But damned if I’ll stop trying.
Are you drowning in negativity?
You deserve better – even if you don’t know it.
If Trump is elected, womankind is in deep trouble.
Being yourself should make your relationship better.
In a split second, everything can change.
Accepting myself was like learning to ride a bike.
I’m thinking of a number between one and ten…
“Sometimes I really just do feel like a mess and slutty and out of control.”
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it” – Carrie Bradshaw.
Sassy, smart, beautiful, single women, one and all: stand tall! Are you feeling plagued by the pressure to constantly explain why you’re flying solo? This is a very common complaint from single women I know. Indeed, when I was single, I too felt hassled by the need to incessantly justify why I was unattached, whether it be to a colleague, family member or a friend. Even perfect strangers at social occasions will have no qualms about asking you, in full condescending tone: “So, why are you still single?”
Being single is a powerful, positive choice for many women – after all, there ain’t no better time to find out what you want in life and in a partner, than when you have to stand on your own two feet and learn to like your own company. Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, 28, who is happily single herself, says she’s often forced to defend her singleton status.
“There are so many positives in my life to being single in my 20s, but people still comment negatively on it all the time,” Dr Goldstein says. “Women should never be ashamed to be single. It can be a very positive choice – you do not need to be loved by someone to have high self-esteem.” But how do you stay sane as a singleton, no matter whether you’re happily dating or not, when rogue relatives/colleagues/strangers are killing your buzz?
Short of telling said nosey, conservative types you’re batting for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that) in a bid to silence and/or shock them, you may want to try these quick and easy Singleton Sanity Savers:
Quote marriage stats: Make the Australian Bureau of Statistics your friend. The next time sleazy, old Uncle Graham asks you why you’re still single, try boring him senseless with endless divorce statistics. For example, “Did you know, Uncle G (insert relative name here), that approximately one in three first marriages end in divorce? And, in 2012, there were 49,917 divorces granted in Australia; that’s a two per cent increase compared to 2011?”
Turn the tables: This was a personal favourite of mine, when single – the next time some smug married (may I never be one of those) asks you why you aren’t married and knocked up, ask them loudly and pointedly to the point of rudeness: “How’s your love-life? Had much hot sex lately?” That should do the trick quite nicely.
Tell tall stories: Climbed Mt Everest lately? Travelled to the Valley of the Kings and Queens in Egypt? Been parasailing, paragliding or skydiving? If you answered no to these questions, fret not – life can be a grand adventure when single, and chances are, the person giving you a hard time about your lifestyle choice will be jealous of all your free time, no matter whether you put it to good use exploring the Seven Wonders of the World. So, exploit this by telling tall tales about what you got up to on the weekend and your exciting plans for the future.
Images via wikipedia.org
I have what is commonly called a ‘ghetto booty’. It gets comments wherever I go. Co-workers have literally lined up to give it a cheeky pinch – at my invitation, of course. People are astounded by its firm feel and perky look. I call it, “The Girls” and joke that everything that was supposed to go to my boobs went to my behind. What’s unique about my body is the proportions. My top half is a size 8-10. My bottom half is a 14. My figure is like something out of the Victorian era and I own it.
However, it’s only over the last two years that I have developed body confidence. I used to do everything to disguise my rear. Long skirts, A-line dresses; I didn’t own a pair of jeans. I constantly lamented the fact that my bottom was not proportionate to my top. This is because, for much of the 2000s, it was the height of fashion to have a flat butt. Australia has a beach culture, so go figure.
At the end of 2012, something happened that changed my life. By some wonderfully bizarre twist of fate, I started working on a film in the USA. I arrived a few days before filming, and around the hotel I wore tights and circle skirts. However, being on location required something more practical, so I took a deep breath and did something I hadn’t done for years…donned a pair of jeans.
Nobody noticed what I was wearing, until, walking past the hair and makeup trailer, I heard: “Dayumm, girl, what’ve you been hiding underneath those dresses?!” It was the head hair stylist, an African American gentleman, and one of my favourite people in the film crew. He was looking at me with a combination of awe and wonder.
“What do you mean?!” I asked.
“Girl!” he repeated, throwing up his hands, “I did not recognise you! I thought, ‘Who is that girl built like a brick wall?!’” By now, some of the other makeup artists had emerged and were nodding enthusiastically.
