Womens-orgasms

Sex Toys Strengthen Relationships: New Study

Remember the hilarious Sex And The City episode when prudish Charlotte became no enamoured with her “rabbit vibrator” – that she didn’t leave her house for days and her BFFs had to perform an intervention? Do yourself a favour and check it out if you’ve never seen it.

RELATED: Dr Nikki Reveals Top Sex And Dating Tips In New Book

But can a new buzzy friend for your top drawer actually strengthen your relationship, as well as boosting your sex life? Ooh yes, yes, yes!

That’s the finding of the inaugural Durex Sexsus Report – an online study conducted this June among more than 1000 Australian men and women aged 18-39.

Key report findings include:

  • Three in five (59 per cent) respondents who own a sex toy feel more intimate with their partner when using it.
  • Aussies are “getting busy” using their sex toys a whopping 3.6 times a week.
  • Four out of five Australians believe it’s more acceptable to discuss sex toys than ever before, but more than half wish they owned one but are too afraid to try it out.
  • Men are more likely to purchase a sex toy for their partner’s enjoyment, or to increase intimacy with their partner.
  • Women are more likely than men to buy a sex toy for their own pleasure.

In addition, the warmer weather in Queensland makes for hotter sex too: the “sunshine state” is getting more buzzed in the bedroom than any other Australian state or territory – 70 per cent versus the national average of 62 per cent.

sextoysforcouples

The findings – which coincide with the launch of Durex’s new adult toy range via www.durex.com.au/adult-toys – reveal couples are achieving a new level of playfulness, passion and intimacy into the bedroom, says Durex Brand Manager Suzanne Legg.

“Adult toys are a completely normal and healthy part of our sex lives,” Ms Legg says. “The Durex Sexsus Report confirms what our sexy-radar has been telling us for a while – adult toys are no longer a taboo.

“It’s fantastic to see that more than three quarters of Aussies believe adult toys open up a whole new spectrum of sensual possibilities – we’re really pleased intimate pleasure is being taken seriously between the sheets.

“For those who are still a little shy, the new range of Durex adult toys are available online and delivered super-discreetly to service the one in four respondents who have not bought a toy because they feel too uncomfortable going in to a store.”

From vibrating massagers and bullets through to sensational rabbit vibrators, the toys are ergonomically and elegantly crafted with a velvet-soft finish (pictured). Prices range from $49.99 for the Durex Teasing Touch stroker, through to $149.99 for the Durex Extreme Thrill rabbit vibrator (pictured).

sex, sex toys, couples sex toys, women's sex toys

And Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, concurs: she too believes sex toys are good for relationships.

“Sex toys add a bit of excitement to a relationship and can liven up your love life – as long as it’s a good quality sex toy and not a novelty item; make sure you do your research to get the full effects of a high-quality one,” Dr Mars says.

“You don’t want hard, inflexible sex toys and make sure you also use a good quality lube and the right kind of lube for your particular sex toy. A good lube is a bit stringy and you want to use a different one for vaginal sex than anal sex. Anal lubes can cause changes in the pH of your vagina so you need to be careful that you use them carefully and don’t cross-contaminate.

“Sex toys can take you outside of your comfort zone, increase your pleasure and expand your repertoire.”

nicole sex story

Image via Eonline.com
September 17, 2015

Sex Or Sleep: Busy Working Mums’ Impossible Choice

Can couples’ mismatched libidos be cured simply by men doing more housework and occasionally letting their partners sleep-in? I had this revelation in the shower recently, while feeling on top of the world, after my husband granted me a rare sleep-in.

RELATED: Designer Vaginas: Can New Technology Save Your Sex Life?

As a busy working mum, I’d felt so pathetically grateful for a few extra hours of sleep – after my beloved husband took the bullet and got up with our two small kids at the crack of dawn and let me stay where I was, blissfully warm and cosy, with one eye open, willing him to get up with them for once.

And you know what? My well-rested state and good mood continued for the rest of the day – especially after he helped around the house too, without being asked – and he got lucky that very afternoon. Coincidence? I think not.

So, ladies – what do you think? What would you much rather: sex or sleep? And are you more inclined to have mad, crazy sex with your husband, if he’d only help out more with the kids and the housework and let you catch up on some extra, much-needed rest?

better sex, sex drive, low sex drive, mismatched libidos

Now, I’m no sexologist, but it seems to me this could be a solution – if only men would listen up –to many a marital conflict and discord over mismatched libidos. Why? I believe today’s busy, modern woman has more on her plate than ever before. In our quest to try to “have it all” we are wearing ourselves out in our bid to be the perfect businesswoman, wife, mother, friend and the list goes on. It’s called the “superwoman syndrome” and the struggle is real, very real. And so, many busy women I know, myself included, are perpetually exhausted due to struggling to fulfill all these taxing roles at once.

