“Why am I still single?”

February 4, 2010

Finding the right partner involves more than knowing how to flirt! We asked psychologist John Aiken, author of “Accidentally Single: 15 mistake that ruin romance and how to avoid them” (Penguin, $26.95), to give us the lowdown on dating.went to the experts to see how to up your dating game.

Why did you decide to write this book?

“I had heard so many singles talk to me about being frustrated about being alone, and yet at the same time making key mistakes that held them back. I thought that it was time to highlight the 15 major mistakes that singles make unknowingly so they can break bad habits and attract the right partner into their life. I was also guilty of doing of this myself in the past, and this motivated me even more to assist singles to help themselves.”

What is the number one mistake most women make when it comes to dating?

“I think they can often take the dating process too seriously and look at it as a process of rejection and failure, and compare themselves constantly to others around them. This puts huge amounts of pressure on and anxiety, desperation and panic can set in.”

How can they correct this?

“Instead, you need to look at dating as a process of elimination and if it doesn’t work out with one, you simply move onto the next. At the end of the day, you’ve got to get rid of the bad ones to get to the good. Life’s too short for bad relationships. If it’s not right, don’t waste your time, eliminate and keep pushing on. You’re being selective and waiting for someone to inspire you.”

And what about the number one mistake for men?

“Men can often be guilty of trying to be too pushy and take control of the dating situation without letting the other person feel heard or included. They can also sometimes struggle with conversation or opening up and asking questions and letting a conversation flow.”

What are your three top tips for feeling confident about yourself?

1) Dress in clothes that make you feel great

2) Constantly remind yourself of your talents and gifts

3) Talk about yourself in a positive way

Where can women meet men?

“Anywhere! In today’s world there are more opportunities than ever before. Get hook ups from friends, go online, join clubs and organizations, try new restaurants and bars, mix with different groups of friends. Be proactive and always be open to new opportunities.”

Do you think Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year for single women?

“No – it’s absolutely the best time of year! Love, romance and sex is on everyone’s mind at this time of the year, and anything can come from this. Be positive, be hopeful and whatever happens, commit on this day to do everything you can to be open to all opportunities!”

Where can women find good dating advice?

There’s so many options for advice and information. Read books, get online, talk to friends – upskill yourself so you feel confident when your standing in front of a potential love interest.

Is there anything you would like to add?

“If you’re currently single and frustrated with your situation – look at the way your living your life as a single person. Often there will be a number of dating mistakes your making unknowingly that hold you back (e.g. too picky, too bossy, hung up on the past, only interested in unavailable types, too dramatic). Be honest with yourself, make changes and start doing things differently to attract the right partner into your life now!”

Read more dating articles here.

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