Everything you need to know about playing in the backyard – Your Anal Sex Questions answered
I never thought I would feel competitive with my own vagina.
I don’t feel the need to perform gymnastics in the bedroom anymore.
Sending a sneaky sext to your hubby during the day can help to raunch up your sex lives, build affection and let loose when you both get home from work, having worked on your sexual chemistry earlier in the day. It gives both of you something to look forward to and adds a bit of naughtiness to your playtime.
But before you all launch at me with your hair straighteners and your eyelash curlers about how bad sexting is and how it ruins lives and careers and everything else about a woman, please just hear me out.
I’m not talking about sending a sext to the guy you just met on Tinder, or the one that you starting dating last week. I’m talking about sending a surprise sext to the man of your dreams, who you are in a stable and long term relationship or marriage with.
Spicing up your sex life after being together for that long could be as simple as sending him a message about how you can’t wait until he comes home tonight so he can check out your new lingerie.
Sexting shouldn’t be an everyday occurrence; like anything else that happens everyday, it gets a bit boring. It’s a once in a while way to add some excitement to the things that sometimes take a back seat to work, family and other commitments.
And while it’s all a bit of fun and games for you an your partner, researchers say that sexting can actually be great for the both of you. It has been found that sexting leads to increased satisfaction in relationships. Letting your partner know how you feel about them isn’t away from the norm when you discuss it in person, and with the rise of technology, sending a sneaky sext can let your partner know that they’re on your mind during the day.
If you’re wondering how to start out your sexy string of messages to your man, it’s best to begin slowly, with a little bit of a tease to ignite the fire in him. As for photos, if you want to send through some sexy snaps or suggestive signs, try not to include your face. It could be as simple as sending him a photo of your lingerie laid out on your bed or the top of a hold up stocking with a some suggestive wording.
Images via womenshealthmag.com
Fancy a revitalised and improved vagina, ladies? A new non-invasive and inexpensive laser vaginal rejuvenation treatment is being hailed with the life-changing power to restore vaginal tissue and cure vaginal atrophy – and save your sex life in the process. Thank you, science!
Vaginal atrophy, also called atrophic vaginitis, is the thinning, drying and inflammation of the vaginal walls due to women’s bodies producing less estrogen. It commonly occurs during breastfeeding and after menopause. Cue uncomfortable vaginal dryness, thrush and vaginismus – oh the joys!
Now, hope is on the horizon if you’re no longer as juicy Lucy as you’d like. Indeed, this surgery-free, vaginal rejuvenation Mona Lisa Touch treatment, as it’s also known, could well save your sex life says Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.
Dr Mars also believes the treatment is very exciting from a natural medicine perspective. “What we see is a relatively non-invasive and inexpensive treatment solution which can treat the problem of vaginal atrophy and – especially when used in combination with the ancient Chinese arts – cure it,” she says.
“At any time in your life when oestrogen diminishes vaginal atrophy can occur. The PH balance of the vagina changes and with this change often comes itching, dryness, thrush and a host of other sometimes painful complications.
“The new laser therapy rejuvenates the vagina in the same way laser therapy can rejuvenate the face. Your doctor can see the difference, but it is not so much about changing the appearance of the vagina as changing the function.”
And while vaginal rejuvenation may seem like a special, new brand of torture to some – for others, it’s a sure-fire way to boost your sex life, not to mention your poor vagina in the process, with minimal risks.
“Many women will only experience mild symptoms of vaginal atrophy. Dryness and the change of PH can be mediated with lube and treatments for the occasional bought of thrush. However, for those with major symptoms, laser can be a life-changer and the risks are much less than surgery,” Dr Mars says.
“In some cases over time bodies will heal, however, a lack of sexual responsiveness over time tends to lead to a lack of desire and when vaginas don’t receive attention, they tend to become tight and unresponsive. Laser surgery brings back the physical responsiveness and with some physical therapy and sometimes a bit of counselling the rest can follow.”