If I’m brutally honest, I’d choose sleep over sex every time right now. I just can’t get enough shut-eye, largely due to the fact I’m juggling so much and our two-year-old and three-year-old daughters still wake many times in the night. And I don’t think I’m alone in feeling like this. Indeed, a short poll of five of my closest friends – all busy professionals and mums themselves – three out of five would choose sleep over sex also. So, if men just stepped up more – would men and women’s sex drives be more in sync?

I mean, I love sex, don’t get me wrong, I just feel like I don’t have enough energy for it, every time. But should we women instead be focusing more on “getting in the mood” for sex?

Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says couples with mismatched libidos need to be open and communicative – and a little kindness and empathy goes a long way.

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

“Not many people like housework and resentment is a massive turn off,” Dr Mars says. “Signalling that a complaint has been heard and you are willing to do something to make the other person feel better is always likely to ease the pain. So yes, I think in many instances it doesn’t take too much more than a sleep-in and a little housework to boost women’s sex drives.

 “Men could try doing little things like a foot soak, a shoulder rub or even making a cup of tea when a partner is a little spent and weary. This can have spectacular results. It doesn’t take to much effort to fill a bucket of water, pour in some bath salts and grab a towel.”

What do you think? What would you prefer: sex or sleep?

Images via irishexaminer.com, mirror.co.uk 

August 26, 2015

Designer Vaginas: Can New Technology Save Your Sex Life?

Fancy a revitalised and improved vagina, ladies? A new non-invasive and inexpensive laser vaginal rejuvenation treatment is being hailed with the life-changing power to restore vaginal tissue and cure vaginal atrophy – and save your sex life in the process. Thank you, science!

RELATED: Hot Sex Secrets: Can Men Orgasm Without Ejaculating?

Vaginal atrophy, also called atrophic vaginitis, is the thinning, drying and inflammation of the vaginal walls due to women’s bodies producing less estrogen. It commonly occurs during breastfeeding and after menopause. Cue uncomfortable vaginal dryness, thrush and vaginismus – oh the joys!

Now, hope is on the horizon if you’re no longer as juicy Lucy as you’d like. Indeed, this surgery-free, vaginal rejuvenation Mona Lisa Touch treatment, as it’s also known, could well save your sex life says Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.

vaginal atrophy, vaginal dryness, designer vaginas

Dr Mars also believes the treatment is very exciting from a natural medicine perspective. “What we see is a relatively non-invasive and inexpensive treatment solution which can treat the problem of vaginal atrophy and – especially when used in combination with the ancient Chinese arts – cure it,” she says.

“At any time in your life when oestrogen diminishes vaginal atrophy can occur. The PH balance of the vagina changes and with this change often comes itching, dryness, thrush and a host of other sometimes painful complications.

“The new laser therapy rejuvenates the vagina in the same way laser therapy can rejuvenate the face. Your doctor can see the difference, but it is not so much about changing the appearance of the vagina as changing the function.”

vaginal atrophy, vaginal dryness, designer vaginas

And while vaginal rejuvenation may seem like a special, new brand of torture to some – for others, it’s a sure-fire way to boost your sex life, not to mention your poor vagina in the process, with minimal risks.

“Many women will only experience mild symptoms of vaginal atrophy. Dryness and the change of PH can be mediated with lube and treatments for the occasional bought of thrush. However, for those with major symptoms, laser can be a life-changer and the risks are much less than surgery,” Dr Mars says.

“In some cases over time bodies will heal, however, a lack of sexual responsiveness over time tends to lead to a lack of desire and when vaginas don’t receive attention, they tend to become tight and unresponsive. Laser surgery brings back the physical responsiveness and with some physical therapy and sometimes a bit of counselling the rest can follow.”

Treatment costs are about $400 per treatment, with some women cured in a single appointment, Dr Mars says. More severe cases may require further treatment. See your GP for more information.

vaginal atrophy, vaginal dryness, designer vaginas

What do you think? Is vaginal rejuvenation special, new torture or an amazing scientific discovery?

