If you’re wondering ‘why did he ghost me’, you need to read this…
While half of us have suffered the pain and confusion of being ghosted, the other half have also done it to someone else (myself included). For every ghostee, there is a ghoster – and I’ve been in both situations.
I strung a guy along for a few weeks and then disappeared without a trace – or so I thought.
I met him at a concert. We locked eyes across the crowd. His bright pink jumper made it difficult to miss him and flattered by the attention, I assumed it was fate that of all the girls in that room he picked me.
Let me tell you why I ghosted ‘Pink Jumper’.
My friends like to say that I have a phobia of confrontation and clingy people – and they aren’t wrong.
‘Pink Jumper’ and I went from zero contact to texting every minute, literally in the space of 24 hours. He was way more interested in my life than I was in his and he was making plans well into the future before we even went on a proper date.
Instead of doing the adult thing and having a conversation, one afternoon I decided it would be best if we didn’t talk anymore. So I ghosted him. I literally still haven’t opened the last message he sent me and I honestly feel bad about it.
Imagine my dismay when three weeks after ghosting him, ‘Pink Jumper’ was sat in my section of the restaurant I worked at and was clearly upset with me. It turns out I didn’t get the seamless escape I was hoping for. I had to face the music (and the pain in his eyes).
Modern dating is a jungle and the more I look around, the more I realize no one knows WTF is going on. ‘Why did he ghost me’ seems to be the most common question among the ladies in my girl gang – so I want to get down to the REAL reasons that we ghost people.
While I don’t condone ignoring someone as a viable way of breaking up a relationship, I may be able to give you some insight into what’s going through his head.
If you’re asking yourself ‘why did he ghost me’, these could be the answers you’re looking for…
1. He wants to avoid confrontation
The number one answer to the ‘why did he ghost me’ question is that breakups are hella awkward.
This is certainly one of the main reasons I’ve ghosted people before. Breaking up with someone over text is the worst thing you can do, but meeting up with someone to dump them can feel just as cringy.
Chances are if he has ghosted you, he just wants to avoid breaking things off face-to-face and he thought he was doing you a favor – he was wrong.
2. Things are moving too fast (or too slow)
Ghosting is the equivalent of a big red panic button when a relationship starts moving too fast.
It sounds harsh but if you’re asking ‘why did he ghost me’, have a look back on your relationship. Did things get too heavy too fast?
It sucks to be the one who is more emotionally invested in a relationship but try to look at the bright side. If he isn’t ready to commit now, chances are you would have gotten three months down the track and things would have fallen apart anyway.
On the other hand, if things have been moving slowly and the spark has died, ghosting may seem like the easier alternative to a breakup.
It’s hard to find someone who moves at the same pace as you, whether that’s fast or slow. Just trust that they’ll come along when the timing is right.
3. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings
This one is ironic and a bit of a cop-out if I’m totally honest.
A number of guys say the reason they ghosted someone was because they didn’t want to hurt their feelings (because being ignored with zero explanation doesn’t hurt a bit).
If you ask me, guys ghost girls because they are afraid they’ll get an over-emotional response. It’s not that they don’t want to hurt your feelings so much as they don’t want to see the consequences of their actions.
Having been on the other side of this situation, I can tell you that it’s true. I claimed I didn’t want to hurt him when I was really just afraid of having to clean up the emotional collateral.
4. He’s selfish
Ghosting is an inherently selfish thing to do.
It’s an easy way to avoid dealing with the consequences of your actions because you can’t see them. It’s taking the emotional trauma of a breakup that’s usually shared by two people and giving it to just one with no warning or explanation.
If he has ghosted you, it says a lot more about his personality than it does about the quality of yours. Once the heartbreak and confusion subside, you’ll even find yourself thankful that you didn’t waste more time on Mr. Selfish.
Being ghosted hurts like hell and it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. That being said, try not to waste too much time crying over him. He sounds like a jerk anyway.
5. He’s just a dickhead
Let’s be clear here.
If he has ghosted you, he is in the wrong.
Women tend to blame themselves when things go wrong in relationships.
We are so often exposed to movie plots where the girl who demands respect gets dumped for it. If a woman speaks her mind, the media portray her as bossy, automatically making her boyfriend less of a man.
Women are conditioned to take the blame on the dating scene. I’ve seen girlfriends heartbroken over guys who were obviously in the wrong because they covered their tracks by calling them ‘paranoic’ or ‘hormonal.’
Being cut off for no reason hurts but it can often feel worse when we feel a connection with someone who’s idea of reciprocating is blocking your number.
If you have been ghosted, you are not the problem.
If you’re wondering ‘why did he ghost me’ you’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking yourself how to move on so you can continue to be the girl boss that you are.
The right guy will come along when the timing is right. Until then, look after yourself, look after your soul and know that you deserve to be treated with more respect.
Featured image via unsplash.com
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