Sex And The Single Girl: Singleton Sanity Savers

“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it” – Carrie Bradshaw.

Sassy, smart, beautiful, single women, one and all: stand tall! Are you feeling plagued by the pressure to constantly explain why you’re flying solo? This is a very common complaint from single women I know. Indeed, when I was single, I too felt hassled by the need to incessantly justify why I was unattached, whether it be to a colleague, family member or a friend. Even perfect strangers at social occasions will have no qualms about asking you, in full condescending tone: “So, why are you still single?”

Being single is a powerful, positive choice for many women – after all, there ain’t no better time to find out what you want in life and in a partner, than when you have to stand on your own two feet and learn to like your own company. Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, 28, who is happily single herself, says she’s often forced to defend her singleton status.

“There are so many positives in my life to being single in my 20s, but people still comment negatively on it all the time,” Dr Goldstein says. “Women should never be ashamed to be single. It can be a very positive choice – you do not need to be loved by someone to have high self-esteem.” But how do you stay sane as a singleton, no matter whether you’re happily dating or not, when rogue relatives/colleagues/strangers are killing your buzz?

Short of telling said nosey, conservative types you’re batting for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that) in a bid to silence and/or shock them, you may want to try these quick and easy Singleton Sanity Savers:

Quote marriage stats: Make the Australian Bureau of Statistics your friend. The next time sleazy, old Uncle Graham asks you why you’re still single, try boring him senseless with endless divorce statistics. For example, “Did you know, Uncle G (insert relative name here), that approximately one in three first marriages end in divorce? And, in 2012, there were 49,917 divorces granted in Australia; that’s a two per cent increase compared to 2011?”

Turn the tables: This was a personal favourite of mine, when single – the next time some smug married (may I never be one of those) asks you why you aren’t married and knocked up, ask them loudly and pointedly to the point of rudeness: “How’s your love-life? Had much hot sex lately?” That should do the trick quite nicely.

Tell tall stories: Climbed Mt Everest lately? Travelled to the Valley of the Kings and Queens in Egypt? Been parasailing, paragliding or skydiving? If you answered no to these questions, fret not – life can be a grand adventure when single, and chances are, the person giving you a hard time about your lifestyle choice will be jealous of all your free time, no matter whether you put it to good use exploring the Seven Wonders of the World. So, exploit this by telling tall tales about what you got up to on the weekend and your exciting plans for the future.

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5 Young Female Role Models

These famous women prove that your age and gender doesn’t stop you from achieving success and making an impact. All under the age of 30, our top 5 young female role models have contributed significantly to the arts and culture, politics, and humanitarian movements, and are extremely worthy of our attention, respect and admiration. These are the kind of women we love to see in the limelight, setting a great example for this generation.

RELATED: 5 Famous Feminist Men

Lena Dunham

Top 5 young female role models

In the past few years alone, Lena has accomplished writing a critically acclaimed autobiography, a TV show (which she writes, produces, directs and stars in), a film, two Golden Globe Awards, and was the first woman to win a Director’s Guild Award for Best Director in a Comedy Series. She actively supports pro-choice, feminist and gay rights campaigns, and also has a Q&A YouTube series. If you have read her book, you will also know that Lena has achieved all this while battling crippling anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. Oh, and she’s 28 years old.

Malala Yousafzai

Top 5 Young Female Role Models

This 17 year-old recently became the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. She has been advocating education for girls in her home country of Pakistan since the age of 11, but rose to international notoriety when Taliban members shot her on a school bus in 2012. She survived the shooting and continues to speak out against Taliban oppression in her hometown, despite an ongoing warrant for her assassination. Brave, intelligent, kind: Malala is exactly the kind of young woman you want your children to know about.

Emma Watson

Top 5 Young Female Role Models

Emma has been in the limelight since the age of nine, after gaining a lead role in the Harry Potter film series. This year she was appointed a United Nations Women Goodwill Ambassador and advocates gender equality all over the world, most recently launching the UN HeForShe Campaign. In between filming one of the most popular film franchises in history, and being an accomplished humanitarian, Watson also graduated from Brown University with a degree in English Literature, and became a certified yoga instructor.