Images via thedailybeast.com, theglow.com.au, cosbeauty.com.au

August 10, 2015

Sex And The Single Girl: How To Survive A Dry Spell

Sex is like fine wine and chocolate; the more wondrous, delicious and satisfying it is, the more you want. And yet sex droughts are all too common, whether they strike due to illness, stress and/or a man ban by choice. Sometimes, you can even settle into the groove of a dry spell – so much so, that it’s some time before you realise you’ve gone months without a sexual partner.

RELATED: Sex And The Single Girl: How To Combat Bedroom Insults

You might simply be so busy and content as a singleton, you plain just don’t have time and/or inclination for a partner right now. And – let’s face it – sex droughts won’t kill you, even if it feels like it at the time. What’s more, it’s vitally important as a singleton that you learn how to have a satisfying love affair with the one who matters most – yourself.

Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, concurs: she says sexual dry spells, while increasingly common, need not be unfulfilling.

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

“If we define a ‘sex drought’ as wanting more sex than we’re getting, then sex droughts are likely to be a feature of people’s lives at some point,” Dr Mars says. “If it’s a short-term sex drought, there is really no excuse. Like any relationship, we can cultivate a fulfilling one with ourselves and although this might get a little boring after a year or two, there are a myriad of things we can try to spice up sex for one.

“The added benefit of this is that once you have worked out what you really like you are more likely to also have better partner sex. I guess I tend to see sex as an opportunity for self-development, so if you’re having a sex drought and you don’t see a way out of it, and then channel some of that positive energy into other aspects of yourself. Do something new, take an interest in sport or art or start going for early-morning walks.”

sex, single girl advice, masturbation

So, there you have it: the good sex doctor’s advice on how to survive that sex drought. Here are my top tips too, for good measure. For, as a single lass, I had my share of sexual dry spells when I was too career-focused to care and/or hunting for the right partner with whom to share all my goodies with.

Top 5 sexual drought survival tips:

  1. Keep busy: Work hard and play hard and you’ll train your mind and body to forget all about that itch you’ve really got to scratch – at least for a while.
  2. Just breathe: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, yoga and mindful meditation can cure a host of ills; give it a go. It’s all about mind over matter.
  3. Shop for one: Treat yourself to a new buzzy friend – vibrators can help keep your solo sex life fun and interesting. And while nothing can replace the joys of the flesh, this is a good short-term fix. Buy yourself some hot heels, while you’re at it.
  4. Exercise like a demon: I took about boxing, kickboxing and hired a personal trainer when a busy singleton. I got super-fit, healthy and svelte and had never felt sexier – then I met my husband at the peak of my singleton powers. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
  5. Read all about it: Find out what blows your hair back: is it good quality erotica and/or porn? Treat yourself to the entire works of brilliant French-born novelist and passionate eroticist Anaïs Nin and/or Australia’s top sex writer Krissy Kneen – trust me, you won’t be disappointed. Hello, orgasm town!

 Images via womenshealthmag.com, puckermob.com

July 28, 2015

Great Sexual Misadventures: Why Humour Equals Hot Sex

Have you ever suffered a great sexual misadventure, equal parts hilarious and embarrassing? Let’s face it, sex can be pretty funny – and, at its best, it can be fun, spontaneous, messy, passionate and pleasurable.

RELATED: National Sex Survey Reveals Women’s ‘Happy Ending’ At Work

One of the greatest sexual mishaps I’ve ever heard of (but not personally encountered, thank God) is the friend-of-a-friend who once hit her head on a ceiling fan, mid sex-romp, suffering a minor, and not-so-funny, bloody head injury in the process. Her lover was very tall, you see, and obviously was so caught up in the moment and/or executed poor judgement in hoisting her up straight into a ceiling fan. Fail!

As for me, the sheer absurdity of finding Lego wedged in my hair recently, after my beloved husband and I were taken by the mood in the family living area – long after our cute, pesky toddlers were sound asleep – brought home to me the good, silly, funny side of sex and why it’s important in a long-term relationship.

Other hilarious and deeply cringe-worthy sexual misadventures I’ve heard of include: a flying, strap-on dildo-in-the-eye accident which caused a very unfortunate and painful black eye; a male friend accidently massaging Deep Heat into his poor female partner’s genitals; and oral sex gone hideously wrong when a woman attempted to suck on her lover’s penis shortly after chewing three Fisherman’s Friend lozenges. Yikes! Said poor man then ran off in horror and never came back which certainly makes for a very funny, if unfortunate story.

sex tips, sex advice, sexual misadventures

And this is key: you can tell a lot about a person by their response to humorous situations, including sexual mishaps. Sure, some sexual misadventures are incredibly embarrassing, especially if you don’t know your partner very well – no arguments there – but the ability to laugh at ourselves and others in a good-natured way is a very attractive personality trait. What’s more, in this great adventure called life, you want to walk the path with someone special with whom you can enjoy a good belly laugh, right?

