Why is a happy ending so hard to come by?
Remember the hilarious Sex And The City episode when prudish Charlotte became no enamoured with her “rabbit vibrator” – that she didn’t leave her house for days and her BFFs had to perform an intervention? Do yourself a favour and check it out if you’ve never seen it.
But can a new buzzy friend for your top drawer actually strengthen your relationship, as well as boosting your sex life? Ooh yes, yes, yes!
That’s the finding of the inaugural Durex Sexsus Report – an online study conducted this June among more than 1000 Australian men and women aged 18-39.
Key report findings include:
- Three in five (59 per cent) respondents who own a sex toy feel more intimate with their partner when using it.
- Aussies are “getting busy” using their sex toys a whopping 3.6 times a week.
- Four out of five Australians believe it’s more acceptable to discuss sex toys than ever before, but more than half wish they owned one but are too afraid to try it out.
- Men are more likely to purchase a sex toy for their partner’s enjoyment, or to increase intimacy with their partner.
- Women are more likely than men to buy a sex toy for their own pleasure.
In addition, the warmer weather in Queensland makes for hotter sex too: the “sunshine state” is getting more buzzed in the bedroom than any other Australian state or territory – 70 per cent versus the national average of 62 per cent.
The findings – which coincide with the launch of Durex’s new adult toy range via www.durex.com.au/adult-toys – reveal couples are achieving a new level of playfulness, passion and intimacy into the bedroom, says Durex Brand Manager Suzanne Legg.
“Adult toys are a completely normal and healthy part of our sex lives,” Ms Legg says. “The Durex Sexsus Report confirms what our sexy-radar has been telling us for a while – adult toys are no longer a taboo.
“It’s fantastic to see that more than three quarters of Aussies believe adult toys open up a whole new spectrum of sensual possibilities – we’re really pleased intimate pleasure is being taken seriously between the sheets.
“For those who are still a little shy, the new range of Durex adult toys are available online and delivered super-discreetly to service the one in four respondents who have not bought a toy because they feel too uncomfortable going in to a store.”
From vibrating massagers and bullets through to sensational rabbit vibrators, the toys are ergonomically and elegantly crafted with a velvet-soft finish (pictured). Prices range from $49.99 for the Durex Teasing Touch stroker, through to $149.99 for the Durex Extreme Thrill rabbit vibrator (pictured).
And Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, concurs: she too believes sex toys are good for relationships.
“Sex toys add a bit of excitement to a relationship and can liven up your love life – as long as it’s a good quality sex toy and not a novelty item; make sure you do your research to get the full effects of a high-quality one,” Dr Mars says.
“You don’t want hard, inflexible sex toys and make sure you also use a good quality lube and the right kind of lube for your particular sex toy. A good lube is a bit stringy and you want to use a different one for vaginal sex than anal sex. Anal lubes can cause changes in the pH of your vagina so you need to be careful that you use them carefully and don’t cross-contaminate.
“Sex toys can take you outside of your comfort zone, increase your pleasure and expand your repertoire.”
If you’re old enough to remember a topless Fergie’s 1992 toe-sucking Texan scandal in St-Tropez – while the Duchess of York was still married to Prince Andrew – you’ll recall the somewhat cringe-worthy tabloid photos of said hot foot lovin’.
The photos, which showed American financial manager John Bryan with a mouth full of one of Fergster’s feet while they holidays and canoodled by the pool in full view of the world (and Fergie and Andrew’s toddler daughters) in southern France, were first splashed across British tabloids.
And the Queen was not amused – the Duchess is said to have been at Balmoral with the rest of the royal family when the story broke, with Her Majesty effectively banishing Fergie from the royal household henceforth.
Whether this was due to the Duchess’ refusal to toe the line (pardon the pun) or the royals’ horror at the said foot fetishism, I guess we’ll never know, but public toe-sucking has arguably suffered a tarnished public image ever since.
However, fast forward some 20 plus years and foot fetishism (er, arguably best celebrated in the privacy of your own home) is seemingly now so popular, it’s virtually cool. However, it does seem to be more popular among men.
Famous foot fetishists who’ve gone on the record of late include perennial-cool singer/songwriter Pharrell Williams, actor Jack Black, singer Ricky Martin and director Quentin Tarantino.
What’s more, Elvis himself is arguably one of the best known foot fetishists, with a well-documented obsession, allegedly as a result of having to massage his mother’s feet as a child – shudder. There’s some serious Oedipus complex going on there! And The King’s handlers are even said to have screened the rock’n’roll icon’s female love interests on the basis of their feet attractiveness, er as you do.
While foot fetishism is nothing new – indeed, it’s the most common form of sexual fetish related to the body – it’s certainly not something I’d personally encountered prior to the advent of social media. You see, I recently joined Instagram and wow, what an eye-opener it was for me when I recently innocently posted several random pictures of my feet post-pedicure, one of my favourite beauty indulgences.
A recent such pic I posted got a lot of attention from said foot fetishists in Insta-land: countless pervy comments and requests this time to both share and repost said pic to others in the foot-worshipping community. In addition, it gained me no less than nine new foot fetishist followers?! What rock had I been living under? Was foot fetishism really that much of a thing? Apparently so!
Foot worship, or podophilia, is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. For a foot fetishist, attractive traits include the shape and size of the foot and toes; foot jewellery, such as toe rings and ankle bracelets; treatments, such as pedicures or massaging; state of dress, such as barefoot and/or thongs; odour, and/or sensory interaction such as smelling, licking, kissing, tickling and biting the foot.
As we all know, it takes a lot of different types to make the world go ‘round and if feet (mine included) blow your hair back, I say go for it, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.
The hilarious part for me though, and I mean no disrespect to said foot fetishists, is that my feet are my least favourite body part; indeed my right foot has been damaged beyond repair by years of high-heel abuse. I’ve even got a small bunion, for God’s sake! Are bunions hot?!
Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says foot fetishism is so popular, in part, because feet are fairly non-offensive.
