Heterosexual men orgasm during sex roughly 95 percent of the time. For women, it’s just 65 percent.
Sagittarians get very experimental…
Remember the hilarious Sex And The City episode when prudish Charlotte became no enamoured with her “rabbit vibrator” – that she didn’t leave her house for days and her BFFs had to perform an intervention? Do yourself a favour and check it out if you’ve never seen it.
But can a new buzzy friend for your top drawer actually strengthen your relationship, as well as boosting your sex life? Ooh yes, yes, yes!
That’s the finding of the inaugural Durex Sexsus Report – an online study conducted this June among more than 1000 Australian men and women aged 18-39.
Key report findings include:
- Three in five (59 per cent) respondents who own a sex toy feel more intimate with their partner when using it.
- Aussies are “getting busy” using their sex toys a whopping 3.6 times a week.
- Four out of five Australians believe it’s more acceptable to discuss sex toys than ever before, but more than half wish they owned one but are too afraid to try it out.
- Men are more likely to purchase a sex toy for their partner’s enjoyment, or to increase intimacy with their partner.
- Women are more likely than men to buy a sex toy for their own pleasure.
In addition, the warmer weather in Queensland makes for hotter sex too: the “sunshine state” is getting more buzzed in the bedroom than any other Australian state or territory – 70 per cent versus the national average of 62 per cent.
The findings – which coincide with the launch of Durex’s new adult toy range via www.durex.com.au/adult-toys – reveal couples are achieving a new level of playfulness, passion and intimacy into the bedroom, says Durex Brand Manager Suzanne Legg.
“Adult toys are a completely normal and healthy part of our sex lives,” Ms Legg says. “The Durex Sexsus Report confirms what our sexy-radar has been telling us for a while – adult toys are no longer a taboo.
“It’s fantastic to see that more than three quarters of Aussies believe adult toys open up a whole new spectrum of sensual possibilities – we’re really pleased intimate pleasure is being taken seriously between the sheets.
“For those who are still a little shy, the new range of Durex adult toys are available online and delivered super-discreetly to service the one in four respondents who have not bought a toy because they feel too uncomfortable going in to a store.”
From vibrating massagers and bullets through to sensational rabbit vibrators, the toys are ergonomically and elegantly crafted with a velvet-soft finish (pictured). Prices range from $49.99 for the Durex Teasing Touch stroker, through to $149.99 for the Durex Extreme Thrill rabbit vibrator (pictured).
And Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, concurs: she too believes sex toys are good for relationships.
“Sex toys add a bit of excitement to a relationship and can liven up your love life – as long as it’s a good quality sex toy and not a novelty item; make sure you do your research to get the full effects of a high-quality one,” Dr Mars says.
“You don’t want hard, inflexible sex toys and make sure you also use a good quality lube and the right kind of lube for your particular sex toy. A good lube is a bit stringy and you want to use a different one for vaginal sex than anal sex. Anal lubes can cause changes in the pH of your vagina so you need to be careful that you use them carefully and don’t cross-contaminate.
“Sex toys can take you outside of your comfort zone, increase your pleasure and expand your repertoire.”
Sex is like fine wine and chocolate; the more wondrous, delicious and satisfying it is, the more you want. And yet sex droughts are all too common, whether they strike due to illness, stress and/or a man ban by choice. Sometimes, you can even settle into the groove of a dry spell – so much so, that it’s some time before you realise you’ve gone months without a sexual partner.
You might simply be so busy and content as a singleton, you plain just don’t have time and/or inclination for a partner right now. And – let’s face it – sex droughts won’t kill you, even if it feels like it at the time. What’s more, it’s vitally important as a singleton that you learn how to have a satisfying love affair with the one who matters most – yourself.
Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, concurs: she says sexual dry spells, while increasingly common, need not be unfulfilling.
“If we define a ‘sex drought’ as wanting more sex than we’re getting, then sex droughts are likely to be a feature of people’s lives at some point,” Dr Mars says. “If it’s a short-term sex drought, there is really no excuse. Like any relationship, we can cultivate a fulfilling one with ourselves and although this might get a little boring after a year or two, there are a myriad of things we can try to spice up sex for one.
“The added benefit of this is that once you have worked out what you really like you are more likely to also have better partner sex. I guess I tend to see sex as an opportunity for self-development, so if you’re having a sex drought and you don’t see a way out of it, and then channel some of that positive energy into other aspects of yourself. Do something new, take an interest in sport or art or start going for early-morning walks.”
So, there you have it: the good sex doctor’s advice on how to survive that sex drought. Here are my top tips too, for good measure. For, as a single lass, I had my share of sexual dry spells when I was too career-focused to care and/or hunting for the right partner with whom to share all my goodies with.
Top 5 sexual drought survival tips:
- Keep busy: Work hard and play hard and you’ll train your mind and body to forget all about that itch you’ve really got to scratch – at least for a while.
- Just breathe: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, yoga and mindful meditation can cure a host of ills; give it a go. It’s all about mind over matter.
- Shop for one: Treat yourself to a new buzzy friend – vibrators can help keep your solo sex life fun and interesting. And while nothing can replace the joys of the flesh, this is a good short-term fix. Buy yourself some hot heels, while you’re at it.
