Weekend-wit

Weekend Wit: Spring Has Sprung!

Ah, spring time! It really is quite magical. Mother nature in all her splendour seems to appear out of nowhere and suddenly the sky seems bluer, the grass greener, the clouds whiter, and blooming gardens supply us all with a kaleidoscope of colours.

RELATED Weekend Wit: Common Sense At Its Most Bizarre

But as we all know, we can’t have it all. There’s always got to be a balance of the good, the bad and the ugly. That’s exactly what this next collection looks at. I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to at least a couple of them.

That persistent feeling of needing to be outside all day…

 springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

Winter rain and spring time sun gets you all like…

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

For those of us who experience daylight savings.

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

Why bother washing the car in spring? You know when you do, it’s sure to rain.

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

The erratic temperature swings of mother nature.

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

This seems like a great alternative!

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

Ahh…The annual harvest!

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

Bizarre, isn’t it? Yet, it’s so damn true!

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

Frosts covering the car don’t seem so bad now do they?

springtime, spring, funny things about spring, funny images

Images via Various Sources

September 19, 2015

Weekend Wit: When Pets Think They’re People

Pets are so adorable. It’s no wonder people dress them up for a photo shoot or take snaps of them to capture their non-animal like behavior.

This week we’ve got a selection of pets and a few extra animals doing just that. To the pets it’s quite innocent. Yet to us humans it’s funny to see them mimic what us humans get up to.

RELATED Weekend Wit: Pet Shaming 101

Cats being toilet trained is just freaky. I get it, but still…it seems unnatural.

yvGCsMx

Technology really has taken over, hasn’t it. I wonder if he gets upset when his laptop is taken away?

omg.

Isn’t this adorable!?! The cat’s spooning the baby.

l-This-pic-shows-that-cats-are-best-friend-of-kids.

If people get fined for doing this, do dogs?

hoonuniverse-1

This dog looks quite content just hanging with the boys.

galleryimage-150719037-apr-29-2015-1-600x450

Ah, Yogi. Waiting for that pic-a-nic basket. He does look very patient, doesn’t he?

enhanced-buzz-12211-1328650137-78

You know when you need to stand up very straight to get a good look at something? Well I think this cat has nailed exactly how we look when we do that, including the facial expression. Priceless!

enhanced-buzz-12208-1328650291-91

Please pass this fella the remote!

enhanced-buzz-12205-1328650201-79

These owls look quite happy enjoying a picnic in the mist.

enhanced-buzz-9933-1328651124-54

Man’s very best friend.

enhanced-buzz-3818-1328652375-24

Geez, with that scowl I’d be steering well clear of this cats breaky!

enhanced-buzz-3740-1328652352-22

I bet if this cat really could drive there’d be some serious road rage happening.

enhanced-buzz-3638-1328650116-9

They say cats have a great life, but this cat appears to have an amazing existence.

enhanced-buzz-3590-1328652333-22

I’m not very fond of rodents, but this little creature is just too cute!

enhanced-buzz-3590-1328650313-9

Now, he looks totally engrossed at whatever’s on that screen. I hope it’s G rated – he looks too cute to corrupt.

enhanced-buzz-3538-1328650213-6

OMG, I can so relate! That morning cuppa is so important.

DogPeople1_0

I thought only kids did this. I wonder if you’d get the same response if you told him he’s sitting too close to the TV? Just a thought.

84388004

This fella certainly knows how to strike a pose!

646bafabc9acde1bd8b5a101d6ebaef7

Images via officialhuskylovers.com, buzzfeed.com, memes.com, ebaumsworld.com, reddit.com, pintrest.com, thegoodhumor.com, pleated-jeans.com, newsiosity.com, supurrb.com, 

September 12, 2015

Weekend Wit: A Tribute To Fathers

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there! Hopefully you all get spoiled on your special day tomorrow.

As you know it’s not an easy task raising kids. You need to think on your feet, adapt to unique situations, be a parent and not necessarily a friend, plus listen to constant advice from us mums. So fellas, enjoy your day. Sit back, crack a cold beverage and have a chuckle at the joys of fatherhood.

RELATED Weekend Wit: 9 Ways To Avoid Parenting

Let’s begin with some fathers who have found out that sometimes having kids can be tricky; convention goes out the window and you just have to wing it as you go along.

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

Now for some fathers who are probably not going to win popularity competitions from their offspring.

EMGN-LOL-Dads-Funny-Awesome-Hilarious-Cool-2

funny-dad-8

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

For the dads who know that sometimes fatherhood means going above and beyond.

funny-dad-11

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

And finally, what makes fathers so different to mothers.

funny-dad-24 funny-dad-27

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

fathers, father's day, dads, parenting

Images viralscape.com, filmvz.com, crisuitpcmt.blogspot.com, owned.com, dumpaday.com, blog.swagbucks.com, emgn.com, parentsociety.com, spunk.nl, jokideo.com, memecenter.com, mothersdayquotes2015.org

September 5, 2015

Weekend Wit: Funny Inspirational Quotes

We all need a little inspiration in our lives, don’t we? However, I’m not too sure these funny inspirational quotes will do much to inspire greatness. Instead, they’re far more likely to inspire a bit of laughter, a chuckle or two, or perhaps a smirk here and there. Heck, you might even be inspired to give this a quick share on your Facebook wall! Now that would inspire us to keep finding more funnies to bring to you each week…

 RELATED: Weekend Wit: Can We Really Call This Fashion?

So go grab that cuppa, lady. Hopefully we’ve got something here this week that will provide you with some mind numbing entertainment for a few minutes out of your day.

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuffFunny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Weekend Wit: Funny Inspirational Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Funny Inspirational Quotes, funny quotes, funny images, funny stuff

Images via Various Sources 

August 29, 2015

Weekend Wit: Can We Really Call This Fashion?

Fashion: is it art we proudly present on our bodies? Is it simply items that we wear to protect us from the elements or to cart our stuff around? Or perhaps it’s something in between? Today’s Weekend Wit takes a look at what constitutes as fashion. From weird and probably not so wonderful designs to basic home made essentials, we’ve got a collection that will leave you gob smacked at what some people consider fashionable.

RELATED: Weekend Wit: Please Explain???

Some aren’t exactly practical or even very attractive, however all of these items fall under the heading of fashion. Perhaps some of you will be inspired to create some crazy clothing or accessories of your own after this; because from the looks of it, all you really need is some imagination.

Are they going for the over-sized sunglasses look? Perhaps it’s to protect their eyes from all of that colour if they ever catch a glimpse of their reflection.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

How about we call this one ‘the plumbers crack dress’.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

This is one way of turning a seemingly normal outfit into something freaky. WTF is that?

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Ugly, but original. I can’t say I’d race out and go buy a pair, however.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

A brilliant outfit for people who aren’t into hugging.

 fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Umm…. Jaws teeth and Gene Simmons tongue – what they are doing attached to this dress, we’ll never really know.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Should we assume her favorite movie is The Lion King?

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

This string coat is finished off perfectly by the silky green bag strategically placed over the head. Don’t you agree?

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Sorry, but I am clueless at what this outfit is supposed to be or represent? At first I thought it may have been inspired by one of those suction cup bath mats… But that thing on her head has just thrown me.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Look what happens when you shuffle around social convention: you end up looking like a complete idiot. I know that may sound harsh, but I’d bet these shoes would definitely look better on her feet.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Thankfully, she’s a smaller breasted woman. On a woman with significantly more up top, these love hearts would look like pasties (you know, those things strippers wear to cover their nipples?).

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

How ingenious! A handbag made out of hula hoops.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

This looks like Alien meets I dream of Jeannie. For those too young to understand what I mean, I strongly suggest that you look it up – this outfit will become startlingly obvious.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

I can picture the sales pitch now… “Just in case your wedding day turns to crap, you’ll be prepared!”

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

The perfect outfit for the lady who loves the limelight. However, upon entrance she will need to walk in sideways.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

I can see what happened here: this designer had absolutely no idea what to make out of this fabric. Therefore, they selected a model specifically with big, boofy red hair.  Size wasn’t a factor because they just draped the material around her. Not exactly remarkable, but it does stand out nonetheless.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Inspired by the bubble boy.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

At least these peaks give her some shape.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

The ‘testicle dress’: for those with the balls to wear it. Sorry, my mistake – no balls necessary. It comes with its own.

