It’s surprising how forthcoming they were…
You’ve been happily single, but sexually starved for what feels like forever – then, bam! You meet a partner who ignites your passion, excites your mind and, even better, he’s just as enamoured with you.
Indeed, your connection is so strong, you feel as though you’ve known each other for years and you can barely keep your hands off each other. In the age-old battle between vagina Vs brain: which should win? Should you have first-date sex or wait it out, lest he’s only interested in one thing?
For centuries, women’s sexuality has been strictly controlled, reined in and frowned upon. Young men are encouraged to “sew their wild oats”, while we women are instead traditionally taught to behave like ladies and learn to suppress and overrule our perfectly normal wanton desires, lest men view us as immoral and promiscuous.
Well, I say to the hell with that! I was always more team Samantha (pictured) than team Carrie in Sex and the City, with the much more neurotic latter famously never having first-date sex – until she met Mr. Big, that is. Samantha, by contrast, always seemed a lot happier.
And as Samantha once quipped, in reference to the archaic views in 1995 self-help dating book, The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right: “The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn’t get laid. So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.”
Amen! And that’s the thing, why should women alone bear shame for having first-date sex? Doesn’t it take two to tango?
I say don’t buy into the sexist bullshit that decrees women are somehow unworthy if you do decide to have sex on the first date. And I’m not saying leave your brain at home – always make sure it’s safe sex, in a secure situation, on your own terms – but let’s take the humiliation and indignity out of the equation.
Women who do have first-date sex are not sluts (oh, how I hate that word – where is the male equiavalent?!) and supposed “walk of shame” be damned! What’s more, if you do get busy on the first date with a new man, and he never calls you back the next day and/or goes AWOL, isn’t that a true blessing?
You’ve dodged a bullet, sister; he’s nowhere near good enough for you. Let him, and his backward, sexist views, not even be a tiny speck in your universe.
And here’s the big thing ladies: if you’re fortunate enough to meet the love of your life, does it really matter when you actually do the deed? I highly doubt it: if it’s the right person, it all falls into place, in the blink of an eye.
Confession time: My husband and I had sex on our third date, over a three-week period, and it was amazing. But I fancied the pants off him right away and would have happily had sex sooner, if circumstances permitted.
After a string of dating disasters, including a crazy stalker, I’d insisted on public dates with him for safety reasons and it wasn’t until our third date that I took him back to my place.
But even if we had have had first-date sex, I firmly believe we’d still be together to this day, seven years after meeting at a live music venue. I think we were always destined to get married and have babies, regardless of when we did the deed.
So, I believe if you set yourself a rigid set of dating rules – like only having sex on the third date, for example, you’re just cheating yourself out of a lot of laughs, good times, life lessons and a hell of a lot of orgasms.
I really think you have to judge when you have sex with a new partner on how you feel, at the time. So, maybe it’s really a case of heart + vagina overrules head?
Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, herself a sexy, young singleton, agrees there shouldn’t be set rules when it comes to the exact right time to have sex with a new partner.
“I think you have to assess each situation and be aware of the consequences,” she says. “He may be testing you to see if you are relationship material ala the Madonna-whore complex. You might then find the relationship slipping into a booty call/casual hook-up rather than a relationship.
“And then another consequence of first-date sex might be the classic he-never-calls-you-back post-sex because he’s got what he wanted.
“It’s a difficult one – but you don’t want to be with a man who judges you. Just bear in mind some guys are really old-fashioned at heart and would be put off by a girl who was up for sex on the first date.”
But Dr Nikki is quick to point out that sometimes first-date sex can be magical and lead to a relationship, despite the supposed risks. “I’ve got friends who’ve waited and friends who are happily married who had sex on their very first date,” she says. “If it’s right – if there’s a real connection – it doesn’t really matter when you have sex.
“Sometimes, women can feel enough connection and spark that you want to have first-date sex.
