Want better sex and a better relationship? It’s easy. Plus, the beauty is if you learn this skill, your partner will too. Surely, that’s worth a couple of minutes of your time. Sometimes life gets in the way of connecting with your partner. The best way to connect better in the bedroom is to connect better out of it. It’s a fact that couples who communicate, respect and understand each other, have better sex and weather the toughest storms; plus they have a much stronger chance of remaining together over time. They develop a deeper intimacy and consider one another their best friend.
It all comes down to one exceptionally vital skill: listening. When you take the time to really listen to your partner, they will feel loved, acknowledged, appreciated, respected and understood. This is the foundation of a great relationship and even better sex. The importance of listening can’t be emphasised enough. It really is the ultimate relationship skill. The experts refer to this technique as active listening. There is quite a lot involved in this technique, however, if you follow these simple rules, you will be well on your way to securing a better relationship.
Make time to talk to each other
If you need to discuss something important, arrange a time when you are both physically and emotionally available. Having a deep and meaningful conversation on the spur of the moment is a recipe for an argument – especially if it’s about an issue which is affecting the relationship.
When you set a specific time to talk, limit the distractions. Turn of the TV, mobile phones and set the scene like you would for a romantic evening. Alternately, talking in a setting like the car can be another option. Although there are some distractions, such as traffic or children, it is a micro-environment, which is excellent for discussing everyday issues.
Give each other your attention and display it
It doesn’t matter if it’s a little thing like what to pick up from the shops or something much bigger. When you are listening, acknowledge it by nodding or other appropriate body language or verbal comments, such as “OK”, “I hear what you’re saying” or “I didn’t know you felt like that”. This displays respect and understanding.
When to speak…
Some people can switch off mid conversation, when they assume they know what their partner is going to say next. Try and have an open mind and wait until they finish speaking before you come to any conclusions. If you disagree, wait until they have finished. Don’t interrupt with your opinion or your experience and give them opportunity for them to to be heard.
This increases understanding, respect and intimacy. If you find you have trouble being heard in your relationship; this is a key exercise. Model the behaviour and next time your partner interrupts you, explain that you have been giving them the opportunity to speak, without interjecting, and therefore you would appreciate the same consideration.
It may take a while to change a behaviour, so be patient with your partner and yourself. Try to be aware of the tone you use. This can trigger an argument if your partner feels you are not genuine or are attacking them. Sometimes, it’s not the words which hurt, but the way we say them. Treat your partner as your best friend and that’s exactly what they will become.
By Kim Chartres
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