Treatment costs are about $400 per treatment, with some women cured in a single appointment, Dr Mars says. More severe cases may require further treatment. See your GP for more information.
What do you think? Is vaginal rejuvenation special, new torture or an amazing scientific discovery?
Images via thedailybeast.com, theglow.com.au, cosbeauty.com.au
If you’ve ever put off having a pap smear because you’re worried it will be unpleasant and painful, you might be able to rest easy the next time you’re due – because soon, under the Federal Government’s new budget, they could be no more.
Don’t worry, they’re not going to stop testing you altogether; rather, they intend to change the way in which women are screened for cervical cancer by introducing a HPV test. And unlike the dreaded pap smear, which women aged 25-74 are urged to get every two years, the new screening method would only be required every five years.
“Cervical screening has already been very effective in Australia and with the introduction of the HPV vaccine and now this new test, we are getting even better at preventing cancer and providing treatment earlier,” pathologist, Dr Penny Yarrow, told the Daily Mail.
So why the move to test for HPV, you ask? According to research, human papillomavirus (HPV) accounts for 99 per cent of all cervical cancer. What’s more, an alarming rate of women in the affected age range are failing to be tested for the virus, with only 59 per cent participating. A further 80 per cent of females with cervical cancer are also not being screened regularly, or at all.
Dr Matthew Anderson, assistant professor at Baylor, shed some light on the issue in a statement: “During a pelvic exam the doctor has to be able to scrape cells directly from the area of the cervix where cancer is most likely to originate, and it’s potentially uncomfortable.”
Yarrow further explained to the Daily Mail: “Women must recognise the need to take part in cervical screening as the majority of cases of cervical cancer are found in women who do not get tested or are not tested regularly; early detection is extremely important for effective treatment.”
If you’re still a little confused as to how the new procedure will work, doctors say that by detecting HPV in the new test, it will then help them to identify if a women is at a higher risk cervical cancer before abnormal cells appear – and according to the Baylor College of Medicine News, the results will then be used to determine whether patients need continued evaluation or no evaluation.
The National Cervical Cancer Screening Program is set to be introduced in 2017 and is predicted to reduce casualties by 15 per cent when coupled with the cervical cancer vaccination that is already available.
What do you think of the new testing procedure?
Sex comes with certain risks. And while most of us would instantly think of STDs and pregnancy, this lot of un-sexy sex injuries looks at the risks of sex from a totally different perspective. Luckily, while some of these sex injuries sound down right scary, most can be prevented. Plus they don’t happen that often when you consider the amount of sex people have.
So, from sex in the shower to the broken penis, I’ve trolled the internet to come up with some sex injuries you may have experienced yourself, and some which I’m sure you’ll hope will never happen!
Bruised uterus / cervix
If thrusting is too intense or penetration too deep it can lead to complaints of the vagina. It can happen quite easily if your partner is well endowed or your cervix is reasonably short. The cervix rises and lowers with your menstrual, cycle so it’s possible that it’s more likely to happen during different times of the month. Your partner would probably like to go with the endowed penis explanation though, yeah?
Pain may be present some days after sex and you may experience other symptoms such as abnormal bleeding of the uterus, a burning sensation, itchiness, inflammation, blisters or a rash. While most bruising dissipates over time, seek medical advice if irritation and pain continues.
Torn vaginal cavity
This can occur during rough sex, contact with sharp objects, like finger nails or insertion of extra large objects. Once again no medical attention is required as healing will occur naturally. If the area becomes infected, is painful for a prolonged amount of time or you feel something isn’t right, head to your GP or Gynecologist.
This occurs when an area like the vagina swells significantly with blood. It is usually caused through blunt force trauma which can occur during sex. The blood clots, and even though the swelling may subside with elevation and cold compression, it is advised to seek medical treatment.
Broken penis aka Penile fracture
No this isn’t a joke! A man can actually break his penis. Apparently the most volatile position for this to occur is with the woman on top. Sorry fellas! With the woman’s weight exclusively on the man’s penis it can cause a fracture due to blunt force trauma. It can also be caused by thrusting into a hard object. I won’t go into any further explanation on that one, but apparently men can slip and miss?!
