Seriously. Do your own freakin’ laundry, guys.
Several people close to me went out of their way to share a video with me over the last month.
The video is by lesbian comedian DeAnne Smith, and she makes a point I’ve made to my friends for years.
While being a woman dating other women is challenging in plenty of ways, in one particular way, it’s way easier if they’ve also dated men: the standards are so very, very low.
For some reason or another, the women I’ve dated over the years have almost always been bi. It’s not unusual for their last relationships to have been with a man. I never thought much of it until we’d settle into the typical rhythms of a relationship.
That’s always my favorite part of dating. You’ve still got that flutter in your chest, but you also aren’t afraid to wear your yoga pants around the house when they’re staying over. You know each other now, and you know you like each other. So you start to integrate yourselves into each other’s lives.
One partner and I had gotten pretty domestic. She had a washer and dryer at her place and my apartments didn’t, so I’d regularly use hers. We were folding laundry and she turned to me and said “You have no idea what a relief it is to date someone who buys their own underwear.”
Excuse me, what?
I did a poll of my straight married friends and several of them said, much to my growing horror, that this was in fact a thing. Grown-up men who refused to buy their own underwear. Several who didn’t even know what size they wore because their wife bought all of their own clothes for them.
Are wives just extended mothers to men? Are men perpetual children who are wholly incapable of managing their own lives? Just remembering it now makes me both incredulous and enraged on behalf of my friends.
Men, please grow up. Please manage your own lives. It is absolutely absurd to imagine a man in his thirties unwilling or unable to buy his own underwear, let alone do his own laundry.
It reminds me that we still live in a world where while the man and woman both work full-time, the woman is expected to also manage the bulk of the household chores. Men, would it kill you to pick up a mop? To manage dinner? To vacuum the carpets?
When I asked my friends why they put up with it, they almost all shrugged “It’s just how men are”. It’s what they expected. It’s how their fathers acted, and they emulate their mothers when it comes to coddling the next generation of man children.
I’d like to make a proposition. Married women, stop buying your husbands underwear. Send him to the store, make him buy his own. Better yet, make him buy yours. Make men buy your tampons, wear condoms so you don’t have to take birth control pills and give your kids the talk about the birds and the bees. We’re all adults here and it’s time we all started acting like it, regardless of gender or marital status.
Image via tumblr.com and giphy.com.
Comment: Do you think married men act like entitled children?