I’m just going to go ahead and say it: wearable tech isn’t cool and will never be anything more than geek chic. At least, not right now with these current innovations. Sure, I love new technology, and I have the iPhone addiction to prove it, but unless you’re an anti-social geek, wearable tech isn’t, well, particularly wearable.
And this is despite the best efforts of Israeli-American luxury fashion designer Elie Tahari, who recently showcased a black, mesh dress covered in more than 50 iPhones at New York Fashion Week.
I’m still not clear why the designer created the dress (pictured above) but is it wearable? Nope. Imagine the uproar from your loved ones, and deservedly so, if you, while wearing said frock, started fiddling with one more smartphones at once in their company? Red card!
Sure, geeks adore wearable tech, but when was the last time you looked at, say someone wearing a Bluetooth headset, as another example, and thought anything other than: “Wanker”.
People wearing them look just plain ridiculous and appear self-important in the extreme. The last person I saw wearing a Bluetooth headset was a middle-aged male real estate agent. Say no more.
And aside from the high-wanker factor associated with wearable tech, there’s the hefty price tags attached with these gadgets – wearable tech is bloody expensive.
Take Google Glass, for example (pictured below) – the latest Google Glass Explorer Edition 2.0 was estimated at 1000 pounds, or about $1825 Aus. And, as a very funny UK reviewer called Andrew Williams recently wryly observed: “The plain truth is that unless you actually enjoy the sort of attention Google Glass is certain to get you, the benefits don’t outweigh the awkwardness of the experience – social and physical. And if you don’t feel any of that social awkwardness at all, you’re probably a psychopath. Or American.”
Then there are the problems associated with the wearable technology with an optical head-mounted display: it seems anti-social at best, hence the new slang term “glasshole” to describe a Google Glass wearer – even if you are as pretty as the lass pictured below.
Next up, let’s look at the recently-released Apple Watch (pictured below). I can’t see Apple’s latest smartwatch invention ever replacing a classic timepiece. It’s too Inspector Gadget to become a true fashion accessory, in my opinion, and again, unless you’re a bona fide geek, I can’t see anyone really really wanting one.
Sure, Apple are doing their best to tempt fashionistas with an 18 carat finish and sporty and colourful watch options, but would you really choose one over say, a Cartier, Rolex or Louis Vuitton? No, I think not. NB wearable tech designers: women like to look good and dress up in classic, timeless (excuse the pun) pieces that are stylish and edgy, not gadgety.
The only wearable tech that I truly currently want to wear is a jet pack or “Beam Me Up, Scotty”-type device which can transport me to and from the world’s most glamorous shopping destinations. Now, can someone please invent that?!
iPhone image via usum.in and Google Glass and Apple Watch images via www.techradar.com