Even though I know I have no business having a baby, it feels like a door closing on my fingers every time I see it happen to someone else.
Actually being single – i.e. not dating – is great.
I need to come to terms with the fact that my dream may never come true.
What’s she got that I don’t have?
Does this mean I’ve given up? Will I die alone? Do I care?
I could be single if I wanted to.
Love, just like cupid, is stupid…
Stop kissing every frog, hoping he’s a prince.
It’s never been more obvious that with age comes wisdom…
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it” – Carrie Bradshaw.
Sassy, smart, beautiful, single women, one and all: stand tall! Are you feeling plagued by the pressure to constantly explain why you’re flying solo? This is a very common complaint from single women I know. Indeed, when I was single, I too felt hassled by the need to incessantly justify why I was unattached, whether it be to a colleague, family member or a friend. Even perfect strangers at social occasions will have no qualms about asking you, in full condescending tone: “So, why are you still single?”
Being single is a powerful, positive choice for many women – after all, there ain’t no better time to find out what you want in life and in a partner, than when you have to stand on your own two feet and learn to like your own company. Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, 28, who is happily single herself, says she’s often forced to defend her singleton status.
“There are so many positives in my life to being single in my 20s, but people still comment negatively on it all the time,” Dr Goldstein says. “Women should never be ashamed to be single. It can be a very positive choice – you do not need to be loved by someone to have high self-esteem.” But how do you stay sane as a singleton, no matter whether you’re happily dating or not, when rogue relatives/colleagues/strangers are killing your buzz?
Short of telling said nosey, conservative types you’re batting for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that) in a bid to silence and/or shock them, you may want to try these quick and easy Singleton Sanity Savers:
Quote marriage stats: Make the Australian Bureau of Statistics your friend. The next time sleazy, old Uncle Graham asks you why you’re still single, try boring him senseless with endless divorce statistics. For example, “Did you know, Uncle G (insert relative name here), that approximately one in three first marriages end in divorce? And, in 2012, there were 49,917 divorces granted in Australia; that’s a two per cent increase compared to 2011?”
Turn the tables: This was a personal favourite of mine, when single – the next time some smug married (may I never be one of those) asks you why you aren’t married and knocked up, ask them loudly and pointedly to the point of rudeness: “How’s your love-life? Had much hot sex lately?” That should do the trick quite nicely.
Tell tall stories: Climbed Mt Everest lately? Travelled to the Valley of the Kings and Queens in Egypt? Been parasailing, paragliding or skydiving? If you answered no to these questions, fret not – life can be a grand adventure when single, and chances are, the person giving you a hard time about your lifestyle choice will be jealous of all your free time, no matter whether you put it to good use exploring the Seven Wonders of the World. So, exploit this by telling tall tales about what you got up to on the weekend and your exciting plans for the future.
Images via wikipedia.org
The value women place on relationships tends to vary. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never had one. But i’m entirely cool with that. I’m the first to admit that I’m a driven, self-absorbed person. I’ve always got three or four projects on the go and the centrepiece is always me. There’s not much room in my life for anyone else, so I’m generally bent on a fly-by-night romance rather than a relationship. That’s fine. That’s how I like it. That, to me, feels normal.
But I know lots of women who are in one relationship after another after another. When they’re not, they lament the lack of a man in their lives until the next one comes along. I don’t understand it. How can these intelligent, talented, switched on girls be so governed by the presence or absence of a partner? Women who have their own lives, careers, stories and are still not satisfied? Really?
I’m not here to judge, but I’ve always wondered why these women are so willing to put themselves through the anxiety of one relationship, let alone multiple relationships, in their 20’s. I’m very good at mopping up the mess after their latest break-ups. It’s psychological torture to watch them suffer. But when the next fella comes a-knockin’, it’s like the past never happened and the cycle starts again.
What?! In my early 20’s, I’ll admit I thought these girls were somewhat…lacking. I was perfectly satisfied without a relationship. However, over the last couple of years, I’ve been examining my mindset. It appears that the majority of the population craves some sort of romantic partnership at some point. Regardless of the complications, frustrations and paranoia, the happy parts are seemingly worth it. Perhaps that’s why people look at me strangely when I tell them, “I don’t do boyfriends.”