“There is nothing wrong with a girl who feels comfortable enough in her own skin to have sex on the first date – as long as it’s for the right reasons and not as a self-esteem boost.
“Women are just as sexual (if not more) than men – it’s just that society encourages them to inhibit and hide their sexual desires.”
However, Dr Nikki also advises that sometimes sex can be even more mind-blowing after intimacy has been pre-established. “Sex is often better when it’s something to look forward to,” she says. “You could try establishing an emotional connection first – it’s a hard one – a balancing act.”
For more information on Dr Goldstein, visit drnikki.com.au.
What do you think? Does first-date sex blow your hair back?
Main image via www.stephanspeaks.com; secondary image via www.fanpop.com and cartoon via www.someecards.com. Other images supplied
It’s been said that friendship is a higher form of love than romantic attachments; in its purest form, platonic friendship is unconditional love, unhampered by the complications of sex or monetary arrangements.
And long-term female friendships, in all their complex glory, can be extremely rewarding and joyful when they work –like the glue that holds you together.
RELATED: Friends Are Like Lovers – Minus The Smarts And Looks
Conversely, when they fall apart, a best friend break-up can be extremely gutting and heartbreaking – indeed almost as painful as a divorce between opposite sexes (or so I imagine).
Arguably no other TV show before groundbreaking 90s’ hit Sex and the City (pictured) came even close to demonstrating this depth and complexity of female friendships.
Of course, the much-loved TV hit which so beautifully chartered neurotic sex columnist Carrie Bradshaw’s loves, friendships and shoe fetishes in New York, did glorify female friendships. You so related to Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda’s many wondrous highs and lows in love, sex and careers that you felt like you knew them, or indeed that they became a part of you.
But SATC’s genius was also in its ability to reflect the real-life dark side of female friendships as well: the toxic, soul-destroying friendships which crush your spirit.
Like most of us, I’ve experienced both the highs and lows of female friendships, but am happy to say my BFF and I have been firm friends for almost 20 years. Our 20th friendship anniversary in 2015 will no doubt be marked with more than a few wines and much happy reminiscing.
We met at a local newspaper and it was so long ago, I can’t even recall how our friendship first developed, only that we quickly became immersed in each other’s lives and barely ever went a day without speaking.
Jen is six years older than me, but our birth dates are a day apart, and somehow – despite our emotional, fiery Gemini temperaments – we’ve remained loyal, honest and trusted friends through thick and thin; BFFs despite many highs and lows and both lengthy interstate and overseas adventures apart.
Aside from one dark and thankfully short-lived period, years ago, when we were at war over something stupid (I forget what), Jen has always been my best confidante. She lifts my spirits and makes me laugh like no other and I’ve come to rely on her brutal honesty and amazing strength.
She’s at once tough as a CEO and soft as a marshmallow and an amazingly accomplished career woman and mother of three. Just like a sister from another mother, she is the one person whom I’ll really listen to at times, one of the few people I can always rely on for sane advice, wise counsel and tough love, if I need it.
Many men have come and gone in our lives, until we both, purely coincidentally, met and married men both called Marty! And prior to that, when I was single and despairing that I’d never have a baby, let alone fall in love with the right kind of man, Jen was always there saying: “I know you will. Keep the faith, sister,” and so I always did.
When I had also lost faith and confidence in my career at one stage, she was also instrumental in giving me the boost I needed to apply – and get – that shit-hot job in my 20s.
We’ve joyfully danced at each other’s weddings (see below); grieved each other’s losses; ecstatically celebrated each other’s career wins and toasted champagne following each other’s safe and healthy childbirths.
There’s no high or low I haven’t experienced with my BFF and I hope we are fortunate enough to grow old together.
What’s the secret to a great, long-lasting friendship? I’m no expert, but brutal honesty and unconditional love goes a long way, I reckon, as in our case: knowing someone inside out, warts and all, and still wanting to hang out with them all the time anyway.
