I once met a beauty therapist who told me her main male client assessed a woman’s dating potential, and indeed whether he’d consider “going down there” on her, purely based on the state of her feet. Yep, that’s right – this guy had a serious foot fetish and in his mind, if a woman didn’t keep hers in tip-top shape, then by his logic, the rest of her would be a hazardous no-go zone too.
I guffawed loudly in shock upon hearing this – talk about shallow and judgemental – wasn’t he interested in the state of a woman’s brain, too?
Dating can be a minefield, in which you must carefully navigate partners’ sexual quirks. So, what do you do when you encounter a sexual turnoff?
Communication is key, and definitely don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, says leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein.
“Partners have to tell each other what they like,” she says, “but it always needs to be requested, never forced. And if it feels like the request is overstepping a boundary, it’s time to call it quits.”
1. How does your lady garden grow: Bush is back in a big way, according to women’s tabloids, largely because a certain Gwyneth Paltrow recently admitted she “rocks a 70s vibe down there”. So, can we women banish our brazilian waxers for good? Easy tiger – chances are, you may meet a man who prefers your bod to be hairless in the manner of a mannequin. Is it a deal breaker? Should you have to wax if you don’t want to? Dr Goldstein says if you find the idea of a brazilian abhorrent, and he’s always at you to wax, get a new partner who likes you au naturel.
2. If it’s not on, it really ain’t on: Does your new man whinge every time he wears a condom? If your partner won’t take responsibility for your respective sexual health and birth control, it’s high time you booted him out of your bed, says Dr Goldstein. “If a man is going to refuse to wear a condom then he has to accept you’ll both be getting an STI test and entering into a monogamous, exclusive relationship,” she says. “It’s one of those important conversations that don’t have to be awkward: ‘Let’s discuss this, so next time we both know what to do and don’t have to stop mid-sex’.”
3. Keep it fresh, keep it clean: Sex can be hottest at its most primal, but personal hygiene is paramount when dating, methinks – no one wants to get busy with a partner with a bad case of BO. So, how do you tell the man you’re knocking socks with, to fix himself up, without offending? If he comes at you – post rugby match – do you spray him with Old Spice? Dr Goldstein agrees “grubby sex can be hot”, but says be careful you don’t damage a man’s ego with this one. “Suggest a shower together, be calculating and clever to make this situation work for you.”
4. Ladies need a warm-up: Is your lover always in a rush to get to Orgasm Town? Or is his idea of foreplay buying you a drink? “A lot of guys find foreplay boring because the focus isn’t on them – it’s selfish and lazy,” Dr Goldstein says. “The rule of thumb is give her an orgasm before you enter her. If a woman is already aroused, she also has more chance to orgasm through penetration and come quickly. A lot of men don’t understand women need a slow warm-up – and getting a woman off is a turn-on for both of you. If you put in the work, guys, you’ll benefit too!”
5. Does he do a Harry Holt?: Does your new lover bolt from the bed after sex? The cool-down, or basking, is just as important as the warm-up – if you’re in a committed relationship that is, says Dr Goldstein. “If you’re having casual sex, you can’t expect the snuggling afterwards,” she says, “it’s the one negative to the casual hook-up. But if you’re dating someone, that behaviour’s a little indication they are scared of commitment – people who don’t want to stick around and snuggle and jump out of bed after sex, I would put money on them not wanting a relationship.”
Main image via checksandspots.com and bikini image via www.timeslive.co.za