“One reason we hear about foot fetishes so much is that as far as fetishes go they are quite vanilla; it’s okay to admit you have a foot fetish in comparison to BDSM [bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism] or being into golden showers, for example,” Dr Mars says.
“It can be a submissive act for men and they can enact that without going too far down the submissive path and compromising their masculinity.
“Feet are accessible. There are lots of options, toes, shoes, stockings… And the options are often elegant.
“In addition, feet are an area of the body with lots of nerve endings!”
And while feet aren’t my thing, shoes are another story altogether…
What do you think? Have you ever encountered foot fetishism in a partner?
Images, in order, via www.popsugar.com; theurbanrooms.co.uk; topnailideas.com and supplied.
For most ladies an orgasm doesn’t just happen. So women intent on experiencing greater sexual pleasure haven’t just laid back, knelt down, or stood up expecting their partner to get them off. Instead, women have realised that they need to take charge of their own sexual pleasure and now there’s no stopping them!
Hell bent on making sex even better, some gals have been having bigger, better, stronger, longer AND more intense orgasms. Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it? Well, if you’d like to join these smiling, sexually satisfied women I’ll give you the low down on what they’re doing to achieve it.
It’s all in your head ladies!
Our brains are the one forgotten sex organ we all have. So many of us neglect to recognise that if it weren’t for sexual urges which initiate in our brains, we wouldn’t bother having sex at all. Basically, if want a more intense orgasm think about sexual positions that have worked well for you, if any toys or lubes have helped make your orgasm more intense and think your way to a better orgasm.
Look after your general health
Your overall health can really impact your ability to orgasm. So if you’re a drinker or smoker and think that exercise if only for athletes then sorry ladies, but you’re already behind the 8-ball. For one, drinking might help lower your inhibitions, but it also lowers your ability to orgasm.
Primarily you need to focus on activities that boost your circulation and enable you to breathe better when having sex. The key thing to remember is that sex is like any other exercise and the more you train for it, the better your outcome will be.
Produce more Oxytocin
According to scientific research published in Hormones and Behavior, Oxycontin may increase sexual satisfaction and the intensity of orgasm. Additionally, when produced in women it’s believed they feel more comfortable sharing sexual desires with their partner. This miraculous hormone is produced when we display gestures of affection through hugging, cuddling, kissing, touching and during sex.
More foreplay and delay your orgasm
It’s a fact that sex is always better with foreplay. Not only does it lube up all of the important parts of our bodies that we use during sex, but it also builds up anticipation. Anticipation is the key if you want a more intense orgasm. So in other words, work toward orgasm and then back of. Do this as many times as you possibly can and by the time you do actually reach climax, it will be the big bang you’re looking for.
Lube isn’t just for those who have trouble producing their own. It’s fun to slip and slide, plus it’s been recommended for a way more intense orgasm.
Pelvic floor exercises aka kegels
One of the easiest ways to improve the intensity of your orgasm is by doing pelvic floor exercises aka kegels. They’re an easy exercise that can be done anywhere, at any time, and have been recommended to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor which support the bladder, uterus and vagina.
If you aren’t sure how they’re done, videos that go into further detail are available online; plus there is a neat little gadget called the Kgoal (pictured below) which has been specifically designed to help women strengthen their pelvic floor muscles. Click on the image for a video on how it works.
Seriously girls, how is anyone going to know how to get you off if you don’t know how to do it yourself? Experiment with what you like and discover what makes your orgasm more intense. Try out different toys, lubes, positions and times of the day or night. You might find your body responds better to some things than others.
Boost your libido
It makes sense that if you desire more sex then your body will be better prepared when you have it. Ways to boost your libido include eating certain foods, surrounding yourself with particular smells, masturbating regularly and having more sex. The more sex you have with the same partner, the better the sex will get. What’s more, if it’s good, you’ll want more – a lot like chocolate!
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want
So often men feel like they need to be the ones to supply female sexual satisfaction. Many do so without direction, so don’t be shy or coy in the sack! Tell your partner exactly what you want and don’t forget to ask him to multitask. This will stimulate more regions within your brain and give you a way more intense orgasm. Not only is a sexually confident woman irresistible, but most men want their partners to enjoy the experience.
If anyone has anymore suggestions, we’d love to hear about them in the comments below!
Image via thesheet.ng
Can couples’ mismatched libidos be cured simply by men doing more housework and occasionally letting their partners sleep-in? I had this revelation in the shower recently, while feeling on top of the world, after my husband granted me a rare sleep-in.
As a busy working mum, I’d felt so pathetically grateful for a few extra hours of sleep – after my beloved husband took the bullet and got up with our two small kids at the crack of dawn and let me stay where I was, blissfully warm and cosy, with one eye open, willing him to get up with them for once.
And you know what? My well-rested state and good mood continued for the rest of the day – especially after he helped around the house too, without being asked – and he got lucky that very afternoon. Coincidence? I think not.
So, ladies – what do you think? What would you much rather: sex or sleep? And are you more inclined to have mad, crazy sex with your husband, if he’d only help out more with the kids and the housework and let you catch up on some extra, much-needed rest?
Now, I’m no sexologist, but it seems to me this could be a solution – if only men would listen up –to many a marital conflict and discord over mismatched libidos. Why? I believe today’s busy, modern woman has more on her plate than ever before. In our quest to try to “have it all” we are wearing ourselves out in our bid to be the perfect businesswoman, wife, mother, friend and the list goes on. It’s called the “superwoman syndrome” and the struggle is real, very real. And so, many busy women I know, myself included, are perpetually exhausted due to struggling to fulfill all these taxing roles at once.
If I’m brutally honest, I’d choose sleep over sex every time right now. I just can’t get enough shut-eye, largely due to the fact I’m juggling so much and our two-year-old and three-year-old daughters still wake many times in the night. And I don’t think I’m alone in feeling like this. Indeed, a short poll of five of my closest friends – all busy professionals and mums themselves – three out of five would choose sleep over sex also. So, if men just stepped up more – would men and women’s sex drives be more in sync?
I mean, I love sex, don’t get me wrong, I just feel like I don’t have enough energy for it, every time. But should we women instead be focusing more on “getting in the mood” for sex?
Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says couples with mismatched libidos need to be open and communicative – and a little kindness and empathy goes a long way.
“Not many people like housework and resentment is a massive turn off,” Dr Mars says. “Signalling that a complaint has been heard and you are willing to do something to make the other person feel better is always likely to ease the pain. So yes, I think in many instances it doesn’t take too much more than a sleep-in and a little housework to boost women’s sex drives.
“Men could try doing little things like a foot soak, a shoulder rub or even making a cup of tea when a partner is a little spent and weary. This can have spectacular results. It doesn’t take to much effort to fill a bucket of water, pour in some bath salts and grab a towel.”
What do you think? What would you prefer: sex or sleep?
Images via irishexaminer.com, mirror.co.uk
Sorry to any coy or shy folks out there, but sexting isn’t a fad and it looks like it’s definitely here to stay. In fact, over the past few years it’s become a pretty standard form of intimacy. Researchers at Drexel University’s Women’s Health Psychology Lab report that almost 90 per cent of people aged 18-80 have engaged in sexting at least once during their lifetime.
So with all this sexting going on, how many of you feel like you’re actually nailing it? Seriously, there are no classes to teach us how it’s done (please correct me if I’m wrong), what the objective is, or even what constitutes sexting. Is it foreplay? Is it a modern day love letter – and are images or videos considered sexting?
Basically, it’s yes to all the above and the beauty is that there are no rules – it helps spice up people’s sex lives and it makes us feel good. So if you want some hot tips on how to keep a blushing shade of red on your sexting partners face all day long, please keep reading.
Writing a horny sext
Now, if you want an example of a long hot steamy sext you’ll have to go elsewhere. Why? Generic sexts regurgitated from websites and other sources are just wrong. When sent, they don’t include any of the passion or intimacy within a relationship. At best they are just dirty talk, which I’m sure people can conjure up on their own or borrow from some cheap porno.
Instead, I’d much rather give you some tips about how to write your own horny sexts and keep them coming. This way they can come from the heart – or further down the torso – and be relevant to the person you are sending them to.
1. Should sexts be based on fantasy or reality?
There are plenty of thoughts circulating regarding fantasy sexts vs sticking with reality. Despite some folks claiming that sexts should be based on real sexual behaviour and talking dirty, there are just as many, if not more, advocates for fantasy.
I’d have to agree with both, however; fantasy sexting has an added advantage. It’s an excellent way of communicating inner animistic desires. From childhood most people haven’t been conditioned to reveal them and so many sexual fantasies remain just that. Sexting therefore provides an opportunity to introduce these fantasies into a relationship, particularly for those not quite sure how to go about it.
2. What to write about
Even if you aren’t the worlds best writer, you should be able to produce a great sext. If you’re in a relationship, the main aim is to keep the sext personal and focus on the things that you know will excite the receiver. It might be past experiences that you’ve shared together, sexual acts or scenarios you’d like to try, the way the person makes you feel or anything else you share as a couple. Basically, the idea is to make sexting an extension of your sex life and use words, images and videos to spice things up a bit.
Alternatively, if a sext is to a person who you haven’t been intimate with, write about some of their features that you find attractive, how they make you feel, or what you’d like to do with them if given the chance. Don’t be overwhelming, though. In these instances, you probably don’t know the recipient well enough to know their likes or dislikes. What you may consider harmless sexting could be considered offense and stop things dead in their tracks. Ideally, test the water and see how far you can go.
3. How to write it
By now you know what you should be writing, so the next step is to know how to write it. Ideally, you want some foreplay to begin with, so start slowly with something like: “I’ve been thinking about you all day and can’t get the image of you out of my mind.” From there, gradually build the anticipation. This can be done by being as detailed as possible, much like soft porn written in a romantic novel. “I love it when we lie naked on the bed together. Your heart pounding as I begin to…” You get the picture.
On the contrary, there are other types of sexts that get right to the point and are simple dirty talk. They are just a quick reminder to a lover that you’re thinking of them. For example: “I can’t wait to have you between my legs tonight.” They aren’t as romantic or inventive as longer, hotter and more descriptive ones, but they get the job done – especially if you aren’t confident in writing.
4. Using images and videos
Not everyone can write horny sexts or is comfortable with talking dirty, so still images and videos are another option. The sky’s the limit with this one, so use your most vivid imagination and you’ll nail it.
My only tip here is to keep private images and videos private, if that’s your intention. That means making sure that they aren’t synced to Facebook or other internet sites, even in private settings. Also, make an arrangement that any sexts sent during a relationship aren’t to be publicly exposed after a break up. This may not seem valid during a relationship, but it will be highly relevant if it ends.
Most of us can manage to send a few images or a dirty video, but it’s words that people often struggle with. So, if you do have trouble writing a sext, I have a simple solution. Find somewhere where you can be alone, close your eyes, visualise a scenario of the two of you and then narrate it in your head. If you aren’t comfortable coming up with a fantasy scenario, then recall some steamy situation from your past.
To write it, you can either visualise the scene in its entirety and then describe it in a sext, or better still, write it as it plays out in your head. Finally, if it gets your juices flowing when you’re sending it, then the receiver will be blushing wherever they happen to be when they receive it. It really is that easy.
One of life’s best natural highs is the thrill, passion and excitement of having a new partner. The conversation is endless, the connection you both feel is intense and the sex… Well let’s be totally honest, it’s hotter than hell! So, if you could reignite that honeymoon spark with your long term partner, why wouldn’t you do it?
Now, according to Graeme Sudholtz, a former Aussie farmer turned relationship and sex therapist and co-owner of Oztantra, “As you get older sex goes from a V8 automatic to a 4 speed manual, but it gets better!” His charming and equally skilled partner in life and in business, Annette Baulch, smiled and nodded in agreement.
I recently had the opportunity and privilege to sit down with this knowledgeable couple of holistic therapists to discuss love, life, relationships and of course sex. It was an entertaining and eye opening half hour, which left me wanting to book an appointment to go back for more!