Keke Palmer

Top 5 Young Female Role Models

Since the age of nine, Palmer has been either on the stage, in front of the camera, or behind the mic. Once, one of the highest paid child actors on TV (as the lead in Nickelodeon‘s True Jackson, VP), Keke continues to conquer as the host of her own talk show, Just Keke, an album set for release, an ambassador for several charities, and an upcoming role on the tv show, Masters of Sex. Most notably, the 21 year-old recently became the first African-American woman to portray Cinderella in the Broadway musical.


Top 5 Young Female Role Models

The world is an oyster for this small town teenager… and we mean small town – her hometown in New Zealand has a population of just over 5,000. Lorde took home two Grammy’s earlier this year for her number one single Royals, including song of the year. She is a woman of the people, acclaimed for her lyrical critique of wealth, excess and celebrity. She featured in Forbes 30 under 30 list, as well as Time’s Most Influential Teenagers. This year, she was also appointed to oversee the Hunger Games Mockingjay soundtrack, and has another solo album in the works. She is a self-identified feminist, and advocates for people to enrol to vote in her home country. She is turning 18 in November.


Images via Shutterstock, Daily Mail UK, and Lollapalooza.

Sex And The Single Girl: Why Flying Solo’s Good For You

When Sex and the City sexpot Samantha Jones broke up with her hot lover, Smith, with these immortal words: “I love you, but I love me more,” she took one giant step for womanhood in how single women were portrayed in popular culture. For the fictional character Samantha (Kim Cattral) reflected what we smart, sassy women in real life have known all along: being single can be a positive choice; it is far better to be alone than stay in an unhealthy relationship with Mr Wrong.

What young, single woman wants to be spending their valuable time with a partner who doesn’t blow their socks off? Yet, for many women, being single can still attract a lot of negative stereotypical nonsense from our families and our peers. Indeed, society as a whole still tends to view single women as repellent and abnormal. Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, 28, who is happily single herself, puts this down to the fact that singletons challenge the status quo.

“There are so many positives in my life to being single in my 20s, but people still comment negatively on it all the time,” Dr Goldstein says. “There is still a real social stigma that women of a certain age should be married and have kids. There’s a question of ‘what’s wrong with you’ if you are single. ‘Are you too high maintenance, do you put your job priority No.1?’

“We as a society still have a very old-fashioned procreation model of sex. Why can’t a single woman be happy?! No one encourages women to do what men do, such as masturbate – it challenges men’s masculinity too much. A lot of men want women who are needy because they have self-esteem issues.”

So, how do the increasing numbers of single women challenge these outdated societal views? And how do women raise their daughters to be out and proud when it comes to being single? Teach them while they’re young, says Dr Goldstein. “When you go through high school, when a guy is interested in you, we’re taught that this makes you a better, more valuable person,” she says. “The risk here, is that women go from one relationship to the next – that’s dangerous when you never develop a sense of self-worth and independence; that’s when co-dependency can become a real issue.

“I don’t think women should be single forever, but it’s so important to figure out who you are and stand on your own two feet. Parents should be actively encouraging this, with their daughters. Women should never be ashamed to be single. It can be a very positive choice – you do not need to be loved by someone to have high self-esteem.”

And one of the greatest joys of being single – aside from not being bored senseless and treated badly by some dimwit – has got to be the chance to develop confidence, inner beauty, fulfilment and self-worth that’s bound to be appealing to the right kind of man you want to attract. “You have to try meeting lots of different men to find out what you want,” Dr Goldstein says, “I like to liken it to eating at a smorgasbord – trying lots of new and interesting options is good for you.

“Experience and knowledge is sexy! And it’s certainly preferable to getting married young and waking up 15 years down the track and saying to your partner: ‘I don’t want to be with you’.”

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By Nicole Carrington-Sima

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