Sex-lives

Vagina Vs Brain: Why First-Date Sex Rocks

You’ve been happily single, but sexually starved for what feels like forever – then, bam! You meet a partner who ignites your passion, excites your mind and, even better, he’s just as enamoured with you.

RELATED: Fifty Shades Of Grey Sex Balls: Fact Vs Fiction

Indeed, your connection is so strong, you feel as though you’ve known each other for years and you can barely keep your hands off each other. In the age-old battle between vagina Vs brain: which should win? Should you have first-date sex or wait it out, lest he’s only interested in one thing?

For centuries, women’s sexuality has been strictly controlled, reined in and frowned upon. Young men are encouraged to “sew their wild oats”, while we women are instead traditionally taught to behave like ladies and learn to suppress and overrule our perfectly normal wanton desires, lest men view us as immoral and promiscuous.

Well, I say to the hell with that! I was always more team Samantha (pictured) than team Carrie in Sex and the City, with the much more neurotic latter famously never having first-date sex – until she met Mr. Big, that is. Samantha, by contrast, always seemed a lot happier.

And as Samantha once quipped, in reference to the archaic views in 1995 self-help dating book, The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right: “The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn’t get laid. So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.”

sex, single, solo, self-esteem, young women, love, dating

Amen! And that’s the thing, why should women alone bear shame for having first-date sex? Doesn’t it take two to tango?

I say don’t buy into the sexist bullshit that decrees women are somehow unworthy if you do decide to have sex on the first date. And I’m not saying leave your brain at home – always make sure it’s safe sex, in a secure situation, on your own terms – but let’s take the humiliation and indignity out of the equation.

Women who do have first-date sex are not sluts (oh, how I hate that word – where is the male equiavalent?!) and supposed “walk of shame” be damned! What’s more, if you do get busy on the first date with a new man, and he never calls you back the next day and/or goes AWOL, isn’t that a true blessing?

You’ve dodged a bullet, sister; he’s nowhere near good enough for you. Let him, and his backward, sexist views, not even be a tiny speck in your universe.

sextoysforcouples

And here’s the big thing ladies: if you’re fortunate enough to meet the love of your life, does it really matter when you actually do the deed? I highly doubt it: if it’s the right person, it all falls into place, in the blink of an eye.

Confession time: My husband and I had sex on our third date, over a three-week period, and it was amazing. But I fancied the pants off him right away and would have happily had sex sooner, if circumstances permitted.

After a string of dating disasters, including a crazy stalker, I’d insisted on public dates with him for safety reasons and it wasn’t until our third date that I took him back to my place.

But even if we had have had first-date sex, I firmly believe we’d still be together to this day, seven years after meeting at a live music venue. I think we were always destined to get married and have babies, regardless of when we did the deed.

So, I believe if you set yourself a rigid set of dating rules – like only having sex on the third date, for example, you’re just cheating yourself out of a lot of laughs, good times, life lessons and a hell of a lot of orgasms.

I really think you have to judge when you have sex with a new partner on how you feel, at the time. So, maybe it’s really a case of heart + vagina overrules head?

first-date sex, sex advice, casual sex, relationship advice

Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, herself a sexy, young singleton, agrees there shouldn’t be set rules when it comes to the exact right time to have sex with a new partner.
“I think you have to assess each situation and be aware of the consequences,” she says. “He may be testing you to see if you are relationship material ala the Madonna-whore complex. You might then find the relationship slipping into a booty call/casual hook-up rather than a relationship.

“And then another consequence of first-date sex might be the classic he-never-calls-you-back post-sex because he’s got what he wanted.

“It’s a difficult one – but you don’t want to be with a man who judges you. Just bear in mind some guys are really old-fashioned at heart and would be put off by a girl who was up for sex on the first date.”

But Dr Nikki is quick to point out that sometimes first-date sex can be magical and lead to a relationship, despite the supposed risks. “I’ve got friends who’ve waited and friends who are happily married who had sex on their very first date,” she says. “If it’s right – if there’s a real connection – it doesn’t really matter when you have sex.

“Sometimes, women can feel enough connection and spark that you want to have first-date sex.

“There is nothing wrong with a girl who feels comfortable enough in her own skin to have sex on the first date –  as long as it’s for the right reasons and not as a self-esteem boost.

“Women are just as sexual (if not more) than men – it’s just that society encourages them to inhibit and hide their sexual desires.”

Is-your-sex-life-all-about-orgasms

However, Dr Nikki also advises that sometimes sex can be even more mind-blowing after intimacy has been pre-established. “Sex is often better when it’s something to look forward to,” she says. “You could try establishing an emotional connection first – it’s a hard one – a balancing act.”

For more information on Dr Goldstein, visit drnikki.com.au.

What do you think? Does first-date sex blow your hair back?

Main image via www.stephanspeaks.com; secondary image via www.fanpop.com and cartoon via www.someecards.com. Other images supplied

 

February 6, 2015

4 Essential Sex Toys For Better Sex

Couples of all ages can boost their love life with some sex toys and aids. It not only makes sex more interesting but will  improve the experience for both partners. After a review of the most essential items, we’ve come up with 4 must have products which will improve sex for everyone.