They offer individual sessions, couples therapy and retreats, Skype appointments and more. Teaching individuals and couples about their sexuality, how to improve quality and quantity in their sex life, how to reignite the intimacy and connection in relationships and having longer lasting sex, are just a few of the topics we discussed. If you want more from your sex life and relationship, I’d highly recommend these two very down to earth, life and fun loving professionals.
They’re relaxed natures and ease in discussing relationships and sex would make even the coyest of people comfortable and they were kind enough to offer SHESAID tips on any upcoming relationship or sex related articles. Tips from the sexperts guys… Thank you Oztantra!
So, now you know where our info is coming from, lets get into Annette’s top 10 tips for reigniting that honeymoon spark:
1. Remember how to feel – The most common reason relationships go stale is that we shut down emotionally from each other. Make your feelings ok, remembering if you can’t feel yourself, you wont feel someone else.
2. Feeling mistakes – Don’t assume that the man is not feeling just because he may not talk about them or uses different language in talking about it. Men do feel, they just have less permission to show it. And women, don’t assume you ARE, check that you’re actually feeling your feelings in your body rather than thinking your feelings.
3. Be willing to be vulnerable – Being vulnerable is how we are able to connect with another and invite our partner into our world, which can be scary! Consequences of not doing this will ultimately lead to the loss of the relationship. Actively choosing to go there is far less scary.
4. Sleep together naked – Our skin is the largest organ in the body and is longing to be nurtured. As adults we are often touch-hungry, especially for touch that has no agenda to it. Relax and snuggle.
5. Honour yourself – We don’t realise how much we dampen our spirit by the hundreds of negative judgments we make about ourselves. Offer honest appreciation daily.
6. Bring love back into sex – Sex becomes boring and hard work when we let love run out and start performing instead. In sex, seek to connect rather than stimulate. Go slowly, connect eyes and breathe.
7. See each other clearly – Take the time to really listen to what they are saying (like you used to do) and get to know a whole new person.
8. Remove your exits – Long-term relationships can get leaky, where we drain energy away from the relationship. This can result in the ‘invisible divorce’. Too much TV, work, talking with friends, focusing on the kids, porn – all of these factors can negatively effect our relationships.
9. Plan a sex date – Set up a regular time to be sexual. Set the date and time (not late at night). You have other essential appointments, why not make sex one of them? Send texts in the lead-up. Ask your partner what they want, enjoy it with them if it feels ok for you. Vary it so you both get to share.
10. Spend quality time on your own – Sometimes couples can get enmeshed and lose the sense of a unique identity, which is what attracted you in the first place. It is healthy to have some time out on your own now and again.
If you want that honeymoon spark back or would like to find out more, speak to Annette and Graeme from Oztantra. Plus, we will have plenty more Oztantra tips and information coming up on SHESAID.
Image via oztantra.com
Fancy a revitalised and improved vagina, ladies? A new non-invasive and inexpensive laser vaginal rejuvenation treatment is being hailed with the life-changing power to restore vaginal tissue and cure vaginal atrophy – and save your sex life in the process. Thank you, science!
Vaginal atrophy, also called atrophic vaginitis, is the thinning, drying and inflammation of the vaginal walls due to women’s bodies producing less estrogen. It commonly occurs during breastfeeding and after menopause. Cue uncomfortable vaginal dryness, thrush and vaginismus – oh the joys!
Now, hope is on the horizon if you’re no longer as juicy Lucy as you’d like. Indeed, this surgery-free, vaginal rejuvenation Mona Lisa Touch treatment, as it’s also known, could well save your sex life says Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.
Dr Mars also believes the treatment is very exciting from a natural medicine perspective. “What we see is a relatively non-invasive and inexpensive treatment solution which can treat the problem of vaginal atrophy and – especially when used in combination with the ancient Chinese arts – cure it,” she says.
“At any time in your life when oestrogen diminishes vaginal atrophy can occur. The PH balance of the vagina changes and with this change often comes itching, dryness, thrush and a host of other sometimes painful complications.
“The new laser therapy rejuvenates the vagina in the same way laser therapy can rejuvenate the face. Your doctor can see the difference, but it is not so much about changing the appearance of the vagina as changing the function.”
And while vaginal rejuvenation may seem like a special, new brand of torture to some – for others, it’s a sure-fire way to boost your sex life, not to mention your poor vagina in the process, with minimal risks.
“Many women will only experience mild symptoms of vaginal atrophy. Dryness and the change of PH can be mediated with lube and treatments for the occasional bought of thrush. However, for those with major symptoms, laser can be a life-changer and the risks are much less than surgery,” Dr Mars says.
“In some cases over time bodies will heal, however, a lack of sexual responsiveness over time tends to lead to a lack of desire and when vaginas don’t receive attention, they tend to become tight and unresponsive. Laser surgery brings back the physical responsiveness and with some physical therapy and sometimes a bit of counselling the rest can follow.”
Treatment costs are about $400 per treatment, with some women cured in a single appointment, Dr Mars says. More severe cases may require further treatment. See your GP for more information.
What do you think? Is vaginal rejuvenation special, new torture or an amazing scientific discovery?
Images via thedailybeast.com, theglow.com.au, cosbeauty.com.au
Move over, missionary! This weekend is just the time to get your groove on under the sheets and try some great sex positions to up your bedroom game. Better sex starts tonight!
The Ballet Dancer
Face him and push him against a wall. While standing on one leg, wrap your other leg around him. Have him hold your leg or your hips for support. This is a very sensual position. It may be a little harder to do if there is a large height difference between the two of you, but try it anyways. It’s worth it.
Here is a move you’re both guaranteed to love. While he’s lying down, straddle him but facing his feet. This is a particularly kinky position because you’ll have most of the control, so take advantage by teasing him a little by speeding up and then slowing down. The reverse cowgirl also provides him with an excellent view of your butt.
Spank Me Maybe
This sex position is a great move if you want to give him a little more control. Start in reverse cowgirl and have him sit up with his legs still extended. Lie forward between his legs. Your legs will be extended back while your torso is between his thighs. This move is great for some spanking and hair pulling.