If the man hears a cracking or popping sound, it could be a a medical emergency that results in corrective surgery. If left untreated it can lead to erectile dysfunction, pain during sex, damage to the urethra (the passage for urine and semen to flow) and permanent penile curvature.
Torn frenulum aka torn banjo string
For a man this can be quite distressing because of the amount of blood which can spurt from the area. It’s actually more common than people think, however. It usually occurs due to lack of lubrication during sex or masturbation (a good excuse for extra foreplay!?). This friction then causes the frenulum (the skin joining the foreskin to the penis) to tear.
It’s recommended to stop the bleeding by applying a cool compress and antiseptic cream to encourage healing. Small tears will heal themselves in a week or two and larger rips will take longer. If there is pain or discomfort after healing, it’s advised to seek medical care. Be advised that it can tear more than once and may become susceptible to additional tears. So to prevent this from happening make sure to use extra lubrication.
Testicular Rupture aka fractured testis
This is rarer than a torn frenulum and is a result of testicular trauma. A rip occurs in the connective tissue covering the testis (tunica albuginea) and results in extrusion of the testicular contents. It may cause scrotal swelling, pain, nausea and vomiting. If this occurs it will require medical treatment and surgical intervention, so seek medical attention promptly.
Hemorrhoids / Rectal prolapse
If you engage in anal sex you may end up with either Hemorrhoids (a pink pad of extra skin protruding the anus), or a rectal prolapse. This is more serious. It can be present all the time or only during bowel movements. Effectively what has happened is that the muscles holding the rectum in place weaken and gravity works to pull the rectum down. The size is larger than a hemorrhoid, so this is how to distinguish between the two. If left untreated both can cause issues, so it’s best to see a GP.
Most have heard the story of the missing condom or tampon, yeah? Well what about the endless list of objects which are inserted into rectums? According to Martin J Carey, MD the list is only limited by imagination and it’s actually more common than people think. Most culprits try to fish objects out themselves, but ultimately end up at the doctors (hence the amount of x-rays on the internet!). The strangest case reported was about a man who traveled the world for six months with a dildo lodged up his butt. OMG! Wouldn’t you have liked to have been a fly on the wall in that consultation room!
Broken bones/torn ligaments/muscles
Sex can get pretty adventurous, so it’s no wonder the body can sometimes stretch beyond it’s capacity. Among the most popular breaks are noses and torn ligaments and muscles in backs, legs, hands and fingers.
Just like any other form of exercise, it’s recommended that couples have a warm up before engaging in sex to reduce the risk of injuries. You never know, you might invent some new type of warm up foreplay?!
Slips/slides/crashes and smashes
Sex and slippery surfaces can be a lethal combination. Add a bit of lube and you’re well on your way for a trip to the hospital. If you’re going to use lubes or oils, be sure to get everything ready first to avoid any slips around the house.
Showers are another hazard. It’s recommended that if you have sex in the shower invest in a not slip mat. You might even want to try suction cupped handcuffs which can be used in wet areas and on slippery surfaces. They can spice things up and prevent slipping injuries.
Although there are many benefits of having a healthy sex life, it can all injure or affect the body in other ways. The following things have also been classified as sex injuries, which can occur during sex, orgasm or during initial hours following sex. These include, but aren’t limited to: heart-attacks, stroke, burst appendix, dislocation of joints like shoulders or knees, carpet burn, whisker rash, popped eyes, burst blood vessels and strangely a case of paralysis caused by a love bite.
Images via twitter.com, brooksidepress.org, wikipedia.org, collegehumor.com and barabare.blogspot.com
For many women vaginal intercourse isn’t the orgasmic experience they crave, according to Elisabeth Lloyd, American philosopher of biology and author of The Case of the Female Orgasm. After analyzing 33 studies conducted over the past 80 years, Lloyd discovered that only 25 percent of women regularly experience orgasm during vaginal intercourse and half “sometimes” get there. Then there’s roughly 20 percent who rarely experience it and another 5 percent who miss out all together.
