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What It’s Really Like Being A Virgin In Your 20s

What It’s Really Like Being A Virgin In Your 20s

I don’t know any of you readers out there or what your story may be, but here’s a glimpse into mine.

I like to drink. I like to party.

I wear whatever the hell I want, and this often means I’m showing a lot more skin than most dads would approve of. I’m confident, and comfortable in my own skin, and I outgrew any shyness I had many years ago. I’m adventurous. I regularly bare my soul to thousands of people I don’t know on the internet. I don’t take myself all that seriously. I date, and I kiss strangers that I meet in bars. A lot.


I don’t for one moment believe that defines me; and if you are too, you shouldn’t either.

You might be the picture of a stereotypical V carder, or you might completely break that mould; there isn’t a ‘right’ way to be a virgin. We come in all different packages these days…we’re actually sometimes difficult to spot. They don’t call it a Virgin Hunt for no reason.

I think most of us today have a huge FOMO. Sex is everywhere, all around us, in the reality TV that we watch, the fashion magazines that we read, the Instagram profiles that we stalk; there’s absolutely no getting away from it. One by one, our friends have their first taste of it, inevitably are hungry for more, and of course, you want to try it too. You want to be in on it. And so the domino effect begins.

While there are probably more of us than you’d hazard a guess at, we’re still very much a minority, especially after college/university comes to an end. You’re definitely not alone though, and I hope you know that.

People will judge you; expect that. Virgin or not, people like to judge when they see something that they don’t personally understand. I’m guessing that if you’re anything like me, you’re the kind of person who doesn’t give a flying f*ck about what anybody else thinks about you, and the choices you make.

As you get older you might start to think, screw it, I just wanna know what it’s like already! Maybe I should get it over with? What if I actually die a virgin? I might get hit by a bus tomorrow… But here’s the thing: there’s a very personal reason why you waited all this time. Just think about that before you make any rash decisions.

Guys have told me that I’m missing out, and it’s something I should just go and experience, for experience sake; and while I do feel as though the rest of the world is in on this giant SEX secret that I am still oblivious to, how can I possibly feel as though I’m missing out? You can’t miss what you’ve never had, can you?

In my personal experience, I’ve found that for every asshole that scrunches his face up in bewilderment and says ‘but…whyyyy would you wait so long?’, there are five diamond guys out there who will undoubtedly look at you in complete awe, high five you on the spot, and hand on heart, tell you they think that’s nothing but great. The guy who’s meant for you? He will respect that, he will respect you, and he won’t rush you. Wait for him.

It is by no means easy. We all have the same needs and feel the exact same urges that the rest of you do. We’re not some kind of freaky green pea-headed aliens from planet X. You know what it is? We’re just a little better at looking past that rose-tinted moment, and thinking about how we’ll truly feel about the previous events after they’ve quickly been and gone. We’re just not willing to take on the casual #noregrets view when it comes to sex. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

I can’t speak for any of you out there, but personally, my decision is not a religious one at all. It’s one born out of viewing the act of sex & my body as sacred, and something not to be shared with just anyone. I think it was Charlie Chaplin who said: “Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.” I’ve not been lucky enough to fall in love yet, and I know myself well enough to know that I want and need that from the experience.

Some of us are following our faith, some of us are waiting for our lobster; some of us will wait for marriage, and some of us will simply wait until we have built a certain level of trust with another. Everyone has their own internal belief system. Everyone is different. And I think that should be celebrated. How boring would the world be if we mirrored each other all day every day?

The truth about being a virgin today is that it can be really tough, especially as time ticks on. People may make thoughtless comments, make you feel ostracized, even pity you, and just won’t get your thinking. It’s probably a lot easier to just do it. Have sex. Get it over with. But since when do you want to be that person who takes the easy route in life? If you want to explore a bit and navigate your own, un-tried & un-tested route, that’s more than okay. You don’t need to follow in the footsteps of anybody. You answer to no one but yourself.

This article has been republished from Unwritten with full permission and was written by Shani Jay. You can view the original article here.

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