What do you think? Is your BFF one of the most important people in your life too?
Images via www.episodegenerator.com and geniusquotes.org.
In honor of the 67th annual Emmy Awards, we’ve decided to take a look back at our favorite fashion icons in television. Here is our top 10:
10. Jessa Johansson – Girls
Jessa is Brooklyn’s bohemian dream. She continues to drive us wild with her impressive collection of kimonos and effortlessly styled hair. She’s the kind of girl that could roll out of home in a tablecloth and make it an instant trend.
9. Rachel Green – Friends
We loved Rachel when she was a waitress in white tees, mini skirts and overalls. Our adoration grew as we watched her grow up, get a job at Ralph Lauren, and realize her destiny as a fashion icon. While Rachel had an impressive wardrobe, her claim to fame was those trendsetting tresses.
8. Patsy Stone – Absolutely Fabulous
We expect nothing less from a supermodel-turned-magazine fashion director! Who didn’t love Patsy’s chic suits, beehive hair-do and dark sunglasses?
7. Marissa Cooper – The OC
Only millennial teens will understand the gravity of The OC’s impact on our wardrobes. Marissa’s west coast style was built around flat shoes, beach party dresses and preppy polo shirts.
6. Charlie’s Angels – Charlie’s Angels
You can’t single out an Angel, so we’ve chosen the whole cohort. Their seventies glamour shaped the style of an era, and continues to be called-upon whenever flared jeans make a comeback. Think: gold accessories, Farrah Fawcett hair flicks, and high-waisted trousers.
5. Mary Ann and Ginger – Gilligan’s Island
For decades now, women have often been categorised as one of two male fantasies: Mary Ann or Ginger. Mary Ann was the ultimate girl-next-door in pigtails and mini shorts, while Ginger was the bombshell with a wardrobe of animal prints and glamorous evening gowns. Which one are you?
4. Olivia Pope – Scandal
Olivia, like her style, is powerful, sophisticated and sexy. Thank Olivia for many of this year’s trends, including tailored suits, robe coats, and white.
3. Blair Waldorf – Gossip Girl
This Manhattan princess was the envy of every girl in NYC, with a wardrobe full of expensive designer-wear – and Daddy’s bank account to play with. While Blair’s partner in crime, Serena Van Der Woodsen, was close competition, we can’t go past Blair’s bold choices and uncanny ability to accessorize.
2. Betty Draper/Francis – Mad Men
Before Megan sashayed in with her with her youthful, mod style and fresh-faced charm, Betty Draper was inspiring women around the world to embrace sixties housewife glamour in a way they hadn’t since the era itself. It was difficult to choose which of Mad Men‘s leading ladies would represent them on this list. But Betty’s Grace Kelly looks, flawless red lips (how?), and full, floral skirts have captured our hearts and held our gazes since the very first season.
1. Carrie Bradshaw – Sex and the City
Remember the lingerie? The giant flower accessories? The Manolo Blahniks? Sex and the City’s costume designer, Patricia Field, became an overnight celebrity; every outfit featured in the first film because an instant trend (gladiator heels, anyone?); and the show single-handedly spurred a worldwide obsession with stilettos. Others have tried, but nobody has managed to make the same cultural and sartorial waves since Carrie and her friends.
Images via College Fashion/Bustle.com/Fashion Train bloodspot/BBC America/Lucky Mag/Daily Mirror/Fanpop/Parade/Lifestyle Mirror/The Magenta Blog/Vanity Fair/In Style.
Sarah Jessica Parker has spilled the beans on her favourite beauty products and how she maintains that enviably fit body.
In an interview with the UK’s Daily Express, the actress says her best beauty tip is to “use any cream that says “elimination” in big bold letters on the jar! I swear by Garnier Ultra Lift cream. It targets wrinkles and dryness as well as being really inexpensive.”
And how does she keep that amazing mane tame?
