Why I’ve Never Had A Real Boyfriend
And I definitely don’t want you to set me up with your friend.
I come from a country town where it’s common to be married with two children before you turn 25.
Me, on the other hand? I’ve never had a real boyfriend. I’ve dated guys for a few weeks at a time, but nothing more than a three-month stint.
I’m always the single-but-dating girl.
In the Tinder era of dating it’s hard to find someone you’re compatible with and that you can see yourself with long-term. The likelihood of meeting your perfect match versus getting your hands on a Birkin? I think toting around the world’s most coveted handbag is much more likely (and certainly higher on my priorities list).
It’s not like I cut things off at the three-month mark because I’m bored or I always want to be single and free to mingle. There’s usually a handful of reasons things have fizzled, not the least, the fact that I’m young with a world of potential behind me, so I think it’s a waste to settle down with someone just because everyone else is doing it.
Here’s why I’m always the single-but-dating girl who’s never had a boyfriend…
1. Modern dating’s exhausting
The pressure is on to be the perfect girlfriend to tend to every one of your SO’s needs now, more than ever. You need to be able to look the part and act the part to meet a guy these days who’s actually willing to commit to you. You can’t bring up issues without appearing to be needy. Forget exhibiting any other aspects of yourself than your easygoing fun girl side, or being able to establish where the relationship’s actually heading. Totally exhausting.
2. I’m not the token double-date girl
It’s the norm for everyone to want to set you up with every single man they know when you’re single. I used to think it was flattering to be set up, until it became annoyingly regular. You’ve heard all about this “amazing guy” your pal works with, and how “perfect” you’d be together, until the four of you go on a cringe-worthy double-date and you begin to seriously wonder if your friend secretly hates you.
3. Settling isn’t an option
Being in my late 20s, I should be having the time of my life. I don’t see the need to have a boyfriend just for the sake of it. There’s no point staying with someone simply because you’re worried the sea of men out there is limited and this is as good as it gets. I’ll date here and there, but my whole existence doesn’t depend on the possibility of finding ‘The One’ and settling down.
4. Because my career won’t up and leave me
Many relationships have ended for me because we weren’t on the same page career-wise. He loathed work and begrudgingly went to support his weekend drinking habits. I went because I love what I do. When your relationship seems like the one that’s work and you get more pleasure out of your career, you know you need to move on.
5. I’m not a trophy
There’s a small percentage of men who only date women to use as bragging rights for their friends. I’ve dated men before who were running around town telling everyone we were a thing before I even knew what their last name was. It’s sweet when someone is flattered to be with you, but not when they’re only dating you for the status among their friends.
6. I’m not prepared to change who I am
With dating comes compromise, but when do we put our foot down and acknowledge we’re changing everything about our lives to be with one person? It’s normal when you get with someone to tweak some things about your life, but I’m not prepared to change who I am as a person to make a guy happy and keep him in my life.
7. I’m working on loving myself
I used to only want a boyfriend to act as approval that I’m an okay person. I didn’t really like myself, so I thought if I dated someone who was really into me, then I must be alright. Now, I know I can’t possibly meet my ideal man if I don’t love and accept myself first.
Although people think I’m missing out, the life experiences I’ve had because I’m not willing to settle, far outweigh the fact I’ve never had a real relationship.
Images via tumblr.com and giphy.com.
Comment: Do you think there’s a lot of pressure on single women to get coupled up?