Honesty is a virtue most people would put at the top of their list of important parts of a relationship.
Without honesty, there can’t be trust, and without trust, there can’t be love. I agree, and yet it’s a little more complicated than that.
I have been married for two years, but I’ve known my husband for almost 10 years. When we got engaged, we had already been living together for a while, so besides having another ring on my finger, I didn’t think much would change after we got married.
On the surface, nothing really did. It was nice to be able to call each other husband and wife – even though it made me feel old – but apart from that, we just continued on with our lives.
But something was different. On an emotional level, I felt much more connected. We’ve made a commitment to one another to spend the rest of our lives together and to always try our best to make each other happy. As nice as this sounds, it can be just as scary at the same time.
What makes me happy might not always make him happy, and vice versa. It’s about compromising and trying to find the right balance, I know that, but I’ve also found that sometimes it’s easier to tell little white lies than to always tell the truth and ‘fight for your right’ – at least for a happy marriage’s sake.
It can be little things like telling him I don’t mind if he watches football after work, even when what I really want is to have a glass of wine with him and talk about our day. It might be disappointing for me in that moment, but I know he enjoys his sports and uses that time in front of the TV to unwind and relax. So I lie and find something else to do, or I call a friend if I really need to get something off my chest.
Sometimes, however, there are bigger lies coming out of my mouth. It’s often quite unexpected, but I don’t even think twice. My husband often asks me if I’m happy. It’s a simple question that I reply to with a head nod, even though in my mind I have a list of things that make me unhappy. Telling him about all of them would turn this simple question into a long, exhausting conversation.
I know I have a great life and so much to be thankful for, but I can’t truthfully say I am 100 per cent happy yet. I simply haven’t achieved everything I need in order to be absolutely happy. There are things I have sacrificed for my marriage, projects I’ve put on hold and dreams I haven’t pursued, all to make our life as a married couple work – but I won’t let my husband know that.
Some people might say I’m avoiding conflict, but I have another reason for lying to my husband about my happiness. I don’t want him to think it’s his fault.
I know he is trying his best to make me happy and I know he loves me – that is all that counts. Making him feel bad by telling him the truth wouldn’t help the situation in any way, so why bother?
Telling him about all my worries, fears and regrets is unnecessary. So, instead, I nod and smile and wait for him to give me a kiss when he responds with “Me too”. And all of a sudden my worries disappear. So maybe, in that moment, I didn’t lie after all.
Images via tumblr.com.
Comment: Do you think sometimes relationships require white lies to stay strong?