So, why do we make the mistake of taking sex too seriously? And why is good humour such a fundamentally important part of a healthy and happy long-term sexual relationship? For answers, I turned to my good contact, the equally hilarious and learned Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

“Sex, an act of simple pleasure becomes a serious and contentious issue for many reasons,” Dr Mars says, “In society today, sex stands for so much. It is often the primary marker of identity – whether gay, straight, trans, married or divorced.

“These parts of identity are often tied to social standing and we often hold onto relationships well beyond their use-by-date in order to preserve our sense of self. In the process, sex becomes a serious business.

“Desire naturally changes over our life spans and ebbs and flows in the course of long-term relationships. We may no longer be attracted to our partners; become bi-curious; have children; experience work stress; suffer the death of a loved one; become sick; or just stop having sex. As a result, desire and ability to give and experience pleasure diminishes and sex becomes a humourless business. Mismatched desire, low-libido, cheating, sexual frustration and a raft of other serious issues may ensue.”

sex tips, sex advice, sexual misadventures

So, if we need to inject some good, old-fashioned fun and spontaneity back into our sex lives, how do we go about this? NB: Dr Mars says while funny, sexual mishaps (pictured above, ouch!) are not always the answer.

“Sex accidents can be serious and funny, more commonly serious at the time and funny in retrospect,” she says. “The person at accident and emergency waiting for the vibrator to finish buzzing so the surgeon can remove it probably stopped laughing when it began to make its way unbidden up their anus.

“Light-heartedness in general is important; not taking things too seriously. Learning to laugh when bad things happen and moving on from mistakes enhances sex as it does other aspects of your life. A bit of humour can also be used to initiate sex and to bring a sex session that is not going so well to a close.

“Laughing brings some colour to your cheeks, just like a good orgasm. Going to bed after a good laugh is going to be more conducive to sex than watching the news! A lot of porn is quite funny, too. So, I would suggest finding a spoof of your favourite movie Edward Penishands, for example, and deciding for yourself if humour enhances sex.”

A good belly laugh plus pleasurable sex romp with your significant other is never a bad thing; go well, ladies!

sex tips, sex advice, sexual misadventures

What do you think? Have you ever suffered a great sexual misadventure?

Images via someecards.com, lockerdome.com, gbaglobal.com

June 11, 2015

National Sex Survey Reveals Women’s ‘Happy Ending’ At Work

Do you need a hand at work? Up to 25 per cent of women who responded to a recent sex study confessed to masturbating while on the job.

RELATED: Masturbation Month: Why Self-Pleasure Is Good For You

The Under the Covers Sex Survey, recently commissioned by Australia’s largest adult dating site, Adult Match Maker, attracted more than 7600 Australian anonymous respondents.

Developed by Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, AMM’s inaugural sex survey was aimed at shedding light on what blows our hair back both in and out of the bedroom.

masturbation, masturbation at work, sex tips

I can honestly say masturbating at work has never appealed to me, partly because I spent a large portion of my corporate life so stressed out on the job at a media giant, my hair was falling out. So, what are the benefits of masturbating at work? And would it have helped me de-stress?

Dr Mars says a resounding yes! Well, May is International Masturbation Month, after all. “A quick flick of the bean is revitalising, lifts your spirits and puts a smile on your face. Yay for May, celebration month!” she says.

“Our statistics show no significant differences when it comes to masturbating in private; with a partner (women 79 per cent, men 76 per cent), a friend (women 34 per cent, men 27 per cent) or with someone on the internet (women 49 per cent, men 47 per cent),” she says.

“But when things become a little less private it seems men are more adventurous than women with 38 per cent of men saying they masturbate at work compared to only 25 per cent of women.
“I think men are more likely to take the risk that others might know they popped out for a quick wank because men’s sexuality is more socially acceptable than women’s, made so through myths that men have higher sex drives and irresistible needs. Today, we know this is no longer the case, but the myth prevails.”

masturbation, masturbation at work, sex tips

AMM’s survey shows women’s top five sexual fantasies are, in order: straight sex; multiple partners; sex toys; kinky sex and bisexual sex.