“I like washing my hair with Bumble and Bumble’s Sunday Shampoo. It’s about the only shampoo that gives my hair that squeaky clean feeling that I had as a child. To condition, I use Kerastase Oleo-Relax Masque which isn’t cheap, but it really works on my dry, over-styled hair.”
The mother-of-three has taken a break from acting, and says being a mum is one of the best ways to maintain her killer figure – although like most women she’s feeling the effects of metabolism and age.
“I don’t think I’m in that great shape these days. I have to workout a lot harder. The body just doesn’t snap back in the way it used to when I was in my twenties!
“I try to do yoga three times a week, and my twin daughters act like arm weights.”
And it may come as a surprise that the Sex and the City star is not as into fashion as we thought!
“I never dress up that much,” she admits. “These days, I’m lucky if I go out to a friend’s house. Most of my day is spent as a mother, which requires an entirely different wardrobe.”
“Although I appreciate beautiful clothes,” she said. “I’m not into fashion as people expect me to be.”
Seinfeld teams up with Superman
Jerry Seinfeld & Superman. What a pairJerry Seinfeld and his favourite superhero Superman have made another online short film for American Express. The film, titled Hindsight is 20/20, is once again co-written by Seinfeld and directed by Barry Levinson. This one features Superman and Seinfeld on a road trip to Death Valley, California in one of the comedian’s classic cars. Check out Hindsight on the American Express website, along with the duo’s first short A Uniform Used to Mean Something, which debuted in March.
The chilling shower scenePsycho voted best movie death
A critics? poll in Total Film magazine has voted the best movie death of all time. The winner? Think the petrifying vulnerability of Janet Leigh?s shower death scene in the Alfred Hitchcock 1960?s thriller Psycho. “Knowing that the blood is Bosco’s chocolate syrup and that a pulped casaba melon stood in for the stabbing noises does nothing to reduce the impact,” notes Total Film deputy editor Simon Crook. The runners-up: Slim Pickens riding an atomic bomb in Stanley Kubrick‘s 1964 comedy Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb comes in at No. 2; the big ape’s fatal plunge to earth in the 1933 actioner King Kong comes in third place; terrorist Hans Gruber‘s fall from a 30-story building in the 1988 thiller Die Hard places fourth; and the killing of the two ruthless bank robbers in the 1967 crime drama Bonnie and Clyde rounds out the top five.
Check out the SheSaid Entertainment Guide for more movie, DVD, book and gig reviews.
Sarah Jessica Parker, happy in marriageSarah Jessica Parker?s marital secrets
Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker told CBS 60 Minutes II the secret to her long lasting marriage. She has been married to Matthew Broderick since 1997 and the pair have an 18-month-old son. Apparently servitude is her way to hubby happiness. ?I take care of him,” she says, “I pack for him, I shop for him, I get his groceries. He’s taken care of. That’s who Matthew is – people take care of him. It’s practically involuntary.” But given the choice, this isn?t the thing she?d change about her husband. What really annoys SJP is his gait. Apparently he walks too slowly. ?I walk really quickly. He never hails the cab. Never. I’ve been doing it forever, so I guess he just thinks, ‘Well, she does it so well.’? And she does it in heels too!
New US resident DidoShort takes
– Dido to quit Britain to live in the US. The 32-year-old is househunting in Beverly Hills as she knows that LA is the place to make sure her career keeps going through the roof…
– The meaning behind Apple Blythe Alison Martin?s name has been revealed ? Apple is named after father Chris Martin?s US booking agent Marty Diamond who has a daughter called Apple. Blythe is named after Gwyneth Paltrow?s mum and Alison is Chris?s mum…
– Michael Jackson is hurt and angry that some of his siblings won?t be giving him courtroom support. Rebbie, Marlon and La Toya reportedly don?t want to be involved in ?the public spectacle? and Janet Jackson believes her brother?s bad news is to blame for her languishing record sales.