- Exercise like a demon: I took about boxing, kickboxing and hired a personal trainer when a busy singleton. I got super-fit, healthy and svelte and had never felt sexier – then I met my husband at the peak of my singleton powers. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
- Read all about it: Find out what blows your hair back: is it good quality erotica and/or porn? Treat yourself to the entire works of brilliant French-born novelist and passionate eroticist Anaïs Nin and/or Australia’s top sex writer Krissy Kneen – trust me, you won’t be disappointed. Hello, orgasm town!
Images via womenshealthmag.com, puckermob.com
Have you ever suffered a great sexual misadventure, equal parts hilarious and embarrassing? Let’s face it, sex can be pretty funny – and, at its best, it can be fun, spontaneous, messy, passionate and pleasurable.
One of the greatest sexual mishaps I’ve ever heard of (but not personally encountered, thank God) is the friend-of-a-friend who once hit her head on a ceiling fan, mid sex-romp, suffering a minor, and not-so-funny, bloody head injury in the process. Her lover was very tall, you see, and obviously was so caught up in the moment and/or executed poor judgement in hoisting her up straight into a ceiling fan. Fail!
As for me, the sheer absurdity of finding Lego wedged in my hair recently, after my beloved husband and I were taken by the mood in the family living area – long after our cute, pesky toddlers were sound asleep – brought home to me the good, silly, funny side of sex and why it’s important in a long-term relationship.
Other hilarious and deeply cringe-worthy sexual misadventures I’ve heard of include: a flying, strap-on dildo-in-the-eye accident which caused a very unfortunate and painful black eye; a male friend accidently massaging Deep Heat into his poor female partner’s genitals; and oral sex gone hideously wrong when a woman attempted to suck on her lover’s penis shortly after chewing three Fisherman’s Friend lozenges. Yikes! Said poor man then ran off in horror and never came back which certainly makes for a very funny, if unfortunate story.
And this is key: you can tell a lot about a person by their response to humorous situations, including sexual mishaps. Sure, some sexual misadventures are incredibly embarrassing, especially if you don’t know your partner very well – no arguments there – but the ability to laugh at ourselves and others in a good-natured way is a very attractive personality trait. What’s more, in this great adventure called life, you want to walk the path with someone special with whom you can enjoy a good belly laugh, right?
So, why do we make the mistake of taking sex too seriously? And why is good humour such a fundamentally important part of a healthy and happy long-term sexual relationship? For answers, I turned to my good contact, the equally hilarious and learned Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.
“Sex, an act of simple pleasure becomes a serious and contentious issue for many reasons,” Dr Mars says, “In society today, sex stands for so much. It is often the primary marker of identity – whether gay, straight, trans, married or divorced.
“These parts of identity are often tied to social standing and we often hold onto relationships well beyond their use-by-date in order to preserve our sense of self. In the process, sex becomes a serious business.
“Desire naturally changes over our life spans and ebbs and flows in the course of long-term relationships. We may no longer be attracted to our partners; become bi-curious; have children; experience work stress; suffer the death of a loved one; become sick; or just stop having sex. As a result, desire and ability to give and experience pleasure diminishes and sex becomes a humourless business. Mismatched desire, low-libido, cheating, sexual frustration and a raft of other serious issues may ensue.”
So, if we need to inject some good, old-fashioned fun and spontaneity back into our sex lives, how do we go about this? NB: Dr Mars says while funny, sexual mishaps (pictured above, ouch!) are not always the answer.
“Sex accidents can be serious and funny, more commonly serious at the time and funny in retrospect,” she says. “The person at accident and emergency waiting for the vibrator to finish buzzing so the surgeon can remove it probably stopped laughing when it began to make its way unbidden up their anus.
“Light-heartedness in general is important; not taking things too seriously. Learning to laugh when bad things happen and moving on from mistakes enhances sex as it does other aspects of your life. A bit of humour can also be used to initiate sex and to bring a sex session that is not going so well to a close.
“Laughing brings some colour to your cheeks, just like a good orgasm. Going to bed after a good laugh is going to be more conducive to sex than watching the news! A lot of porn is quite funny, too. So, I would suggest finding a spoof of your favourite movie Edward Penishands, for example, and deciding for yourself if humour enhances sex.”
A good belly laugh plus pleasurable sex romp with your significant other is never a bad thing; go well, ladies!
What do you think? Have you ever suffered a great sexual misadventure?
Images via someecards.com, lockerdome.com, gbaglobal.com
Do you need a hand at work? Up to 25 per cent of women who responded to a recent sex study confessed to masturbating while on the job.
The Under the Covers Sex Survey, recently commissioned by Australia’s largest adult dating site, Adult Match Maker, attracted more than 7600 Australian anonymous respondents.
Developed by Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, AMM’s inaugural sex survey was aimed at shedding light on what blows our hair back both in and out of the bedroom.
I can honestly say masturbating at work has never appealed to me, partly because I spent a large portion of my corporate life so stressed out on the job at a media giant, my hair was falling out. So, what are the benefits of masturbating at work? And would it have helped me de-stress?
Dr Mars says a resounding yes! Well, May is International Masturbation Month, after all. “A quick flick of the bean is revitalising, lifts your spirits and puts a smile on your face. Yay for May, celebration month!” she says.
“Our statistics show no significant differences when it comes to masturbating in private; with a partner (women 79 per cent, men 76 per cent), a friend (women 34 per cent, men 27 per cent) or with someone on the internet (women 49 per cent, men 47 per cent),” she says.