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Lastly, fashion is pain ladies. But we all knew that!

fashion, funny fashion, weird fashion

Images via Various Sources

August 22, 2015

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

Variety is the spice of life, they say. So we’re basically encouraged to think that difference is good, right? But is difference always such a good thing? Or is difference simply a matter of perspective?

RELATED: Weekend Wit: Exercise Your Dirty Mind

This is probably getting a bit deep for Weekend Wit, especially when you just want to kick back and have a giggle or two. So without further delay, let’s take a look at some random images that are all about difference. Who really cares if difference is good or bad or if it is a matter of perspective. Let’s enjoy a bit of difference and leave the philosophy to the experts!

I can spot some similarities here. Nice smile, dude!

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

It’s remarkable that gender can determine pricing. Yet, what’s possibly more remarkable is that we don’t dispute it – we just pay it.

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

After her nose job, Latoya Jackson really does bear a resemblance to ET.  I wonder if she considered that before her surgery?

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

So true!

Spot The Difference, funny images, fun stuff

Poor grandma. Quite a likeness though.

Spot The Difference, funny images, fun stuff

Notice the second man from the right corner? He’s not checking out their bodies, but he’s still smiling. Maybe these blondes had a strategy? In that case, who’s the silly one? Just a thought.

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

What this guy lacks in technology, he makes up for in his sense of humour.

Spot The Difference, funny images, fun stuff

And so does this guy.

Spot The Difference, funny images, fun stuff

I love the cat. He is really playing his part.

Spot The Difference, funny images, fun stuff

I did pose the question of whether all differences are good!

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

I couldn’t resist to finish off with just a touch of philosophy. Difference… Umm, perhaps it is all about our perspective?

Weekend Wit: Can You Spot The Difference?

Images funny-fun-fun.com, videobash.com, funny-pics-fun.com, jokideo.com, funnyasduck.net, plus.google.com, ask.fm, ajeremyg.tumblr.com, skoften.net, ayblog.com, m.pulsk.com, pinterest.com, veryfunnypics.eu, collectivelyconscious.net, vietbao.vn, lolzbook.com, reddit.com, bustanedostan.ir, rukal.fh4u.net,

August 1, 2015

Weekend Wit: Pet Shaming 101

Millions of people have a pet who has become part of their family. So like most family members, they too can develop habits that can be a bit annoying, or perhaps, a one off behaviour that was less than appreciated.

RELATED: Weekend Wit: Cute Pet Memes

This is how pet shaming was born. Instead of sharing pics online of their beloved adopted family member, some owners have chosen to share the negative aspects of pet ownership in hilarious ways. Let’s take a look at a few examples, shall we?

I suppose that’s one way to make sure they’re the alpha pet of the household.

1f91309fdc662d156b43191723d

A second killer bird… Is this why goldfish are so popular?

2tIQh8G

Oh well, pets need some form of entertainment, too, and they don’t exactly have many props to work with.

6a00d8341bf67c53ef01901bce9

Maybe he likes the texture, but the smell certainly wouldn’t be a turn on!

72e05e7afa8ccf0f04cede39b31

I think I met this Tiger at the Adelaide Zoo.

99e4cc_5035835

5208a880b077b5032f536039325

6138dee22ea45dbaab9ca5984b8

I’m not convinced. Don’t they all look like this?

attachment.php

bc995787489b194c3c56b22e0d0 bunnybully

What’s the problem then? That’s perfect teamwork.

funny-dog-pictures

OUCH!

funny-new-dog-shaming

He’s too gorgeous to be a cannibal.

giving-fish-shaming-a-try-5

i_funny_pet_shaming_001_528

I thought this was just something kids do?

IYF-Shaming-Parrots-Mouse-l

KoaXEQJ

He looks like he’d have a good set of lungs, too!

reubensign2

The hedgehog has its revenge!

tumblr_m9mhjovwnd1re4ne0o1_

Seriously? This little fella is too cute to be a menace!

tumblr_m954dhGoSb1re4ne0o1_

tumblr_ma9cqnexbJ1rf93ggo1_

tumblr_mdpuzxP92d1qhqt17o1_

That’s one deadly beak!

tumblr_mvx0ke5CIT1qbi0ero9_

turkishsign

UffW4

Yes, we can see that.

ujn8r-funny-dog-shaming

Well that’s it for today. We hope you enjoyed our Weekend Wit for this week and come back for more funnies next time.

Images slodive.com, sunnyskyz.com, pinterest.com, vitamin-ha.com, dogshaming.com, loldamn.com, humorsharing.com, instantcheckmate.com

July 25, 2015

Weekend Wit: Funny Backyard Inventions

They say necessity is the mother of all inventions. I’m sure that’s why Thomas Edison invented the light globe back in 1879. It was dark back then and he needed some light. Boy how far has technology come since then! Or has it?

This next lot of backyard inventions follow the same concept as Edison, having been born out of necessity. However I highly doubt they’ll have the same impact on society as the light globe but they are worth a bit of a laugh.

RELATED Weekend Wit: Common Sense At Its Most Bizarre

This one’s quite clever. Pushing around a hand mower is really tough work.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Don’t ya love the fact he had to place a name tag on the side?

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Witty and practical. I wonder if scientists have tried this approach for hurricane alerts?

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Anyone who has suffered the pain of a crappy shower head could appreciate this one. It does look quite effective.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

It seems this inventor has digressed somewhat. Weren’t wheels a revolutionary invention? He’s obviously put some thought into this though because the sneaker are all matching. I wonder if that made a difference to his prototype.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Aha…. kite surf envy. That’s one way to join in and I suppose it beats sitting on the foreshore.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

It seems BBQ’s are something a lot of people have a go at creating but this fella has gone one better and got himself a multiple sausage cooking utensil. Why should everyone burn their hands right? A true mate if I ever saw one!

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Why would this inventor try to stabilize this substitute fuel tank on the outside of the ute? Perhaps he ran out of hose and it just wasn’t long enough to place it securely in the back.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Do you think this air-conditioner just cools the freezer section or the entire fridge?

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Let’s hope this set up is NOT for a child. They’re obviously very serious about keeping something inside there.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Apparently life is better with a ute and by passers at this event would probably agree. Nice work fellas!

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

No oar? A pitch fork and an old number plate will do the job.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

That certainly is a lot of tape to turn this pedestal fan into a ceiling fan. However will it be enough? I don’t think I’d like to stand under it.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

I’d bet good money this was photographed in a bachelor pad.

redneck-inventions, funny inventions, funny images

Well that’s it for today. There certainly are some very creative minds out there. Not exactly in the same class as Edison but at least they are trying to make their lives better. Let’s just hope everyone stayed safe while using their weird and not so wonderful inventions!

Images trollface.ws, radass.com, danadz.wordpress.com, rantlifestyle.com, runt-of-the-web.com, runt-of-the-web.com, funnyphototime.com, boredville.com, weirdtwist.wordpress.com, es.twtrland.com, eugeneandtex.com, humorek.com.pl,

Feature image seriouslyforreal.com

July 18, 2015

Weekend Wit: Funny Decals And Bumper Stickers

Travelling by road can be a tedious task. There’s all that traffic to contend with and very little entertainment, so it’s enlightening to see people’s attempt at humour with the vast selection of bumper stickers and decals drivers have opted to display on their vehicles.

RELATED Weekend Wit: Exercise Your Dirty Mind

Ironically, you can tell a lot about a car’s owner from their sticker choices. Some are family people, with those little stick figures that every second family car seems to have; then there’s the activists who use their car to advertise, whether it be religion, politics, animal or environmental causes. Then there’s the other type of driver who decides to use their vehicle to tell us all a bit more about themselves. Curious? Here’s what i’m talking about…

Obviously the owner of this vehicle doesn’t picture themselves as any type of saint; or perhaps they are referring to a regular passenger like their beloved partner, perhaps?

