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Singles-advice

Why Getting Drunk At A Bar Is Keeping You Single

Despite the consensus that you can’t find love at a bar, hopeful singles still pack popular venues every weekend in search of their perfect partner. Interestingly enough, some are actually finding it there. I’ve met a number of couples who initially met at bars and have been married for decades, so the idea that it can’t happen is a myth – love can, and will, find you wherever you are.

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In saying that, however, there are some who continuously strike out. It’s a bizarre conundrum and singles seriously searching for that special someone need to ask themselves: what the heck’s going on?

Maybe it’s something to do with social competence, perhaps? Some people do have the gift of the gab and they seem to be able to strike up a conversation with almost anyone – especially when they’ve had a few drinks.

However, there is major difference between having a few drinks to socialise and going over the top and drinking way to much. Being drunk isn’t pretty no matter who you are. Even the most attractive person can look ugly if they’ve drank too much as it’s not so much about their looks, but their overall persona. I’m sure most of us would have witnessed someone in a bar doing some weird and not so wonderful things with a few vodkas under their belt!

It might be the usually shy guy in the corner whose downed a few too many bourbons and suddenly wants to take on every other male in the room; or the attractive young lady whose generally known to be intelligent and discrete who starts stripping off items of clothing to her favorite song. It really is amazing the stuff people do when they’re inhibitions are low and the wild beast within is set free.

Ideally, singles engaging in this sort of behavior aren’t giving off a great initial impression. Dating has recently been described as similar to attending a job interview, so these drunken antics certainly won’t have any potential partners lining up for them any time soon. They might be the most wonderful people to get to know, but the amount of alcohol they’ve consumed has made them instantly un-datable.

Sure, the bra clad lass may get a few offers for a quick roll between the sheets, but she’s definitely not going to find her Mr Right. Seeing as she’s so intoxicated, there’s a reasonable chance that she just might take up a willing bystander on his offer, however this is usually when STD’s and unwanted pregnancy raise their heads.

Drunk individuals aren’t capable of making great choices, so they are putting themselves at risk to a whole lot of trouble. With social media lurking, there’s also the fact that peoples one night drunken escapade doesn’t just stop when the parties over anymore; there’s a very real chance that whatever they’re doing when they’re as high as a kite will end up on Snapchat or Facebook.

Oh the shame! This stuff tends to linger for a while, so anyone who may have been thinking about asking them out may be a little put off. Therefore, it’s not only other singles at the bar that get to see these drunk individuals in action, the entire globe can now get a birds-eye view of peoples not-so-fine moments.

It’s probably not the impression most singles would want, particularly if they are serious about finding someone to love. So, if you are looking for Mr or Mrs Right at the bar and thinking about downing those extra few drinks for liquid confidence, rethink it – because you’ve got a much better chance of finding them if you’re drinking socially than drinking to get totally wasted.

Image via Daily Mail

Throwback Thursday: How To Survive First Date Horror Stories

Dating can be among the best and worst experiences of your life.

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No matter what your age, and how you met your dating partner, horror first dates can be so cringe-worthy, you may want to assume a new identity and/or declare yourself single for the rest of your days.

On the flip side, you can learn a lot about what makes you tick and what you abhor when you’re a sassy singleton playing the dating game and looking for love. And, eventually, you will most likely go on the best, most magical date ever – when you meet your life partner – and all the hilarity and ugliness of horror first dates (and second and third) shall dissolve into nothing, but far distant memories.

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Me? I endured so many bad first dates prior to meeting my husband it’s a marvel I didn’t swear off men – and dating – altogether. In fact, I’ve had so many horror dating experiences I could write a book. Some were just hilarious, while others were disappointing and just plain upsetting. There was the guy who turned up inebriated to our first date and asked me if I was into threesomes. Abort!?

Then, there was the civil engineer who informed me on our first date he could “easily” do my job – newspaper journalism was a cinch, he’d said, because he was apparently adept at writing reports. Oh the sheer arrogance and disrespect?! Incidentally, that same guy then turned into a crazed stalker and sent me abusive texts for more than a week when I declined his offer of a second date!

Oh – and my personal favourites – which still make me laugh even today, despite them being many, many years ago: the exercise fanatic who oh-so-helpfully told me on our first date that I shouldn’t be eating carbs, and the idiotic guy who’d come to pick me up for dinner, who actually went so far as to do a runner from my house, while my back was turned, and I thought he was in the toilet.

Oh the vast and infinite horror and ridiculousness?! So, how do we cope when a first date turns into a nightmare? Is there a polite way to inform your date you’d rather swim through an ocean of sharks than ever see them again? Or did my guy do the right thing by bolting for the door, without so much as a word?

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Jodie Bache-McLean (pictured), director of both June Dally-Watkins (JDW) and Dallys Model Management – who’s a well-respected national and international etiquette expert – says it’s imperative we treat our dating partners with the utmost kindness and dignity. “Always treat people how we would like to be treated – this is paramount,” Jodie says.