“But when things become a little less private it seems men are more adventurous than women with 38 per cent of men saying they masturbate at work compared to only 25 per cent of women.
“I think men are more likely to take the risk that others might know they popped out for a quick wank because men’s sexuality is more socially acceptable than women’s, made so through myths that men have higher sex drives and irresistible needs. Today, we know this is no longer the case, but the myth prevails.”
AMM’s survey shows women’s top five sexual fantasies are, in order: straight sex; multiple partners; sex toys; kinky sex and bisexual sex.
And when it comes to masturbation habits, women are less likely to masturbate than men, but more likely to masturbate once a week than men. Why is this so?
“Personally, I don’t think it has anything to do with desire, I think it’s about where we are comfortable masturbating, or even the fact that most women use a vibrator and even the little ones are noisy,” Dr Mars says.
“Sometimes, there is nothing more refreshing than reaching for your vibrator and having a quick wank. However, a good way of getting to know yourself sexually is to let go of the pursuit of the orgasm and really take some time to get into the moment, getting to your own feelings and pleasures. And exploring sexual fantasies and porn are good too.”
Interestingly, Dr Mars says masturbation is important for a happy marriage and spicy sex life. “We can get into very ‘efficient’ habits in a marriage: ‘You do this, I do that, we both like it, you come, I come. Thank you very much, would you like a cup of tea?’” she quips. “This is fabulous, nothing wrong with it! But, sometimes we get bored, or we feel like we want something more, or it stops turning us on. This can be one of the reasons for that passion-killer known as mismatched libido.
“It’s tempting to blame the other person, but it takes two to tango and upping your own sexual energy helps you to assert yourself sexually and take control of the situation. Also, if you start to masturbate regularly then it is highly likely that you will think about sex more, gradually start desiring sex more and having sex more.”
So, should we hide our self-pleasuring from our partners or invite them to join in? It’s both, says the good doctor.
“We should strive to include our partners and join in when they do it and ask for some privacy so we can experiment without pressure – this is especially important when life is busy,” she says.
“In the Adult Match Maker survey I asked if people always masturbated alone. Up to 45 per cent of women said yes and 55 per cent said no. So, if you are one of those sharing with someone else, this is definitely going to expand your sexual horizons.”
Images via Huffington Post and News.com.au
Ladies, it’s time to “flick the bean”; May is International Masturbation Month. In addition, International Masturbation Day is also keenly observed all around the globe on varying days during May.
So, why is it so good for you to help yourself? Masturbation is normal, natural, healthy and highly enjoyable. What’s more, its health benefits are well-documented; for your mind, body and spirit.
I’ve read of highly stressed writers, for example, producing absolute gold ‘only after masturbating (er, this doesn’t work in an open plan office). And this isn’t unusual; you see, “flicking the bean” reduces stress and PMS and is even said to help combat chronic back pain. Indeed, it’s an act of self-love and self-care which will release a flood of happy endorphins, help you sleep better and strengthen your all-important pelvic floor muscles, which will, in turn, only boost your sexual enjoyment.
Then there’s the significant benefits that self-pleasure can bring to your sex life, says Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.
Dr Mars, who is a guest at the Future of Sex Forum in Sydney on May 6, also recently set up private practice, where’s she finding masturbation to be a hot topic among some clients. What’s more, she says women’s self-pleasure is still seriously frowned upon among certain sections of the community.
“Masturbation is still taboo for women; it’s much more socially acceptable for men than women, I think. Men are allowed to have these sex drives that are claimed to compel them to do things that are beyond their control, whereas women are still supposed to have the moral high ground and have control over their sexual urges,” Dr Mars says.
“And that’s a really archaic view; the whole idea that women don’t have strong sexual desires like men is something I totally disagree with. We should definitely be encouraging young girls and women to explore their sexuality themselves because if you don’t know what turns you on, how can you tell somebody else and this then puts undue pressure on your partner.
“At the turn of the century, they realised that women’s ‘hysteria’ could be cured with an orgasm. Hysteria was another name for stress, anxiety or PMS – all those things which come naturally in life – and if a woman exhibited these symptoms, scientists and doctors were quick to prescribe an orgasm, but it was called ‘the job which no one wanted’.
“Not everyone can stimulate a woman to orgasm, not all men know how to do it, plus if someone’s stressed out, it can take a while to relax them in that way and get them to orgasm as well, so it could take up to half an hour. And that’s where the invention of vibrators came from.
“With my clients sometimes, I talk to them about the fact that in psychology they refer to masturbation as a form of ‘self-soothing’. Masturbation is something we all need to learn; a lot of us aren’t that good at it either, we have saggy pelvic floor muscles which don’t aid the whole process.”
So, how do we get masturbation-fit? Is it just about doing those damn pelvic floor exercises? “It’s about doing kegel work, yes, but there’s more to it than that too,” Dr Mars says.
“You should be able to tell the difference between a whole lot of muscles. If you think about the fact that the vagina and the anus are both O-shaped muscles – and think about all the different expressions you can make with your mouth – most people can’t tell the difference between left of anus, right of anus, front of anus, back of anus; pulling up their pelvic floor; or tensing up their vagina; or their penis and testicles at the front, so we’re actually mostly quite lazy with what we can do with those muscles.
