Singledom

Why I Grieved For My Single Life When I Got Married

Is saying ‘I do’ saying ‘goodbye’?

March 7, 2016

18 Struggles That Are Too Real For Single People

No, I don’t want you to ‘fix me up’.

January 11, 2016

Why I Hate Relationships And Love Singledom

There’s nothing worse than driving the safe road because you’re afraid of the one less traveled. 

October 16, 2015

Sex And The Single Gal: The Disappearing Man Act

Have you ever seriously dated a man and then – poof – just like magic, he literally disappeared?!

Welcome to the Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Man – a puzzling, astonishing, and infuriating phenomenon which often occurs in the dating game, whereby the man you’re knocking socks with will suddenly vanish off the face of the earth.

Related: Sex And The Single Gal: Why Flying Solo’s Good For You

It’s happened to me and it’s most likely happened to you, or at least to someone you know. For me, it was a suave, older businessman whom I’d been seriously dating for a few months, who appeared so keen on me he introduced me to both his mother and his teenage son. Long divorced, he seemed like a good guy and eventually wined, dined and seduced me with gusto after we first met at a bar.

He pursued me – not the other way around – and on the day he vanished, he’d even made dinner plans with me, right down to the time he was going to pick me up to head out to a restaurant. When he didn’t show, I rang him on his mobile, genuinely concerned for his welfare.

And after leaving several messages for him – all of which were unreturned – it dawned on me the next day that, shockingly, the dude had disappeared on me.

What a gutless wonder?! Instead of having the balls to tell me he was unhappy, or wasn’t feeling it – anything, something – he’d pulled a vanishing act.

relationships, dating, emotional honesty

Now, when this maddening situation happens to you, you may be inclined – as I was – to over-analyse every detail of your last meeting and/or both yours and his behaviour for clues as to why he did the “Harry Holt”.

Don’t, sister, just don’t – who knows what was going on inside this coward’s head and why? And, even more the point – who the hell cares? The fact of the matter is he’s gone, so dry your tears and get on with the business of being fabulous – at least, that’s my advice.

For, from my experience, you really really don’t want to spend any time pining after or grieving the loss of a man whose cowardice will ultimately be his own undoing. So, let the Houdini disappear and inwardly thank both him, and the universe, for his exit from your life, even if it was painfully undignified. For if he can’t behave like a grown man, and treat you with the respect and emotional honesty you deserve, he ain’t the man for you!

And down the track, you will most likely see the funny side of the situation and happily regale friends with the full story. Hell, I’m actually fairly convinced I may have been a “beard” for my Houdini – his mother was very taken with me, way more than him, clearly! Ha!

relationships, dating, emotional honesty

Relationship experts say it’s worthwhile taking some time out from the dating scene – even fleetingly – to get your mojo back after you’ve been crushed by a disappearing bastardo.

Another key piece of relationship advice on combating wounds caused by  emotionally bankrupt Houdinis is to stay as humanly busy as possible and focus on your loved ones, work and most importantly, yourself.

Take up a new exercise class, or pursue a new passion – most of all, do not chase or stalk, via social media, this cretinous human who deemed you unworthy of both his time and a dignified break-up.

You’re way too fabulous for that, girlfriend! Instead, you can look forward with hope to meeting someone amazing and worthy of you with the heart of a lion, not a mouse.

Here endeth the rant.

Main image via giftsofhisglory.com, secondary image via thisisdesignondesign.blogspot and final image via lacherinsurance.com.

June 17, 2015

Vagina Vs Brain: Why First-Date Sex Rocks

You’ve been happily single, but sexually starved for what feels like forever – then, bam! You meet a partner who ignites your passion, excites your mind and, even better, he’s just as enamoured with you.

RELATED: Fifty Shades Of Grey Sex Balls: Fact Vs Fiction

Indeed, your connection is so strong, you feel as though you’ve known each other for years and you can barely keep your hands off each other. In the age-old battle between vagina Vs brain: which should win? Should you have first-date sex or wait it out, lest he’s only interested in one thing?

For centuries, women’s sexuality has been strictly controlled, reined in and frowned upon. Young men are encouraged to “sew their wild oats”, while we women are instead traditionally taught to behave like ladies and learn to suppress and overrule our perfectly normal wanton desires, lest men view us as immoral and promiscuous.

