Weekend Wit: The Walk Of Shame

The dreaded walk of shame. This person has just snuck out of someone’s home, at 6 am, riddled with self doubt, confusion; possibly a snippet of self loathing. They have a chronic hangover and have little recollection of the previous night. All they know is, when they awoke, they felt a sickening shock at realising they weren’t alone. Who the hell is that? Where did they meet? OMG, what’s their name?

Their only tangible thought is to get the hell out of wherever they are right that second. They would make a dash for the door if they weren’t completely naked. There’s a high possibility they’re about to take an underwear-free walk. What they really need is their phone. Like many humans, life without their phone is an existence just not worth considering.

There’s no way they want to interact with this nameless stranger. Maybe if they leave quick enough, the stranger won’t even recall they were there. Yes, sounds like a plan. They begin creeping around the house, trying to be as quite as taking a poop in a public toilet; but, of course, the quieter they try to be, the louder they are and cringe each time they make a sound.

Heading back to the bedroom, they discover both of their phones sticking out from under the stranger’s pillow. WTF? Oh, no. Is there a recording of this experience? Instantaneously, a whole new level of shame is realised. Contemplating how to retain their dignity, they stand over the stranger and gently attempt to pry the phones from under the pillow. Bit by bit, they get closer to their claim and, after a good five minutes, they finally have both. Phew!

Walking into another room, attempting the password on the stranger’s phone, they think to themselves ‘this could take forever’. Should they steal the stranger’s phone, just in case? Maybe they could take it, have it wiped it clean and mail it back. Oh decisions, decisions!

Determined to sustain at least some level of their previous self respect, they decide to leave the phone and make the getaway. Hopefully, there’s another reason why the phones were under the pillow.

Semi-dressed, they make their way to the door. As anticipated, it will be an underwear-free walk. Opening the door as quietly as possible, they step out and just as they begin to close it gently behind them, a gust of wind comes past and slams it shut, like a nail being belted into a coffin. BANG! Run is their first instinctive thought.

So, rapidly, the underwear-free walk of shame becomes a sprint, which carries on for a block. By then they are totally spent because of all the alcohol they consumed the night before. Additionally, they receive a text. It’s 6 am, who’s texting at this time of the morning? This can’t be good.

Looking down at the name of the sender, they think for themselves ‘I don’t know anyone named…’ Oh, yes, they do. Yep, just as they suspected, it’s not good. That’s why the phones were under the pillow. They’d swapped numbers. The now-named stranger sent a text: “You left your keys”.

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October 18, 2014

Meeting guys online

Meeting guys online

The days are getting shorter and the nights are alarmingly colder. Winter has arrived and with it comes cosy nights in front of the fire, lying under a doona watching DVDs and hot steamy baths. All very nice for a while, but what happened to your new year’s resolution to meet more people, date hot guys and have fun? Suddenly drinking cocktails and flirting in your little black dress doesn?t seem as attractive when there is an icy wind blowing past you giving you seemingly permanent headlights.

What if we told you there’s a better option. Meeting guys with similar interests who live near you, all from the comfort of your own home? Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong. Thousands of Australians are discovering that online dating is the best way to meet a variety of interesting people. And they aren?t socially inept people who can?t handle the bar hopping scene. Simply put, most who date online are people who are too time poor to have meaningless chit chat with drunken women, who aren?t interested in one night stands and who want to meet a new friend and perhaps something more. Online dating sites provide a secure environment to get to know someone while protecting your anonymity. Until of course, you choose to reveal it!

Singles Who Click
Take Singles Who Click for example. Their email system is double blind, meaning no personal details are revealed to the other party until you choose to divulge it. So you can find out his favourite movies, his greatest accomplishment, and what he has on his toast every morning, all before he knows your number. This kind of security means you make the decision who you want to get to know more. It?s like dating with your eyes wide open, not clouded by alcohol and dodgy bar lighting. And the best thing is ? Singles Who Click is free! Yep, no credit card details required. You can create an online profile, search for your own spunk or play matchmaker for a friend, all without paying a cent.

So how do you decode the profile? How do you know ?I am romantic and charming? doesn?t mean, ?I may not burp in front of your parents?? Here are some things to look at when reading online profiles.

– Try to read between the lines. If you don?t want to be rebound girl, don?t go for a guy who has just come out of a relationship. Even if he says he?s over his previous love, if he hasn?t had enough time between girls, he may freak out and run a mile.

– Compare notes between the messages he sends you and his online profile. If there are inconsistencies, it may be a sign that he?s lying to you. Look at things such as his willingness to move from the virtual world to the real. If he?s avoiding meeting in person, it could mean he?s in an unstable relationship and is looking at his options.

– If you don?t like his photo, chances are you won?t like him in real life. Look for signs that it?s a recent photo, such as the haircut, the surroundings and the fashions. If someone has an eighties bouffant, you can safely say he?s aged a little since the photo.

But the best way to decode the profile is to get chatting. Send an email and decide for yourself whether he?s the guy for you. Thousands of people have met their perfect match online and yours could just be waiting to meet you. Find them at Singles Who Click. Remember, it?s anonymous, totally free and fun.

June 1, 2004