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

This one lets people know not to ask the owner for any favours.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

This one screams sexual deviate! If this owner was picking up your daughter for a date, would you let her go? Probably not.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Clearly not a fan of people who park in disabled parking zones.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

This car is owned by a married man who’s obviously not too wealthy.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Hard to tell if this driver is male or female, but they aren’t afraid to use sign-language to get their point across.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Possibly owned by an older person who was never been a surfer at any stage during their lifetime.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

A mechanic who describes his worth as a man by his ability to change the oil? Sad, but perhaps true.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

It’s more than likely that this chap is a science buff who thinks NASA’s advertising is pretty awesome.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Now here’s a dilemma… Yes, it’s a mothers mini van and she just may be a hooker, but more than likely she’s discovered an outstanding way to get her children to catch the bus instead of asking for a lift.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Here’s a disgruntled single driver who probably hasn’t been laid in a while. Potentially because she’s been disillusioned with her former partners!

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Clearly an advocate of Bill Clinton; they are supporting his decision to receive a blow job, regardless of losing the most significant job in the US.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Ahh, a classic for anyone who can recall when panel vans and drive-ins reigned supreme. Possibly a 1960’s vintage?

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Here’s a reminder to top up the superannuation: This retiree has been unable to afford a decent car – check out that rust!

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Here’s a BMW owned by a successful woman who isn’t afraid to misbehave to reach her goals. Go girl!

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Possibly a female’s car, although it may be a male with an unusual imagination. Can you imagine a mans bumper sticker saying ‘dance like your penis is on fire’? Not likely.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

A proud parent of none owns this one and is not afraid to share what type of contraception they use.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

The Ass family vehicle. Wise and Smart don’t sound too bad, but calling the kids Lazy, Kiss and Dumb is just plain mean. Break out the check book people because these kids will be needing therapy in a few years.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Looks like a vintage motorbike, so perhaps this owner is in to older models – women included?

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

This person clearly has money to waste on crap like this bumper sticker which they find amusing.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

The fact that their number plate holder reads “insured by mafia” makes me think that they’d care about their stick family, but wouldn’t give two hoots about yours.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Ahh, a technology fan! What’s the bet that they’ve got a Bluetooth stereo connected to their new iPhone inside. It screams: “Yep, I’ve got all the latest gadgets. Come break into me!”

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

A philosopher or perhaps a pot smoker who likes to ponder the absurd. BTW, the world doesn’t fart, people do.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Grandpa Simpson’s Kia.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Definitely the vehicle of a cynic who thinks too highly of others.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Well if the target is 2.5 beers, they aren’t a heavy drinker. If anyone is up for some fun, however, throw a couple of ales this guy’s way!

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

Possibly a spiritual soul, but definitely not a church goer.

funny bumper stickers, humour, funny images

My best guess here would be that this person is someone’s wife whose probably of the superwomen variety.

grow-dope

Well, they obviously aren’t the boss; so this car belongs to an unhappy employee.

on-my-way-to-work-bumper-st

This is every young man’s worst nightmare – and I’d say he’d be a little intimidating.

ph-bumper-10

Given the right circumstances, I’m sure we could all paste this one on our vehicles. So the owner of this car is anyone’s guess!

Tentativa-dar-uma-F-ck-engr

Images via Various Sources

July 11, 2015

Weekend Wit: Seriously Funny Facial Expressions

Facial expressions tell us a lot about what’s going on in the thoughts of others and we use them all the time to our advantage. For example when teenagers need that extra few dollars, they certainly don’t go and approach Dad when he walks through the door with a grumpy look upon his face. That’s a sure fire way to a definite “NO”. Instead they’d look for those times when he was smiling and this would inadvertently get them much better access to his wallet!

RELATED Weekend Wit: Common Sense At Its Most Bizarre

There are lots of other situations when we use facial expressions to our advantage. Another one is when someone posts a seriously funny facial expression for all the world to get a bit of a laugh at. This next lot is an example of what I’m talking about.

You can almost read this cricketer’s mind… “OMG, fast bowler! I seriously hope I hit it cause I swear it’s going to hurt if I don’t!”

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

A little kid with this facial expression looks cute, but on an adult it would be pure evil.

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

Yep. We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

What do you think, fellas? Clearly quite attractive, but perhaps a little too crazy for your liking?

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

If this is his facial expression for throwing a little round ball, just imagine the expression on his face when he’s doing ‘other’ things.

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

Now this one is a very tricky expression. Try and mimic it, I dare you!

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

This male tennis player’s expression is easier to copy, but he does look a little terrified or perhaps bewildered at what’s happening in front of him.

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

Now this would be a police mug shot to be proud of. He clearly looks surprised at whatever the charge is. If you’d have to say guilty or innocent, which would it be? Or is dumbfounded more appropriate?

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

Okay people, when you’re putting on your happy face make sure it NEVER looks like this. She doesn’t look happy. She looks disturbed. VERY disturbed!

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

This is what a husbands face would look like if their wives spent exactly what they wanted to when out on a shopping expedition!

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

Who would have thought diving was such an intense sport? Or is that just gravity working against him?

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

This little tacker looks totally victorious. But at what though, considering he only sleeps, eats and poops? We can only imagine… He’s not sleeping, and he ain’t eating, so that only leaves one attainable victory.

Funny Facial Expressions, faces, funny images

Images via Pinterest and Various Sources

July 4, 2015

Weekend Wit: Cute Pet Memes

Cats have always been an internet favorite, so this week we’re bringing you a collection of cute and funny pet memes. We’ve included a few dogs who have got themselves into funny predicaments, beloved animals who just might consider themselves human – and, of course,  some cute and bizarre snaps from owners.

RELATED Weekend Wit: The Wonderful World Of Selfies

This feisty raccoon either considers itself a mum or it’s doing one hell of a bad kidnapping job!

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Some expressions are priceless!

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

 Who could get angry at this pup, seriously?

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

A photo is worth a thousand words…

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Surprise, surprise, a cat with attitude.

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

This is personal security at its very best.

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Here’s something you don’t see everyday.

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Imagine how cuddly this little fella is. How cute!

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Is is just me, or does this dog look like a soft teddy bear?

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

This is either some awesome Photoshop work, or this dog has mastered the art of meditation perfectly.

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

OMG, this pug is adorable!!

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

He doesn’t look too happy. Are they sure it was red velvet cake mix? Quick, somebody go find the cat!

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

This is one way to tire a dog out, I suppose…

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Some people go a little too far when it comes to treating their pets like babies.

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Cats and dogs generally don’t get along, but when they do, it’s just so damn cute!

Cute Pet Memes, cute pets, funny pets, pets

Images via Various Sources

June 13, 2015

Weekend Wit: Funny Facebook Memes

I logged into Facebook the other day and noticed that my friends share some pretty funny memes sometimes. They certainly provide a pick-me-up when I’m feeling a bit flat, so I wanted to share them with yours truly. Now, most of this collection is directly shared by friends of mine, so they are quite eclectic – nonetheless, they still provide a good dose of entertainment when needed!

RELATED Weekend Wit: The Wonderful World Of Selfies

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

The innocence of children is so beautiful, isn’t it?

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

If you are wondering what this is… It’s kids play equipment. What did you think it was?

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

A lesson for every parent with teens, or perhaps one for preoccupied partners!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

What the heck is that couple in the background doing? Seriously, wouldn’t you edit them out? I suppose they do provide a bit of added entertainment.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Be careful, buddy… Karma’s a bitch when she wants to be!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

What can you say? Life is full of strange moments!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

If this kid only knew what Grandma was seeing through that lens. I bet she thought she was smiling at her!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Well, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

As you get older you don’t need to party for days to look like this. A weekend with a house full of teens has a VERY similar effect.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Haven’t we all! Did someone say bouncer?

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Who needs a bucket list when you can make a f#@k it list a mile longer!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Hmm, I wonder how they then managed to get out this situation seeing as their lack of common sense got them into it…

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

This one was posted on a friends husbands page to take note of. That’s the thing with Facebook; what goes on behind closed doors is no longer a secret.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

If you had a Ferrari surely you’d be able to afford parking, yeah? Or perhaps being a tight-arse is the how they afforded one in the first place…

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Relationships are so hard sometimes. You couldn’t survive them if you didn’t do this at least once in a lifetime, but posting it on Facebook probably isn’t the smartest way to end an argument.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Some ideas look great a paper, but in reality… Probably not what you’d hoped for.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Can anyone relate?