Well, I say to the hell with that! I was always more team Samantha (pictured) than team Carrie in Sex and the City, with the much more neurotic latter famously never having first-date sex – until she met Mr. Big, that is. Samantha, by contrast, always seemed a lot happier.

And as Samantha once quipped, in reference to the archaic views in 1995 self-help dating book, The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right: “The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn’t get laid. So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.”

sex, single, solo, self-esteem, young women, love, dating

Amen! And that’s the thing, why should women alone bear shame for having first-date sex? Doesn’t it take two to tango?

I say don’t buy into the sexist bullshit that decrees women are somehow unworthy if you do decide to have sex on the first date. And I’m not saying leave your brain at home – always make sure it’s safe sex, in a secure situation, on your own terms – but let’s take the humiliation and indignity out of the equation.

Women who do have first-date sex are not sluts (oh, how I hate that word – where is the male equiavalent?!) and supposed “walk of shame” be damned! What’s more, if you do get busy on the first date with a new man, and he never calls you back the next day and/or goes AWOL, isn’t that a true blessing?

You’ve dodged a bullet, sister; he’s nowhere near good enough for you. Let him, and his backward, sexist views, not even be a tiny speck in your universe.

sextoysforcouples

And here’s the big thing ladies: if you’re fortunate enough to meet the love of your life, does it really matter when you actually do the deed? I highly doubt it: if it’s the right person, it all falls into place, in the blink of an eye.

Confession time: My husband and I had sex on our third date, over a three-week period, and it was amazing. But I fancied the pants off him right away and would have happily had sex sooner, if circumstances permitted.

After a string of dating disasters, including a crazy stalker, I’d insisted on public dates with him for safety reasons and it wasn’t until our third date that I took him back to my place.

But even if we had have had first-date sex, I firmly believe we’d still be together to this day, seven years after meeting at a live music venue. I think we were always destined to get married and have babies, regardless of when we did the deed.

So, I believe if you set yourself a rigid set of dating rules – like only having sex on the third date, for example, you’re just cheating yourself out of a lot of laughs, good times, life lessons and a hell of a lot of orgasms.

I really think you have to judge when you have sex with a new partner on how you feel, at the time. So, maybe it’s really a case of heart + vagina overrules head?

first-date sex, sex advice, casual sex, relationship advice

Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, herself a sexy, young singleton, agrees there shouldn’t be set rules when it comes to the exact right time to have sex with a new partner.
“I think you have to assess each situation and be aware of the consequences,” she says. “He may be testing you to see if you are relationship material ala the Madonna-whore complex. You might then find the relationship slipping into a booty call/casual hook-up rather than a relationship.

“And then another consequence of first-date sex might be the classic he-never-calls-you-back post-sex because he’s got what he wanted.

“It’s a difficult one – but you don’t want to be with a man who judges you. Just bear in mind some guys are really old-fashioned at heart and would be put off by a girl who was up for sex on the first date.”

But Dr Nikki is quick to point out that sometimes first-date sex can be magical and lead to a relationship, despite the supposed risks. “I’ve got friends who’ve waited and friends who are happily married who had sex on their very first date,” she says. “If it’s right – if there’s a real connection – it doesn’t really matter when you have sex.

“Sometimes, women can feel enough connection and spark that you want to have first-date sex.

“There is nothing wrong with a girl who feels comfortable enough in her own skin to have sex on the first date –  as long as it’s for the right reasons and not as a self-esteem boost.

“Women are just as sexual (if not more) than men – it’s just that society encourages them to inhibit and hide their sexual desires.”

Is-your-sex-life-all-about-orgasms

However, Dr Nikki also advises that sometimes sex can be even more mind-blowing after intimacy has been pre-established. “Sex is often better when it’s something to look forward to,” she says. “You could try establishing an emotional connection first – it’s a hard one – a balancing act.”

For more information on Dr Goldstein, visit drnikki.com.au.

What do you think? Does first-date sex blow your hair back?

Main image via www.stephanspeaks.com; secondary image via www.fanpop.com and cartoon via www.someecards.com. Other images supplied

 

February 6, 2015

It’s fashionable to be single!