I will admit that sometimes, when I see couples walking down the street, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling. I may even feel a pang of jealousy. But I don’t need to indulge that. I saunter past and make eyes at the next cute guy I see, my primal instinct sufficiently quashed. The problem is I’ve started to wonder whether I ignore this primal instinct because I want to, or because it’s not part of my ‘image’. Worst of all; I’ve started to feel guilty about it.
I’m aware that there are other women with the same attitude, but by and large, most of my female friends are at least open to having a relationship. This, contrary to what I used to believe, makes me the weird one. By all good reasoning; I am the one who is lacking. But lacking what? The ability to open up? This isn’t true. The ability to relate to people? Definitely not. Maybe I lack the ability to embrace change. I really don’t have the answer yet. At this point in time, I’m pretty set in my ways when it comes to the concept of coupling. However, when I observe the euphoric highs of my boyfriend-ed up buddies (when the going’s good) and the iron-bound love my parents have for each other, I know I’m missing something.
I’ll probably be that clichéd alpha-female who is swept off her feet by the right guy. If that happens tomorrow, or in 10 years, well, I’m open to it. But for the time being, I’m happy to be accountable to nobody, and indulge numerous outrageous flings. It suits me. So to other women who don’t like the idea of partner-dom; you’re not alone, you’re not a freak and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. The time for relationships will come, but maybe it’s just not right now.
Image via Askmen.com
Being single over Christmas isn’t necessarily a bad thing. All that free time, all those parties… In fact Christmas is a fantastic time of year for singletons! Here are 10 amazing things you can do to really enjoy the festive season…
If you are looking to meet someone, there are plenty of speed dating events going on around this time of year. If you do meet someone then you have a whole range of parties and activities to choose from when it comes to that second date.
Cocktail master class
Something to do alone or with friends, this is a great way to get into the festive spirit. Try making eggnog, mulled cider or perhaps even Buck’s Fizz with a hint of rum. You won’t struggle to find cocktail classes in your area, or you could just set up your own cocktail session in your kitchen with a couple of your best friends.
Either log online to Mecca Bingo or get yourself to a bingo hall. It’s a great chance to make friends, have fun and perhaps even win a little money.
Dinner with friends
A quiet dinner with friends can be the perfect time to catch up, exchange gifts and have a laugh. Give yourself plenty of time to do this over the Christmas period as this time of the year is exactly when you should be thankful for family and friends.
Movie and popcorn
Whether it’s alone, with family or with friends, take some time out to watch a movie. It might be a Christmas favourite such as Love Actually or it might be a must-see blockbuster. Whatever you choose, make sure you’re fully stocked up on drinks and sweets before settling down
Homemade gifts are the best kind so take some time to bake during the festive period. Baked goodies can be handed out to friends, family and colleagues or they can simply be enjoyed at home. Try cinnamon cookies, peppermint cremes and mince pies.
A brisk winter walk does wonders for your health. Not only will it get your heart pumping but is a great way to keep on top of all those extra calories you’ll probably eat over the Christmas period.
Take up a new hobby
Use your time off this Christmas to take up a new hobby. Perhaps it’s time to try ice skating or maybe you want to attempt knitting a new scarf. Whatever you choose, dedicate some time to your new found hobby and have fun while you learn a new skill.
Always wanted to write that novel or work on your autobiography? Now is the time. Spend at least 20 minutes every morning writing. Even if you don’t have any concrete ideas, just taking some time to let your creative juices flow can really spark some ideas.
Go on holiday
With no family ties, you can get away with travelling at Christmas more than you might be able to if you had a partner and kids to consider. Jet off somewhere sunny and spend Christmas Day soaking up rays by a pool or on the beach. There are plenty of places to choose from but the Caribbean is particularly good at this time of the year.
As you can see, there’s plenty to do as a singleton over the Christmas period.