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Did someone say: Facebook friend cull?

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

When in doubt, buy a sports bra!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

He’s smiling now, but I’d be giving this proud dad-to-be the very first dirty nappy!

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Sometimes, you just got to take the good with the bad.

Facebook, funny facebook pics, funny pics, funny stuff

Parenting 101… Nothing like a bit of Facebook humiliation for the entire world to witness.

Images via facebook.com

June 6, 2015

Weekend Wit: The Wonderful World Of Selfies

Love ’em or hate ’em, it looks like selfies are here to stay. Anyone with a mobile phone can happily snap their every move these days, whether that be out for drinks, at the gym, or on the toilet. Seriously, we’ve all seen our friends post pics that let us into their secret life at home alone. Never before has photography been so damn popular!

RELATED Weekend Wit: Common Sense At Its Most Bizarre

Now, some of us think we’re pretty good at taking selfies. There are even competitions to enter into such as the Selfie Olympics – we kid you not. So, with all this going on it’s not so unusual there would be a few fails, right? Absolutley – and it really is amusing just where, when, how and why people are happily snapping away! Here are a few of favourite #selfiefails:

Tip 1: If you are going to go as far as to photoshop your selfie, check to see if you’ve got it right. Instead, this women has photoshoped her way into making herself look like a vain fool!

1

Tip 2: When taking a selfie don’t turn your back on oncoming traffic – particularly if that traffic is a train.

3

Tip 3: When running with the bulls in Pamplona, one should always capture the excitement! However, one must also be aware that there may be consequences.

4

Tip 4: When taking a selfie, present yourself in a way which an employer won’t reject you if you ever attend an interview. As they say: once on the internet, ALWAYS on the internet.

5

Tip 5: Just a heads up, other mourners probably won’t appreciate your smiley selfie in front of their dads/cousins/friends coffin at a funeral.

6

Tip 6: Food and shelter are still a big priority in third world countries. Donating phones to capture selfies won’t feed a family!

7

Tip 7: Sometimes a selfie just won’t capture the intended moment…

8

Tip 8: Sexy selfies totally lose their appeal with children present.

9

Tip 9: If a women is being attacked in public, it’s not an opportune moment to take a selfie with a big grin on your face.

10

Tip 10: Before going under the knife, always collect evidence on who’s preforming your operation.

11

Tip 11: If you still have a body which would make men half your age jealous and you’ve mastered technology, you should probably go for it.

12

Tip 12: If you are camera shy, you should probably stay away from the selfie craze.

13

Tip 13: If you have large man boobs you can actually use them to your advantage to take selfies. Who knew?

14

Tip 14: Firefighters should probably focus on fires, not selfies. Just a suggestion.

17

Tip 15: When taking a glamour selfie you should always check that you aren’t being photo bombed by large people in underwear.

18

Tip 16: If you get up to strange things in private, they should probably stay private. Speaking of private… What is that object on his penis?

19

Tip 17: Women with wet crutches shouldn’t sit on men’s shoulders – and men taking selfies shouldn’t look so damn happy about it!

21

Tip 18: When taking a selfie in front of a mirror always be aware of what your reflection looks like from behind.

22

Tip 19: Taking this sort of selfie can only end up as a fail. He’s either exceptionally well tucked in, or not hiding much behind that phone…

23

Tip 20: If you deep throat a banana while at work, it’s probably not the best idea to take a selfie of it. Your colleagues will most likely have cameras and you’ll end up on the internet for all the wrong reasons. Mum will be so proud.

24

Tip 21: Looking good beautiful, but it’s probably best to take selfies when you’re OFF the toilet.

26

Tip 22: If taking a selfie to look sexy, this probably isn’t the best way to achieve it. Props for getting nanna in on the action though.

27

Tip 23: If you must take selfies in the toilet, for God’s sake flush! #EW

28

Tip 24: One way to piss off your friends is to take a selfie while they on the toilet. Another way is to position the lens so it captures the pad placed neatly inside their underwear.

29

Tip 25: When taking a selfie capture the reaction of bystanders for additional entertainment.

30

Tip 26: Now, if there’s 2 dogs humping in the background of your selfie, at least crack a smile.

Weekend-Wit-The-Wonderful-W

Tip 27: Some selfies are best taken only from behind to capture the impression you’re after.

funny selfies, selfie fails, selfies,

Tip 28: The final selfie tip for today is to ALWAYS be aware of the roles that shadows play in photography!

funny selfies, selfie fails, selfies,

Images via Various Sources

May 30, 2015

Weekend Wit: Exercise Your Dirty Mind

This week we’ve got something a little different. It’s all about exercising your dirty mind – granted some people have more of a dirty mind than others. While i’m sure at least one or two of you will see these optical illusions quite clearly, it’s incredible how the mind plays tricks on us and tends to zone in on profanity!

RELATED: Weekend Wit: World’s Worst Jobs

Let’s start with a challenge: You might have to look closely for this one – or perhaps not, depending on how your mind works…

dirty mind, funny, fun,

No, it’s not what you’re thinking! It’s all very innocent, I assure you.

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Now, look closely… What is the first thing that you see?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

What an unusual place for a…

dirty mind, funny, fun,

This older gentleman looks quite content, doesn’t he?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Gosh some people have a lot of time on their hands…

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Well now, this is unexpected.

dirty mind, funny, fun,

So, that’s what they get up to on their days off. Ten out of ten to the naughty nuns posing for some positive PR!

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Can you see a couple of interpretations here?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Quite an innocent photo really. Check out the man on the left – oblivious isn’t he?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Can you imagine the looks he would have got at work after this image hit the net?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

#PhotoFail…

dirty mind, funny, fun,

How many times would people have done this only for no-one to take any notice?  Cheers to the person who did. Seriously though, how bored were they?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Umm… Any clue what animal leaves these type of footprints?

dirty mind, funny, fun,

If you look at this from a distance it takes on a whole new dimension…

dirty mind, funny, fun,

Calm it, first impressions aren’t always what they seem.

dirty mind, funny, fun,

You may need to look twice at this one, depending on how your mind works, that is!

dirty mind, funny, fun,

So, how did you go? Can you officially say your mind is in the gutter?

Images via Various Sources

May 23, 2015

Weekend Wit: Common Sense At Its Most Bizarre

Common sense is something we learn as we grow up. However, some people’s thought process’ in certain situations makes me wonder if that’s true. I mean, why do people think their car can fit into a trolley bay, or that climbing a 10 foot ladder balanced on cardboard boxes is safe? The mind really does boggle when we see some of these things.

RELATED Weekend Wit: 9 Ways To Avoid Parenting

Thankfully, since the age of the smartphone, most of us are prepared to forever capture others bending the boundaries of logic – and it does provide us with some amusing entertainment. I’ve sourced a tiny snippet of some of these bizarre behaviours, which i’m sure you’ll be jut as surprised as I was as to how many snapshots and videos there are of people doing crazy or lazy things!

common sense, fails, life, people

Moving debris from the road prior to marking was obviously not in their job description.

common sense, fails, life, people

There’s a few interesting things about this one:

  1. Does the witness watch this nightly news channel and get their eye witness description a little mixed up?
  2. Did producers not notice the similarity?
  3. I wonder how many people called this in as a possible sighting?
  4. Or most importantly, is this presenter the rapist they are searching for?

common sense, fails, life, people

I suppose you can’t do this with a regular jack. Good thinking, man about to be squished under his vehicle.

common sense, fails, life, people

Someone should have explained to poor old grandma that they now make electric kettles.

common sense, fails, life, people

Honestly, is parking really that difficult?

common sense, fails, life, people

Evidence of why some people really shouldn’t reproduce.

common sense, fails, life, people

I suppose it would be difficult moving furniture with a scooter. Ten out of ten for using imagination and initiative to get this difficult job done with resources on hand. I would have added a second helmet for the passenger as an additional safety measure, however.