While he sits cross-legged, sit on his lap while facing him and wrap your arms and legs around him in a passionate embrace. The key is to rock back and forth, not to thrust. This position is great for intimacy and kissing while you rock to orgasm.
Downward Facing Doggie
Yogis and yogis-to-be will love this move. For those who are unfamiliar with yoga, begin in the normal doggie style position and, with your hands still on the floor, place your feet flat on the floor and lift your butt high in the air, creating a pyramid. Have him hold onto your hips while he thrusts into you. Like doggie style, this position is great for deep penetration and G-spot stimulation.
Lie on your front with your legs apart and arms extended over your head, like you’re swimming. Your man lies on top of you (think missionary, but you’re lying on your stomach and not your back). Bring your feet closer together for a tighter squeeze.
Visual stimulation and comfort to help achieve orgasm are easy with this sex position. The man sits flat on the bed, with one leg out straight and the other bent at the knee. Sit on his lap to achieve deep penetration and clitoral friction.
Have you ever wondered how you can get your man to last longer in the sack? If you answered a resounding “yes!” and fist pumped with gusto, read on, girlfriend.
Of course, if – like me – you’re old enough to remember musician Sting’s infamous comments about his and wife Trudie Styler’s seven-hour tantric sex sessions, you may have been wondering what the answer is to this age-old quandary ever since.
Now, one would hope that those gruelling seven-hour sex sessions include food and toilet breaks, but is Sting nothing less than superman, or just a highly skilled lover? Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says it’s definitely the latter. It is a proven fact that with the right techniques, men can have longer-lasting orgasms and prolong their sexual experiences.
“It is possible for men to orgasm without ejaculating, but it takes practice and mental and physical discipline. The best way to learn is through masturbation and a series of exercises designed to delay orgasm,” Dr Mars says.
“Instead of going straight to ejaculation and a single orgasm, men can learn to have a series of orgasms without ejaculating and, over time, reach a level of transcendence.
“Imagine experiencing the same mental state as you do when you orgasm, but over an extended period of time? I’m talking about that head-exploding feeling men experience when they come, but instead of it being a momentary peak, it goes onwards and upwards.”
Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?! So, how do sex partners aid the process? “Partners can help a man achieve this to a certain point, but it does require that the man is already experienced in ‘edging’ or at the very least knows what you are trying to achieve,” Dr Mars says.
“Women can learn to be more sensitive to the signs of a man’s ejaculation. Blow jobs are particularly useful here, as is eye contact. Remember rule 34: there is porn of it, no exceptions. Look up ‘edging porn’.”
Well, dear reader, I took the bullet and did just that in the name of journalistic research. Edging porn, according to my internet exploring, is men masturbating up to the edge of orgasm, then stopping to cool things down, and then revving up again. There are three most common versions of edging:
- Watching porn without masturbating.
- Masturbating while viewing porn, but not ejaculating.
- Masturbating without porn and without ejaculating.
So, back to my good mate, the still-handsome at 63-years-of-age Sting: is men’s ability to orgasm without ejaculating the real secret to tantric sex? “I wouldn’t say that it’s the secret, but it is an aspect of tantric sex,” Dr Mars says. “Tantric sex is about ritual, breathing, creating a mood and space. It often requires a series of exercises for a man to get to a certain non-ejaculatory state with a partner.
“Men can learn to get into the headspace of orgasm sans ejaculation without getting into tantric sex; mastering it will allow men to have sex for longer.
“Once you can edge you can basically come if and when you want to. It is also good for men’s overall health to learn to orgasm without ejaculating as men then don’t experience the same energy drain they do with ejaculation.
“Men over 30 shouldn’t ejaculate every time they orgasm and learning to orgasm without ejaculating can be a way to rekindle a man’s sexual interest and energy if it is flagging.”
Consider my mind well and truly blown.
What do you think?
Images via Daily Mail, Hephzibahonline.wordpress.com, Counselheal.com
Muscle cramps are a painful experience and there’s nothing worse than having your body work against you when you’re in the throws of passion. It can be hard work reaching climax and when muscle cramps hit they tend to happen at the worst possible moment; so rather than putting up with the pain or halting proceedings, there are some things you can do to banish them altogether.
What causes muscle cramps?
The best way to avoid any type of body complaint is understanding what creates them. However, while muscle cramps are fairly common in both sexes of any age group, the exact cause of this annoying pain remains unknown. Currently experts believe it’s due to some type of imbalance within the body and the following list has been recommended as some of the possible causes.
- Muscle fatigue.
- Excessive sweating.
- Electrolyte imbalance.
- Nutritional deficiencies in: calcium, potassium, magnesium.
How to prevent muscle cramps
Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size fits all solution because the exact cause could be a range of factors occurring simultaneously. Therefore, the best way to prevent muscle cramps happening is to think about which possible cause fits your scenario. For example, if you tend to get muscle cramps when you’re sweating you might be experiencing some dehydration. Ideally, prevention would be to drink more water, but if you find that this doesn’t solve the problem, try a few more of the following remedies:
- Drink more water before, during and after sex.
- Remember to warm up before sex. This can involve foreplay and beginning with less strenuous positions. As you feel your body becoming warmer it becomes more pliable, so work up to positions that put more strain on your body.
- Swap positions regularly if they put strain on certain body parts.
- If nutritional deficiencies are the possible problem, eat more foods from the following groups:
Calcium rich foods
- Dairy products such as yogurt, cheese and milk.
Potassium rich foods
Magnesium rich foods
- Leafy green vegetables like spinach, broccoli, kale and cabbage.
- Nuts and seeds.
- Wholegrain foods such as rice, quinoa and grain bread.
Essentially, muscle cramps occur as an indicator that something is lacking within your body. They are annoying and can be pretty painful, so if you find they persist despite trying out a range of remedies, it might be time to see your GP.