What’s more, achieving orgasm seemed unrelated to the duration of intercourse (how long her partner lasts), penis size or emotions connected to their partners. Therefore, it’s safe to say that actually achieving orgasm during vaginal intercourse can be a bit of a hit and miss experience. The question is, why? Or more importantly what can women do about it?
It seems to boil down to simple biology. The location of the clitoris is outside the vagina. It lies within the top area of the vaginal lips and penile stimulation inside the vagina usually doesn’t touch it. Although vaginal orgasm is possible without clitoral stimulation, most women find this difficult.
Another significant way which women miss out on achieving orgasm, is skimping on foreplay. If duration of intercourse doesn’t seem to relate to the low account of female orgasm, duration and quality of foreplay is a major possibility. This ultimately readies the body to experience pleasure. Women’s bodies take longer to prepare them for orgasm than healthy men and this factor maybe where women are missing out. Most men can arouse easily and take little time to orgasm. Women, on the other hand need more encouragement.
This might have to do with conditioning. Like anything in life, the more we do something the quicker and more efficient we become. Most teenaged boys masturbate, therefore, by the time they reach manhood, most can achieve an erection and experience orgasm within minutes. For some men, foreplay can be an unnecessary distraction which can lead to premature ejaculation. If they spend too much time on foreplay they probably won’t last very long during intercourse. Some men therefore limit the amount of foreplay so intercourse is prolonged. Make sense?
There’s no changing biology (well there is but that’s a different conversation!) and some sexual positions are better for women to achieve orgasm, like straddling her partner. The women on top is popular for this reason, because she can control the areas being stimulated. Plus, women can grind, which will stimulate the clitoris while her man thrusts.
The only problem with this is that it can get boring repeating the same position over and over again. Being the primary way many women achieve orgasm, regularly changing positions can deter bedroom boredom, assist the duration of intercourse and women can “finish” on top.
Another way to make orgasm more achievable is through masturbation. Women can achieve a similar level of stimulation, to that of their partners, by practicing. If it seems to take an eternity to achieve orgasm, masturbating might help.
Women can use visual or auditory imagery during masturbation, much like men. Self-exploration maybe what’s required to discover what’s hot and what’s not! Using the imagery during foreplay can prepare the body faster and make orgasm more achievable during vaginal intercourse.
Lastly, a women can help condition her man to last longer. This can be achieved by taking a break during foreplay, switching positions or getting him to think about other things during foreplay and intercourse.
Work together to find solutions and on achieving a happy medium. Remember, your man isn’t responsible for your orgasm. You are! Women can practice to orgasm more efficiently and men can practice to orgasm less efficiently. This is what happens naturally as a man ages and possibly why it’s recommended that sex can and often does get better!
Image via photos.myjoyonline.com
Picture this: It’s holiday season, you’ve been happily single for a year now (by choice, obvs) as you’re far too busy being fabulous, successful and carefree to want a serious relationship just now, but you’ve developed an urgent need for some hot lovin’.
a) Invest in yet another vibrator (yawn)
b) Eat more chocolate cake (like, a lot more)
c) Take up kickboxing to vent your sexual frustration and/or
d) Contemplate a holiday romance, fling or casual sex encounter, whatever term your fancy.
If you answered d), take a deep breath and let’s talk about the “rules”, girlfriend.
Sexologists and relationship experts alike say you’ll want to strongly consider the following hot topics below and/or include them for possible discussion with Mr-Perfect-For-Now if and when you decide to take up a short-term “fuck buddy” over the summer break. Of course, if it’s a one-night night you’d prefer, there probably won’t be a lot of deep and meaningful dialogue.
- Don’t expect cuddling, basking or canoodling after sex. If he bolts straight for the door after the big event, and you’re sure you’re just after casual sex, you need to learn to be OK with this, lady.
