Two timing tribulations…

August 17, 2004

Two timing tribulations…

It?s most girls? biggest nightmare ? finding out the love of your life has been sharing a bed with someone else. All the thoughts go through your head ? am I not pretty enough, was our sex life bad, what has she got that I don?t? But maybe men are predisposed to cheat? Or maybe you let it happen? Find out how to read the signs to make sure he isn?t cheating on you.

Intuition ? what?s your gut telling you?
If your intuition is telling you something isn?t right, maybe it?s time to look into it? According to Julia Hartley Moore, private investigator and author of Infidelity ? exploding the myths, nagging doubts and hunches could be the best indicator that your partner is doing something behind your back. But she says there are also many physical signs that might indicate infidelity. Taking up brand new hobbies on the opposite side of town, being more attentive than usual or getting defensive about his actions could all be signs of a new female interest in his life. Of course in most cases, it won?t be, but a simple question of ?When will you be home? is answered ?I?m sick of being questioned. I can?t do anything right, and no matter what I do it?s not good enough. You always think I?m doing something. Why don?t you ring everyone and ask them what I?m doing I?m trying to do what you want.? Moore says, ?answers like this reek of guilt; the easiest way for a betrayer to camouflage the lies is to turn it around and attack the innocent party.?

Was it your fault?
Many women blame themselves for a cheating partner. They think they?re not beautiful enough, or they?ve done something wrong to make their husband or boyfriend stray. But according to Moore, that?s where they?re mistaken. She says it?s generally nothing about the wife or girlfriend that causes the man to cheat, it?s more that they want something different. They?re looking for someone to have sex with, and that person doesn?t necessarily have to be that attractive. ?What women have to realise, is that men are looking for something quite different. Remember, your husband isn?t looking for a wife (he?s already got one), he?s looking for sex and I?m afraid to say that the package doesn?t have to be that flash. In essence, it just has to be easy and available. Married men who play are the easiest prey to snare and that?s the absolute truth.? Look at women such as Princess Diana, Liz Hurley, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Jerry Hall. Even some of the most beautiful, desirable women in the world have been cheated on. You could never say that prostitute Divine Brown is more attractive that Liz Hurley, but still Hugh Grant managed to employ her services. More says, ?Can you see the picture emerging that it isn?t the betrayed with the problem but the betrayer??

Sticking around in the relationship
Choosing to stay with a man after finding out they?ve cheated certainly isn?t an unusual choice. Around 95% of women choose to stay in relationships after being betrayed, preferring the security of the relationship and the trust that their partner has learnt from his mistake and won?t do it again. Hilary Clinton is a perfect example of a woman who decided to forgive her man and move on. There is a certain pride in both partners being able to admit a mistake had been made but having the love and respect for each other to forgive, forget and move on with life. Tanya is one of these women who has decided to give her partner a second chance. She had been going out with Brad for 3 months and was convinced he was someone special. They had admitted they loved each other, and despite her being nervous that he was going overseas for 3 weeks without her, deep down she trusted him. When he asked her to check his emails and one turned out to be detailing his romantic endeavours overseas, she knew she?d made a big mistake. ?I confronted him about the email, and while he denied it at first, I gave him an ultimatum ? confess and possibly risk the relationship, or lie and risk me finding out later and definitely losing me.? He confessed and after much deliberation, Tanya decided to give him another chance. ?I don?t know if it was stupidity, or naivity, but I believed he was sorry for making such a stupid mistake? It has been five months since Tanya found out about Brad?s infidelity, and she couldn?t be happier. ?We have fought more times than I care to remember because I was insecure and worried he would do it again, but everytime, he has stood fast, has been patient and now we?re looking at moving in together. I don?t know if I made the right choice ultimately, but I know that I love him, and right now, it feels right.?

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