“Hey, stranger” = “I just saw that selfie you posted, and despite ignoring you for five months, I’m bored and hoping you’ll have sex.”
When I was new to the dating world, I took everything men told me at face value. It took me a while to figure out that although they were speaking English, you needed a degree to decipher what their words actually meant.
After a while, I became good at decoding simple phrases they’d mention on dates and even on their dating profiles.
To untrained eye, a dating bio might read as a man who enjoys hanging out and having fun with his friends on the weekend. Seems normal, right? But the experienced professional knows this is code for the fact that he has at least three side chicks, and even Miranda Kerr couldn’t make him settle down.
You go on a date together, and when you ask him if he wants a relationship he says, “Let’s just see what happens.” You think this guy just wants to take things slow – and find out the hard way that you should have swiped left when he popped up on your Tinder.
Here are the eight most common things I hear men say – and what they actually mean:
1. “I believe in living life to the fullest.”
What he really means: “I’m going to talk to you and gauge how quickly I can get you into bed. Post-sex, I’m also the kind of guy to tee up another romp on Tinder while you’re in the bathroom.”
A guy who just wants to live his life to the fullest? Only if living life means banging as many women as possible and forgetting about them shortly after.
2. “Let’s just keep it casual and see what happens.”
What he really means: “I have a date lined up every night this week so I don’t really have time to see you more than three hours every couple of weeks. Unless it’s sex – then I can pencil you in for longer.”
Men usually know whether or not they want a relationship. When he says he wants to keep it casual, he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too. Don’t fall for a man who won’t commit, but wants to have you at his fingertips.
3. “I’m an entrepreneur.”
What he really means: “I’m actually unemployed at the moment but trying to make this pyramid scheme work that my friend signed me up for. Do you want to buy some vitamins to cleanse your body?”
Living in your parents’ basement and sending unsolicited business messages on Facebook in-between playing Pokemon Go doesn’t make you an entrepreneur.
4. “Hey, stranger!”
What he really means: “I just saw that selfie you posted, and although I’ve ignored you for five months, I’m bored and hoping you’ll hop into bed with me if I compliment you.”
No thanks, buddy. We girls are all too familiar with the ‘look what the selfie dragged in’ phenomenon. You’ll have to try harder.
5. “Let’s go out and get some food – but I’m not really hungry, so I won’t be eating.”
What he really means: “I hope you’re okay with this pathetic excuse of a date – and because I asked you out, this totally counts as a date.”
If a man is inviting you out for lunch and isn’t going to eat, then he’s too full from the pancakes last night’s date made him this morning.
6. “All my ex-girlfriends are crazy.”
What he means: “I refuse to take responsibility for my actions in a relationship. I’m most likely a sociopath who makes women crazy, and by telling you this, I’m giving you ample warning.”
This is the biggest red flag of all, especially if there is aggression behind his words. Run, quickly!
7. “Let’s just be friends.”
What he really means: “There’s a chance I might want to sleep with you later on, or maybe get you to set me up with one of your hot friends.”
Do you really want to be friends with someone who broke your heart and is now hitting on your bestie?
8. “I’m busy.”
What he really means: “I’m too busy for you.”
If Obama can make time to call Michelle, your man can send you a text. There are 24 hours in a day: I guarantee he isn’t busy that entire time.
Images via pexels.com and giphy.com.
Comment: Have you heard any of these lines? What other things do men say, and mean something else?