Dual-stimulating vibrators

These little contraptions are a great invention for couples. There are some different types but the most effective variety fits inside the vagina, stimulating the clitoris and follows the shape of the woman’s body to rest on the labia. They have been designed to please both partners during intercourse, both in and out of water. Most have been created to stay in place, despite the thrusting motion which occurs during intercourse. Some are better than others, so check out different types before you make a purchase.

we vibe

Penis pumps

Penis pumps and cock rings are often used together. Firstly, penis pumps work like a vacuum and can improve an erection; making it larger (longer and wider) and last longer. There are air and water designed pumps available and some claim to increase penis size, considerably, when used frequently. They can be used when an erection is difficult to achieve or to improve the size and duration of an erection.

penis pump

Cock rings

Cock rings also improve performance. They are placed over the penis prior to it being erect and positioned to prolong the erection. There are heaps of different varieties; from single to multiple rings, vibrating or non-vibrating, made from different materials, glow in the dark, reusable or disposable and now they even come in various shapes. They are the ultimate little device, which can even be bought from some restroom, vending machines if you want to try them out.

4 essential sex toys for every couple

Lubes and gels

Sexual lubricants are considered sex aids, rather than toys. They are available in a huge range of places including supermarkets, service stations, pharmacies, etc. There is both edible and non-edible varieties, plus new technology have developed some which provide a different sensation, when used singularly and combined. For example, the man will experience a warming sensation, while his partner will experience tingling.

For mature couples, lubes and gels are essential, as bodily fluids reduce with age particularly for menopausal and post-menopausal women. They are also exceptionally useful to use with other sex toys. If lubrication isn’t an issue, try them out anyway and play around with different types. They aren’t expensive and are great to have in your bedside table.

personal lubricant

As you can see, sex toys are way more than vibrators and you don’t have to dive into the S&M real, to improve your sex life. Although, after Fifty Shades of Gray, bondage isn’t considered that kinky anymore. There are plenty of couples ready to give handcuffs a go!

There is, of course, a massive range available for those who are more adventurous. With new products continuously being developed, a trip or click to the adult shop is well worth another look.

Images via i01.i.aliimg.com, encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com, ridgehkr.com, ecx.images-amazon.com

October 15, 2014

Unhappy In Bed? You’re Not Alone

Wish your sex life was sexier? You’re not the only one. A new study looking at sexual satisfaction has found that over half of Australians are unhappy in bed.

The Asia-Pacific Sexual Behaviours and Satisfaction Survey questioned 3,500 men and women aged 18-45 and revealed that more than 50 per cent of couples are dissatisfied with their sex lives.

Not surprisingly, it’s the frequency of sex which leaves many of us unhappy. 68% of Aussies expressed their desire for more sex. But it’s also the quality of our sex lives that matter, not just quantity, with two in three respondents believing that mutual sexual satisfaction plays a very significant or extremely important role in a successful relationship.

More than 80% of those surveyed reported that premature ejaculation had played a negative impact on their relationship, while a surprising 15% reporting that it even led to a relationship breakdown or divorce. Premature ejaculation affects 32% of men in Australia and New Zealand is.

The majority of male respondents believe that being able to control when to ejaculate is an important factor in mutual sexual satisfaction.

As for women, emotional attributes such as feeling loved and cared for and being in a secure or harmonious relationship drive higher levels of sexual satisfaction.

Fess up – are you happy with your sex life?

 

 

August 15, 2013

Where Angels Fear To Tread (… but go anyway)

Where Angels Fear To Tread (… but go anyway)

I?m always surprised by the number of women I meet who say they?ve never set foot inside a sex toy shop. Actually, not just surprised but aghast. But then I?m very openminded and some women are less so. I?d like to suggest however, that it?s not only an eye-opening adventure but a fun one, and especially worth a few laughs if you go along with a girlfriend.

The trick is not to go in expecting men in trench coats, a sleazy guy behind the counter and a particularly bad 1980?s porno soundtrack playing in the background. These days, many adult shops are designed with women in mind. I will say though, that I went to one that looked like a throwback from the good ol? 70?s, complete with psychedelic wallpaper peeling at the corners, a big burly guy with a handlebar moustache and many dust-covered toys aimed more for men.


Ladies, trust me. If you have a spare couple of hours, cross the threshold with a couple of your closest friends and enjoy the sights and delights that an adult toy shop has to offer.

There are all kinds of items for sale, including board games (of the adult variety), naughty ice cube trays shaped like breasts for instance, slinky lingerie, novelty trinkets, condoms of a gazillion different varieties, and flavoured body paints and lubes from kahlua to fruits of the forest. Then of course, there are dildoes, vibrators, handcuffs with fluffy covers, and heaps more fascinating and intriguing paraphernalia.

Many of these stores are staffed by women. Female customers make up the majority of clientele in this Noughties Decade of the New Millennium. Women are more curious, more assertive and more open to their own sexuality and thus, like to explore different possibilities in their sex lives. So clever entrepreneurs find ways to cater for the female customer. Saleswomen, non-threatening music, shop layouts like a department store and brightly-coloured, well-lit interiors create an atmosphere in which ladies can feel comfortable and inspired.


Of course, if you really want to be discrete you can easily purchase sex toys online at sites such as www.sharonausten.com. But you can’t go past the devilish little thrill that goes with being surrounded by dozens of phallic objects and sexy toys and lingerie, and the opportunity to touch them with your hands and check out their size, texture and colour up close and personal? At some stores, you can even taste test the lubes and chocolate body paints! Don?t you absentmindedly grin at the idea of buying something that comes with free batteries, and that isn?t from Mattel? These are toy stores for grown-ups. Indulge yourself, live a little and while you?re at it, make a wish list. Santa may only come once a year but with his sack filled with mischievous goodies, finding out who?s naughty and nice keeps the old man ho-ho-ho?ing along!

Gina Luca

* Gina is a freelance writer whose passion for talking to people on the Internet provides much inspiration for her writing.

June 8, 2004