And when it comes to masturbation habits, women are less likely to masturbate than men, but more likely to masturbate once a week than men. Why is this so?

“Personally, I don’t think it has anything to do with desire, I think it’s about where we are comfortable masturbating, or even the fact that most women use a vibrator and even the little ones are noisy,” Dr Mars says.

“Sometimes, there is nothing more refreshing than reaching for your vibrator and having a quick wank. However, a good way of getting to know yourself sexually is to let go of the pursuit of the orgasm and really take some time to get into the moment,  getting to your own feelings and pleasures. And exploring sexual fantasies and porn are good too.”

Interestingly, Dr Mars says masturbation is important for a happy marriage and spicy sex life.We can get into very ‘efficient’ habits in a marriage: ‘You do this, I do that, we both like it, you come, I come. Thank you very much, would you like a cup of tea?’” she quips. “This is fabulous, nothing wrong with it! But, sometimes we get bored, or we feel like we want something more, or it stops turning us on. This can be one of the reasons for that passion-killer known as mismatched libido.

“It’s tempting to blame the other person, but it takes two to tango and upping your own sexual energy helps you to assert yourself sexually and take control of the situation. Also, if you start to masturbate regularly then it is highly likely that you will think about sex more, gradually start desiring sex more and having sex more.”

we vibe

So, should we hide our self-pleasuring from our partners or invite them to join in? It’s both, says the good doctor.

“We should strive to include our partners and join in when they do it and ask for some privacy so we can experiment without pressure – this is especially important when life is busy,” she says.

“In the Adult Match Maker survey I asked if people always masturbated alone. Up to 45 per cent of women said yes and 55 per cent said no. So, if you are one of those sharing with someone else, this is definitely going to expand your sexual horizons.”

Images via Huffington Post and News.com.au

May 27, 2015

Masturbation Month: Why Self-Pleasure Is Good For You

Ladies, it’s time to “flick the bean”; May is International Masturbation Month. In addition, International Masturbation Day is also keenly observed all around the globe on varying days during May.

RELATED: Back To The Future: Will You Have Sex With A Robot?

So, why is it so good for you to help yourself? Masturbation is normal, natural, healthy and highly enjoyable. What’s more, its health benefits are well-documented; for your mind, body and spirit.

I’ve read of highly stressed writers, for example, producing absolute gold ‘only after masturbating (er, this doesn’t work in an open plan office). And this isn’t unusual; you see, “flicking the bean” reduces stress and PMS and is even said to help combat chronic back pain. Indeed, it’s an act of self-love and self-care which will release a flood of happy endorphins, help you sleep better and strengthen your all-important pelvic floor muscles, which will, in turn, only boost your sexual enjoyment.

Then there’s the significant benefits that self-pleasure can bring to your sex life, says Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.

masturbation, sex, orgasms

Dr Mars, who is a guest at the Future of Sex Forum in Sydney on May 6, also recently set up private practice, where’s she finding masturbation to be a hot topic among some clients. What’s more, she says women’s self-pleasure is still seriously frowned upon among certain sections of the community.

“Masturbation is still taboo for women; it’s much more socially acceptable for men than women, I think. Men are allowed to have these sex drives that are claimed to compel them to do things that are beyond their control, whereas women are still supposed to have the moral high ground and have control over their sexual urges,” Dr Mars says.

“And that’s a really archaic view; the whole idea that women don’t have strong sexual desires like men is something I totally disagree with. We should definitely be encouraging young girls and women to explore their sexuality themselves because if you don’t know what turns you on, how can you tell somebody else and this then puts undue pressure on your partner.

“At the turn of the century, they realised that women’s ‘hysteria’ could be cured with an orgasm. Hysteria was another name for stress, anxiety or PMS – all those things which come naturally in life – and if a woman exhibited these symptoms, scientists and doctors were quick to prescribe an orgasm, but it was called ‘the job which no one wanted’.

“Not everyone can stimulate a woman to orgasm, not all men know how to do it, plus if someone’s stressed out, it can take a while to relax them in that way and get them to orgasm as well, so it could take up to half an hour. And that’s where the invention of vibrators came from.

“With my clients sometimes, I talk to them about the fact that in psychology they refer to masturbation as a form of ‘self-soothing’. Masturbation is something we all need to learn; a lot of us aren’t that good at it either, we have saggy pelvic floor muscles which don’t aid the whole process.”

masturbation, sex, orgasms

So, how do we get masturbation-fit? Is it just about doing those damn pelvic floor exercises? “It’s about doing kegel work, yes, but there’s more to it than that too,” Dr Mars says.

