You don’t have to just lay there and take it.
It’s surprising how forthcoming they were…
Turns out it really is what’s on the inside that matters most.
We recently had a fair bit of interest in an article posing the question: can women enjoy anal sex? The feedback we received indicated that this is an interesting topic and a couple of people were keen to offer advice.
It seems they felt we should have gone a bit further and provided some extra information; not only about if anal sex can be enjoyed, but about how to enjoy it as well. I thought these were pretty interesting, so I’ve included their responses below.
I’ll begin with some feedback fromThe key thing is preparation/foreplay and LOTS of lube. Try small ‘plugs’ first (most adult stores carry a ‘kit’) to get her ready for the actual act.
“It can be pleasurable for both. Once past the opening, there’s not much side sensations as vaginal. Take a paper towel, tube to measure yourself to see just how big/wide you’ll be and then you’ll have an idea (it also elicits LOTS of giggles/laughter for both). Most adult toy stores sell kits to work up to the act. Foreplay and preparation is key to both partners’ pleasure.”
Okay, so preparation, foreplay and lots of lube is the recommendation here, which is great advice. Therefore, I’ll go into a bit more detail about what sort of kits and lube are available.
Anal Sex Aids
The image pictured below is a trainer kit for people wanting to give it a go. There’s heaps of different varieties and some, like this one, has an instructional video.
Now, for those of you who have just had a chuckle and are possibly thinking: “seriously, an instructional video? Can’t you just wing it and work it out for yourself?” Of course you can, but that’s often when anal sex can be a little painful for women. And sorry guys, but the first time she’ll be open to the possibility will probably be the last time. There’s more to it than vaginal sex, especially if you really don’t know what the heck you’re doing.
So, if you aren’t exactly an expert about what’s supposed to happen down there, it’s been recommended that you at least have a sneak peak before you just lube up and go for it! Now speaking of lube, there’s a few different types, and given that they can react with condoms, it’s essential to know what sort of lube is preferable. And yes, I did just say condoms. Unless you are in a long-term relationship and 100 percent confident that it’s exclusive, ALWAYS wear a condom.
So back to the lube. What’s the best sort? If you need to use condoms, then a latex compatible lube is essential. That’s something like a water-based variety. Sex stores recommend something plain rather than scented to reduce the chance of irritation. It’s also highly compatible with other sex toys like butt plugs and beads and it’s slick rather than sticky.
If couples aren’t using condoms, then try a silicone based lube instead. It apparently feels better and is easier to clean up than water-based lubes. There’s heaps of different varieties, specifically for anal sex. Manufacturers have identified that there are different requirements than lube for vaginal sex, so investing in a specific anal sex lube is highly recommend.
Another comment from our previous article was from“You should add to this an explanation or link on how to perform anal sex. Most women wouldn’t know about the shape of the rectum, moving past the sphincters…” Okay Ingrid, fair point. Let’s look at those anal sphincters so women have a better understanding of how anal sex can be made to feel more enjoyable.
Relaxing the anal sphincters
Women’s Health magazine spoke to sex expert Jessica O’Reilly recently, who said: “Wait until you’re very close to orgasm before introducing new sex acts—like anal penetration—into your routine…When you’re aroused, the hormonal changes in your body have a palliative effect and help you to relax and experience pleasure more profoundly.”
That makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? She then went on to talk about the anal sphincters and this is what she had to say: “These ring-like structures control what goes in and out of your butt, so you need to become familiar with their functioning and learn to exercise control over them. When you’re in the shower or touching yourself, try sliding a lubed-up finger inside as gently and slowly as possible, and allow your sphincter muscles to contract and release.”
O’Reilly then went on to talk about breathing and how holding one’s breath can interfere with muscles including relaxation, which is essential for anal sex. O’Reilly suggested breathing deeply so that the inner sphincter muscle will relax enough to facilitate penetration. It’s important to get a good breathing rhythm happening or you could inadvertently tense up upon anal insertion.
For women to really enjoy the experience, using toys or having some manual stimulation of the vagina going on while having anal sex is essential. Use toys along the lower/back wall of the vagina, located just between the cervix and the vaginal wall. Vibrating pressure here is said to be the sweet spot and is where women are most likely to reach orgasm during anal sex.
So, I hope we’ve given you all something to think about and thanks for the informative comments we got on this topic. If anyone has anything else to add, we’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
Images via Women’s Health, Adameve.com
Way too often couples get bored with their sex life because they fail to alter their routine. Sex becomes a chore and they get stuck performing a few standard positions – a great way to douse anyone’s flame! Sex is supposed to be exciting, exhilarating and one of life’s experiences which literally takes your breath away.