- You can’t expect to introduce your booty call to your friends, family or pets. Dude ain’t yours for the keeping (and you don’t want him long-term anyway).
- Be upfront about your expectations and feelings, or lack thereof: sure, relationships can grow out of casual sex, but you’ve got to make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to love and commitment. Honesty is absolutely key.
- Do not act like a girlfriend and develop a strong emotional attachment to hot casual sex man if you don’t want a relationship. Save yourself (and him) the complication and possible heartbreak; leave your emotions at the door.
- Don’t be greedy and selfish in the bedroom: this is the time to be adventurous, find out what truly blows your hair back and experiment with new sexual positions and/or role play. Just be sure that he’s into it, too.
- Ensure you’re in control of both your emotions and your actions to avoid unsafe scenarios.
- Always, always practice safe sex. Always. Did I mention always? No ifs, ands or buts, if he won’t wear a condom, abort!
What do you think? What are your casual sex rules?
Images via www.someecards.com.
So, your man’s having trouble getting it up? Venting frustration over your man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection is the worst thing for this situation and can make any man feel like a total failure. No one wants to demoralise their partner, especially for something which is usually, beyond his control.
At some stage, most men will experience Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and it’s far more common than people realize. If it wasn’t, pharmaceutical companies wouldn’t be cashing in on a little invention they call Viagra! In many cases, it can be attributed to the male ageing process. It’s far more common for men when they reach 40 and beyond.
When men experience ED it can affect their self esteem, identity, masculinity and, left untreated, eventually puts an enormous amount of pressure on their ability to perform sexually and their intimate relationship. Most men won’t discuss it and they will likely withdraw causing their partners to internalise the problem.
This is where women can take the lead. Discussing ED with your partner is imperative to overcoming it. If it’s a one-off event, laugh it off and relieve the pressure placed on your partner’s inability to perform sexually. This will reduce performance anxiety. How a partner responds to ED can make a significant difference to when and how it’s treated.
Most importantly, don’t take it personally. Your partner is not experiencing less attraction toward you and it’s not an indication of how much your partner wants or loves you. It’s a medical issue, plain and simple. Remembering this is key. It’s very easy for women to internalise a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection as an indicator of how attractive or desirable they are, especially as we get older.
If it’s not a regular thing, excessive alcohol consumption or extreme tiredness might be the reason. We all lead busy lives and just because you both might feel like having sex, his body may be in need of a good solid sleep. If it occurs more often, it may be something more serious like diseases that affect blood flow, chronic illness, psychological factors, including performance anxiety or a side effect of various medications.
Therefore, if ED is occurring more often it’s time to have a serious discussion about it. The longer you both wait to have the conversation, the worse it will get. In some cases, a man may take himself to the GP and seek treatment. Others will stick their head in the sand and need encouragement. That doesn’t mean nagging about it until he feels compelled to shut you up, either.
Encouragement should involve understanding and patience. If your man is avoiding the issue and opting to distance himself from you, sexually and emotionally, things can get tricky. No amount of sexy lingerie is going to fix it. Keep being affectionate and maybe try some sex toys, which assist ED. These include penis pumps and cock rings. These help achieve and maintain an erection.
If it’s beyond that, book an appointment at the GP for both of you. Take him by the hand and support him. The GP should investigate the cause of ED, rather than throw him a script for Viagra or other ED medication. Make sure this happens. It might be something simple but it may be an indicator of more serious health matters.
Lastly, love your partner and support him through it. Although men don’t go through menopause, like women do, their bodies still suffer the effects of ageing. Work through the issue together and use the opportunity to connect, rather than vent frustration, blame and distance yourselves. In most cases, treatment will be successful and you can both enjoy a healthy sex life for many years to come.
Image via independent.co.uk
A recent study conducted by women’s cancer charity, The Eve Appeal, found that only 1 in 5 women could identify their vagina on a diagram! The UK-based charity conducted the survey of 1000 young women as part of Gynaecological Cancer Awareness Month. In spirit of this cause, we at SHESAID think it’s important that all women be able to correctly identify and explain the different parts of their reproductive system.