“You have to be pretty fit and have really good control of your core/stomach muscles to be able to have good control of your pelvic floor muscles at all. I spend a lot of time in the first couple of weeks with a new client explaining to them how you can train those muscles to get a lot more out of them. It helps people have better sex; have more control of their orgasms and for men it helps them to learn how to orgasm without ejaculating.”
If you’ve never masturbated before, Dr Mars says it’s time to seek counselling to overcome whatever psychological trauma’s preventing you from doing so. “I’m also quite happy to teach people to masturbate, if they’re serious about it; I will start off quite gently, talking about getting a really little vibrator – the little bullet-sized ones are the ones I usually tell people to go and try because they’re very effective and direct,” she says.
Dr Mars’s other top tip is to seriously relax, ladies. “When people are trying to orgasm and they can’t, they often stress up and tighten up too much and then they keep trying and trying and trying and then they give up because they’re kind of exhausted. So it’s important to tense up and then relax.”
So, ladies, light some candles, slip into something comfortable, have a glass of wine – maybe even seek some inspiration from the awesome foursome on Sex and the City, such as sexy Samantha (pictured), who quips in one episode: “I masturbated all afternoon” – and go forth and enjoy yourselves. Or, as Dr Mars quips: “Set aside some ‘me time’ to wank.”
“Say: ‘Don’t disturb me. I’m having some me time!’” she says. “Just remember, if you’re really tired and stressed out, it takes longer. But if you can actually masturbate to orgasm, you’ll feel better from the stress-relief.
“But you don’t always have to masturbate to orgasm and sometimes, if you haven’t masturbated before and you don’t orgasm easily, the fact that you haven’t masturbated to orgasm isn’t a failure. It’s just practise; and if you practise anything enough times, you’ll have a good result.
“If you take the pressure off yourself when you’re masturbating to achieve an orgasm, and just appreciate the fact that you’ve actually taken the time to stimulate yourself and have a little bit of sexual pleasure, you won’t feel like a failure – especially if you’re busy and tired and you’ve got young kids, your sex life can go out the window. It’s really hard to orgasm when you’re exhausted.”
Meanwhile, Adult Match Maker spokeswoman Pauline Moran (pictured) says International Masturbation Month is a great initiative because it takes the shame out of self-pleasure.
Adult Match Maker – Australia’s largest online adult dating site – is celebrating the occasion by pointing to an event on its Facebook page. “Masturbation Month gives people permission to talk about self-love and helps remove the stigma which is sometimes attached to what should be a very natural and healthy activity,” Pauline says.
“Masturbation should be part of everyone’s sex life. It’s one of those taboo topics that people don’t always talk about, because heaven forbid our friends should think we’re not completely shagged out by our partner.
“Sex and the City was really the ground breaker because millions of women worldwide watched Charlotte’s Rabbit Vibrator become even more coveted than Carrie’s Manolos. This one episode made a taboo subject acceptable lunch conversation!”
And Pauline agrees that research conclusively shows masturbation boosts our mental, emotional and physical health. “Masturbation is important for a number of reasons,” she says.
“Research shows that people who masturbate regularly generally have happier marriages and lives. And let’s face it, if you know what turns you on then you can share those techniques with your partner/s and improve your sex life overall. And, other than a little chafing, there are no known side effects. We think everyone should get on-board and show themselves some love throughout May.”
So, there you have it ladies, all the handy hints – pardon the pun – you’ll ever need for masturbation 101.
What do you think? Is masturbation still taboo for women?
Images via healthmeup.com, 21stcenturygossip.wordpress.com and stepupyoursexlife.com
Selfies have come further in the past 18 months than anyone could have anticipated, and now, there’s a new kid on the block. Enter (pardon the pun) the age of vaginal selfies, or vagelfies. No longer content on taking selfies of the outer regions of the body, women are sending intimate pics of their private parts to partners, and into cyberspace!
With each new trend comes a new wave of technology. There are now two unique adult toys ready to capture the ultimate vagelfies, plus a playful addition for couples to have some intimate fun with.
The Sex Selfie Stick, as it’s been playfully named, is a great little toy for couples that brings technology into the bedroom. Just as the adopted name implies, it’s a 165mm x 25 mm rigid silicon vibrator which comes in three colours, violet (pictured), black and khaki.
The one major difference is it has a built-in camera lens and LED light at the tip. This is to illuminate the otherwise dark nether-regions which only gynecologists have had the opportunity to see. It can also be used for women who want to investigate their vaginal region if they have any health concerns such as cysts.
The Sex Selfie Stick is priced at around $185 and has been a massive hit. Sexploration now has a whole new meaning and couples and singles are having more fun than never before. Plus, this brings a whole new dimension to sexting and phone sex. Apparently orgasmic contractions can be captured on screen and sent into cyberspace –great for long distance relationships or keeping it fresh!
As far as vagelfies go some are proudly sharing their pics and videos online. Did you know that there’s a website for that?! The downside of this neat little toy has been the need for the cable and being attached to a computer during camera operation. However, manufacturers have rectified this by producing the Siime Eye – a product that has all the original features but the versatility of wireless use. Coming in at around $80, that’s probably more the go!
Users have been exceptionally impressed with both models and the response has been overwhelming. Who would have thought so many people would want a birds-eye vision of their vagina!? Some did argue after the release of the original model, however, that their selfie or belfie sticks could take similar shots.