“It is interesting when I hear stories that some ladies may resort to ignoring calls from a first dater, rather than say: ‘No thank you’, however when we hear a story about one of our girlfriends being ignored by the man, all hell breaks loose.

“As a mother of boys, I do have a rather large soft spot for the pain that we ladies can inflict on men when we say: ‘Thanks, but no thanks’. So I would always recommend people try to be as considerate and kind as possible when dating. No one deserves anything less.”

The etiquette expert also believes gentle honesty is best, if you aren’t interested – post horror-date – in pursuing a relationship with the person and/or are hoping to never, ever lay eyes on them again. “If after the first date, I realised that there was no chemistry at all from my perspective and it was the end of the night and the gentleman wanted to make plans for a second date, I would not commit to anything,” Jodie says.

“Instead, I would perhaps suggest we speak in the next few days to make a plan. I would then send an email the next day saying how I had had a lovely time, and he is a lovely person, but I am just not feeling a connection.

“Now, why would I do this? Because this is how I would prefer the ‘no thanks’ be delivered to me. It might sting a little, but in time (maybe 24hours or so) I would be grateful that he was truthful with me.

“And, remember this was a one-date situation, not a full-on relationship.”

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And relationship psychologists concur: kindness and gentle honesty are best, as is keeping things in perspective. You’ve only had one date with the person – you don’t owe them any more or any less.

But remember, it’s not helpful or kind to inflict emotional wounds on people for no good reason. What’s more, a little empathy goes a long way because people might not be at their best on the all-important and daunting first date.

Is there a genuine spark and you can forgive a little awkwardness? Or was the date so terrible and the person so unlikable, you’d rather stick in a pin in your own eye and/or move to a foreign country than ever see them again?

Go well and have faith, sister – I sincerely believe in the perennial power of true love. It awaits you…

What do you think? How do you survive first-date horror stories?

Images via bellagyrl.com, collegecandy.com, magazinediscountcenter.com

Dating Ideas And Advice During December

Dating in December can be a bit tricky for a couple of reasons. The first is that there are people everywhere. Don’t you wish that they would all nick off because a quiet night at a local restaurant seems to be out of the question. With staff parties and end of year festivities happening, it’s likely you’ll actually need to make a booking. That throws spontaneity totally out the window for the next month or so.

Then there’s the second conundrum. Is it time for your new lover to meet the Fockers or Addams family? You know, those people who share your genes, but have you seriously considering if you were adopted? It might be tempting to take your date with you, but before you do, please keep reading.

So back to the first issue. Instead of heading to overcrowded restaurants during December, why not mixed it up a bit and do things a little different. Take the opportunity to engage the festivities and go along to Christmas pageants, carol evenings, light displays or whatever else your city or local area has going on.

If this sounds like a chore rather than an opportunity, you might want to pack a romantic picnic lunch and drive out to the country for some peace and quiet. You can pick some wild flowers which can still be found in remote areas or support some of the local businesses, strolling peacefully from shop to shop selecting Christmas gifts.

Hey, it certainly beats the hustle and bustle of the local mall! Plus small businesses out of the city will welcome the extra income. You never know what you’ll find as small towns often support local artists who hand make unique trinkets and create some stunning gifts.

If that doesn’t sound enticing, what about hiring a boat and having a day on the water? Or you could visit a museum, art gallery or do a photography tour. Don’t forget about scary night time tours of old jails. That will get the adrenaline pumping and nothing screams seduction like adding a bit of fear into your dating experience!

There’s heaps of options in lieu of sitting down and eating a meal together, so check out what’s around and do something different together. Some experiences need to be booked in advance and others can be spontaneous. Check online for opening times, costs and if any booking is required.

So, with a few dating options covered, what about that fateful family meeting? Maybe they have invited you for Christmas or vice versa. You really need to consider if you are ready to take that step. The family introduction is when things get serious and you are basically stating that this person is your potential life partner.

If you think it might be getting serious and this person is “the one”, the ultimate thing to remember is this; if it weren’t for upcoming family functions would you go out of your way to take this person to meet your family? If you aren’t ready for that, then the answer is relatively clear. Wait until you are certain before you introduce your family or meet theirs.

It maybe that they are keen for you to meet their family. Take this as an indication of where they would like the relationship to go. Once families become part of the equation you are in a serious relationship. If you don’t want that or are unsure then declining the offer and go to your family celebrations solo.

It’s all a matter of personal preference and you need to decide how you feel about the person. It maybe a simple Christmas invite, but often it signifies where the relationship is heading. Be mindful of this and do what feels right. Your gut instinct will usually lead you in the right direction.

Image via http://cdn.sheknows.com/articles/xmas-getaway.jpg