Image via bokissonthrone.blogspot.com
When you’re riding the crimson wave, you have a lot of mixed emotions that are like a washing machine inside you. You’re cranky, feeling fat, feeling yucky, but also feeling like you might want to get down and dirty (really dirty) with your sweetheart, even though, you’re suffering from cramps and a chocolate food baby.
During our periods, we’ve got heaps of hormones rushing through us and our levels of progesterone (the pregnancy hormone) are at their lowest. Progesterone is often said to put a wet cloth on your libido candle, so when it’s low, you’re all fired up, putting you in the position to have some mind blowing sex. Having orgasms during your period can also relieve cramps, back pain and other physical discomfort that may affect you during that time of the month.
Having an orgasm during sex can also make your period shorter. Your period slowly starts to evacuate itself from your body through involuntary contractions of your uterus. When you have an orgasm, your uterus contracts, pushing blood out; so while after you have sex it may seem that your period is heavier, it may be shorter in the long-term and thus give you more time for non-bloody sex.
There’s a stigma around having sex on your period; that it’s gross and unsanitary and that lots of blood is going to run everywhere. While blood pouring out of your vajayjay is unlikely, if you’re worried about getting messy, laying down a towel over those Egyptian cotton sheets or moving to the shower to do the deed are a few great options. One thing you shouldn’t be worried about though is the lubrication – things will be pretty slippery down there, so there will be no lube required.
As for the gross part, it’s really time to get over it. Having your period is a natural function of a woman and contrary to popular male opinion, blood does not gush out of our vaginas during menstruation. We’re not sitting on a red river here. On average, a woman loses 30-40 mL during the 3-7 days she has her period. This is less than a quarter of a cup over that whole time. You’re not going to be covered head to toe True Blood style by the time you’re done.
To minimise the mess, a soft menstrual cup or male or female condom can be used. You can still get pregnant on your period, so precautions should always be taken. Another option is to wear a pad and pull your panties to the side so that you can easily slide them back over your lady parts when you’re done. Having sex in the missionary position is also the best option to stop anything from dripping too much, thanks to gravity of course.
While you should never do anything that you feel uncomfortable with, why not take advantage of the sexual enthusiasm that you’re having on your period? You’ll feel great and will satisfy your cravings – and let’s be honest, it’s unlikely that he’ll complain about getting to have sex for the whole month instead of adding in a blowjob/hand-job/no-job week.
Image via warnerbros.co.uk and someecards.com
When was the last time you had an earth-shatteringly good orgasm – the kind that gave you good bed hair; an all-day glow; and which may have scared the neighbours?
Like our own personal happiness, we all need to take responsibility for our sexual enjoyment – the onus is on you, not your partner, to truly learn what blows your hair back. So, how do we maximise our personal pleasure?
Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says there are fast and easy steps we can all take to get in the mood for hot sex.
- Heighten your awareness
We’re surrounded by sex all day, every day, in advertising, TV and multimedia, but how do we become more attuned to our turn-ons? “Once you are attuned to your own turn-ons, it becomes easier to discern what you really like, and in my experience, the scope of what you really like broadens,” Dr Mars says.
“Anything you see, read, or think about that is outside of what you think is okay, or what you would do, or that you think is a little risque is likely to be a turn-on. It has to be not too far over the borders, but just far enough to make you feel a little naughty/dirty/wrong. For example, nudity is a bit ho-hum for me, but if I get a glimpse of nakedness in a fashion magazine it often gives be a little sexual buzz.” Learn your sweet spots so you can go there quickly in your head.
- Practice makes perfect
Do you look and feel best in a gorgeous LBD and heels? Or does wearing super-sexy lingerie make you feel aroused? Find out what it is that makes you feel like a wanton sex goddess and buy it in every colour (okay, maybe not quite). By practising the art of feeling sexy, you’ll elevate your chances of hot sex. “Dress up in front of the mirror and find something you feel sexy in and you know looks good and keep it handy and slip it on when you want to have a good time, but you’re not quite in the mood,” Dr Mars says.
- Explore your horizons
The pursuit of great personal pleasure is a great excuse to learn new skills. Think you’re a sex ninja in the bedroom? Think again, says Dr Mars – we can all become better-skilled lovers, she says. “Go see someone like me and learn how to change the way your body works and the way you think about sex, learn a new skill,” Dr Mars says. “Or leave dumb Fifty Shades of Grey ideas about BDSM behind and learn how to spank someone so they like it.” You can also try a new technique in the bedroom to rock both yours and your partner’s socks off: if you’re usually passive, take charge, for example.
- Are you being served?
Do you and your partner need a change of pace, or what about a change of scene? Hot hotel sex could be just the ticket! There, you can role play; try something new – hello couples’ sex toys; or just bloodywell take some much-needed time out with your partner, sans kids, to enjoy each other’s company and engage in some wild sex! “Hotel sex is a great way to get in the mood for hot sex,” Dr Mars advises. “Plan it, spoil yourselves, buy each other a sexy present and drink champagne, although not too much!”
- Laughter is the best medicine
When did life get so serious? Remind yourselves of the carefree life you lived before kids and have sex in the great outdoors; go on a picnic, or watch a funny movie together. Laugh like a drain with your significant other and have good, old-fashioned fun and silly sex and you’ll both feel a damn sight happier for it. “Have a laugh; most of the time we’re way too serious,” Dr Mars says. “And, like anything, sex is much better if you’re relaxed.”
NB dear reader: Dr Mars is also quick to point out it’s vital to learn how to say no and take charge of sex if you stop enjoying it. In addition, never feel pressured to have sex or do it against your will – your body is your own sacred place, not someone else’s. Just say no.
We recently had a fair bit of interest in an article posing the question: can women enjoy anal sex? The feedback we received indicated that this is an interesting topic and a couple of people were keen to offer advice.
It seems they felt we should have gone a bit further and provided some extra information; not only about if anal sex can be enjoyed, but about how to enjoy it as well. I thought these were pretty interesting, so I’ve included their responses below.
I’ll begin with some feedback fromThe key thing is preparation/foreplay and LOTS of lube. Try small ‘plugs’ first (most adult stores carry a ‘kit’) to get her ready for the actual act.
