What Men think about Infidelity

May 3, 2000

What do guys think about women who cheat? Our male columnist, Gus, gives his point of view on infidelity and it may surprise you!

“It’s over 10 years ago now, but once in a while it can still seem fresh enough. I was just back from doing the Europe thing over summer, and was getting the appalling news from my girlfriend that her fidelity had suffered a major blip in my absence.

As the darkness of this news closed around me, I must have given her an imploring look. I needed her to say something that would sweeten this bitter pill, something to cushion the blow. And this is what she said: “It didn’t mean anything! I barely knew the guy! We just met at a party and it went from there. I never saw him apart from that night”.

And that’s the good news?? Faaabulous. Thanks a mill.

I’ve spoken to a couple of friends on this and I can’t say that I speak for all men but, for me, she could not have come up with a response more keenly designed to hurt. There’s obviously not a lot she could have said to give me a lift (although “Darling, it was just awful. His penis exploded before anything could happen!” springs to mind) but the idea that this creep was able to stroll up and hit paydirt so easily was just awful. What kind of loser was I to have invested so much emotion and effort (for starters) in this woman when all you had to do was catch her on the right night? I would have far preferred to hear that this bloke had launched a dazzling campaign, full of romance and all sorts of unexpected delights, that had swept her off her feet. In fact, I would rather had heard that she was in love with him. As it was, she was still mine but seemed a little less special to me.

Childish? Sure. Jurassically proprietorial? Damn right. Far more concerned with sex than the real issues of a relationship? You got that one right, too. My only defense is that I’m a man and if you haven’t learned yet that men are a little weirded out by sex then you haven’t had a lot to do with us.

The thing that struck me as interesting is that my girlfriend really was trying to soften my fall. That is, she came up with something that, in the same circumstances, she would have liked to hear. She thought I wanted to know that there was no emotion involved; that the integrity of our love had not been compromised.

Vive la bloody difference, I guess.

We stayed together for another year, incidentally, and remain friends so it didn’t do us much harm. I went to her wedding a couple of years ago where she sat me at a table with her other old boyfriends. Somehow it worked brilliantly. She always had style with things like that.

And the guy? I am delighted to report that his first marriage (they were engaged at the time of the ‘incident’) ended painfully and publicly when his wife ran off with her university lecturer. On a less pleasing not, he moved to London, remarried and made millions on the financial markets. Not quite the outcome I would have requested, but I figure the bastard’s luck can’t last forever.

So I keep in readiness, coolly biding my time, knowing that one day…one day…”

What do you think?

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