“Yeah! Why you been hiding that?!” one of the girls asked.
“Hiding what?” I replied.
“That BOOTY!” another continued. What followed was a storm of praise, because in America, especially in African American culture, having a ghetto booty is the most desirable thing a girl can possess. They told me that I had literally been sitting on my greatest asset (pun fully intended). And I had NO IDEA. I went back to Australia with a spring in my step. A world of self-esteem had opened up – although I still disguised my posterior during 2013.
But then… 2014 happened.
All of a sudden, booties were everywhere. Nicky Minaj was grinding up a storm. Kimmy K broke the internet with her gleaming derriere. Twerking was the new Macarena – and I took full advantage of it. I tossed my long skirts and worked the short dresses. I lived in jeans and high heels. I will now wear anything to make my butt look more prominent and when somebody stares at ‘The Girls’ with that bewildered, trance-like expression, I stick it out and swagger.
I’m not saying that thin bodies aren’t desirable. If you’re blessed with lovely petite hips, that’s fabulous. Own it. But holy hell, am I glad the tide has turned. Let’s be honest; it’s not enough to just say: “Love your body no matter what.” The road to body-confidence is longer than that. If society, for whatever reason, is now (finally) celebrating varied body types, I’m rolling with it. So ladies; whether you’re a willowy waif, or you’ve got a booty like a Cadillac, work it with pride.
Image via Emaze.com
A prominent fact of life is that all people judge each other by how they look and what they wear. Some people attempt to be consciously non-judgmental and try to look past appearances, but they still make unconscious decisions based on initial impressions on whether a person is a potential friend or foe. This phenomenon goes back to the time of the dinosaurs and it’s ultimately how the human race has survived.
It’s due to the importance of making a good impression that people generally take care of how they present themselves. Yes, there are times when you just want to sleuth out so some situations are more important than others, like going for an interview, a night out on the town or going on a date.
During these times if you are aiming for that sexy and sophisticated look and are actually leaning toward skanky, you will be repealing the type of life opportunities you deserve. The most imperative thing in these situations is to know the difference.
So what are they? Firstly, the difference between sexy and skanky is attitude related. Regardless of how you look, if you feel and behave like God’s gift to men, you are probably projecting yourself as skanky. Sexy, sophisticated women don’t pounce, they lure and there lies the big difference.
Traditionally, males are the hunters and that still applies to the battle of the sexes when it comes to work and play. Whether you are being interviewed for a job, at a club or on a date, the majority of men don’t like to be chased. Regardless of the advancement Feminism has made, men still judge women who chase them and prefer the company of women who don’t.
Now, apart from attitude and behavior, how you look adds to the art of luring and seduction. Sexy, sophisticated women have this down pat. When it comes to how they present themselves, less is certainly not more and if you want people to notice your brain instead of your boobs, don’t shove them out there for everyone to see.
Sexy women show just enough cleavage to be alluring, dress their age, add make-up only to enhance their natural beauty, limit accessories and emulate femininity. They avoid revealing clothing like ultra short shorts, skirts or dresses, exceptionally plunging necklines and items which look more like lingerie. They also know how to style footwear. For example; many people refer to long full length boots as cum-fuck-me-boots. If you are going to wear them you need to know what message they are sending and how to style them with elegance and grace.
So, unless you’re heading down to the beach, cover up a bit and let the imagination work its magic. I’m not being a prude either. After years of experience, having male friends, work colleagues and a couple of long term partners, I have an excellent insight into the way they think. It’s not just men either. Other women are probably your most cynical critics and many will notice if you look skanky.
If you are unsure before you step out the door, check out how you look in the mirror. If you’re about to have a wardrobe malfunction and your breasts are about to leap out of your top, stop! If you bend over and get a peek of your underwear, (lets hope you are wearing some) stop! Turn around and choose something else. Plus, if your makeup has you looking like someone else, you are probably overdoing it.
Lastly, it doesn’t matter if you are 19 or 69, if you look skanky instead of sexy, it will make other people uncomfortable. That will limit valuable life opportunities, including jobs, friendships and relationships. Sure, you might get a fair bit of attention, but you need to aim for positive attention to ultimately get the best out of life.
