Why Bad Sex Is A Relationship Dealbreaker For Me
We’re all thinking it.
We’ve all dated someone a little longer than we should because the sex was mindblowing, but what happens when the sex is shocking? Does it have the opposite effect, sending you running for the hills before you’ve managed to put your knickers back on?
For me, bad sex is the number-one dealbreaker.
When I think of this topic, one guy I’ve dated springs to mind. Cute, ambitious, very into me – he ticked a lot of boxes. The downside? The sex was beyond terrible. Every time we had sex, I was convinced someone was secretly filming us for the joke segment of an adult candid-camera channel.
It was the kind of sex you see in bad pornos, the kind that makes you wonder how anyone can think that’s good.
I gave him a few chances in the bedroom, but things kept getting worse with each thrust.
We had conversations about what I liked and what I didn’t, and every conversation finished the same: ‘Well, my ex-girlfriend liked it that way.’
Even though my friends thought he was a catch, the mere thought of having sex with him again made my lady parts shrivel up and temporarily close for business.
Bad sex says a lot about a person, and unsurprisingly has a huge impact on a relationship. Here are the top five lessons I learnt thanks to being with this dud…
1. Playing teacher is only fun in roleplay situations
Sex with a new beau means communicating to work out what you both like, but that will only work if both parties are willing to listen. If they can’t be bothered listening to what you want, kick them to the curb.
2. Different strokes for different folks
What’s kinky to some is just plain vanilla to others. You need to find someone who is into the same sex stuff as you, and who likes it as much (or as little) as you. Sex is a huge part of any relationship, so you need to work out whether you’re on the same page.
3. If there’s no sexual attraction, you’re just friends
If the sex is terrible and there’s minimal attraction on an intimate level, you may as well invest in a vibrator and go hang out with your girlfriends. Sure, a healthy relationship means you need to be friends with your partner, but it should also involve a healthy sex life.
4. Some people are selfish
There are great guys out there who have no idea they’re selfish in bed. Great relationships are give and take, and sex falls into that category. When you’re constantly the one giving and can count on your hand how often you’ve received anything, it’s time to move on. Sometimes it can be down to inexperience, but don’t confuse that with someone who acts like they’ve hired you for the hour.
5. No oral, no deal
I once dated a guy who didn’t like giving or receiving. He thought foreplay was me seeing him naked and that that was enough for me to be turned on. Initially I thought he was shy, until I dug a little deeper and found out he thought the idea of kissing someone’s most intimate part to be disgusting.
Some would say there’s more to a relationship than good sex. I see it as a foundation of a healthy relationship. If you want your relationship to last, there needs to be intimacy and attraction, otherwise why not just be friends?
Comment: Would you ever stay with a guy if he was bad in bed?