“It can be pleasurable for both. Once past the opening, there’s not much side sensations as vaginal. Take a paper towel, tube to measure yourself to see just how big/wide you’ll be and then you’ll have an idea (it also elicits LOTS of giggles/laughter for both). Most adult toy stores sell kits to work up to the act. Foreplay and preparation is key to both partners’ pleasure.”
Okay, so preparation, foreplay and lots of lube is the recommendation here, which is great advice. Therefore, I’ll go into a bit more detail about what sort of kits and lube are available.
Anal Sex Aids
The image pictured below is a trainer kit for people wanting to give it a go. There’s heaps of different varieties and some, like this one, has an instructional video.
Now, for those of you who have just had a chuckle and are possibly thinking: “seriously, an instructional video? Can’t you just wing it and work it out for yourself?” Of course you can, but that’s often when anal sex can be a little painful for women. And sorry guys, but the first time she’ll be open to the possibility will probably be the last time. There’s more to it than vaginal sex, especially if you really don’t know what the heck you’re doing.
So, if you aren’t exactly an expert about what’s supposed to happen down there, it’s been recommended that you at least have a sneak peak before you just lube up and go for it! Now speaking of lube, there’s a few different types, and given that they can react with condoms, it’s essential to know what sort of lube is preferable. And yes, I did just say condoms. Unless you are in a long-term relationship and 100 percent confident that it’s exclusive, ALWAYS wear a condom.
So back to the lube. What’s the best sort? If you need to use condoms, then a latex compatible lube is essential. That’s something like a water-based variety. Sex stores recommend something plain rather than scented to reduce the chance of irritation. It’s also highly compatible with other sex toys like butt plugs and beads and it’s slick rather than sticky.
If couples aren’t using condoms, then try a silicone based lube instead. It apparently feels better and is easier to clean up than water-based lubes. There’s heaps of different varieties, specifically for anal sex. Manufacturers have identified that there are different requirements than lube for vaginal sex, so investing in a specific anal sex lube is highly recommend.
Another comment from our previous article was from“You should add to this an explanation or link on how to perform anal sex. Most women wouldn’t know about the shape of the rectum, moving past the sphincters…” Okay Ingrid, fair point. Let’s look at those anal sphincters so women have a better understanding of how anal sex can be made to feel more enjoyable.
Relaxing the anal sphincters
Women’s Health magazine spoke to sex expert Jessica O’Reilly recently, who said: “Wait until you’re very close to orgasm before introducing new sex acts—like anal penetration—into your routine…When you’re aroused, the hormonal changes in your body have a palliative effect and help you to relax and experience pleasure more profoundly.”
That makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? She then went on to talk about the anal sphincters and this is what she had to say: “These ring-like structures control what goes in and out of your butt, so you need to become familiar with their functioning and learn to exercise control over them. When you’re in the shower or touching yourself, try sliding a lubed-up finger inside as gently and slowly as possible, and allow your sphincter muscles to contract and release.”
O’Reilly then went on to talk about breathing and how holding one’s breath can interfere with muscles including relaxation, which is essential for anal sex. O’Reilly suggested breathing deeply so that the inner sphincter muscle will relax enough to facilitate penetration. It’s important to get a good breathing rhythm happening or you could inadvertently tense up upon anal insertion.
For women to really enjoy the experience, using toys or having some manual stimulation of the vagina going on while having anal sex is essential. Use toys along the lower/back wall of the vagina, located just between the cervix and the vaginal wall. Vibrating pressure here is said to be the sweet spot and is where women are most likely to reach orgasm during anal sex.
So, I hope we’ve given you all something to think about and thanks for the informative comments we got on this topic. If anyone has anything else to add, we’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
Images via Women’s Health, Adameve.com
Has your mojo pulled a disappearing act this winter? I hate to go all EL James on you and start talking about God-awful-sounding “inner goddesses dancing”, as per Fifty Shades of Grey, but there are some simple ways to bring your sexy back, even if your inner sex goddess has well and truly gone AWOL.
- Pamper thyself: A long-forgotten 11th biblical commandment, especially befitting working mums (busy women in general, actually) is to take the time to soothe your ills, whatever and whichever way you can, time permitting. Need a facial or a massage – nay, the whole goddam beauty menu – to destress and feel sexy once more? Do it – with no guilt whatsoever. I’m also a big believer in the power of shopping for a good high heel and/or a red lipstick – whatever blows your hair back, sister.
- Flick the bean: Any sexologist worth their weight in sex toys will tell you masturbation is good for your health – it’s even good for your hair, dammit! OK, I may have made that last one up. But you get the picture: a good solo sex session will put colour in your cheeks, make you feel sexier and more alive; reduces stress and PMS; and is even said to help combat chronic back pain. Sold!
- You gotta keep movin’: What’s your fave way to work up a sweat? No matter if it’s trampolining, dwarf throwing or shopping at a sale – get your pretty arse moving for those much-needed feel-good endorphins in winter. Hell, as good sex session even counts as exercise, right?
- Laugh like a drain: I’m a big believer in this one – laughter really is the best medicine for a troubled soul – so spend some time with your beloved besties, add a good cocktail or two to warm those winter cockles – and you’ll feel more like your old, sexy self in no time. In addition, there’s nothing like a man who can make you laugh – now that’s sexy! In fact, a clever and funny man may just be the ticket to charm your clothes right off and help unleash your sex-goddess-in-hiding.
- Poppin’ bottles in the ice: Lost your mojo? Find it fast with these decadent aphrodisiacs: oysters, red wine, hot chilli, champagne (OK, this one might just be me), asparagus, avocado and chocolate. These babies are scientifically proven to boost your sex life, so get your freak back on, girlfriend!
Images via www.studded-hearts.com; www.thetimes.co.uk
Way too often couples get bored with their sex life because they fail to alter their routine. Sex becomes a chore and they get stuck performing a few standard positions – a great way to douse anyone’s flame! Sex is supposed to be exciting, exhilarating and one of life’s experiences which literally takes your breath away.