Image via cmarchuska.com
Feel like you need to check your attitude? Perhaps you have a longing to give back to those in need. On November 13, take part in World Kindness Day by trying these simple gestures to make the world a little better.
Ever noticed how depressed people look on the morning commute to work? We try to avoid our fellow passengers like they’re carrying a deadly virus instead of embracing that you’re all doing the same thing, you’re all trying to get by. Next time somebody boards your train and is looking for a place to sit, move your handbag and smile – you never know whose day you will improve.
- Give somebody a compliment
Too often we think nice things about our friends, family, co-workers, even strangers and we never tell them. Why? Tell the people you love that you love them, the people you respect, that you respect them, and that the girl or guy you pass on the way into the office looks nice today.
- Go out of your way to help
If you see somebody looking lost on the street, ask if they need directions. Clean the house for your house mates. If you’re making coffee at work, offer your co-workers. If someone you know is down, give them a call and listen to what they have to say.
- Donate blood
Don’t have the money, but have your health? Head to the hospital or your local blood drive and make a donation. A blood donation could be worth more to someone than money. Although, if you do have a few spare dollars, giving them to a worthy organisation will always help.
- Clean our your closet
We all have clothes in our closet that we never wear, no matter how many times we say we will. On World Kindness Day, give your excess belongings to charity or offer them to a friend. Be realistic about what you want and need – and let go of the things you don’t.
- Care for the environment
Being kind to the environment is like spreading kindness to future generations. If you see some person’s empty coffee cup on the bus, pick it up and put it in the bin. You could also plant a tree, have a meat-free day, or sort through your recycling.
- Be Kind to yourself
While most of us don’t find it difficult being kind to others, we struggle finding the right words to say to ourselves. Forgive your mistakes, trust yourself to make good decisions, and remind yourself that you are just fine and fabulous the way you are.
World Kindness Day is part of an international movement promoting kindness and goodwill. To find out more about the event and what you can do, visit The World Kindness Movement website.
It’s summer, time for new beginnings. What have you wanted to do for a while and it’s never been the right time? This can become your passion project, something that you choose to do just because you want to. It doesn’t need to have a specific goal in mind, what’s important is that you enjoy the process.
What could your passion project be? Maybe, learn Italian. Or go for a walk every day. Write a book. Meditate. Dance. Volunteer for a charity. Anything that you feel drawn to explore.
Why do you need a passion project?
By taking time out for something you want to do for yourself, you’re sending out the message to yourself and to the world that you’re important and your desires matter. You believe in yourself more and you behave with more confidence in all interactions, not just the ones that are related to your passion project.
A few years ago I came across this definition of strength by Marcus Buckingham and it turned my world around. “A strength is an activity that makes you feel strong.” It’s not necessarily what you’re naturally good at, it’s not something that you’ve practiced to perfection, but an activity that you enjoy, energises you and makes you feel stronger. We don’t always use enough of our strengths in our day-to-day lives and that’s why we’re often tired and overwhelmed. A passion project will help you discover what your strengths are, give you more energy and build up the skills to bring more of your strengths into the rest of your life.
In your passion project you lose your attachment to results, which opens the gate for creative discoveries. You give yourself permission to learn and make mistakes, and as you experiment, you may find unexpected ideas pop into your mind that solve problems at work or in your personal life. Your creative exploration may lead to a side business or a new career, but even if it doesn’t, it will feed your creativity.
When you work on something that gives you fulfilment, you feel happier and everyone around you benefits. You laugh more, complain less and become a nicer person to be around (as my family will confirm).
A passion project doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment. You can choose a fixed period of time, a week, a month or 90 days, to give it a go. Then you can decide if you want to continue with it or try something else. You’ve got nothing to lose and the benefits will surprise you. So what’s your passion project?
Image by iamrubenjr via pixabay.com
Building self-confidence and high self-esteem is a key aspect of a child’s development – it helps them to face challenges and learn new skills as they grow up. The impact of having low self-esteem can sometimes lead to negative behaviour such as bullying, drinking, the use of drugs and can also contribute to a child developing an eating disorder.
Growing up in today’s society is tough for young girls. They are constantly being subjected to unrealistic physical standards and over-sexualised women in the media. We want to encourage young girls to make positive choices and we want them to be the best they can be. So in order for them to become confident, self-assured and develop high self-esteem here are some tips that can help.
