it actually happened. Had I dreamed it? Was it real? And, more importantly, did I accept?

Hungover and desperate for answers I discovered that apparently I had. Hmmm, not exactly the way I’d pictured it. Perhaps this is the reason I switched from alcohol to coffee? I do recall not getting that drunk for a very, very long time!

Anyways, I might be a bit old-fashioned here but there are still plenty of ladies out there that believe one day the man or woman (I won’t discriminate, even though laws do) of their dreams will actually show up. To add to this fantasy, they’ll eventually get down on one knee and ask the question, “will you marry me?” In her mind it will be perfect.

They will probably be somewhere romantic, candles, soft music and the love of her life down on one knee, holding hands, asking earnestly if she’d give them the honor of becoming the wife. (It’s actually quite difficult writing this gender neutral, but you get the gist.) We’ve seen it on The Bachelor, heard it it fair tales like Cinderella, so surely that’s how it’s supposed to go?

So, image the horror when this image is replaced by the reality of a drunken proposal? There’s no romance, or very little and they’re probably down on two knees because they’re far too wasted to balance on one. The words spill out of their mouth so slurred that they are almost unrecognizable and the speech they had prepared goes totally out the window. Basically they’re that drunk that the words flow out like, “willyamaryme” as if it’s one word rather than a phrase.

Unfortunately it isn’t pretty but I can understand that it’s easily done. The individual is so nervous preparing and looking for the right time to propose that they choose to have a few drinks to calm their nerves. Those few drinks turns into a few too many and voilà! Thankfully by the second drunken proposal I’d learned my lesson and demanded the romance, which is perhaps why I’m still waiting for it?

It’s not all bad though. There is something worse than the drunken proposal. I’ve seen it happen to others and those poor souls accepted and then had their proposal revoked. Ouch! Having awoken the next morning the proposer took another look at their bride to be and thought, hell no! What have I done? Suffice to say not exactly relationships made in heaven. So, I’m certainly not going to complain. At least I haven’t had to endure that!

Image via fc03.deviantart.net

January 31, 2015

The Ex-Files: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Ladies, it’s time to open the X-files. Shudder!

RELATED: Sex And The Single Girl: Casual Sex 101

Passionate feelings such as love and hate are inextricably linked; for this reason, I do not believe men and women can truly be friends post-breakup. At least, not until many, many years have passed.

In addition, if you’ve loved someone with all your heart, and they’ve exited from your life – note the emphasis on ex – why would you invite them back in? Especially if you’re trying to move on and date someone new?!

And sure, there are exceptions to the rule: if you’ve got children together, then that’s clearly a major game changer and, whether you like it or not, you’re bound to each other for life and must stay civil for the sake of your children.

Case in point: actor Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin who stunned the world when they “consciously uncoupled” in March 2014. The pair, who has two kids together, split after an 11-year marriage. And, in an emotional and somewhat bizarre statement, they asked for privacy at the time to “consciously uncouple and co-parent”, while Gwynnie’s Goop website talked of holistic “wholeness in separation”.

ex-boyfriend, ex-partner, friendship with an ex

While the tabloids labelled the couple’s statement as “new-age tosh”, it’s surely an admirable sentiment to be as loving as you can towards the mother or father of your children. But, outside of celebrity La La land, with all its privileges, this can be significantly tougher in real life.

And if you’ve ever had the misfortune of dating someone who’s not over their ex – I don’t envy Jennifer Lawrence one bit, as she’s allegedly dating Martin – it can feel like there’s three of you in a relationship and things can get way too crowded.

We all have baggage, but is it ever OK to be friends with an ex? And how does this affect your current relationship?

ex-boyfriend, ex-partner, friendship with an ex

SHESAID went in search of answers, consulting a top clinical psychologist who specialises in relationships for insight into this complex issue.

Q: Is it ever OK to be friends with an ex?
A:
Whether or not you are friends with an ex will depend very much on the circumstances that lead to your break-up. If it was a mutual decision to part and the separation was amicable, then you might choose to remain on good terms and take an interest in the well-being of each other as time goes by. However, if the relationship was toxic and the separation hostile, being friends with your ex is the last thing you’ll want.

Q: How do you cope when your partner is still close to their ex?
A:
It can be very difficult for a partner whose loved one remains on good terms with an ex. We all suffer, to varying degrees, from insecurity, and the more insecure you feel, the more difficult it will be to accept that your partner wants to keep in touch with and even spend time with an ex. It begs the question – why? Of course, if there are children involved there is a reason to stay in contact with an ex – for the well-being of the children. In this situation, a certain amount of contact is inevitable and the best approach is to accept the situation gracefully and make interactions with your partner’s ex as stress-free as possible. But if there is no good reason for your partner to stay in touch with his/her ex, and if it really bothers you, your partner should respect your feelings and cut contact.

Q: What if your partner lies about catching up with an ex?
A:
If your partner lies about catching up with an ex you’ve got a problem. You’ll be asking yourself why he/she felt the need to lie. Approach the situation in as mature, calm and non-confrontational manner as you can; after all, shouting and abusing him/her won’t help. But if your partner is being dishonest about catching up with an ex, and doesn’t have a very good reason for the deceit, it’s probably time to make some hard decisions about ending the relationship.