common sense, fails, life, people

Now, the store would have had to of loaded this vehicle up and no-one thought it was a bad idea…

common sense, fails, life, people

There’s always one pyromaniac sitting around a peaceful camp fire, isn’t there?

common sense, fails, life, people

If this place was located in Australia, I’d guarantee it would quickly get itself a nickname.

common sense, fails, life, people

Some people really do make their lives more difficult than it should be, don’t they?

common sense, fails, life, people

Looks like laziness is highly contagious. Take the stairs, you lazy buggers!

common sense, fails, life, people

They’re obviously not expecting a workplace inspector anytime soon!

common sense, fails, life, people

This wouldn’t be such a bad set up if electricity and water wasn’t so damn deadly. But hey, at least you wouldn’t get dehydrated at your work-space. Ha!

common sense, fails, life, people

Observational learning has obviously failed here.

common sense, fails, life, people

The drive-though: Isn’t is incredible how people will do anything to just stay in their vehicle to make life easier?

common sense, fails, life, people

Now here is a conundrum – does he really want it to work… Like really?

common sense, fails, life, people

This mum is either very strong or the wind gave her a hand to get her toddler so high into the air. Either way, let’s hope she can catch as good as she throws!

common sense, fails, life, people

Male thinking. Sorry fellas, you know it’s true.

common sense, fails, life, people

Besides that fact that her kid’s holding onto a porn DVD, she looks like a pretty regular mum, doesn’t she? Minus the flogging t-shirt. Pity we can’t see the remainder of it…

common sense, fails, life, people

Are they kidding?

common sense, fails, life, people

I guess this is one way to improve strength and balance at the same time. However, I can honestly say that I’ve never seen it done like this before. Also, making the lift would be quite a task. Pity they don’t have a step-by-step guide for others to try it. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to put yourself at risk of busting a knee or breaking your back if it was a highly effective?

Images via Various Sources

May 16, 2015

Weekend Wit: The Interstate Move From Hell

Our interstate move was planned about six months ago. It should have been pretty simple really: Organise housing, utilities and a truck to move all of our stuff. Of course nothing ever goes according to plan, however.

RELATED Weekend Wit – Online Shopping Debacle

I should have know it wasn’t going to be smooth sailing three weeks prior to the move when a very close friend passed away. While there’s nothing funny about death, I’m certain he timed it just to add as much stress as possible – he was exceptionally well known to do that – God bless him!

So, off we flew for a day trip to his funeral knowing full well in three short weeks we’d also need to find the money to move back there permanently. Mind you, we had lent the cash to said friend with the promise he’d pay it back. Now, that obviously wasn’t going to happen. Financially we were pretty much screwed; and emotionally, well let’s just say our family was totally crushed. In hindsight, we probably should have put off the move; but despite our financial woes and tremendous grief, we soldiered on.

We packed up our belongings and were set to take our furniture from an uncles shed. In the meantime, we’d been lucky to rent an amazing holiday house on the beach and hadn’t needed it. The only thing was that the truck was full before we left the house. How did we manage collect so much crap? Hmm… Quite the conundrum.

So, instead of offloading to make room from furniture, we set off with the beds, our electrical stuff, a fridge (minus the shelves, oops!), a washing machine, two motor bikes and a convoy of beloved belongings, all of which managed to load up an entire four tone truck, a Tarago and a Mazda 626.

Mind you, we had no actual home to go to. All 50 plus rental applications I’d submitted online were never opened. Apparently most agents accept this nifty facility, but unless you correspond directly with them the application is 100 percent useless. Of course in my haste to secure a place to live, deal with our friends death and our increasing financial strain, I didn’t take any notice of this until 2 days before the move.

Luckily a dear friend offered us a place to live for three weeks until her lease expired. The place had no heating, 2 bedrooms and was ready for a wrecking ball, but she’d already moved out so it was vacant. Or at least we’d thought. In the days prior to our move her daughter required a temporary roof for her friends. The empty place soon became home to 7 tenants, all aged sporadically between 16 and 45, all of who shared only two precious house keys. Not exactly the touch down I’d envisaged for our long awaited interstate move.

Obviously things were looking fairly bleak, so off I trotted to every open inspection in search of a suitable home. Our list of wants quickly became a list of needs, and the race to find a home began. Despite fabulous references and being a former home owner myself, it wasn’t enough. Weeks passed before I finally spoke to a sympathetic agent and who directed me to an empty property.

From the outside I could see potential, but the tired old abode needed serious TLC – and that was just the exterior. I was determined to make this a home, so despite obvious flaws I booked an inspection. The chatty agent told me she had no other interested parties and she managed to capture my attention for the entire five minute of viewing. Out of desperation to find a place I sped through our list of needs; three bedrooms – check; shed – check; ducted air-con – yep. Where do I sign?

Within two days we got the keys; and soon after the power was connected so we finally left the halfway inn. Hurrah! Upon collecting a fist full of keys to our new home, only one set gave us access through the front door. Perhaps they’d had a bit of bother and had to change the locks a few times, I thought? The house on closer inspection was grottier than any place I’d ever lived. What the hell had I done? The agent had said there had been trouble with previous tenants but it was cleaned “beautifully.”

Beautifully? Really? Every surface in and out of the house needed wiping or scrubbing, plus the curtains all needed re-hanging and a damn good wash. We even used the high pressure hose to clean the bathroom before we used it because it was so damn filthy! Perhaps her definition of “beautifully” was skewed.

Not long after I discovered particular lights didn’t work, the electric roller door was now manually operated, the manuals instructing how to operate the ducting (which we’d signed for to say we received) were all missing, and the list of broken or damaged items grew with every space I inspected. I even managed to eliminate a baby snake in the backyard because it was so overgrown. No wonder no-one else wanted the place!

Now, I get that certain obstacles are put on our path to test us. But this, this was an exam and I hadn’t studied! Obviously this is just the quick version of our interstate move from hell – don’t even get me started on the longer version. But to give you a glimpse of how well it’s been going, we consistently have people looking for former tenants at 1am, and have even incurred a visit from the police in search of them. Oh, the joys!

By day three in the new place after having cleaned, sourced and collected furniture, looked after the family and squeezed in minimal hours of sleep, I did what any sane person would do: I lost my shit! I effectively announced my arrival to the neighborhood and let’s just say, they probably think some nutter has just moved in – a very loud one with multiple grievances!

The upside to all this? Well, sometimes you need to search hard for the upside. BUT, the house is looking more and more like a home and it’s happened in less than a week. After a good clean and having plans in place to neaten it up, it’s not actually all that bad. We’ve had some awesome friends who’ve helped us out along the way and found some very kind strangers who’ve donated furniture. The kids are really happy and despite rising tensions, my partner is back to the loving man I adore.

Image tapeciarnia.pl

May 9, 2015

Weekend Wit: 9 Ways To Avoid Parenting

Any parent will tell you that raising kids is a tough gig, but there are some people out there in cyberspace who don’t appear to take it very seriously. When kids are still at the stage when they don’t need a mobile phone to stay in contact, parenting is actually pretty much common sense.

RELATED Weekend Wit: What if toddlers were in charge?

However, we all know that some people’s version of common sense can be a little skewed – just check out some of the parenting skills adopted by some brainiacs out there. So, you’ve got to ask the question: How on earth can these parents really get it so wrong? Are they exceptionally over-tired? Are they lacking in the IQ department? Or should some people just resort back to their mobile phones and technology in search of an appropriate app to do it all for them?

Sorry, maybe I’m being a little too harsh. I suppose if anything, we do need people like this – they make the rest of us parents feel pretty good about ourselves. Yes, even on a bad parenting day. So on that note, ladies, here is 9 ways to avoid parenting.

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

When did a standard motorcycle become an 8 seater vehicle? I wonder which genius thought of that child’s bucket seat, too? Quite an invention!

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

They say children mimic what they are exposed to, but this little girl clearly looks a little distressed at the future in front of her.

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

Has parenting become such a chore that every waking moment – including a simple trip to the store – needs a screen? Hmm… Perhaps.

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I sincerely hope the hospital booked this lady in for some parenting classes prior to discharge – something tells me neglect could be an issue in this child’s future.

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

Just because an item covers a child’s head does not make it a suitable helmet!