“You should be able to tell the difference between a whole lot of muscles. If you think about the fact that the vagina and the anus are both O-shaped muscles – and think about all the different expressions you can make with your mouth – most people can’t tell the difference between left of anus, right of anus, front of anus, back of anus; pulling up their pelvic floor; or tensing up their vagina; or their penis and testicles at the front, so we’re actually mostly quite lazy with what we can do with those muscles.

“You have to be pretty fit and have really good control of your core/stomach muscles to be able to have good control of your pelvic floor muscles at all. I spend a lot of time in the first couple of weeks with a new client explaining to them how you can train those muscles to get a lot more out of them. It helps people have better sex; have more control of their orgasms and for men it helps them to learn how to orgasm without ejaculating.”

If you’ve never masturbated before, Dr Mars says it’s time to seek counselling to overcome whatever psychological trauma’s preventing you from doing so. “I’m also quite happy to teach people to masturbate, if they’re serious about it; I will start off quite gently, talking about getting a really little vibrator – the little bullet-sized ones are the ones I usually tell people to go and try because they’re very effective and direct,” she says.

Dr Mars’s other top tip is to seriously relax, ladies. “When people are trying to orgasm and they can’t, they often stress up and tighten up too much and then they keep trying and trying and trying and then they give up because they’re kind of exhausted. So it’s important to tense up and then relax.”

sexandconfidence

So, ladies, light some candles, slip into something comfortable, have a glass of wine – maybe even seek some inspiration from the awesome foursome on Sex and the City, such as sexy Samantha (pictured), who quips in one episode: “I masturbated all afternoon” – and go forth and enjoy yourselves. Or, as Dr Mars quips: “Set aside some ‘me time’ to wank.”

“Say: ‘Don’t disturb me. I’m having some me time!’” she says. “Just remember, if you’re really tired and stressed out, it takes longer. But if you can actually masturbate to orgasm, you’ll feel better from the stress-relief.

“But you don’t always have to masturbate to orgasm and sometimes, if you haven’t masturbated before and you don’t orgasm easily, the fact that you haven’t masturbated to orgasm isn’t a failure. It’s just practise; and if you practise anything enough times, you’ll have a good result.

“If you take the pressure off yourself when you’re masturbating to achieve an orgasm, and just appreciate the fact that you’ve actually taken the time to stimulate yourself and have a little bit of sexual pleasure, you won’t feel like a failure – especially if you’re busy and tired and you’ve got young kids, your sex life can go out the window. It’s really hard to orgasm when you’re exhausted.”

Meanwhile, Adult Match Maker spokeswoman Pauline Moran (pictured) says International Masturbation Month is a great initiative because it takes the shame out of self-pleasure.

masturbation, sex, orgasms

Adult Match Maker – Australia’s largest online adult dating site  – is celebrating the occasion by pointing to an event on its Facebook page. “Masturbation Month gives people permission to talk about self-love and helps remove the stigma which is sometimes attached to what should be a very natural and healthy activity,” Pauline says.

“Masturbation should be part of everyone’s sex life. It’s one of those taboo topics that people don’t always talk about, because heaven forbid our friends should think we’re not completely shagged out by our partner.

Sex and the City was really the ground breaker because millions of women worldwide watched Charlotte’s Rabbit Vibrator become even more coveted than Carrie’s Manolos.  This one episode made a taboo subject acceptable lunch conversation!”

And Pauline agrees that research conclusively shows masturbation boosts our mental, emotional and physical health. “Masturbation is important for a number of reasons,” she says.

“Research shows that people who masturbate regularly generally have happier marriages and lives. And let’s face it, if you know what turns you on then you can share those techniques with your partner/s and improve your sex life overall. And, other than a little chafing, there are no known side effects. We think everyone should get on-board and show themselves some love throughout May.”

So, there you have it ladies, all the handy hints – pardon the pun – you’ll ever need for masturbation 101.

What do you think? Is masturbation still taboo for women?

Images via healthmeup.com, 21stcenturygossip.wordpress.com and stepupyoursexlife.com

The Case Of The Missing Orgasm

For many women vaginal intercourse isn’t the orgasmic experience they crave, according to Elisabeth Lloyd, American philosopher of biology and author of The Case of the Female Orgasm. After analyzing 33 studies conducted over the past 80 years, Lloyd discovered that only 25 percent of women regularly experience orgasm during vaginal intercourse and half “sometimes” get there. Then there’s roughly 20 percent who rarely experience it and another 5 percent who miss out all together.

