Relationship-counselling

When Does Lateness Become Plain Rudeness?

There’s no greatness in lateness; when does it become plain disrespect and discourtesy?

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It’s been said that “punctuality is the soul of business” and I concur. However, I’d also argue that being on time is crucial to both good personal and business relationships. It’s good manners for one, and lets the other person know they’re valued and important.

So, how you deal with people who are constantly late? How many times has a good friend kept you waiting, but never apologised? And what about the business contact who is never, ever on time?

When someone is consistently late, doesn’t provide an adequate explanation or is quite unremorseful and doesn’t acknowledge the inconvenience caused to you when you’re made to wait, lateness can become a great source of hurt and conflict. It just seems damn rude and inconsiderate at the very least, doesn’t it?

Persistent lateness is also very upsetting in a partner or friend because it suggests that the tardy person lacks concern and respect for you – the unfortunate person kept waiting. It takes a certain amount of empathy to realise that frequently keeping someone waiting for an unreasonable time without explanation can cause hurt, is insulting and can cause the one waiting to feel devalued.

lateness, punctuality, time management

And while we can all be late at times, due to circumstances outside of our control like bad traffic, an accident, or sick child, for example, relationship counsellors say it’s very important to provide an explanation and apology to defuse the situation and allow the one kept waiting to move on.

So, why are some people always late? Is it due to having a strong sense of their own importance, a lack of consideration and empathy for the feelings of others, or just down to them being chronically disorganised and lacking a sense of time?

I hate waiting for more than 20 minutes for anyone; that’s about the absolute limit of my patience. My pet hate is long waits at the medical centre for up to 40 minutes or more – sure, I understand emergencies happen, but I think this can be very disrespectful, if not.

It comes down to values, I think; a GP practice which doesn’t consistently make you wait shows they respect your time as much as they respect their own. They’ve clearly made a philosophical and financial decision that it’s not right to make patients sit for way too long in the waiting room.

And when it comes to your personal life, if someone you love is consistently late and they want to fix this problem, a counsellor can help them to develop greater awareness of the impact of their lateness on others, and better organisational and time-management skills.

But if the consistently late person doesn’t see a problem with their lateness and feels no remorse for keeping someone waiting, it’s unlikely that they will change. So, you might have to simply call time on the them – and the relationship.

lateness, punctuality, time management

What do you think is a reasonable length of time to wait for a late person?

Images via Pixabay and thegrindstone.com

What To Expect: Couples Counselling After Infidelity

Finding out your partner has broken your trust and had an affair can feel like the ultimate betrayal, but if you find you both still want to work through the problem and stay together, couples counselling could be the way forward. Naturally, after being cheated on, you’ll be going through a host of strong emotions, including anger, humiliation and heart break. But after time, you may begin to feel you can forgive your partner.

Bring back trust

If after talking through the issue you both still want to be together, then couples therapy can help to bring the trust back into a relationship. Marriage counselling or relationship guidance will provide an opportunity for you both to open up and speak about whatever it is you want to discuss. The councellor will be entirely impartial and help to direct communications in the most beneficial way.

One step at a time

If you both really want to stay together and have gotten as far as attending couples therapy then that’s a great sign for your relationship.

After betrayal from one side of a couple, it is only natural that there will be many questions to be answered and cracks to be smoothed over, and it’s important you realise this will take time. Relationship guidance, although just the beginning of the process, can help you to understand one another, find answers, be honest, and return over time to being a happier and stronger couple.

Selecting a counsellor

Having made the decision to go to couples therapy, it’s important that you don’t rush in finding a counsellor you feel comfortable with and respected by. When contacting a prospect, have a few questions at hand regarding their qualifications, approach to counselling and fees. Also, check that they are registered to a professional association, and meet them in person before making a decision.

Some people may feel embarrassed or too proud to go to couples counselling, but if it’s the last chance to save a relationship you really want to be in then it may well be worth it.

What Can Relationship Counselling Do For You?

Ok, let’s face it, relationships are rarely perfect and, if you’ve found that special person you want to be with, then some relationship advice can come in handy. You may need to reconcile a particular problem, maybe you’re looking for a better way to manage some parts of the relationship or perhaps things have gone a bit stale.

Of course, it’s usually possible to talk to your partner about any problems in the relationship, and sort them out between you. Taking advice from good friends and family can also help, but if you find things aren’t improving don’t be afraid to visit a third party who can look at the issue objectively.

Visiting relationship or marriage counsellors is not uncommon in today’s society and it may well save your relationship.

What to expect in your first counselling sessions

It’s totally understandable that you might find it daunting to bare your soul and reveal your inner-most hopes and fears to a stranger. You may also be worried about upsetting your partner or making the problems even worse. But remember that relationship counsellors are trained to be impartial. They will avoid taking sides on who is the victim and will not attribute blame.

The first thing your counsellor would probably ask is why you’ve chosen now to seek outside help. He/she will then proceed to ask each of you what you perceive to be the problems, and what you would like to discuss. He/she will do their best to keep you relaxed and maintain a respectful discussion.

Future sessions may delve into certain aspects such as your family life and what problems took place in the week between sessions.

If you’re thinking about seeking relationship advice then that’s a great first step, as it shows you care. The chances are that if you’ve gotten this far in your relationship, after some relationship councelling  you will soon begin to support each other in making the necessary changes.

Make life easier on each other

When asked what their “Marriage Motto” would be, many couples responded along the lines of:* “Never let the sun set on an argument”
* “Always love each other”
* “Be best friends”and so on and so forth. As wonderful as those seem, they seem to me to be very idealistic and somewhat na?ve.

I have one I’d like to table.

“Make life easy for each other”.

You know, “that lovin’ feeling” ebbs and flows during a relationship or marriage.

We all experience highs and lows, where sometimes we feel desperately in love with our partner and can’t bear for him/her to even leave to go to work for the day. Other times, we barely notice them walking in the door at the end of the day. It’s natural, we can’t always expect to be in a constant state of high romance and affection. But one of the constants we can depend on is the art of making life easy for each other.

You don’t have to be in the middle of a melting embrace to know that there are things you can do to help your partner’s day run more smoothly. Or in fact, his/her life to run more smoothly.

Imagine the peace you feel when you know that you can depend on your partner to unconditionally support you when you make a mistake. In return, you feel more than happy to make sure you deserve that support so it pays dividends to both of you.

Making life easy for each other isn’t just about doing odd jobs around the house, or sharing the housework, or doing the gardening together. It’s about making the effort to understand each other, standing united against common challenges, letting go of arguments that really, in the grand scheme of things, don’t matter. It’s to do with compromise and fairness. It’s so simple, really. Think in terms of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

By making life easy for your partner, how can he/she not do the same for you, thereby creating a harmonious, comfortable existence. And don’t we all want an easy life?

By Gina Luca

* Gina is a freelance writer whose passion for talking to people on the Internet provides much inspiration for her writing.

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