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

Shouldn’t it be obvious that some words should NEVER be written on a little girls top! Why is there even a market for this?

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

I wonder if this dotting Dad simply forgot about the precious cargo in his back pack? Or does he think this is a safe option should the train derail, and is ACTUALLY aware of the child behind him?

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

The thing about this pic is that these women look quite normal. These two little kids in the cage, however, may not have that opportunity in their future.

parenting fails, parenting, kids, parents

Just remember, I did say something about common sense being skewed, didn’t I?

Image via various sources

May 2, 2015

Weekend Wit: World’s Worst Jobs

I recently came across this funny on Facebook and it prompted me to take a look at the world’s worst jobs – The sort of jobs that you’d need to be paid copious amounts of money to even entertain the thought of doing. Now I’m amazed that some of these jobs even exist. For example, which sadist thought of paying a person to literally watch grass grow or paint dry… 8-12 hours a day? OMG, shoot me now!

RELATED Weekend Wit: The Facebook Phenomenon

That actually doesn’t seem so bad when you consider there are some truly revolting jobs out there. Just think how much would you need to be paid to sniff the flatulence of strangers, especially the old nanas? Have you ever smelled an 80-year-old woman fart? It’s certainly something only a professional flatulence sniffer is trained to handle.

The there the people who swim through raw sewerage. Yuk. Seriously there isn’t enough money on the planet to want that gig. Then there’s people who collect animal semen via manual simulation. Image their resume which got them the job in the first place?

Job title: Professional Animal Ejaculation Collector

Career objective: I’m hoping to work for a progressive company where I can work closely with animals. I have a gentle approach and trust me when I say, your animals will be in good hands.

What about the crime scene cleaners? Are they really just psychopaths trying to hide in plain sight like Dexter? Surly your average cleaner couldn’t cope with that sort of mess, not to mention to the visual or the smell. How would they sleep at night?

Now stop and envisage the meetings where all these jobs would have all been originally proposed. What do you think initial reactions were? “Gee boss, 8 hours a day watching paint dry….what a marvelous idea!” said the brown noser in the corner. Perhaps some of the other staff made a mental note to Google inpatient mental health facilities when they got back to their desks. Clearly their boss has ever so slightly tipped over the edge and lost the plot.

Incredibly there are so many jobs which people do everyday which make the rest of us question….HOW? or perhaps more appropriately WHY? Why would a seemingly normal person decide to start cleaning crime scenes? Why would another be willingly to swim through raw sewerage? The mind really does boggle at what goes on amidst this floating circle we live on and call Earth.

So folks enjoy your weekend off and be thankful you do what you do. All things considered….it really could be a heck of a lot worse!

Image diversityhuman.com

April 18, 2015

Weekend Wit: Jesus – Secret Advocate for Commerce

I recently had to organise travel plans and noticed that getting around is going to cost a bit extra in honour of Jesus who died over 2000 years ago. Is it just me or does it sound a bit bizarre? I’ve thought for a long time from the bits I’ve heard about Jesus that he actually sounded like the very first hippy.

No, not the 1960s free love sort that you’re visualising but the type of hippy that roamed around not too fussed about a regular address. The ultimate couch surfer. Surrounded by people who just wanted to hang with him as he went around promoting love and peace and all that. That sort of hippy. Aren’t they sort of anti-commerce, anti-ownership types?

RELATED: Weekend Wit: Family The Other F Word!

So, have I missed something very important here? Or has commerce got the thought of Jesus very wrong and sort of screwing with his image a bit? I don’t know. Maybe it’s me and I just haven’t got the gist of what he was really about.

Perhaps as well as being the Christian Savior of Souls, Jesus was actually a secret advocate for commerce. Seriously. Think about it. People apparently flocked to him and I imagine it would have cost them a bit to be by his side. They did a fair amount of traveling. I can’t imagine he would have had to pay for much with all those followers supporting him. He wasn’t a carpenter all his life so someone was obviously sponsoring his cause. Hmm…. the first to be sponsored and the first hippy perhaps?

Millions of people Christian or not celebrate his birth and death every year. Perhaps Jesus would like it to costs us a fortune and boost our commerce sector in his honour? He apparently died over 2000 years ago and still he continues to influence our economy. Surely only the ultimate advocate for commerce could get that sort of recognition?

Anyway, let’s not speculate any further. I want to check out some evidence so I’ll start with the people who are working Easter weekend. After all they keep commerce running. Is it double or triple time you’re getting paid folks? If not, it bloody well should be. Your employers are going to make a killing this Easter long weekend in honour of Jesus.

The hardware shops for one are expecting a bonanza Easter long weekend. Fours full days to complete those DIY projects everyone. Come on, it won’t cost much to finish that decking and pergola. Jesus has once again provided time off to get it done, so get to it! The hardware shops will be thanking Jesus secret advocacy for commerce. Easter would surly be their busiest time of the year. Thank you Jesus… Ka-Ching!!!

Then of course there’s the chocolate manufacturers. The ultimate Easter commerce champions. Some have had their products on supermarket shelves since the week after Christmas.

After Easter, chocolate will be on special. Smart fundraising teams will be handing out their annual chocolate boxes to families to raise money. I ran a few of those, so yeah, guilty! They actually don’t expect you to sell a single chocolate but, over the weeks after Easter, they know your family will slowly consume what’s in front of them. While the taste of chocolate is on everyone’s lips they know your family won’t be able to resist. Nasty, hey?!

Image chasinjesus.blogspot.com

April 4, 2015

Weekend Wit: Signs That Make You Look Twice

Last weeks weekend wit complete with wayward text messages will be hard to beat. I hope you all got a good laugh. I know I did!

RELATED Weekend Wit: Text Fails That Will Have You In Stitches!

This week I’ve sourced some strange and amusing signs from around the globe. Whether or not some people realise it, they too have provided us with yet another form of entertainment.

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

Nice to see they still have hold of their beer.

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

I wonder who pays?

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

I take it he wasn’t in sales? Or perhaps he was.

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

This is just a cruel joke, isn’t it?

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

I bet they will.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Was it the spelling they didn’t want to get wrong?

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Now I reckon this house would probably be a bargain.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Ouch! What’s the saying about a woman scorned?

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

 “Where the word is preached and the people are reached.”

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Sharp elementary school. Very sharp.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Is this really going to assist water conservation people?

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Ladies, I think you’d agree. No way in hell!

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Sponge Bob… HR specialist.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Putting fun into falling.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

The new McRape. I wonder if it comes with a special sauce?

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Yes Dave, you will be very sadly missed. However we are eager to replace you.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

“Bartender. I’ll have a beer and keep em comin’. Plus the $5 special. Cheers mate.”

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughterWTF?

text

How many highly paid professionals approved this billboard? Worth every cent, wasn’t it.

Funny signs, comedy, weekend wit, laughter

Now this one is advertising genius! What a great idea to drum up business. I hope they took notice of the words and not just the boobs.

 Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

At least they give you a heads up.

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

 Yuk! Bad visual.

Funny signs, comedy, wit, laughter

Isn’t it good to see that our tax-payer funds are being well spent?

Images Via Pinterest And Other Random Places On The Internet

March 21, 2015

Weekend Wit: A Sheldon Inspired Relationship Agreement

The beloved Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory might be onto something with that relationship agreement of his. So I’ve come up with one most people in a relationship would probably agree with that includes all the goods for both genders.

I’ll start with farting, bin night and remote controls. Yep! Then I’ll move onto waiting, knowing a real yes from a fake yes and menstrual cycles. That’s a bit of a give away, isn’t it? The last is an ultimatum for anyone sleeping with a snorer. So, lets see what this relationship agreement looks like, shall we?

RELATED: Weekend Wit: Men And Menstruation

1. Farting

While we know men win the quantity war, when it comes to quality, ladies win hands down. All that holding in really does pay off big time, boys! So in a relationship agreement I’d like to place a few restrictions on farting.

Farting on your partner: Fun, but no, we can lose that. Dropping your guts in a confined space and locking your partner in to sample your handy work is out. Also, slipping out a silent but deadly variety in public: Do not stand next to your partner and walk away so people think it’s her. Basically, I’d like to take the ‘torture your partner’ element right out of farting. Sound fair?