So, if you want to see how it works, you can view the demo on YouTube. And lastly, if you want to purchase the sex gadget, ask your local adult sex-toy shop if they stock it or head to SVOKOM for more information.
There’s no doubt that this is the latest in sex toys, and given the response, what’s the bet that this is just the tip of the iceberg in sex toys to come!
Images via svakom.net
Can a sex machine ever replace the joys of the flesh? And can you actually imagine yourself getting it on with a handsome sexbot? Welcome to the future of sex, ladies.
Sex robots have long been a figment of our imaginations, starring in 1982’s Blade Runner, and who can forget those feisty fembots, in Austin Powers? But soon they’ll be a reality; in fact, they’ll be part of our everyday lives, researchers say. Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says it’s not a matter of if we’ll all be having sex with robots, but when.
Dr Mars is discussing the topic of sex robots at the futureofsex.net forum at Sydney next month. It’s a topic close to her heart following her 2010 paper, Robots, Men And Sex Tourism, which she co-wrote with “futurologist”, professor Ian Yeoman, her then-colleague at the Victoria Management School in Wellington, New Zealand.
After all, as Dr Mars points out – sex robots aren’t that much of a leap, considering women have already been using vibrators since they were invented at the turn of the 20th century. “Sex robots are absolutely inevitable and are likely to change the way we all have sex,” Dr Mars says.
“When you look at the technologisation of sex already, it’s clear that increasingly this kind of sex will become part of our leisure and pleasure. People will crave a luminal sexual experience.
“Sex robot prototypes, models, latex sex dolls and haptic technology – which recreates the sense of touch by applying forces, vibrations, or motions to the user – exist already.
“Advances in technology mean that machines are beginning to move organically. Data storage and manipulation capabilities and capacity constantly evolve. And enabling technologies is increasingly part of our lives. According to futurist Ray Kurzweil, by 2029 we will not be able to tell the difference between human and machine.”
So, what are the moral and ethical quandaries associated with sex with robots? How will intimate relationships be affected? Will sex robots help or hinder our close interpersonal relationships? “We have all the technology we need to make a sex robot right now, we have plenty of curiosity, but we don’t have the market to drive it,” Dr Mars says.
“Love and sex with a robot is not something most of us can envisage and is it real if we have to pay? Sex robots will enable sexual pleasures, but are highly likely to impede our sexual pleasures relationships.
“Women’s sexual pleasure has been enhanced by robots for over a century when they were invented at a time when orgasms were noted as a calmative or cure for women’s hysteria. Known as the job that nobody wanted, bringing women to orgasm apparently tested doctors’ skills and patience. Vibrators expedited the process of orgasm and soon women started self-soothing.
“We often look back to history for clues to the future. Vibrators definitely enhance women’s sexual relationships with themselves, but how well they have been embraced and incorporated into relationships is another story. Vibrators can be seen as threatening or read as a sign that a partner is not satisfied with our lovemaking.
“Sex robots will remember and predict our pleasures unfailingly. As Jude Law, playing Gigolo Joe in A.I. Artificial Intelligence, says: ‘Once you’ve had a lover-robot, you’ll never want a real man again.’”
In their paper, Dr Mars and Professor Ian Yeoman originally wrote about sex tourism in Amsterdam, focusing on men as the main consumers. But sex robots will “service” men and women equally in the future, she says.
“I think possibly women will demand more of their lovers and there will be more pressure on people to learn about sex, be fit for sex and know what they are doing. Sex robots will broaden our sexual horizons and inspire us to know more. Sex robots will usher a new era of sexual knowledge, understanding and expression.”
So, does sex with a robot constitute cheating? And will sex robots break up marriages aplenty, in the future? “How far can I go before it’s cheating? This is a question my clients often want to discuss,” Dr Mars says.
“They often ask: ‘If I watch porn is it cheating? If I go online and find a chat room to indulge a proclivity my partner doesn’t share, is it cheating? If I fantasise about my friend’s boyfriend, have a threesome, kiss a girl/boy/transperson, is it wrong?’
“By 2050, if not before, we will have a choice to have sex with a humanoid robot. And, in an era of sexual repression, which is where we are now, it will be seen as cheating!”
By “era of sexual repression”, Dr Mars means many people today still don’t have the kind of sex they really want, and/or don’t talk about sex or even know that much about sex. “It’s more acceptable to have a wider interest in sex now, because of the internet, but people still have many issues with the actual ‘having the sex’,” she says.
“There’s angst, guilt, and people make mistakes because they try to have the kind of sex porn stars have, but they are professionals. People often don’t really know what to do and they don’t act on their desires because they don’t want to lose relationships.”
Watch this space, ladies: sex with robots looks certain to become our new reality.
Images via target-news.com, thedailybeast.com, cityoftongues.com and dorkbotsf.wordpress.com
Couples of all ages can boost their love life with some sex toys and aids. It not only makes sex more interesting but will improve the experience for both partners. After a review of the most essential items, we’ve come up with 4 must have products which will improve sex for everyone.
These little contraptions are a great invention for couples. There are some different types but the most effective variety fits inside the vagina, stimulating the clitoris and follows the shape of the woman’s body to rest on the labia. They have been designed to please both partners during intercourse, both in and out of water. Most have been created to stay in place, despite the thrusting motion which occurs during intercourse. Some are better than others, so check out different types before you make a purchase.