The ovaries are oval-shaped glands that produce ova, or eggs.
When ovulating, your ova travel from your ovaries through the fallopian tubes to your uterus, and perhaps out through your cervix and vagina along with the uterine lining during menstruation. Fertilization of the ova typically occurs in the fallopian tubes.
Synonymous with the “womb”, the uterus is a hollow organ, roughly the size of a pear. Should you ever get pregnant the fetus will live and grow inside your uterus.
The cervix is the lower part of the uterus, or the uterus opening. It is a channel through which semen can enter, and menstrual blood – or a baby – to exit your uterus.
Finally – the elusive vagina! While many consider the vagina to be an umbrella term for your sexual organs, it is actually the entrance to your internal reproductive organs. It joins the cervix to the outside of the body and is occasionally called “the birth canal”.
I once met a beauty therapist who told me her main male client assessed a woman’s dating potential, and indeed whether he’d consider “going down there” on her, purely based on the state of her feet. Yep, that’s right – this guy had a serious foot fetish and in his mind, if a woman didn’t keep hers in tip-top shape, then by his logic, the rest of her would be a hazardous no-go zone too.
I guffawed loudly in shock upon hearing this – talk about shallow and judgemental – wasn’t he interested in the state of a woman’s brain, too?
Dating can be a minefield, in which you must carefully navigate partners’ sexual quirks. So, what do you do when you encounter a sexual turnoff?
Communication is key, and definitely don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, says leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein.
“Partners have to tell each other what they like,” she says, “but it always needs to be requested, never forced. And if it feels like the request is overstepping a boundary, it’s time to call it quits.”
1. How does your lady garden grow: Bush is back in a big way, according to women’s tabloids, largely because a certain Gwyneth Paltrow recently admitted she “rocks a 70s vibe down there”. So, can we women banish our brazilian waxers for good? Easy tiger – chances are, you may meet a man who prefers your bod to be hairless in the manner of a mannequin. Is it a deal breaker? Should you have to wax if you don’t want to? Dr Goldstein says if you find the idea of a brazilian abhorrent, and he’s always at you to wax, get a new partner who likes you au naturel.
2. If it’s not on, it really ain’t on: Does your new man whinge every time he wears a condom? If your partner won’t take responsibility for your respective sexual health and birth control, it’s high time you booted him out of your bed, says Dr Goldstein. “If a man is going to refuse to wear a condom then he has to accept you’ll both be getting an STI test and entering into a monogamous, exclusive relationship,” she says. “It’s one of those important conversations that don’t have to be awkward: ‘Let’s discuss this, so next time we both know what to do and don’t have to stop mid-sex’.”
3. Keep it fresh, keep it clean: Sex can be hottest at its most primal, but personal hygiene is paramount when dating, methinks – no one wants to get busy with a partner with a bad case of BO. So, how do you tell the man you’re knocking socks with, to fix himself up, without offending? If he comes at you – post rugby match – do you spray him with Old Spice? Dr Goldstein agrees “grubby sex can be hot”, but says be careful you don’t damage a man’s ego with this one. “Suggest a shower together, be calculating and clever to make this situation work for you.”
4. Ladies need a warm-up: Is your lover always in a rush to get to Orgasm Town? Or is his idea of foreplay buying you a drink? “A lot of guys find foreplay boring because the focus isn’t on them – it’s selfish and lazy,” Dr Goldstein says. “The rule of thumb is give her an orgasm before you enter her. If a woman is already aroused, she also has more chance to orgasm through penetration and come quickly. A lot of men don’t understand women need a slow warm-up – and getting a woman off is a turn-on for both of you. If you put in the work, guys, you’ll benefit too!”
