By Jason Michael, author of The Trouble with Men – Understanding the Male Mind. Published by New Holland, RRP $24.95.
It happened after a heavy session of lovemaking. You decided to tell the man you?ve been with for the last couple of months that you love him. You didn?t really notice it at the time, but when you think back, there was in fact a slight hesitation in the “I love you” return from him.
Strangely enough, it was the mention of the “L? word that flipped him out, causing him to split and never to be heard from again. Everything was just roses before it wilted away and now you want nothing more than to have him back. Unfortunately that?s unlikely to happen. It’s admirable that you opened your heart and expressed how you really felt about him.
However, the truth is he just didn?t feel the same way about you. Sure, he may have liked you, but he wasn?t prepared or willing for the relationship to jump to the next level. He may have reciprocated the “I love you” line at the time merely to avoid the possibility of an unpleasant confrontation. It’s also likely that he knows he screwed up by saying something that he really shouldn?t have said or didn’t actually mean.
Rather than go through the distress of rectifying this whole mess with you, the easiest option for him was to abracadabra out of your life! For your sake you?re better off not dwelling on it. Cut your losses and move on—find yourself a new man who will say he loves you and actually mean it. There?s nothing wrong with a woman expressing her love to a man when it feels right. Of course, there?s the risk that the man may not always feel the same way.
You can, however, ascertain how he feels about you first before deciding to drop the “L? bomb on him. When the time is right and you?re feeling connected, start with a positive statement that makes him feel special. Emphasise how much you enjoy being with him. Tell him what you feel his appealing qualities are and how these make him important to you, before getting his take on things.
This will help pave the way in making him feel more at ease about sharing his thoughts with you, without feeling like he?s being pressured to suddenly make a stronger commitment.
If he feels a true connection with you, work with him in laying the foundations of a deep and meaningful relationship. Once you have a better awareness of your true feelings for one another there shouldn’t be any concern with dropping the “L? bomb and worrying about blowing everything out of proportion!