If your settling for anything less in your sex life, you need to mix things up. Forget about sex in the bedroom for a while and open yourself up to your surroundings. Beds are a relatively new invention when you consider people have been having sex for thousands of years, so it’s time to release your inner sexual prowess and get busy!
Not sure where to start? Well we’ve got a few ideas for you. So, whether you’ve got room to move or you find yourselves getting hot and heavy in a tight space, you can explore some of these positions whenever – and wherever – the mood arises.
Sex Positions In Open Spaces
The G-Force: Gravity works a treat with this position as penetration can be intense. The female lays on her back and tucks her knees in towards her chest. The male kneels in front of her and takes hold of her feet. Genitals alight very easily allowing for deep penetration. If you like this position and want a bit of extra variance, the female can bring her feet up onto his chest. Then, instead of holding her feet, he can grasp her hips while he’s thrusting. This position gives both parties ample control.
Carpet burn: Up for a bit of pain and pleasure? As the name implies this position can cause a bit of friction for the knees. It can be done in bed but try and find somewhere else suitable. A shower is a great alternative. Basically, the male kneels down in a standard proposal position with his legs slightly separated. Once he’s in position, the female then kneels in front of him. She parts her legs slightly to allow entry as the genitals meet. For additional female control she should take hold of his thigh in one hand and his butt in the other.
Get Down On It: This is a meditative position with a difference! Initially, the male sits in a traditional lotus position. The female then sits in his lap slipping ever so effortlessly onto his awaiting erection. She then completes this position by wrapping her legs around his waist. This position is more about intimacy than fast thrusting. So if you’re looking for a position which is slow and sensual and encourages a lot of tongue action, this one is for you.
The Octopus: This image makes it a little hard to tell what’s actually happening, but the male sits on the floor with his hands behind him for support. He should spread his legs a similar distance apart and have them slightly bent. The female then places herself between his knees and is supported by her hands behind her on the floor. She can then bring both of her legs up to his shoulders and bring herself closer to enable penetration.
Sex positions in small spaces
Head Over Heels: This one isn’t for the faint hearted and is a bit of a take on the old wheelbarrow position, so physical fitness is important. The female begins by lowering herself to her knees, legs slightly apart while crossing her arms on the ground in front of her. Using a pillow to cushion elbows is strongly advised for comfort and additional support.
She then sticks her butt in the air and rests her head on her arms. The male then stands behind her and lifts her by the legs or ankles into a position where he can enter her comfortably. Both keep their knees bent during the encounter. If either of you have problems with your knees, this one might be a bit tricky.
Corridor Canoodling: This one is excellent for that quickie in the toilet when you just need sex right this instant! Initially, the male positions himself to do the overall supporting. He leans against one wall, sliding down until he’s in a sitting position. His feet should wedge against the other wall to make both people stable. The female then straddles him and she does most of the work. His main role is to support, sit and be ridden as she is thrusting back and forth on top of him.
Stand and Deliver: This is another good one for tight spaces. This time she stands against the wall with her legs slightly spread. He then grabs the backs of her thighs and lifts her up while she wraps her legs around him. As a guide, the female should be able to rest her legs against his hips. While he thrusts away she can help by using the wall behind her for extra leverage.
Sex positions using chairs
Melody Maker: If you’ve got a footstool or even a sturdy coffee table, this is something a little different. The female sits sideways with her legs apart. He then snuggles into position and helps her lean backwards so her head is pointing downwards. He grabs hold of her hand for extra support and enters her. The rush experienced during orgasm is apparently greater as the bloody rushes toward the females head, so if you find something to help you get into this position, it’s highly recommend.
Lap Limbo: The male sits on a chair with his knees elevated. She then straddles him, lowering herself into his lap. The woman can then lean backwards and support herself with her hands on his thighs. She can then bend her knees and place her legs over his shoulders, coming to rest on the back of the chair. He takes charge by grabbing hold of her hips and entering her while she uses the chair as leverage. It sounds trickier than it is!
The Galloping Horse: The woman controls this one as the man sits on a chair or sturdy surface with his legs outstretched in front of him. She can then climb on top of him and position herself in a mirror fashion. The exception is that her legs should be raised off the floor. For support they cling onto each others arms and she can lean backwards, pushing back and forth as she desires.
Tight Squeeze: This one works well on a kitchen counter, or even better – a car bonnet. The female sits on the surface wrapping her arms and legs around the male squeezing him in closer. He stands facing her and does most of the work. For additional variation, try out the Amazing Butterfly (below) using the same surface.
