Sex-guides

How To Orally Apply A Condom

Most men are reluctant about using condoms, but we have a naughty little skill which may be just the thing to change his mind. Hey, if you have to use them, you may as well use them to your advantage, right! Give him a treat and apply it with your mouth. It’s highly recommended for oral sex as well as intercourse.

With so many varieties and flavors on the market, why not have a bit of fun with them. It’s a lot like turning the humble condom into a playful little sex toy. Go for a flavored variety and add your own edible lube otherwise you will end up with a really awful taste in your mouth. There’s nothing sexy about a mouth full of sickly tasting goo!

Now, don’t assume this is going to be easy. You’ll need to practice so grab some cheap condoms because you’ll probably rip a few. There’s a real art to it. After you’ve mastered it, then you can experiment with different varieties. If you start by using ribbed ones, you’ll probably be a bit out of your league. Keep it simple and work toward the tricky stuff later. Seriously, don’t forget edible lube. This makes the condom much easier to apply and provides extra sensitivity for him.

Step-by-step guide

1. Use your hands to take the condom out of the wrapper. Ripping it open with your teeth can puncture it. Yeah, it’s sexy, but it’s a no-no.

2. Unroll it slightly, taking notice of which way it’s unrolling. It needs to unroll as you lower your mouth, so make sure you have it the right way round. Practice this before you put it in your mouth because if it’s the wrong way around, you’ll have to start again.

3. Apply some lube to your lips, inside the tip of the condom and to the tip of your man’s penis. Like we said it does make it easier to apply and make it more sensitive for him, plus it prevents it from breaking.

4. Pinch the tip before you put it in your mouth. If you place it snugly over the top of his penis, there will be nowhere for the semen to go later.

5. This is when you put it in your mouth. This image should help you understand the positioning.

6. Suck the tip in slightly and hold it in place by putting it behind your teeth using your tongue.

7.  Now that you have it in place, lower your mouth to the head of his penis. You can use a hand to hold his penis so you are in charge of what’s going on.

8. In one swift motion, lower your mouth so the condom unrolls over his penis. Your lips will basically do the work as you lower your mouth. This motion should unroll the condom and position it correctly. Make sure you keep hold of the tip to keep it empty.

9. Use your tongue to flatten the tip of the condom onto the tip of his penis, leaving room for his ejaculation.

10. Position the condom properly using your mouth and tongue, should it not be sitting correctly.

11. If this isn’t working, use your other hand to position it correctly.

12. Add more lube and you are done!

This will get easier with practice. You might find a way that works better for you, because it is a bit tricky keeping the tip in your mouth as you unroll it with your lips. If you find it gets stuck, add more lube.

Try to keep your teeth out of it. Some people use their teeth to unroll it or position it, but when you use your teeth there is a much greater chance of ripping it.

Lastly, give him plenty of eye contact throughout the entire process. Position yourself so he can see what’s going on. Men enjoy visual stimulation, so make a performance and you’ll never have any protest using condoms ever again!

Good luck!

Image via m4.biz.itc.cn/pic/new/x580/31/86/Img6428631_x580.jpg

November 26, 2014

Overcoming Sexual Anxiety

Sexually confident women are a big turn-on for most men. However, society has taught us to suppress sexual urges and conversations. Particularly for women, talking about sex can be difficult and the mere thought of performing some sexual behavior, sends them hunting for a Valium. In reality, there should be nothing stopping you from talking about sex with your partner or having an awesome sex life.

Psychologists have identified a cycle of anxiety. Below is an image to help you understand how your thoughts, impact your behavior.

anxiety-cycle

There are a couple of methods that you can easily do yourself which will reduce all sorts of sexual anxiety. For example, you might want to try role play or initiate a bit of bondage, but it’s way too far outside your comfort zone. Exposure Therapy (ET) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) combined will work a treat and you will well on your way to becoming sexual confident.

Firstly, EP is all about exposing yourself to things you fear. In this case, it’s some aspect of sexual conversation or behavior. Your partner will already know that there are things which push your boundaries, so it’s time to talk to them about it. If this is where the fear lies, this will give you an excellent opportunity to expose yourself to that fear. If you’re not sure how to begin the conversation, we have an example:

“I’d really like to talk to you about something. I get anxious when we talk about sex or when we want to do certain things. It makes me really nervous, but I’d like to do something about it. I’ve got a few things I’d like to try, so could you help me work through it?

It’s recommended if you have a partner to talk to them about it so they can support you through it. If you are single and want to become more sexually confident you can still achieve it, however the CBT element will be equally as important as ET.

To begin ET, not the alien type although it might feel like it, start with a goal; say erotic role play and introducing fantasy play into your sex life. Instead of jumping feet first, begin gradually by exposing yourself to things you find slightly uncomfortable. This may be talking about what you want, sexually. As you find this becomes easier, take it to the next level and so on, until you reach your goal. Having that goal gives you something to work toward. When you achieve it, set yourself another goal. It’s that simple and it does work.

