Have you ever wondered how you can get your man to last longer in the sack? If you answered a resounding “yes!” and fist pumped with gusto, read on, girlfriend.
Of course, if – like me – you’re old enough to remember musician Sting’s infamous comments about his and wife Trudie Styler’s seven-hour tantric sex sessions, you may have been wondering what the answer is to this age-old quandary ever since.
Now, one would hope that those gruelling seven-hour sex sessions include food and toilet breaks, but is Sting nothing less than superman, or just a highly skilled lover? Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says it’s definitely the latter. It is a proven fact that with the right techniques, men can have longer-lasting orgasms and prolong their sexual experiences.
“It is possible for men to orgasm without ejaculating, but it takes practice and mental and physical discipline. The best way to learn is through masturbation and a series of exercises designed to delay orgasm,” Dr Mars says.
“Instead of going straight to ejaculation and a single orgasm, men can learn to have a series of orgasms without ejaculating and, over time, reach a level of transcendence.
“Imagine experiencing the same mental state as you do when you orgasm, but over an extended period of time? I’m talking about that head-exploding feeling men experience when they come, but instead of it being a momentary peak, it goes onwards and upwards.”
Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?! So, how do sex partners aid the process? “Partners can help a man achieve this to a certain point, but it does require that the man is already experienced in ‘edging’ or at the very least knows what you are trying to achieve,” Dr Mars says.
“Women can learn to be more sensitive to the signs of a man’s ejaculation. Blow jobs are particularly useful here, as is eye contact. Remember rule 34: there is porn of it, no exceptions. Look up ‘edging porn’.”
Well, dear reader, I took the bullet and did just that in the name of journalistic research. Edging porn, according to my internet exploring, is men masturbating up to the edge of orgasm, then stopping to cool things down, and then revving up again. There are three most common versions of edging:
- Watching porn without masturbating.
- Masturbating while viewing porn, but not ejaculating.
- Masturbating without porn and without ejaculating.
So, back to my good mate, the still-handsome at 63-years-of-age Sting: is men’s ability to orgasm without ejaculating the real secret to tantric sex? “I wouldn’t say that it’s the secret, but it is an aspect of tantric sex,” Dr Mars says. “Tantric sex is about ritual, breathing, creating a mood and space. It often requires a series of exercises for a man to get to a certain non-ejaculatory state with a partner.
“Men can learn to get into the headspace of orgasm sans ejaculation without getting into tantric sex; mastering it will allow men to have sex for longer.
“Once you can edge you can basically come if and when you want to. It is also good for men’s overall health to learn to orgasm without ejaculating as men then don’t experience the same energy drain they do with ejaculation.
“Men over 30 shouldn’t ejaculate every time they orgasm and learning to orgasm without ejaculating can be a way to rekindle a man’s sexual interest and energy if it is flagging.”
Consider my mind well and truly blown.
What do you think?
Images via Daily Mail, Hephzibahonline.wordpress.com, Counselheal.com