Penis pumps and cock rings are often used together. Firstly, penis pumps work like a vacuum and can improve an erection; making it larger (longer and wider) and last longer. There are air and water designed pumps available and some claim to increase penis size, considerably, when used frequently. They can be used when an erection is difficult to achieve or to improve the size and duration of an erection.
Cock rings also improve performance. They are placed over the penis prior to it being erect and positioned to prolong the erection. There are heaps of different varieties; from single to multiple rings, vibrating or non-vibrating, made from different materials, glow in the dark, reusable or disposable and now they even come in various shapes. They are the ultimate little device, which can even be bought from some restroom, vending machines if you want to try them out.
Lubes and gels
Sexual lubricants are considered sex aids, rather than toys. They are available in a huge range of places including supermarkets, service stations, pharmacies, etc. There is both edible and non-edible varieties, plus new technology have developed some which provide a different sensation, when used singularly and combined. For example, the man will experience a warming sensation, while his partner will experience tingling.
For mature couples, lubes and gels are essential, as bodily fluids reduce with age particularly for menopausal and post-menopausal women. They are also exceptionally useful to use with other sex toys. If lubrication isn’t an issue, try them out anyway and play around with different types. They aren’t expensive and are great to have in your bedside table.
As you can see, sex toys are way more than vibrators and you don’t have to dive into the S&M real, to improve your sex life. Although, after Fifty Shades of Gray, bondage isn’t considered that kinky anymore. There are plenty of couples ready to give handcuffs a go!
There is, of course, a massive range available for those who are more adventurous. With new products continuously being developed, a trip or click to the adult shop is well worth another look.
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When you and your partner decide to introduce a sex toy into your relationship it can be daunting to try and choose the best one for you. There are so many different toys for different things but if you’re just starting out something small and simple could be your best bet. So, here are some of the top sex toys for beginners.
Start off slowly and ease yourself into the big wide world of sex toys by starting with these simple dirty dice. One dice is covered in actions and the other is covered in body parts so just roll the dice and do whatever it tells you to do. It’s a fairly basic start for beginners but exciting all the same.
Cupid’s Itty Bitty Beginner’s Butt Plug
Just the name alone is enough to make some people cringe but this tiny device can provide massive amounts of stimulating pleasure. For some women anal sex can be a major turn off (possibly due to the fact that their partner once tried to slip it in on the sly), but with a little planning it can be extremely pleasurable. Cupid’s Itty Bitty Beginner’s Butt Plug is small enough to wear all day if you wanted to, is made from silicone, has a tapered tip for easy insertion and a rounded bulb for maximum pleasure. The flared base means that the butt plug will stay in place and is easily removed using the finger pull.
We Vibe 4 Vibrator
What could be better than a sex toy that enhances both partner’s enjoyment? The We Vibe 4 does just that with its six vibration modes that provide intense stimulation. Made from medical grade silicone, the We Vibe vibrator is curved to fit snugly in place and stimulates the clitoris and g-spot while the man slips in underneath and enjoys the same vibrating pleasure. The We Vibe even has a remote control so you can change the intensity as you please.
If you suffer from self-consciousness in the bedroom then something as simple as a blindfold during sex can spice up your life. To help alleviate your nerves have your partner wear a blindfold and make sure they can’t sneak a peek. Wearing a blindfold and knowing that you’re not being judged visually can help you to relax and feel less self-aware and if you feel confident enough after a while, try waring it yourself. The excrement of the unknown will definitely get your heart racing.
Lelo Lily Massager
If you’re just starting out with sex toys then the Lelo Lily massager is a great buy, useful for helping you to figure out which vibration you like the best. It’s an external sex toy that stimulates the clitoris using powerful vibrations whilst being discreet and petite. Fitting in the palm of your hand the Lelo Lily massager can easily be carried in your handbag and has five different vibration modes for your pleasure. It’s fully rechargeable and you can enjoy it on your own or with your partner, the choice is yours.
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1. So you haven’t experienced an orgasm through intercourse? You’re not alone. Only 30 per cent of women have orgasms from intercourse. Studies have shown that women are more likely to reach orgasm through manual or oral stimulation.
2. Lubrication during sexual excitement varies greatly among women and can depend on many factors, such as state of health, age, mood, or partner. Many women find that using additional lubricant increases sexual pleasure.
3. Who would have that woman’s best friend, her trusty vibrator, was originally invented in the 19th century to reduce ‘hysteria’? Enough said.
4. We-Vibe Australia has discovered that 44 per cent of women are open to the idea of bringing a vibrator with them when travelling. Love the idea of a holiday fling?
5. Ever heard of ‘Sexercise’? For each 30 minute romp you are looking at a burn of 200 calories. What would you rather: Doing the deed or pounding that treadmill?
6. The BIG question – does size matter? 85 per cent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, but only 55 per cent of men were satisfied. Notice anything? It’s how one uses it that counts.
7. If we didn’t already have enough reasons to jump into bed, here’s another… orgasms lower a woman’s risk of heart disease, stroke, breast cancer and even depression. Get jiggy with it ladies, it’s good for you!