While you are using EP to alter your behavior, you can also work on what’s happening in your head. What are the thoughts which are stopping you from achieving your goal? Is it body image? Is it something from your past? This is where the CBT element comes into play.

CBT is about recognising your thoughts, becoming more self-aware and rationalising these thoughts to alter behaviour. For example, we’ll use erotic roleplay again. There must be something which you find intimidating about it. Is it fear of what your partner will think of you? Is it the fear of what you think of yourself? Whatever it is, there is a fear of something associated with the activity. Below is an example of a CBT chart for you to follow.

Slide1As you can see, the result of CBT is to change your negative self talk into positive self talk. The power of telling yourself things over and over until you firmly believe them is underestimated. After-all, you have talked yourself into being sexually anxious, so you can talk yourself out of it as-well!

If you follow these two simple techniques, you will be well on your way to become the sex goddess you know is hidden somewhere deep inside you. If you are still struggling to overcome your anxieties, visiting a sex therapist could help you. Everyone deserves a thriving sex life, so don’t let sexual anxiety stop you from exploring your sexuality and having a great sex life!

Images via ahealthyclick.com and greymatterspsychotherapy.co.uk

November 20, 2014

What Are Sex Contracts And Do You Need One?

Now, I don’t know who came up with the term “sex contract” but they really should have rethought the wording. Great concept – but the term “contract” can destroy the intimacy it can bring to a relationship. Nevertheless, if you value your sex life or would like to improve it, you need to sit down with your partner and draw one up. It’s very different to a sexual consent contract which people get casual partners to sign to ensure they aren’t later charged with rape.

The main purpose of the sex contract is to get people communicating about their sexual behavior, desires and boundaries with their partner. It’s an excellent way to explore and negotiate all types of sexual activity you want to try, builds intimacy and trust; plus it can include things like what constitutes infidelity and anything else of a sexual nature.

They’ve become increasingly popular since 50 Shades of Grey was published a few years ago and sex therapists are using them as a tool to get couples back on track. Even if you have a great sex life, it’s a bit like having sexual insurance if problems arise within your relationship. Having a forum to talk about sex provides an opportunity to discuss it, rather than dealing with the problem in isolation or withdrawing from your partner.

Having discussed the benefits, we explore the how to initiate a contract and investigate the types of things to include.

Initiation

Even initiating a sex contract is a positive exercise. It shows your partner that you value your sexual relationship, want to protect it and make it even better. For some people, wanting to create one and actually doing so maybe a bit awkward. How and when do you bring it up? Before sex, after sex, at the dinner table?

Just like any other discussion you need to pick the right time to talk about it. In this case, you want to talk about your sexuality and sex life, so a perfect time would be when the two of you are in bed and have pillow talk. Be aware of how you word things. Like I mentioned previously, the word “contract” sounds cold and formal. You also want to get across this something you want to do, rather than turn it into a proposal.

Below are two examples. The first is a poor way to introduce it and the second is a better alternative.

  • “Hey babe, have you ever heard about this thing called a sex contract? Couples talk about their sex lives together and make up a contract. Would you consider doing something like that?
  • “Hey babe, I read about this thing where couples talk about their sex life together and make up like a list of do’s and don’ts. They include all sorts of sex related things in it. I’d love to do something like with you. ”

Can you see the difference? The first invites your partner to put an end to the discussion, whereas the second makes a statement of what you want. Wording things correctly is really important, particularly if you want something from your partner which may make them feel uncomfortable. Keep that in mind when you negotiate items on your list!

Contract Inclusions

Now, a sex contract is solely between the two people who create it. Therefore, what you include is up to you. Below is a list of things for you to consider:

  • Quantity of sex
  • Sex dates
  • Sex holidays
  • Foreplay
  • Turn-ons and turn-off
  • Non-intercourse activities (eg. erotic massage)
  • Sexual language
  • Sexual positions
  • Sexual research and experimentation
  • Aphrodisiacs
  • Sex toys and porn
  • Clothing
  • Spending on sex products
  • Sexual function and health
  • Lack of desire
  • Contraception
  • Pregnancy
  • Sexual boundaries
  • Compromising
  • Relationship boundaries
  • Infidelity – foundation and consequences
  • Talk about emotions; including guilt, shame, trust, respect, discretion, privacy
  • Contact with ex-partners
  • Friends of the opposite sex
  • Revisions to the contract

As you can see, a sex contract should include way more than depth than quantity and positions. It’s a tool to be able to communicate about sex with your partner, make it better and fix issues as they arise (or don’t, pardon the pun). Couples who can talk about sex have a much greater chance of working through issues which leads to a better, stronger relationship overall.

Image via https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT-k3UV2caKsey5blKsAyaD4mlbSksc04GK-pd4LrxaY7o14zyA8Q

November 18, 2014