It’s not all hearts and roses.
In a world where dating has been fully corrupted by social media, the concept of finding your soulmate is still surprisingly prevalent.
From soppy rom-coms to stories our grandparents tell us about when they met four thousand years ago, we’ve been conditioned to believe one day we will find ‘the one’. He’ll be tall, strong, handsome and, above all, share all our interests, hopes and dreams. Zero conflict. Zero disagreement. Maximum awesome.
However, according to human behavior specialist, Dr John Demartini, we’ve been believing a lie this whole time – soulmates aren’t supposed to be the same as us; they’re usually quite the opposite. Curious? So were we. Here are four reasons you shouldn’t marry the male version of you…
“A soulmate is a perfect blend of both similarities and differences. While we seek those traits that are similar because they release dopamine, we also seek opposites to add balance,” explains Demartini.
“Look at it this way: the concept of the soulmate came from the ancients, who believed the soul started out as androgynous; that is, one being in equal parts male and female. As such, when it fell from the heavens, it split in two, leaving the two halves to find each other on earth. Therefore, soulmates are designed to be a pair of opposites – equal parts that support and challenge the other on the journey of life.”
2. Differences are good for us
You know the stupid fight you had with your SO over what type of pizza to order? Well, that disagreement is actually good for you. According to Demartini, these little differences are what makes your relationship with this person productive.
“Human beings grow when faced with challenge,” he says.
“Think of a child. If you do nothing but say ‘yes’ all the time, they won’t learn anything, and as such won’t develop as a person. If you do nothing but punish, the same thing happens, but on the opposite end of the scale. It’s the same with partners; similarities are great, but you won’t learn much from too many of them”
3. Contrast equals respect
It’s true that acknowledging differences generates respect in friendships, business pairings and families. The same is also true of romantic relationships – but, as Demartini points out, it’s easy to forget this when you’re in love.
“Most people who are infatuated live in a fantasy to begin with. They see only the similarities, and resent it when they find differences. It’s these differences that encourage mutual respect between partners. Again, it comes back to the necessity of support and challenge. If you’re dating a ‘yes’ man, you’ll want to tell them to get a life after a while. The same is true in the opposite extreme; too much challlenge is very unhealthy. It’s all about balance.”
4. Hold your horses
Ever wondered why you’ve gone through partner after partner, believing you’ve finally found ‘the one’, only to have your hopes dashed to pieces every time? It’s happened to all of us, and it’s enough to make you give up on the whole idea of a soulmate. However, Dr Demartini says this is a perfectly normal step on the journey to finding true love.
“As you journey on, you’ll find a number of people known as ‘earthmates’. You may think they’re your soulmate – they probably bear all the hallmarks – but they eventually let you down. But remember, that’s okay,” he says.
“These earthmates are training you to love yourself so that when your soulmate comes along you’ll be able to love them with all your being. You’ll always have to go through a few earthmates before you find the actual one.”
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