8. Get talking. People who are more open to talking about sex are likely to experience a better sexual experience.
9. Looking for a way to accentuate your assets? We’ve got a solution for you. It’s as simple as getting turned on! Your boobs can swell up to 25 per cent when you’re aroused.
10. Not feeling great? Too tired to have sex? Think again. Sex can be an instant headache reliever. It releases the tension, which restricts blood vessels in the brain.
11. Did you know for both men and women the heart rate averages 140 beats per minute at the point of orgasm?
12. Appreciate what you bring to the bedroom. Studies have shown that women who accept their bodies have better and more open sex lives.
13. The average amount of time you spend locking lips with someone in your lifetime is 20,160 minutes. That’s 336 hours, 14 days or 2 weeks.
14. Great news ladies! The clitoris is the only organ in the human body with just one purpose: Pleasure.
15. Men can have multiple orgasms, but ladies still come out on top! The average female orgasm lasts 20 seconds – 14 seconds longer than the male’s 6-second O.
16. Forget post sex cuddling! 36 per cent of people under the age of 35 check their Facebook and Twitter accounts after doing the deed.
17. A Doctor Oz sex survey showed that 58 per cent of woman owned a vibrator. The result? An increased sexual desire and arousal, better natural lubrication and enhanced ease of orgasm during sex overall, compared with those who said they had never used a vibrator.
18. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
19. At any given time, 25 per cent of people are daydreaming about sex. In fact, you’re probably reading this daydreaming of last night right now.
20. Risky business! Men take more risks when they know hot women are looking.
Sex facts are brought to you by We-Vibe, designers and manufacturers of world-leading couples and solo vibrators. Using state-of-the-art-techniques and tools, We-Vibe products have been recognized for setting new industry standards for ergonomic design and high performance whilst remaining eco-friendly and body-safe.
Make this long weekend all about getting busy. No, we’re not talking about home renos or family barbecues, it’s all about letting loose in the bedroom. The Queen’s Birthday long weekend can be hectic and, by the end of it, we often find ourselves asking how the time flew by. This year, make the most of your extra day off by reigniting passion with the king of your castle. If you haven’t already made plans, now is the time to set up a romantic weekend for two, and here are a few ideas to get you started:
Add some youthful fun
Why not dress for the occasion? Maybe channeling Queen Liz isn’t on your hot list but think about what you both like and channel a new persona. It’ll be sure to add a little extra spice to your foreplay fun.
Try a toy
Sex can strain a relationship if only one partner is reaching orgasm consistently. Try a toy that lets you share the pleasure! We-Vibe 4 is the world’s number one couples vibrator. She wears it for extra stimulation to her clitoris and G-spot, he fits in underneath and together you both share the vibe. It is scientifically designed for couples looking to boost their intimacy and maintain a healthy sexual connection. You really will experience sex like never before.
Spoil each other
The weekend will be over before you know it, so take the time to enjoy it together! Reconnect and create some fab memories. Remember to listen and learn – this is key in relationships. You want to understand what you partner likes, and when they like it! Treat each other to sensual massages or a special candle-lit feast to warm up the temperature and send the romantic sparks flying.
We-Vibe is the world’s leading couples pleasure product range, built on a philosophy of intimate, loving and respectful relationships. The brand is passionate about enhancing the pleasure couples experience together and building long-lasting life relationships. For more information, visit we-vibe.com or facebook.com/WeVibeAust
If you’re a sex toy virgin, you could easily be forgiven for not knowing where to start. There is almost too much choice out there, but knowing what gets you off (pardon the pun) is always the best place to begin.
Are you a clitoral girl?
The majority of women (70-80% in fact) need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and there are numerous toys that will help in this area. Vibrating Bullets are the most common, ranging in size and material. The Power Bullet is a powerful yet discreet toy that can be hidden in your handbag. Waterproof and with 3 levels of intense vibrations, you’ll be one happy lady. Looking for something a bit more sophisticated? Try Ipo the clitoral vibe that slips onto your finger – a simple toy also ideal for couples looking to add a little extra stimulation.
Are you looking to jiggle your G-spot?
G-spot vibrators are usually curved upwards at the end to enable more targeted stimulation of the G-spot itself. Try Gigi – the world’s best selling G-spot vibrator. Rechargeable and Made from velvety soft silicone, she has 5 vibration settings and can be used both internally or externally. Or how about Moka – a 12 setting waterproof G-Spot vibrator. Powerful and near silent, this slimline vibe is sure to set some pulses racing.
Looking for more?
A rabbit vibrator – or dual stimulation sex toy – is what you’re looking for. Made famous by Sex & the City, the rabbit is still one of the world’s best selling sex toys. They do come in varying shapes, sizes and materials, but in essence they all do the same job. The smaller ‘bunny’ section is for targeted clitoral stimulation whilst the shaft provides the feeling of fullness. The rotating beads inside the shaft create waves of pleasure and can often change direction or pattern with the touch of a button. Rabbit vibrators can be quite noisy so if you live with flatmates or parents, choose a rabbit that has motors rather than beads as this will keep the noise level down whilst still providing the same levels of stimulation. The ivibe Waterproof Rabbit is noisy but fabulous whilst the rechargeable Happy Rabbit is much quieter yet still extremely powerful boasting 3 powerful motors. Also worth trying is the Groovy Chick – another G-Spot targeting vibrator that also enables clitoral stimulation at the same time. The Groovy Chick features an 8cm long removable bullet and is fully waterproof and hands-free too.