Amazing Butterfly: Using the same or similar surface as above, the women lies flat initially. She should then lift her legs to rest on his shoulders as he stands in front of her. To get the right angle for penetration the women will need to tilt her pelvis to alight.
Sex positions using tables
Sexy Scissors: Here’s one for the men who will love this if they like control. The women lies on some type of workbench or tabletop with her hips positioned on the edge. Her legs should be raised directly facing the sky. The male then stands in front of her and takes hold of her ankles. When he moves his arms he has the choice of penetrating when her legs are closed or spread wide apart.
Hit The Spot: The spot this position is named after is the women’s g-spot. Plus, given the fact that the man does most of the work, this one should be on every women’s must try list! She lies on her stomach with her hips tilted sideways – her legs should be slightly bent. He can then kneel into position between her legs. As he leans in forward, he can then place his arms on either side of her. This will give him the leverage to be able to thrust in and out.
Sex positions for wherever takes your fancy
Backstairs Boogaloo: This one is primarily for a staircase, but if you find a similar surface when out and about, go ahead and give it a go. Ideally, the women kneels in front of her partner and he positions himself behind her. She should reach up to hold onto a banister or a step, which will then enable him the perfect angle for deep penetration from behind.
Secret Shag: Ever felt a bit amorous when sitting on the couch together? Well this one works well when she wraps her legs around the man’s upper body while laying in front of him. He can then grip her thighs and penetrate from behind.
As you can see sex isn’t just for the bedroom. There are plenty of ways to spice it up by trying different positions and different locations. If you’ve got a favorite outside of the bedroom, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual problem in men under 40 and currently affects 1 in 3 Australian men. Most men orgasm sooner than they, or their partner, would like from time to time and occasionally losing control is completely normal. For up to 40% of men however, this is a regular occurrence. Never fear, PE is a problem for which there are a variety of treatments to choose from, starting with simple exercises to products that help and even therapy and medication.
PE is defined as reaching orgasm sooner than a man or his partner would like – regularly climaxing 3-5 minutes after penetration. There are many factors that may contribute to premature ejaculation, most commonly these are psychological factors and can include:
- Depression or anxiety – particularly about sexual performance
- Feeling anxious about rejection
- Negative sexual experiences in childhood
- Situations in which you may have hurried to reach climax in order to avoid being discovered
- Guilty feelings that increase your tendency to rush through sexual encounters
- Problems within the relationship
Erectile Dysfunction can also play a large part in premature ejaculation. Men who are anxious about obtaining or maintaining their erection during sexual intercourse may form a pattern of rushing to ejaculate which can be difficult to change.
What can we do?
1. Kegels – or pelvic floor exercises. Yes, women are much more aware of why they should be doing these (read our blog post about why a healthy pelvic floor is essential) but they are equally important for men too.
Here’s how it works:
- In order to locate the male PC muscle, put one or two fingers right behind the testicles. Imagine that you are urinating and try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction.
- Flex the muscle regularly. Try to do 10 to 20 squeezes in a set, 2 or 3 times a day. Do a set whenever you’re bored or stationary—like when you’re sitting at your desk or in traffic. No one will be able to see that you’re doing them.
- Squeeze your PC muscle when you feel ejaculation coming on. Once the muscle is strong enough, you should be able to hold it off just like stopping flow when urinating.
2. Masturbation – we all know it’s good for our health (read 5 reasons why). It can also really help with premature ejaculation.
- Start off alone without lubricant using nothing more than your own hand. Each session should last at least 20minutes before allowing yourself to climax.
- Next move on to using lubricant – we recommend using a good quality silicone based lubricant. It’s light, gives great slip and won’t dry out during play eliminating the need for re-application.
- Once you’ve mastered the lubricant, it’s time to move on to something more representative of sexual intercourse. Using a male sex toy that mimics the sensations of a vagina i.e. a Tenga Love Egg, a simple stroker or the more advanced male sex toys like the Fleshlight collection, will provide you with additional stimulation that you can practice with to control your climax, which will go a long way in helping to delay ejaculation with your partner. Be sure to use a waterbased lubricant with all male sex toys.
3. Stop and start method – is a way of training yourself to prolong your orgasm. Practice getting close to orgasm then stopping over and over until you have reached the point of no return. This exercise helps to identify the ‘braking point’ and allows you to recognise this when having sex with your partner giving you a ‘head’s up’ to stop or take a deep breath to avoid climaxing too soon.
4. Changing sexual positions – Believe it or not, some positions can have a negative effect on men suffering from premature ejaculation. Positions that require little muscle tension are best for reducing PE. The missionary position is definitely a no go. Why not try spooning (side to side), woman-on-top or doggy style (from behind) where both partners are on their knees. You may just find the one that works for you!