Home birth for Gwynnie
Mum-to-be Gwyneth PaltrowRumour has it, mum-to-be Gwyneth Paltrow has installed a birthing pool at her home in London. Reports out of the UK reveal that the Oscar-winning actress, is planning to have her baby at home rather than in a hospital and is determined that her new arrival will be a water-baby. In recent months, Gwyenth was spotted checking out the facilities at two hospital renowned for alternative approaches to deliver. St John Hospital and St Elizabeth Hospital are both favoured by other celebrity mums-to-be including Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet. But with the installation of her new water feature, we can assume that Gwynnie is opting for a birth in the comfort of her own home. No news as to what new husband Coldplay frontman Chris Martin thinks of all this…
Sarah Jessica Parker – the write stuffSarah Jessica Parker: Author
What’s next for stylish actor Sarah Jessica Parker after Sex And The City? Would you believe, writing? The 38-year-old has apparently got a novel waiting in the wings. “I’ve written about half of it already and I’m looking for a publisher who will take it. The basic story is about an over-the-hill TV actress who gets a shot at a comeback, but lies about everything from her age to her acting credentials. Then, one by one, they all come out.” And sexy Sarah has even bigger plans, she adds, “I would like to write full-time, but who knows what the future holds? It would be fun to turn this book into a movie, too.” Perhaps her onscreen career as journalist Carrie Bradshaw has given her the inspiration to pick up the pen?
Where for art thou ViggoMore Viggo for your viewing pleasure
If you drooled over Viggo Mortensen in the Lord of the Rings trilogy then his new movie Hildago will be a must see for you. At the LA premiere of the film, the super spunky star proved that he can indeed ride a horse, when he braved lashing rain to make a dramatic entrance on horseback at the launch. There were a crowd of fans (not surprisingly mostly women) who had gathered to catch a glimpse of their hero were stunned when he arrived atop his mighty steed. “He was nice enough to invite me tonight,” said Viggo of his equine co-star. “I’m his date for the evening.” If the story line, rather than ogling at Viggo interests you, we can tell you the film is about a cowboy (played by Viggo) who journeys to the Middle East to compete in a dangerous race. He is accompanied, of course, by his horse Hidalgo, who is the underdog in a race dominated by powerful Arabian horses. Incidentally, Viggo was so enamoured with TJ, the horse he rode during the film, that he bought it as soon as filming had finished and had it shipped home! Gorgeous, talented and a sensitive and sentimental lover of animals. Swoon!
* Which former supermodel’s marriage is on the rocks due to her husband’s “constant philandering”?
* Which young actor was reportedly ‘wasted’ in a bar before the Oscars ceremony last month?
* Which ageing rocker is in debt nearly $1,000,000 in outstanding mortgage repayments for his swish beachside pad in Malibu?
Wanna see a catfight?
According to the Hollywood Reporter the newly single Sharon Stone is in talks to play the villainess in Catwoman starring Halle Berry. Stone would apparently be playing the role of cosmetics giant who secretly runs an evil empire. Mrs Evil perhaps?
Sex Author Comes Out With New Book
Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell takes a darker look at the world of sex in her new novel Trading Up. Early reviews report that the book tells the story of anti-heroine Janey Wilcox, a Victoria’s Secret model who sleeps with men to get ahead and befriends women solely for the same purpose. “Janey figured she might as well use sex as a weapon and enjoys using sex as a power over men. But the interesting thing about the book is it shows that using sex as a power over men doesn’t really work anymore,” Bushnell told reporters in a recent interview. “Relationships (with men) don’t last forever any more; it really is about female bonding.” Well said Candace!
“Muppet,” “Eeyorish” and “bada bing” among the 3000 new words included in the Oxford Dictionary of English, which hits stores this month. But what exactly does “bada bing” stand for – it’s defined as “an effortless act.” We knew that!
Is anyone there?