2. Bin night

Ironically councils pick up bins on a schedule. Learn the schedule! Surely you don’t need to be told each week that it’s bin night OR which bin goes out? You know what’s on channel 7 each night so schedule it to coincide with your favorite TV show and voila, remembered!

3. Remote controls

Relationship agreement issue number three: Remote controls should have equal time in front of BOTH partners. Plus, channel surfing during commercials should only be done if you can time the surfing correctly. Don’t linger and forget which show you are watching. Plus, there are menu’s available on remote controls to choose a channel – it’s usually marked EPG and sometimes it’s red and sometimes it’s black. Please use it! Channel surfing for the person not in control of the remote is just plain irritating.

4. Waiting

If you consistently make your partner wait for you, please stop! Surely it doesn’t take 25 minutes to buy milk at the shop while they wait in the car? An hour to get ready (if they’re lucky)? Maybe it’s making that cuppa in the middle of a DVD when you suddenly get an urge to do the dishes or clean the kitchen while they’re are waiting? It CAN be done tomorrow.

5. Real yes vs a fake yes

When your partner says yes to something they really don’t want to do, don’t take them up on it. Get to know the vital difference between a real yes and a fake yes. An example is shopping: Your partner has NO desire to window shop. Putting them through it is just torturous.

You know you only ask to be polite anyway. And he only says yes to be polite back. You really don’t care if he comes along. In fact, let’s be honest – it’s better when he doesn’t. When you hear a fake yes, take it at face value as the no they’d prefer to say. Sometimes they are just too scared to say the ‘n’ word in case it does mean something to you and you never let them forget it.

6. Your menstrual cycle

Now unless you are about to have sex, your partner does not want to know anything about what time of the month it is. Let’s make this a ‘need to know’ item on the relationship agreement. They don’t need to know if you feel like your uterus is being ripped away and literally dragged into your vagina by forces of nature. Take a pill, vanish the pain and shut up about it. They have nothing to compare it with to understand anyway.

The thing to remember is this: The image they want of your vagina has NOTHING to do with menstrual cycles. And they’d very much prefer to keep it that way!

7. The ultimate relationship agreement item

If either of you snores and keeps their partner up all night, go to the damn doctor! Laying next to a freight train all night literally makes people sick because they can’t sleep. Don’t make your partner race off to bed to get to sleep before you. Don’t make them stuff paper or plugs in their ears to drown out the sound. And don’t use it as payback for something you find irritating about them (no matter how tempting that really does sound). You can’t make them suffer in what they wish was silence!

March 7, 2015

Weekend Wit: Weird And Wonderful Sex Noises

This Weekend Wit article is about those weird and wonderful sex noises that happen. And while most of us know what they are, people rarely talk about them. Even lovers avoid those conversations. Can you imagine? “Hey babe, how was that incredible sound of air gushing out your vagina!?”

Some people can be a little concerned about the weird noises bodies make during sex. And some are so self-conscious about it they get up and bolt. We humans are a funny species aren’t we? So grab that cuppa, because you’re about to be entertained by the human side of weird and wonderful sex noises.

RELATED: Weekend Wit: The Walk Of Shame

Orgasm noises

Don’t people make some weird facial expressions and noises when they climax? There’s that puffing and panting that goes on and makes humans sound more like overheated furry animals for a start; then I’ve heard people describing their lovers orgasm as a host of different things such as a dying cat, a birthing cow and even a whale on heat (to name a few). I don’t know what a whale on heat sounds like but it seems a little too offensive to be endearing, don’t you think?

Then there’s the “oh my god” statements. “Yesssss” cries and let’s not forget the name calling; “oh (insert name here).” They are all pretty standard, but what about people calling out the wrong name? I’ve never been in that situation so I can’t really comment, but what do people do when that happens? Do they stop mid orgasm? Do they finish? Do they run for the bathroom? Hmm, that’s a weird sex noise of a different category. Possibly the shameful variety? Anyone care to share their misfortune?

Anyway, have you ever noticed that some orgasm noises can sound a lot like a person being murdered? Think about it. Imagine the movies with sex scenes verses murder scenes. Now try and distinguish the audio between the two – hopefully you can hear what I mean.

Who would have thought there was so much similarity between the audio of pleasure and pain. The perplexing question is why? Shouldn’t humans have an exclusive ‘I’m being murdered’ noise and a ‘I’m having an orgasm’ noise? Humans are weird creatures indeed.

Suction cup noises

When two moist surfaces stick together they sometimes make a loud suction cup noise when they separate – kind of like a slurpy sound when you suck hard on a smoothie. It can happen to hot sweaty bodies in the throws of passion, especially if there’s a bit of loose flesh about. It’s also one of those sex noises that doesn’t happen often. So when it does it’s worth at least a few giggles, don’t you think?

Now, I read a sad story about one lady who got so embarrassed when it happened that she bolted out of the room. This screams one-night stand! She should have taken advantage of her situation and made as many weird and wonderful sex noises as possible – at least the experience would have been remembered for all the right reasons. It’s surprising she didn’t slip – she got out of there so damn fast.

Air escaping

Air escaping the vagina sounds are like a loud fanny fart without the smell. It happens because the penis pushes air into the vagina during the in-out action of sex. The air has got to go somewhere, so when it does it’s usually after sex or when a woman suddenly change positions. Guys, if it does happen, don’t ask your partner: “Did you just fart?” It sort of ruins the moment!

Squishy sounds

When a women is really wet or the couple have poured a bottle of lube on their genitals, that squishy sound happens. Some people love it and say it’s the best sound of sex, while others aren’t as enthusiastic – they find these sex noises downright embarrassing and just want it to stop.

One women questioned if she was too wet – suffice to say she got plenty of positive feedback. She quickly found out that the words ‘too wet’ in this context should never be considered a problem.

Oral sex noises

The last one on the list for today is oral sex noises. I’m talking about the person with their face full doing the work, not the person laying back and enjoying it. There’s gagging, gasping and those trying to breathe noises going on. It can actually sound very concerning and in any other situation their lover would probably offer some help. Who would have thought the sounds of choking or running out of oxygen would be such a turn on for so many people?

Image via Apartment Therapy

February 28, 2015

Weekend Wit: What If Toddlers Were In Charge?

On TV recently I saw a toddler roaming freely around a moving car. When questioned, it was stated that the toddler refused to sit in the seat or wear a belt. I think the child was about two years old. Now despite the fact it was ludicrous stating this as a valid excuse to avoid a fine, it did get the cogs turning. I thought to myself, what if all toddlers were really in charge? Can you imagine what that scenario would look like behind closed doors?

RELATED: Weekend Wit: Kids say the darnedest things

For starters, I wonder what would be on the menu? Fruit, veggies and custard with stewed apples? I highly doubt it. As soon as that kid got a taste of McDonald’s and began collecting those happy meal figurines I’m pretty sure fruit and veggies wouldn’t get much of a look in. As far as drinks go, I reckon they’d ditch their water bottles or pop tops and go for a nice cold glass of Coke. They don’t care if they don’t sleep or if their teeth rot.

Which brings me to bedtime. As they’re fully hyped up on sugar and processed foods, bedtime would become a thing of the past. An overtired toddler has no idea what’s going on. They just scream until they get their own way. Which, by the way, they have no idea what that is. What’s the bet they’d hold out until they couldn’t hold out anymore and just drop on the spot and sleep where ever they happened to land.

Be aware though that as soon as you move them, they’ll wake up. A toddler in charge wants attention day and night, especially when you want to sleep. Not to mention that your sex life will definitely suffer. Toddlers don’t know that mummy and daddy need alone time. When they do finally sleep, they’d prefer to do it snuggled up next to you. This not only assures attention but will prevent you from having another child. This means they’ll get to rule the roost for years to come and never be required to share.

Now bathtime could possibly go one way or the other depending on the child’s preference. You could either get a nudist always wanting warm water for the tub or a stinky baby who won’t go near it. Toddlers don’t have a middle ground and it will be all or nothing.