5. Delay products – there are a variety of products available today that will help to desensitize the penis and in turn help with controlling ejaculation.
- Some condoms contain a small amount of lubricant containing Benzocaine which reduces sensitivity and can help prolong climax. Using condoms can also reduce sensitivity in the penis, so certainly worth a try.
- For couples that prefer not to use condoms, there are various delay products available that can cause the same results. Pjur Superhero Delay Spray is a great option, helping to reduce sensitivity without numbing the penis completely, meaning you can both still enjoy the sensations whilst delaying climax.
6. Tantric techniques – In essence, Tantra offers a way to connect (or reconnect) with your partner more deeply & intimately. Tantra works with your breathing, your energy and yourself to produce love, and pleasure. It can have healing effects on erectile issues such as premature ejaculation.
As with most problems there is usually a solution. We’ve given 6 great ideas to combat early climax that can be tried at home alone or together with your partner. If all else fails, see your doctor who may be able to prescribe therapy or medication.
Miss Tickles, resident Sexpert and Sex Toy Party Princess at Tickle and Delight, along with her titillating team, travel the country bringing Sex-U-Cation to the women of Australia and New Zealand in the privacy of their own homes, surrounded by friends, where they can laugh and learn together. Find out more by booking your party at www.tickleanddelight.com
We’re all guilty of having (preferring?) lazy sex at one time or another. An early morning wake up call, a rough day at work or being a parent zaps our energy and sex is often the last thing on our mind.
But just like pizza, lazy sex is better than no sex at all. These lazy sex positions are perfect for the end of the day, or spicing up an early morning surprise when you can’t be bothered breaking a sweat. So get your groove on with these great sex positions for even the laziest of lovers.
Spooning Get into your favourite cuddle position and make it sexy. Start off slow and relaxed, and enjoy a closer fit by propping your leg onto his. Be attuned to the feeling of his warm breath on your neck to add to the intimacy.
Lazy Doggy As a variation on the fan favourite, lay down flat or with a pillow propping up the pelvis. As he climbs on top, he can comfortably lay down and still have full control. This is one of those great sex positions that can be incredibly sensual as well as relaxing.
Couch Cowgirl Feeling drowsy after a movie night on the couch? Stay on the couch and enjoy this nice quickie. Have him relax and sit back while you straddle his lap. He’ll love the view being propped up in the sitting position.
Elevated Missionary A cleverly placed pillow under the butt allows your guy to do all the hard work without holding himself up. This position gives a better angle for both partners, with more grinding than regular missionary.
Shower Doggy Hop in the shower together and enjoy some hot and steamy sex with a wet doggy-style session propped against the shower wall. Bend over and rest against the wall, and prop one foot on the side of the tub or shower wall to provide stability and resistance.
One of the best ways to heat up your love life is by trying a few great sex positions. For great sex and bigger, better orgasms, nothing beats adding a few new tricks to your repertoire. Isn’t great sex worth a little experimenting?
Here are a few hints on how to have the best sex of your life by trying out a new position or two. These “how to” tips should get your motor running in record time!
The Counter Top
We’ve all seen variations of this position in sexy movies, so why not try it yourself? You lie down on a counter or table and he enters you while standing up. This is a great sex position for both of you because he can go in deep and feel in control while you can still move around.
This is a great sex position for achieving female orgasm, because the woman is free to move around for optimal control. In this position, the male can pleasure her in many ways by stimulating her G-spot and clitoris with his hand or a sex toy. The secret to giving her a mind-blowing orgasm is to provide stimulation to both areas!
Woman on Top
Another position that gives you more control—for the ultimate orgasm. This position with the woman on top while the partners face each other allows her to control the depth and motion while giving both her and her partner access to her clitoris. Guys enjoy this position because they love the view!
Again, the ladies love those positions that offer control over penetration. Spooning offers a tighter fit as well as easy access to the nerve-rich vagina and rectum. This is a great sex position for early morning lovin’!
Why not spice up the missionary position by slipping a pillow underneath your booty for an improved angle of penetration? This pelvic lift can help your partner zero in on your G-spot with his penis. How-to hints include experimenting with pillows and folded blankets to find just the perfect amount of lift.
The downside of the missionary position is the lack of full penetration. You can correct that by lifting your ankles up over his shoulders or placing the soles of your feet on his chest. This lets his penis go inside you as deeply as possible and hit your G-spot for a thrilling orgasm!
Fess up: what are your favourite sex positions?