What’s more, achieving orgasm seemed unrelated to the duration of intercourse (how long her partner lasts), penis size or emotions connected to their partners. Therefore, it’s safe to say that actually achieving orgasm during vaginal intercourse can be a bit of a hit and miss experience. The question is, why? Or more importantly what can women do about it?

Why?

It seems to boil down to simple biology. The location of the clitoris is outside the vagina. It lies within the top area of the vaginal lips and penile stimulation inside the vagina usually doesn’t touch it. Although vaginal orgasm is possible without clitoral stimulation, most women find this difficult.

Another significant way which women miss out on achieving orgasm, is skimping on foreplay. If duration of intercourse doesn’t seem to relate to the low account of female orgasm, duration and quality of foreplay is a major possibility. This ultimately readies the body to experience pleasure. Women’s bodies take longer to prepare them for orgasm than healthy men and this factor maybe where women are missing out. Most men can arouse easily and take little time to orgasm. Women, on the other hand need more encouragement.

This might have to do with conditioning. Like anything in life, the more we do something the quicker and more efficient we become. Most teenaged boys masturbate, therefore, by the time they reach manhood, most can achieve an erection and experience orgasm within minutes. For some men, foreplay can be an unnecessary distraction which can lead to premature ejaculation. If they spend too much time on foreplay they probably won’t last very long during intercourse. Some men therefore limit the amount of foreplay so intercourse is prolonged. Make sense?

The solution

There’s no changing biology (well there is but that’s a different conversation!) and some sexual positions are better for women to achieve orgasm, like straddling her partner. The women on top is popular for this reason, because she can control the areas being stimulated. Plus, women can grind, which will stimulate the clitoris while her man thrusts.

The only problem with this is that it can get boring repeating the same position over and over again. Being the primary way many women achieve orgasm, regularly changing positions can deter bedroom boredom, assist the duration of intercourse and women can “finish” on top.

Another way to make orgasm more achievable is through masturbation. Women can achieve a similar level of stimulation, to that of their partners, by practicing. If it seems to take an eternity to achieve orgasm, masturbating might help.

Women can use visual or auditory imagery during masturbation, much like men. Self-exploration maybe what’s required to discover what’s hot and what’s not! Using the imagery during foreplay can prepare the body faster and make orgasm more achievable during vaginal intercourse.

Lastly, a women can help condition her man to last longer. This can be achieved by taking a break during foreplay, switching positions or getting him to think about other things during foreplay and intercourse.

Work together to find solutions and on achieving a happy medium. Remember, your man isn’t responsible for your orgasm. You are! Women can practice to orgasm more efficiently and men can practice to orgasm less efficiently. This is what happens naturally as a man ages and possibly why it’s recommended that sex can and often does get better!

Image via photos.myjoyonline.com

January 13, 2015

Women And Self-Pleasure

Women generally aren’t comfortable talking about self-pleasure. Yes, I’m talking about masturbation, but it’s so much more than that. It involves being in control and exploring our own physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and sexual needs. Many women don’t prioritise or give themselves permission to experience it.

Men have this naturally inbuilt and more importantly, self-pleasure is approved and encouraged by society. They participate and watch a range of sports and leisure activities, create private spaces for themselves like “man caves” and are given permission to sexually explore their own bodies and be sexual beings.

Despite women sharing this need most will need to teach themselves. Society has taken a strong position about women experiencing self-pleasure. Our mothers and the generations before them weren’t taught and many never experienced it. Their entire lives were based on the premise that they were born to serve and satisfy others.

Modern women need to learn about self-pleasure and pass this knowledge down to the next generation. We need to encourage them to fully explore themselves and open themselves up to life’s possibilities. Hopefully generations to come will be educated and empowered, encouraging self-pleasure to be approved by society, regardless of gender.

So, to start with, many women neglect self-pleasure by simply not allowing themselves alone or quiet time. This should be an essential part of each day. Concentrate on your breathing and heartbeat, allow thoughts to flow through your mind like clouds being swept away by the wind. Allowing yourself this time steadies, calms and rejuvenates the body, mind and spirit.

Women should also create a space as their our own private sanctuary. When we need alone time we need to give ourselves permission to go there and breathe in the peace and stillness. The experience should be similar to taking a nice, long, uninterrupted bath with no technology or other distractions.