As far as entertainment goes, the TV would be permanently on and switched to ABC kids. If they’ve grasped the concept of DVDs you might get a continuous playback of the Wiggles, Dora the Explorer or Thomas the Tank engine. You can forget the late-night crime shows or reality TV. Hubby can totally forget about watching sport as well. Toddlers just aren’t into that and remember it’s all about them, so you’ll have no say.

There won’t be any more adult outings either. All trips would either be to the local park, beach or swimming pool. They generally hate the shops, so you’d need to order everything online. Plus you won’t be heading to the movies, pub or club anytime soon. You may get away with visiting friends or relatives but as soon as the toddlers had enough you’ll need to leave.

You may get to sneak off to work but the toddler won’t be too happy when mum leaves the house. They have no idea that work equals housing, food and entertainment. If you’re lucky, all income will need to be brought in by dad if the toddler lets him leave. There won’t be working from home options either. That toddler’s going to demand your attention 24/7.

In the car, you’ll probably experience what the toddler did at the beginning of the story. Defiant till the end, they won’t want to be restrained. They have no fear and safety to a toddler isn’t even a word! They’ll jump around from front to back and probably end up perched in the front seat on the driver’s lap driving the damn car. They don’t care they just want the best view.

So consider the chaos it would cause if toddlers did run the show. Was it just in the car that the toddler had control? I somehow doubt that. Perhaps this a glimpse at how they really live? Hmm, the mind really does boggle. What were these people thinking? Don’t they know toddlers grow into teens? If they think their life is bad now, wait till that happens!

Image parentwin.com

February 22, 2015

Weekend Wit: Life As A Non-Drinking Aussie

Life as a non-drinking Aussie isn’t easy. In fact, I’d liken it to trying to remain a virgin in a whore house. Now we all know there’s usually someone keen who’s trying to bed the virgin, right? Well, being a non-drinker when everyone else is drinking can be much the same.

It doesn’t matter what the occasion either. Family gatherings, barbecues, festivals, sporting events – it’s normal Aussie behaviour to have a drink in your hand.

RELATED: Weekend Wit: The drunken proposal

I even ended up at a baptist church picnic and the conversion began. Not the religious variety which I had anticipated either. I went along expecting a dry event and reprieve from the relentless onslaught. Yet out came the bottle of bubbly and wham-o! As I passed my plastic picnic glass along the familiar conversation about my abnormality began.

Now if I wasn’t safe among the God fearing Christians…actually strike that. The monks have always had a hankering for mead. Plus they do drink wine in church. Add the fact they were Australian and thinking back I was being totally naive. What was I thinking?

I should have known that if there’s an excuse to crack a can or pop a cork Aussie’s will generally support it. Look at Australia Day? Even though most people need to return to work the next day it’s no deterrent. Our culture dictates we all want to have fun but it also encourages that we should be drinking to do it.

I recent heard a survey on the radio that stated something like 60% of Victorians don’t drink alcohol to get drunk. So I’m not a total alien after all but that does mean that the remaining 40% are out to have a damn good time! Maybe that’s the populations percentage I’m surrounded by?

Now I’m not against having a drink or dozen if that’s what you wana do. It’s just that I’ve been there done that and don’t feel like drinking anymore. The thing I just don’ get is why a non-drinking Aussie has the capacity to make the drinkers so uncomfortable?

Is it because they’re worried their drunken escapades will end up on social media? From what I’ve witnessed I reckon they’re more than capable of doing that themselves. Isn’t it a fact that some drunken Aussie invented the selfie? Probably not but it shoulda been.

As a sober Aussie among the drinkers I can and do join in the fun but sometimes the different wave lengths are a little annoying. Quite often drunk Aussies aren’t nearly as funny as they think they are. It’s amazing what this lot will laugh at and consider funny.

Thankfully the term designated driver is now a valid excuse for choosing coffee over champaz. I would have hated to be a non-drinking Aussie twenty plus years ago though. Driving wasn’t accepted as a valid excuse to remaining sober. They’re weren’t designated drivers. They just had those who weren’t as wasted as the others and they were thrown the car keys! Imagine the peer pressure back then?

Yeah, life as a sober Aussie isn’t for the faint hearted. For many the more times they say no to a drink the more times it’s offered. (That’s a tip for anyone wanting free alcohol BTW) Mind you us teetotalers do come in handy. Which Aussie on a mission wouldn’t want a willing allocated driver for those occasions hey? Come to think of it I do get invited to a lot of outings. Umm, maybe being a non-drinking Aussie isn’t such a bad thing after all?!

Image via theleader.com.au

February 14, 2015

Weekend Wit: Is Penis Size A Myth?

Is penis size a myth? Hmm, it depends which side of the equation you sit on this. Some say yes it is a myth and others say absolutely not! Penis size does matter, in fact it matters a heck of a lot.

I’d like to say for argument sake and to make men out there feel better by saying that penis size is a big fat urban myth. Just because a man is well endowed it doesn’t automatically qualify said man as being an incredible lover. I know some women out there will be jumping up and down right now, but wait ladies. If you think I’m wrong let me take you for a bit of a journey and provide some proof. Yes there is actual proof!

RELATED: Weekend Wit: The Walk Of Shame

penis size, sex, wit, witty stories, fun, humor, funny stories, penis,

The tradie

Being a tremendous lover is like any other skill that’s acquired. It’s not something men put on their resume or display on their LinkedIn account for all the world to see, but we can agree it’s a skill nonetheless. Tradies also have skills, yeah?

Now, when women hire tradies to fix their cars or something around their homes, they don’t base their selection on the size of the tradies tools now do they? Do they choose a mechanic by the size of the money wrench? Carpenter by the size of the hammer or plumber by the size of a plunger? No they don’t. How bloody bizarre would that be?

Instead they might chat to a few, get a couple of quotes and base their decision on the best quote or the tradie they feel most confident with. See where I’m heading with this? Tool size and skill have no connection people. None. Unless a tradie skillfully knows how to operate their tools, they won’t get the job done properly at all. A man with a hammer does not a carpenter make. Understand?

 penis size, sex, wit, witty stories, humor, funny stories, penis, fun,

Sex toys
Now if penis size was a defining factor to get women off why are there vibrators the size of an index finger? Also, why is this size one of the best selling vibrators and why do manufactorors continue to come up with more colours, designs and so forth? Plus, why wouldn’t the sex toy industry just make all vibrators and dildos the size of a well endowed man or larger, if all that mattered was penis size? Why?

Well I’ll tell you why. Size does not matter. Simple. Plus how on earth would a woman manage to keep a vibrator hidden in her handbag if they were all made based on the myth that bigger is better?

Image for a second a woman rummaging through her handbag as most women are known to do. She’s right in the middle of her favorite busy cafe about to pay for her morning latte. As she’s pulling out her purse out flies one of those extra large vibrators with a strong resemblance to a gigantic penis. OMG can you imagine! Is bigger better now ladies?

These women know that a small discrete bullet sized vibrator will do the job. Plus if the above fore-mentioned scenario did happen most people would think she’s just dropped her lipstick, not her favorite sex toy. She can calmly pick it up, pop it back in her handbag and no-one would be the wiser. I don’t think she could do that with something bigger, do you?

 

It’s what’s attached that counts

Most women would have to agree that what’s attached to the penis far outweighs penis size. If penis size was the only thing that mattered men wouldn’t be covering up. They’d be heading to the nearest plastic surgeon, getting massive implants and parading around their most prized possession.

Much like those women with ridiculously large boob jobs who are known to parade around rich old men like Geoffrey Edelsten, for them to make their breast selection. Oh sorry their wife selection. Clearly these men believe the bigger the better. Hmm, I wonder if that applies to them? OMG what am I saying? Sorry I really don’t wonder. Particularly in these cases I’m very glad men aren’t parading around, penis out!

 penis size, sex, wit, witty stories, humor, funny stories, penis, fun,

Evolution

Lastly, I’m pulling out the big guns and offering scientific proof! If women preferred well endowed men why are there so many men walking around with small penises? Wouldn’t the evolutionary process of natural selection have snuffed them out by now? Think about that one.

Images: huffingtonpost.com, groupon.ca, reddit.com, pintrest.com

February 7, 2015
Load More