Tell them they can achieve anything
Having a positive attitude and telling young girls that they can achieve anything they put their mind to is much more of a confidence booster than telling them they can’t do something. More often than not, if they shoot for the stars, they will reach them.
Never put down your body in front of her
If your daughter sees that you are unhappy with your body image, she may mirror that feeling herself. Love your body no matter the shape and size and she will grow to love hers too.
Encourage them to play sports
Encourage your daughter to get outside and play sports rather than spending her spare time inside, addicted to social media. Playing sports gives her an opportunity to overcome challenges and it also teaches her the positive effects that exercise has on her body.
Encourage them to solve problems on their own
Don’t be too quick to jump in and solve your daughter’s problems for her. Work through the situation with her and get her to suggest ways of overcoming her problem. Give her guidance but ultimately put the ball back in her court so she can solve it for herself.
Limit their exposure to social media when they are young
By restricting how much exposure young girls have to social media it forces them to use their own imagination and develop their own ideas. There is also less chance of them being caught up cyberbullying and suffering from lack of sleep which can lead to other problems.
Compliment them and give them praise
Give your daughter praise for little achievements such as helping around the house, reading a book or drawing a picture and delegate age appropriate duties around the home that will make her feel like she is valuable. Small tasks such as setting the table, feeding the dogs or ordering the takeaways over the phone gives her some responsibility and develops self-confidence.
Point out positive female role models
Teach young girls about female role models that they can look up to. They could be famous actresses, politicians or even friends and family around you that possess the qualities you want your daughter to have. Most importantly though, ensure that you are being a good role model for your daughter. Remember – “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” ― James Baldwin
Image via expertbeacon.com
By Karyn Miller
When Sex and the City sexpot Samantha Jones broke up with her hot lover, Smith, with these immortal words: “I love you, but I love me more,” she took one giant step for womanhood in how single women were portrayed in popular culture. For the fictional character Samantha (Kim Cattral) reflected what we smart, sassy women in real life have known all along: being single can be a positive choice; it is far better to be alone than stay in an unhealthy relationship with Mr Wrong.
What young, single woman wants to be spending their valuable time with a partner who doesn’t blow their socks off? Yet, for many women, being single can still attract a lot of negative stereotypical nonsense from our families and our peers. Indeed, society as a whole still tends to view single women as repellent and abnormal. Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, 28, who is happily single herself, puts this down to the fact that singletons challenge the status quo.
“There are so many positives in my life to being single in my 20s, but people still comment negatively on it all the time,” Dr Goldstein says. “There is still a real social stigma that women of a certain age should be married and have kids. There’s a question of ‘what’s wrong with you’ if you are single. ‘Are you too high maintenance, do you put your job priority No.1?’
“We as a society still have a very old-fashioned procreation model of sex. Why can’t a single woman be happy?! No one encourages women to do what men do, such as masturbate – it challenges men’s masculinity too much. A lot of men want women who are needy because they have self-esteem issues.”
So, how do the increasing numbers of single women challenge these outdated societal views? And how do women raise their daughters to be out and proud when it comes to being single? Teach them while they’re young, says Dr Goldstein. “When you go through high school, when a guy is interested in you, we’re taught that this makes you a better, more valuable person,” she says. “The risk here, is that women go from one relationship to the next – that’s dangerous when you never develop a sense of self-worth and independence; that’s when co-dependency can become a real issue.
“I don’t think women should be single forever, but it’s so important to figure out who you are and stand on your own two feet. Parents should be actively encouraging this, with their daughters. Women should never be ashamed to be single. It can be a very positive choice – you do not need to be loved by someone to have high self-esteem.”
And one of the greatest joys of being single – aside from not being bored senseless and treated badly by some dimwit – has got to be the chance to develop confidence, inner beauty, fulfilment and self-worth that’s bound to be appealing to the right kind of man you want to attract. “You have to try meeting lots of different men to find out what you want,” Dr Goldstein says, “I like to liken it to eating at a smorgasbord – trying lots of new and interesting options is good for you.
“Experience and knowledge is sexy! And it’s certainly preferable to getting married young and waking up 15 years down the track and saying to your partner: ‘I don’t want to be with you’.”
Image via fanpop.com
By Nicole Carrington-Sima