Another element of self -pleasure is doing simple things for yourself. Women are instinctive nurturers and often this takes preference over caring for themselves. To achieve it, it can be as simple as taking time to read or going out into the garden with a cuppa and literally taking time to smell the roses.

Then there’s the element of physical self-pleasure. This includes touch and masturbation. We need to learn about how our bodies and brains work and offer ourselves permission to explore our sexual thoughts, fantasies, wants and desires. We should know what body parts react to what types of touch, what we like and what turns us on. Most importantly, women need to ignore society’s condemnation concerning their sexual and erotic self and lead a charge into a new and improved way of thinking.

This change of mindset is urgently required. Currently, many male partners feel responsible for their ladies sexual pleasure. In reality, they aren’t. Women should know how to bring themselves to orgasm, be fully in control of their sexuality and remove sexual pressure from their partners.

This shift will empower women and take sexual pressure off men to “perform”. Sex should be about experience, not performance. Women should be responsible for their own sexual gratification and self-pleasure will help them achieve this. This will level the equilibrium that women aren’t responsible for their sexual satisfaction and that men’s sexual experience be based on performance.

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January 10, 2015

Is Your Sex Life All About Achieving Orgasm?

When couples meet they usually have a period of abstinence where they get to know each other. As things develop they introduce some sexual behaviour into the equation. They first begin with kissing and cuddling, touching and holding hands. Despite the lack of intercourse, most new couples are pretty elated with each other.

RELATED: Sex And The Single Girl: Casual Sex 101

At their own pace, couples decide when it’s time for intercourse to enter their relationship (pardon the pun!). This is usually when their sexual behavior becomes orgasm orientated. The nights they had spent together just kissing, cuddling and talking are replaced with new and exciting ways to reach their happy ending.

As time passes this feature becomes more and more prominent. Life gets busy and sex lives become little more than a release of tension and frustration. It might consist of a quickie before you head to work in the morning or right before you go to sleep. It’s not exactly mind-blowing, but it’s sex in its most basic form. There might be nights when things spark up a little, but life takes over and it gradually slides back to the norm.

Now if that’s the routine your sex life has fallen into, you aren’t alone. Millions of couples have great intentions when it comes to their sex life, but the discussion is usually neglected or given much priority. When it comes to sex couples usually do it not talk about it.

So, what if you could get back that elation you experienced at the beginning of your relationship, before your sex life wasn’t focused on reaching orgasm? When your mind and body were in the here and now? When you actually experienced the feelings which accompanied the physical side of sex? When you felt more connected to your partner, in and out of the bedroom?

Without going back to step one and telling your partner, your’e both about to undergo a period of celibacy (which I’m sure they’ll just love!), there’s a way back from the destination you’ve reached. Tantra is basically sexual healing for the mind, body and soul. If you’ve heard about and tried it out, you’re in for a treat, because I’ve got heaps of Tantra tips and techniques coming up, direct from the sexperts at Oztantra.

Now, for those who haven’t heard of or tried Tantra, you may be unaware that both men and women can become multi-orgasmic, without being orgasm orientated. The pressure orgasm places on sex causes all sorts of issues and can actually turn sex into a chore or routine instead of the blissful experience it is meant to be.

For women, Tantra it’s about removing the social conditioning, which dictates women aren’t sexual beings and opens the door for sexuality to develop and enrich her entire being. They are encouraged to explore and enjoy their sexuality rather than stifle it and open themselves up to the love which a partner offers. In turn, she will openly be able to love her partner and express this love through passionate love-making.

For men, they learn to slow down and shift from having sex into an experience of lovemaking. They learn to focus on their own pleasure rather than performing for their partner. He is encouraged to separate orgasm from ejaculation and therefore prolong the experience for himself and his lady. He is encouraged to become a more confident love-maker with greater control of his sexual energy.

Together, couples expand and explore the love they feel for each other while improving trust and intimacy. Instead of rushed, energy sapping sex, Tantra is an experience in healing and rejuvenation. The chemicals in the brain and body which improve health and well-being have time to generate and disperse, which leaves the mind clearer and the body freer.

So, if your sex life is focused on orgasm, re-think the idea and simply enjoy the touch and sensation. Once that  “pressure” is removed the experience can be appreciated, much like the onset of the relationship before orgasm got in the way. Being non-orientated toward orgasm leaves room for a sexual experience to be fully enjoyed for the sake of enjoyment, not a means to an end to reach a happy ending!

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December 16, 2014