Sounds like Ren?e Zellwegergot more than she bargained for when she bought a summer house in the Hamptons. Even though the yanks rave about summer in the Hamptons?, it can be a ruined when a ghost won’t leave! According to Sky News, the “Chicago” star has been plagued by a bothersome poltergeist, which is why she had to call in an actual ghost buster. The psychic expert told Zellweger that the unwanted house guest has been living there for years and her name is Lillian. According to those who have lived there before, she often plays tricks on the residents. “My first experience was sensing a presence,” one former owner said. “And one night, when I was lying in bed, it felt like there was a large block of ice next to me.” Hopefully Debra Messing from Will and Grace isn?t scared by spooky visitors as Renee offloaded her haunted house on the red-head and her husband!
Jude Law: Footloose and Fancy Free?
Now reports from the celebrity spotters for the New York Post say Jude Law is not pining away at the news of his divorce and that he was actually out celebrating his new freedom this past weekend at a party thrown by actor Stephen Dorff in Malibu. There were a bevy of beauties in attendance, including Courtney Cox, Natalie Imbruglia and a very single Sharon Stone. “Jude came with Jonny Lee Miller (Angelina Jolie’s ex-hubby) and talked to all the girls,” one source reports. “Let’s just put it this way, he is very single.”
Dancer graces Sex and the City
In another example of life imitating art, Sex and the City will end after the current sixth series with guest appearances by Ballet superstar Mikhail Baryshnikov. We are wondering could this have anything to do with the fact that Candace Bushnell, the show?s creator, and the women on whom the main character, Carrie Bradshaw is based, recently married ballet dancer Charles Askegard? Hmmm.
According to HBO executives Baryshnikov will star in the last series Carrie?s love interest. Baryshnikov, 55, who defected to Canada in 1974, will play a popular international artist, Alexander Petrovsky who swoops into the popular show and sweeps Carrie (Sarah-Jessica Parker) off her feet. Baryshnikov told the New York Times: “I think it’s about time to do something my children can’t watch.” Apparently Mikhail Baryshnikov needed persuading to appear on the show, and it has been reported that Parker said it took a “long courtship” to persuade him to appear in the final eight episodes of the programme. But didn?t we want Carrie to finally end up with Mr Big?
Britney Fit for Daisy Dukes’ Shorts?
Don’t tell Cooter, but rumour has it Britney Spears is stepping into Daisy Duke’s shorty shorts for a Dukes Of Hazzard remake movie. The pop princess is odds on favourite to play the curvous Daisy Duke in the remake of the ?70s television hit series which followed the fast-driving antics of cousins Luke, Bo and Daisy as they evaded the law in the southern American town of Hazzard County. Daisy was originally played by brunette Catherine Bach, but original co-star Ben Jones, 61, who played good ol’ mechanic Cooter is not having a bar of Britney. “It’s a ludicrous idea,” said Jones, meaning no offense to the popster. “Nobody has ever worn Daisy Duke?s shorts as well as Daisy Duke, ? he added. In addition to Spears, Ashton Kutcher and Paul Walker have apparently been “expressing their interest” in playing Daisy’s cousin?s Luke and Bo, with trucker-hat fan Kutcher presumably eyeing the role of Luke (the dark-haired Duke) and Walker hottie as Bo (the fair-haired Duke).
Queen Latifah goes bust
It’s not your imagination. Voluptuous rapper turned actress Queen Latifah recently told USA Today that she had breast reduction surgery in April. Apparently the soul sister went from “well over an E cup” to a DD. The 33-year-old Oscar nominee says she also lost 25 – 30 pounds in the past year through exercise and eating right. But Latifah said it was ongoing back pain that made her to consider surgery. “It took a year and a half to make that decision. It wasn’t for confidence or image. I’m the anti-Hollywood girl.” Latifah has recently become a spokeswoman for a new line of undergarments called Curvation.