From the back door?
There is a large selection of anal sex toys available today, but for beginners we suggest you start with something small like a butt plug or anal beads before progressing to larger toys. Always use lubricant with anal play and it is best to choose a toy that has a curved outer end as this allows for easy holding and also reduces the likelihood of the toy being sucked up. The bottom is like a vacuum and we wouldn’t want any embarrassing visits to the emergency room!
Waterproof, rechargeable and hands-free?
If you’re planning to use your toy in the bath, shower or spa, always check it is fully waterproof first. Rechargeable toys are often more expensive than their battery operated counterparts, but doing away with batteries is more economical in the long run as well as being better for the environment. Hands-free toys are usually toys that are worn – for example the We-vibe 3 – the famous couples’ vibrator worn by the women whilst making love. Completely, hands-free, fully waterproof and rechargeable – everything a girl could ask for!
A word on toy safety
Yes, sex toys can be dangerous! We’re not trying to scare you here – just make you aware of what to look for when purchasing your new BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend). Firstly avoid any toys that contain Phthalates – chemicals used to soften plastics. Research shows that excessive exposure to phthalates can lead to cancer as well as liver and kidney damage. There are plenty of cheap sex toys available these day but good quality toys are usually made from body-safe silicone, glass and surgical steel. If you are using a toy with phthalates, always use it with a condom for maximum protection.
It is really important to keep your sex toys clean and hygienic and a hygiene spray is one of the simplest ways to do this. Available from only $9.99 simply spray on to the toy, wipe clean and your toy is ready for use. Hygiene sprays help keep toys free from bacteria and reduce the risk of infections.
Miss Tickles is the resident sexpert and sex toy party princess at Tickle and Delight. Miss Tickles travels the country bringing Sex-U-Cation to the women of Australia and New Zealand in the privacy of their own homes, surrounded by friends where they can laugh and learn together. Find out more at www.tickleanddelight.com.
As Vice President of Business Development and Licensing for Larry Flynt Publications, Inc, Theresa Flynt is the executive behind the company’s chain of Hustler Hollywood stores. Since her dad Larry Flynt made the Hustler brand famous several decades ago, it’s only natural that the company would be a leader in selling the latest and hottest sex toys and accessories.
The Hustler Hollywood stores are friendly places where women and couples feel comfortable shopping for sex toys or other goodies to spice up their sex lives, and Flynt shared with us some of their current bestsellers and how 50 Shades of Grey is changing how women shop for toys and more!
When women walk into a Hustler Hollywood store, what do they usually look at first?
Our stores are designed to seduce the customer by introducing our fun and sexy products slowly as you go through the store. The deeper you go in our store, the naughtier the products get (first you pass the clothes, candles, etc. before you get to toys.)
What are your bestsellers in sex toys and vibrators for women?
Is there one particular sex toy that gets raves from the women who use it?
The Hitachi Magic Wand. Always a classic.
What products would you recommend to a couple that wants to spice up their love life?
The new We Vibe 4.
What sexy lingerie is popular right now?
Corsets! Recently we’ve been selling many reversible corsets as each side has a different colour or pattern.
Are more women buying lingerie for themselves or are more guys buying it for their ladies?
Women are buying for themselves. The success of the 50 Shades of Grey novel has created confident and curious shoppers. We are seeing a surge in the naughty categories of pearl g-strings, crotchless panties and more.
What are your bestsellers in movies for couples?
Celebrity sex tapes!
How do you like to spice up your sex life?
Basically sex toys or erotic toys include the multitude of products designed to stimulate your erogenous zones. The four main types of sex toys are vibrators, dongs, female stimulators and male stimulators.
Vibrators are, for the most part, phallic shaped battery powered objects that deliver multi-speed vibrations. Vibrators are usually made of soft, flexible ‘squooshy’ materials designed for insertion, or harder materials perfect for all over massage or intense clitoral stimulation.
Dongs or dildos are non-vibrating phallic objects designed specifically for insertion and come in a huge range of sizes, colours, shapes, and are made in a huge range of materials.
Female stimulators include hand held or hands-free vibrating toys designed to
Well, there are four handy hints that can help you choose a love toy…
- Think about what kind of stimulation you’re looking for.
- Start with something simple.
- Ask an expert – there are a number of books and videos available that can offer valuable advice on how to enjoy your new gadget, in particular the Nina Hartley guides (all available at www.adultshop.com.au).
- Most importantly – experiment, play safe and have fun – there are millions of ways to enjoy erotic toys, you’re only limited by your imagination!
Let’s go shopping! That’s the educational part out of the way, so let the fun and games begin. If you are in a relationship, shopping for
It’s sale time at www.adultshop.com.au and they are proving that size really does matter in the Save by the Centimetre toy sale! What does this mean? Basically, the bigger the toy, the more you get off.
There is 10% off vibrators and stimulators up to 10cm in height, 15% off modestly sized 10cm – 15cm marvels, 20% off 15cm – 20cm lurve tools, and a whopping 25% off the biggest, badest 20cm – 25cm vibes and pumps!
If you were ever tempted to get your hands on a self-satisfying pleasure machine, but haven’t yet taken the plunge, there is no time like the present. Be quick, visit www.adultshop.com.au now as the sale ends August 11, 2002.