5. Does he do a Harry Holt?: Does your new lover bolt from the bed after sex? The cool-down, or basking, is just as important as the warm-up – if you’re in a committed relationship that is, says Dr Goldstein. “If you’re having casual sex, you can’t expect the snuggling afterwards,” she says, “it’s the one negative to the casual hook-up. But if you’re dating someone, that behaviour’s a little indication they are scared of commitment – people who don’t want to stick around and snuggle and jump out of bed after sex, I would put money on them not wanting a relationship.”
Main image via checksandspots.com and bikini image via www.timeslive.co.za
Read our interview with Dr Gabrielle Morrissey ? everything you wanted to know about sex (but were afraid to ask).
By Sally Schofield
Buy Urge! from the SheSaid Bookshop.
Dr Gabrielle Morrissey is head of the Sexology Unit at Curtin University, WA and has she’s just written one hell of a book about sex. Gabrielle took time out of her busy promotional schedule to chat with SheSaid about Urge her no-holds barred bed-side sex manual.
“Urge started really when I was doing sex therapy two years ago. I was getting a lot of questions across a broad range of topics and I would recommend books and I would recommend web sites. I kept thinking it really is, for some of these people, like trying to find a needle in a haystack,” says Gabrielle identifying a common problem in the over-saturated self-help marketplace. “To find the answer to their problems, they keep having to sort through mountains of manuscripts and web sites and I kept thinking there should just be a really simple, one book answer to all different kinds of things,” she says. Finding a book for ‘you and me’ was also becoming frequently frustrating with the ever-increasing range of titles available in what Gabrielle identifies as a niche-marketing overload. “I think it went too far. You know, I’m a Former Transexual Gay Man Who’s Been Married Twice… it’s getting ridiculous!” she says of the glut of sex-self-help books saturating books shop shelves with titles that make your average episode of Jerry Springer seem, well, normal.
“You have to buy twelve books just to get yourself going!” she laughs. “I thought there should be one book that covered when things go wrong but that also didn’t assume everyone was having problem. It would have a lot of fun chapters as well, and it would have a lot of trivia and information from around the world and historical stuff. I come across lots of quirky stuff all the time in my research and my work, and I kept thinking ‘These are gems, people should know about this kind of stuff!’ You know, like where does the word fuck come from?”
Urge is part self-help manual, part encyclopedia, part glossary. Comic, serious, sexy, this guide covers everything you need to know about sex, sexual health, being sexy and sexuality. Cover to cover, this volume explores every aspect of loving and relationships in a fascinating, interesting and informative way. If only sex education was like this when I went to school!
“The idea was that it’s the kind of book that provides helpful hints and answers to those frequently asked questions. My intent was never to make a book that when people went to the cash register, they felt like they were highlighted in neon, screaming out to the rest of the shop ‘Yes I have a sexual problem and I’m embarrassed about it!’ she says.
Far from being a blush-worthy ‘brown paper bag job’ Urge doesn’t focus on being a self-help guide that by association would mark out the buyer as a hapless, sexual retard or on the other side of the coin, a sex-obsessed deviant. Rather, it presents itself as the latest must-have guide for the awakening sexuality of a culture obsessed with up-to-the-minute information.
“I wanted it to be the kind of book that was very groovy and funky to buy that didn’t smack of any embarrassment. I was just in a pub in Paddington (Sydney) and a group of men were thumbing through it and I was mightly impressed,” says Gabrielle with a sense of satisfaction.
“Women have less of a hang up towards saying ‘I don’t know that…’ Men, because most of their questions about sex are performance-centred, it’s hard for them to admit that there are things that they don’t know. They generally say ‘Oh, I know all about that and I’m really good at that… But just for a change of pace, if I wanted to try something different, what would it be?’ And that’s really their way of saying ‘Help.’
I think there’s a lot of information in there for both men and women and I wrote it for both. Each chapter is broken down for both men and women and I was hoping that people would read it by themselves, lovers would pillow talk with it and that groups of friends would read it.”
Sex is certainly the topic of the moment. Make the most of the new breed of sex books around. Get Urge and impress your lover, your friends (and most importantly, yourself) with all there is to know about sex…Enjoy.
By Sally Schofield