Weekend Wit: The Art Of Successful Dating

November 29, 2014
dating, dating advice, Europe, relationships, love, sex

Ever noticed that some of the most important things in life aren’t taught in school or by our folks? Schools teach algebra and where to put a capital letter. Helpful, but irrelevant when it comes to love and learning about life. Parents teach us how to ride a bike, cook and clean (if you’re lucky).  Neither seem to get to the important stuff though. Who teaches us what to do on a date? Expectations during childbirth? Maintaining a long-term relationship? What about raising kids, that’s a biggie. Are we expected to wing that? Apparently so.

Seriously, this stuff is so important, but we all walk around clueless. When we do realize the massive void in our knowledge base and our incapacity to successfully date and reproduce, we jump online for all sorts of info. We basically get our most important education from strangers. So, here’s a little more dating advice from one stranger to another, to add to this weird f###d up world we live in.

Dress nice

Your definition of nice may differ from others so by nice, I mean somewhere between looking for payment at the end of the night and dressing like the local librarian.

Who pays?

If you are on a dinner date, payment happens at the end. Here’s a tip. If you don’t really like the date or want to see them again, pay for your own meal. Nothing screams “you ain’t gettin’ any” like paying for yourself.

Then again, if you are the sort of person who likes free stuff and is ok with hurting others, order the most expensive dish on the menu and get them to pay. When they spend the extra money on fuel to drive you home and swoop in for a goodnight kiss (thinking the date went well), tell them to their face that you don’t want to see them again. You might be a bitch, but least you’ve saved a few dollars and will be a very well feed bitch.

Window shopping

If your date is a window shopper when he’s with you, choose one of two options. The first is to join him in the window shop and catch the eye of some hottie. Walk over to him, introduce yourself and tell them you are with your brother. The hottie will believe it because no self respecting man should window shop on a date. Make sure “your brother” picks up the tab and take his number out of your contact list.

The second optio: You can pick up your things and abandon him. Once again, make sure he pays. I’d recommend you choose the first option though. You actually use him as your wing man and you might be doing his next date a favor. Score one for the girls here! Either way, ditch him. If he doesn’t pay attention to you during a date, he certainly won’t pay attention to you in a relationship.


Okay ladies, this is where you have power and control. Use it, abuse it and let the poor guy know exactly what he’s in for should the relationship progress and you end up getting married. No use putting out initially and shutting up shop when the rings on ya finger. If you are going to be a frigid wife, then be a frigid date and don’t fool him into thinking he’s got a sex goddess.

Image via https://cdnil1.fiverrcdn.com/photos/1631473/v2_680/dating2.jpg

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