The X-Files: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Q: Does having an ex always threaten a current relationship?
A:
Not necessarily, it’s more about how the other partner feels and whether the person having contact with the ex is prepared to take their partner’s feelings into consideration. If he/she ignores your wishes and feelings and maintains the contact when it makes you feel very uncomfortable or miserable, then the problem is more about the lack of consideration being shown for your feelings and wishes. That might be enough to threaten the relationship.

Q: Should a man or woman urge their current partner to also be friends with an ex to lessen the threat?
A:
They could try if staying in contact with the ex means so much to them. This would be helpful it there are visits from children involved. Trying to be friends with your partner’s ex would probably work better if the ex has a partner – that would help to alleviate feelings of jealousy and insecurity and fears that your partner is still attracted to his/her ex. Bring these feelings into the open and discuss them with your loved one – again, if your relationship is good, he/she should be considerate of your feelings and cut or reduce contact with their ex.

What do you think? Can you be friends with your ex?

Main image via www.tmz.com; secondary image via perezhilton.com; third image via www.quora.com and final image via eclectikramblings.wordpress.com.

 

January 28, 2015

Weekend Wit: Men and Menstruation

Men. They really are strange. The way they make decisions, their behavior, what they pay attention to and how they go about things makes the female mind boggle! Take menstruation for example. What is it about women’s periods that freaks them out and has them running for the nearest exit?

For example, if you are chatting on the phone to a friend or have your BFF over for coffee, a sure-fire way to stop any man from eavesdropping on your conversation is to throw in the topic of your menstrual cycle. It’s like female Kryptonite! They’ve overheard the word period and they leave the vicinity faster than Superman on a mission. (Tip: Don’t forget to use this one to your advantage!)

Then there’s buying feminine hygiene products for female partners. This is possibly the one incidence whereby gay men are envied by heterosexual males. If your fella is like most of his comrades, this is the one request he could probably do without.

Yes, he will need to walk into the shop and find his way to the feminine hygiene section. Challenge number one. Once there, he will likely be completely overwhelmed when he is instantly confronted with – a wall of feminine hygiene options. Pure horror for the average bloke. Super, regular, flow related, wings, no wings; all of which he knows nothing about. Challenge number two.

Although preferred products are usually neatly placed in her section of the bathroom cabinet – which is shared and he actually opens each day – he chooses not to see them. This is a man skill learned and passed down through generations with utter perfection. The products are there but the connection between his eyes and brain are severed when it comes to anything related to feminine hygiene. (Tip: This is where to hide your own private collection of sex toys because he’ll never see them!)

Back to challenge number two. Men can go either one of two ways when it comes to selecting tampons for their lady. If a man chooses a super-sized product, he has done so with his anatomy is mind. During the selection process, he has come to the assumption that the size of the tampon reflects how endowed he believes he is. If he can fit inside that vagina, it must need a super-sized tampon. Yes, ladies, that’s the logic!

If the man selects the regular or smaller variety, he has done so with her anatomy in mind. These products have been selected because he wants to believe her lady bits, are too small for super-sized products. The thought of his lady using super-sized tampons is a concept he just doesn’t want to envisage. Once again, male logic at work. How on earth was the wheel or electricity ever invented?

Whatever rationale he uses to make the selection; he then finds his way to the checkout. Challenge number three. Some men feel a bit awkward about this. The big question is why? Everyone knows the product isn’t for him. Not unless he’s hiding a vagina in his pants! Maybe there lies the fear?

Despite all men knowing that women bleed once a month, it’s not something the vast majority want to delve into any further. Why any man would want to become a gynecologist is a pure mystery. Maybe they have a defective male gene, assume women visiting the gynecologist aren’t menstruating or something along those lines. Remember, we are dealing with male logic and decision making, so who knows, and most of these men would say women are strange!

October 25, 2014

Book Review : Wife for Hire


Wife for Hire

Dianne Blacklock

Pan Macmillan ($30)

Don’t you just love novels that make you laugh out loud? Be warned this book will!

Wife for Hire is a fun look at the age-old role of being a good wife. Samantha Driscoll thought she was being the perfect wife, mother and housekeeper until her husband Jeff left her. Finding herself on her own with three children and a mortgage after sixteen years of marriage, Sam is faced to do some serious soul searching. With the help of her family and friends, it dawns on Sam that the skills she has learned during her marriage could be the very thing that saves her. (That and the copious amounts of wine being consumed!) Sam becomes a ‘Wife for Hire’ for busy executives acting as a personal shopper, holiday planner, social organiser, hired help and, most importantly, a personal confidante. Follow Sam’s journey of self-discovery as she endeavours to find her own identity, instead of hiding, as she has for the past 16 years, behind the mask of motherhood and the mask of matrimony. The catalyst to this realisation is Hal Buchanan, a client that doesn’t even seem to need her services. That’s when things start to get really tricky!

You’ll identify with many of the genuine and original characters in this book. Wife for Hire is full of humour about real relationships, pride, forgiveness and most of all, love. This is Dianne Blacklock’s second novel. She lives in Sydney and is another fab Australian author to keep an eye on…

Buy Wife for Hire from the SheSaid Bookshop

April 15, 2003