 

Go Royal Get with it this week and get the boys at the same time-just like Gwyneth does. The look your after is that of the character she played in The Royal Tenebaums. To bone up on the look, grab the video, it?s hilarious. The look is hot right now and it?s all about dark black kohl eyes. The heavier the better and boys love this look, so learn how to do it. Make-up artists to the stars say, ?It?s as simple as outlining the eyes in black and smudging with a cotton tip. Remember to do inside and outside the eyes. This creates big, heavy eyes. Layer on mascara and you?re done.? Start with L?Oreal Line Intensifique. This will help make it more dramatic. It comes in three shades, but be sure to check out Mineral, which has gold flecks through it. Available at department stores and selected pharmacies for around $18. Another product must is Le Grand Kohl Line and Define Pencil in Onyx, by L?Oreal. The mascara we suggest is Max Factor Lashfinity ($19.95). It just won?t budge, even through rubbing,

 

 

stays. Ooh er!Get a look The difference is all in the style. As this is the month we love singledom, we?ve decided to embrace it by starting at the top. Grab the attention of the object of your affection with one of our latest runway looks. There are 5 to choose from ? one that?s bound to suit your style. As the current fashion is more dressed down, it is more important that the hair is completely up-to-date and styled to perfection. Here goes: Stylin? up Men love that very French, ?just shoved my hair up in five seconds? look. The modern up-style is quick, easy and very casual.?Up? is great because you can see the neck and often it can be an instant face-lift. Kate Moss believes wearing a simple ponytail is the best face-lift a girl can get. The new up does not have

 

 

be time consuming and coiffed. It?s a good one for you if you have naturally thick, well-textured medium to long hair. Don?t even bother if you have short hair (guess that goes without saying) or if you have lifeless, limp or fine hair. No amounts of hairpins are ever going to hold your hair up. Keep away from it if you have too many short layers as well. The tools for Stylin? Upare

    • Lady Jayne bobby Pins – they?ve been around forever. Our great grandmothers would have loved them, and a bargain at $4.88 for a pack of 12.
    • Andrew Collinge Thickening Moussing Gelle ($11.95)
  • Tigi Round Brush ($39)

Bedroom hair And we don?t mean for sleeping either! This look is hotter than ever. Elegantly dishevelled is the word in hair. What man doesn?t love the ?just rolled out of bed look?? But you don?t get it by ?just rolling out of bed?. It?s a good one for you if you have hair that is short to medium length. If your hair is layered it will also work. Even more of a bonus if you have a natural wave, or if you have straight hair- but don?t mind warming up the curling equipment. Don?t even bother if your hair is all one length like an asymmetric blunt blob or if it is naturally very curly. The tools for Bedroom hair are

    • Remington Steam Curl and Straightening Iron ($46.95)
    • Revlon Hair Treatment Dual-Phase Styling Conditioner ($16.95)
  • Charles Worthington Take Aways Stay In Shape Hair Superspray ($4.95)

Gentlemen prefer Blondes We hate to admit it but it?s a fact ? blondes turn heads. Men love a blonde in any shade varying from the palest ash to the peroxided princess. Think Marilyn or Sophie ala ex-Bardot. It?s a good one for you if you have the hard cold cash. This look is expensive and time consuming – we?re talking high maintenance, girl! You don?t get the look by popping back to the hairdresser every 3 months. It?s a continual upkeep ? it can be every 4-6 weeks depending on the re-growth. Go for it if your hair is naturally blonde or light brown. Don?t even bother if your hair is naturally dark. It just tends to look all wrong and we mean really wrong. Also give it a swerve if your hair is really damaged or you don?t have the cash to make your hair a priority. The tools for the Blondes are

    • John Frieda Sheer Blonde Spun Gold ($16.95)
  • Alberto VO5 Shine Enhancing Conditioner With Chamomile ($4.95)

The Natural If you?ve got it ? flaunt it. Some of us have naturally beautiful hair ? bitch! All you have to do is leave your hair simply to shine naturally. This look is good for you if you have naturally, wavy hair. If time is not one of your luxuries then this is the do for you. Don?t bother with this look if you have straight, lank sort of hair ? you will end up looking fly away and un-groomed. Let?s face it, looking well groomed is the perfect self-esteem boost and if you?re oozing self-confidence you?ll be a natural magnet for prospective mates! The tools for The Natural are

    • Tigi Leave-In Conditioner ($19.95)
    • Redken Glass Smoothing Complex ($28.40 pricey ? but it lasts nearly a year).
  • Aveda Paddle Brush ($41.75)
July 30, 2002