If your settling for anything less in your sex life, you need to mix things up. Forget about sex in the bedroom for a while and open yourself up to your surroundings. Beds are a relatively new invention when you consider people have been having sex for thousands of years, so it’s time to release your inner sexual prowess and get busy!
Not sure where to start? Well we’ve got a few ideas for you. So, whether you’ve got room to move or you find yourselves getting hot and heavy in a tight space, you can explore some of these positions whenever – and wherever – the mood arises.
Sex Positions In Open Spaces
The G-Force: Gravity works a treat with this position as penetration can be intense. The female lays on her back and tucks her knees in towards her chest. The male kneels in front of her and takes hold of her feet. Genitals alight very easily allowing for deep penetration. If you like this position and want a bit of extra variance, the female can bring her feet up onto his chest. Then, instead of holding her feet, he can grasp her hips while he’s thrusting. This position gives both parties ample control.
Carpet burn: Up for a bit of pain and pleasure? As the name implies this position can cause a bit of friction for the knees. It can be done in bed but try and find somewhere else suitable. A shower is a great alternative. Basically, the male kneels down in a standard proposal position with his legs slightly separated. Once he’s in position, the female then kneels in front of him. She parts her legs slightly to allow entry as the genitals meet. For additional female control she should take hold of his thigh in one hand and his butt in the other.
Get Down On It: This is a meditative position with a difference! Initially, the male sits in a traditional lotus position. The female then sits in his lap slipping ever so effortlessly onto his awaiting erection. She then completes this position by wrapping her legs around his waist. This position is more about intimacy than fast thrusting. So if you’re looking for a position which is slow and sensual and encourages a lot of tongue action, this one is for you.
The Octopus: This image makes it a little hard to tell what’s actually happening, but the male sits on the floor with his hands behind him for support. He should spread his legs a similar distance apart and have them slightly bent. The female then places herself between his knees and is supported by her hands behind her on the floor. She can then bring both of her legs up to his shoulders and bring herself closer to enable penetration.
Sex positions in small spaces
Head Over Heels: This one isn’t for the faint hearted and is a bit of a take on the old wheelbarrow position, so physical fitness is important. The female begins by lowering herself to her knees, legs slightly apart while crossing her arms on the ground in front of her. Using a pillow to cushion elbows is strongly advised for comfort and additional support.
She then sticks her butt in the air and rests her head on her arms. The male then stands behind her and lifts her by the legs or ankles into a position where he can enter her comfortably. Both keep their knees bent during the encounter. If either of you have problems with your knees, this one might be a bit tricky.
Corridor Canoodling: This one is excellent for that quickie in the toilet when you just need sex right this instant! Initially, the male positions himself to do the overall supporting. He leans against one wall, sliding down until he’s in a sitting position. His feet should wedge against the other wall to make both people stable. The female then straddles him and she does most of the work. His main role is to support, sit and be ridden as she is thrusting back and forth on top of him.
Stand and Deliver: This is another good one for tight spaces. This time she stands against the wall with her legs slightly spread. He then grabs the backs of her thighs and lifts her up while she wraps her legs around him. As a guide, the female should be able to rest her legs against his hips. While he thrusts away she can help by using the wall behind her for extra leverage.
Sex positions using chairs
Melody Maker: If you’ve got a footstool or even a sturdy coffee table, this is something a little different. The female sits sideways with her legs apart. He then snuggles into position and helps her lean backwards so her head is pointing downwards. He grabs hold of her hand for extra support and enters her. The rush experienced during orgasm is apparently greater as the bloody rushes toward the females head, so if you find something to help you get into this position, it’s highly recommend.
Lap Limbo: The male sits on a chair with his knees elevated. She then straddles him, lowering herself into his lap. The woman can then lean backwards and support herself with her hands on his thighs. She can then bend her knees and place her legs over his shoulders, coming to rest on the back of the chair. He takes charge by grabbing hold of her hips and entering her while she uses the chair as leverage. It sounds trickier than it is!
The Galloping Horse: The woman controls this one as the man sits on a chair or sturdy surface with his legs outstretched in front of him. She can then climb on top of him and position herself in a mirror fashion. The exception is that her legs should be raised off the floor. For support they cling onto each others arms and she can lean backwards, pushing back and forth as she desires.
Tight Squeeze: This one works well on a kitchen counter, or even better – a car bonnet. The female sits on the surface wrapping her arms and legs around the male squeezing him in closer. He stands facing her and does most of the work. For additional variation, try out the Amazing Butterfly (below) using the same surface.
Amazing Butterfly: Using the same or similar surface as above, the women lies flat initially. She should then lift her legs to rest on his shoulders as he stands in front of her. To get the right angle for penetration the women will need to tilt her pelvis to alight.
Sex positions using tables
Sexy Scissors: Here’s one for the men who will love this if they like control. The women lies on some type of workbench or tabletop with her hips positioned on the edge. Her legs should be raised directly facing the sky. The male then stands in front of her and takes hold of her ankles. When he moves his arms he has the choice of penetrating when her legs are closed or spread wide apart.
Hit The Spot: The spot this position is named after is the women’s g-spot. Plus, given the fact that the man does most of the work, this one should be on every women’s must try list! She lies on her stomach with her hips tilted sideways – her legs should be slightly bent. He can then kneel into position between her legs. As he leans in forward, he can then place his arms on either side of her. This will give him the leverage to be able to thrust in and out.
Sex positions for wherever takes your fancy
Backstairs Boogaloo: This one is primarily for a staircase, but if you find a similar surface when out and about, go ahead and give it a go. Ideally, the women kneels in front of her partner and he positions himself behind her. She should reach up to hold onto a banister or a step, which will then enable him the perfect angle for deep penetration from behind.
Secret Shag: Ever felt a bit amorous when sitting on the couch together? Well this one works well when she wraps her legs around the man’s upper body while laying in front of him. He can then grip her thighs and penetrate from behind.
As you can see sex isn’t just for the bedroom. There are plenty of ways to spice it up by trying different positions and different locations. If you’ve got a favorite outside of the bedroom, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below!