Two timing tribulations… Part 2

August 17, 2004

Two timing tribulations… Part 2
Tell him he?s wrong
One thing Tanya did which many sufferers of infidelity don?t do is tell their partners they did the wrong thing. Many women ignore the warning signs, pretend everything is normal and live their lives despite the constant warning bells ringing in her head. This isn?t an unusual reaction of course. Ignoring a problem and hoping it will go away is the easiest solution to keeping a relationship together. However Moore says, if a man thinks he can get away with it, he?ll keep on cheating. ?Most philandering men don?t respect their wives? wishes and if he sees that you don?t treat yourself with respect either, he isn?t about to change. Deceitful, lying, unfaithful men rarely become loving trustworthy and faithful husbands yet women stay, in the hope that they will.?

Giving him the heave-ho
Moore says looking out for the warning signs of a cheater at the beginning of a relationship could save a lot of heartache all round. As a general rule, a man who has cheated will sooner or later do it again. Moore says if he was sketchy in the beginning about his former relationships, or lies to you about an incident (even something small), it?s a good indication that he?ll lie to you about something bigger later down the track. But despite these warning signs, even a cheater can slip through the ranks as it did with Annie. Annie thought James was the man of her dreams ? intelligent, handsome, attentive to her and oh so romantic. But when a girl confronted her in a club one night saying she?s slept with James the week before, Annie knew something was wrong. She asked James about the infidelity, but he told her the girl had liked him previously and was annoyed that he hadn?t gone out with her. Annie knew there was no smoke without fire though, and finally tricked the answer out of him. One a night the week before, James had left Annie at home then met up with the other girl and slept with her. Annie immediately broke up with him and despite a barrage of daily phone calls, presents and declarations of stupidity, she stood her ground and refused to take him back. She says, ?When James cheated on me, all the trust I had in him disappeared. If I forgave him and took him back, I’d constantly be insecure and wondering whether he’ll do it again. I don’t deserve to be put through that and I knew I could do much better.? Annie also realised that it showed how little respect James had for her as both a woman and a partner. Despite her pain, she has no regrets. ?I don’t even have any regrets about experiencing being cheated on as I feel like I’ve learnt how strong I can be and I take pride in that. James showed me what a weak, insecure and disrespectful man is like and this has helped me really appreciate the strong, loving and caring man that I have now.? But Annie admits that she looks closer at the warning signs in her current relationship because she vows she will never let it happen to her again.

If you discover your partner has been cheating on you, only you can decide whether to accept him back or send him packing. It’s your life and your decision.

Moore has these words of wisdom for women fearing infidelity…

Never ignore your intuition

If he?s done it with you the chances are he will do it to you

You can?t live your life doing the same old thing day in and day our and expect a different result

People always show you who they are by their action. When they do, believe them

We all have choices but choose to believe we don?t

If you have nothing to hide you hide nothing

Too many details is a sign of lying

Put your partner on mute. Look at what they do, not what they say.

The best barometer for the future is the past

Infidelity – Exploding the Myths.
Julia Moore
Harper Collins
RRP $24.95 but only $22.46 if you buy from the SheSaid bookshop

Want More?

Have our best reads delivered straight to your inbox every week by subscribing to our newsletter.



You Said


Win a brand new Hyundai
Win a holiday to Bali